Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

So, for the 2nd day in a row, DD (who is 3 and goes to daycare full time)- told me that another girl in her class has been mean to her. Apparently, this girl tells my DD to "not play with her" and to "go away."

I'm absolutely heartbroken for my DD! She is quasi-upset. I mean- obviously, its bothering if she's telling me about it. I know that its (unfortunately)- just the way of the world- but I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Do you think this warrants a talk with their teacher? I mean- I hate to be "that mom" but- shouldn't the teachers reprimand this girl? I've heard/seen them reprimand other kids for being mean. DD says the teachers don't say anything to her!

I could just cry thinking about it!

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

I actually witnessed a child being mean to Jack at school the other day, I wanted to cry - and knock the kid out - at the same time.

I don't know what I would do to be honest. I guess you could say to the teacher "Have you seen any issues with DD and the little girl" to open up the coversation.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by Diana1215

I actually witnessed a child being mean to Jack at school the other day, I wanted to cry - and knock the kid out - at the same time.

I don't know what I would do to be honest. I guess you could say to the teacher "Have you seen any issues with DD and the little girl" to open up the coversation.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

I don't know what I would do to be honest. I guess you could say to the teacher "Have you seen any issues with DD and the little girl" to open up the coversation.




This sounds like a great idea. This way, you're only opening up conversation. I would tell the teachers what DD says to me and see their reaction and have a convo. I don't think that would make me "that Mom"... just a concerned one

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by Phoebee


I don't know what I would do to be honest. I guess you could say to the teacher "Have you seen any issues with DD and the little girl" to open up the coversation.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by Phoebee


I don't know what I would do to be honest. I guess you could say to the teacher "Have you seen any issues with DD and the little girl" to open up the coversation.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by trnity44

Posted by Diana1215

I actually witnessed a child being mean to Jack at school the other day, I wanted to cry - and knock the kid out - at the same time.

I don't know what I would do to be honest. I guess you could say to the teacher "Have you seen any issues with DD and the little girl" to open up the coversation.

Its so cruel, right? I mean seriously- K has the biggest heart! This girl never wears pajamas to "wear your PJ's to school day"- and K actually asked if she could bring PJs for this girl since she never brings them. And then, the girl is nothing but mean to her!

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Ugh, can't believe it starts that early. I would say something to teacher since it's bothering your daughter.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

it IS cruel but you need to just keep an eye on it and you need to also talk to your child and help them deal with these kind of situations.. I think that's the most important thing..

I think that oftentimes as parents we tend to go off and go to teachers, etc. and try to fix the problem and yet the trauma still lies within our little ones..

I think we need to sit our children down and make them tell us their feelings and talk through it and help them deal with it if and when it happens again...

We need to do whatever it takes to build our kids up and make them confident and responsible people...That'll put an end to all of these little bullies out there..

Hugs to all!

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Definitely talk to the teachers. At the very least you will find out if the girl was reprimanded. My sons teacher told us to come to her if we have concerns like that.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

I hate seeing that

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by bicosi

it IS cruel but you need to just keep an eye on it and you need to also talk to your child and help them deal with these kind of situations.. I think that's the most important thing..

I think that oftentimes as parents we tend to go off and go to teachers, etc. and try to fix the problem and yet the trauma still lies within our little ones..

I think we need to sit our children down and make them tell us their feelings and talk through it and help them deal with it if and when it happens again...

We need to do whatever it takes to build our kids up and make them confident and responsible people...That'll put an end to all of these little bullies out there..

Hugs to all!

Message edited 11/17/2010 12:15:36 PM.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

I don't know if I would approach the teacher yet; unfortunately this IS the age that these things start. It happened quite frequently with Alex at that age with 2 other little girls, and STILL does.

I looked at it as a phenomenal coaching opportunity. The hard truth is that this will not be the last time your daughter faces mean behavior by other kids; the better you prepare her now, the better equipped she'll be for the rest of her life to handle these kind of bullies/meanies.

When Alex started talking about these two girls and the mean things they would say, I launched into a nightly discussion with her about how we pick our friends, we don't need to be friends with everyone, we always have our family who loves us, and I coached her on what to say if another child was mean to her (i.e. "That's not nice - I'm not going to play with you until you can be nice"). I would role-play with her, and give her concrete examples of what behavior constitutes a "good friend" (like, saying, Avery is a good friend to you - remember how she hugged you when you hurt yourself?). I also gave her examples from my own life, and talk to her about how children were mean to me when I was young, and how I would respond to them, and how I picked good friends who never say mean things to me.

Alex did, and still does, BEAUTIFULLY as a result. I just had her parent-teacher conference and the teacher remarked that Alex is the only child in the class who rises above the mean behavior, and not only does she stand up for herself, but she also stands up for other children. So, if one of the little girls is mean to another child, Alex will intervene, say this is my friend, stop being mean to her, and leads them away to play with them.

Now, I will admit, there was one child who was saying downright inappropriate things to Alex - repeatedly - that's when I went in and spoke to the teacher and Director. It turned out this girl has a wraparound due to behavioral disabilities and the wraparound wasn't intervening appropriately, so they fired her and hired a new one.

Good luck - it IS heartbreaking, but try to look at it as an opportunity to teach your daughter how to maneuver around these unhappy parts of playground antics.

Message edited 11/17/2010 12:20:36 PM.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by Ang-Rich

Posted by bicosi

it IS cruel but you need to just keep an eye on it and you need to also talk to your child and help them deal with these kind of situations.. I think that's the most important thing..

I think that oftentimes as parents we tend to go off and go to teachers, etc. and try to fix the problem and yet the trauma still lies within our little ones..

I think we need to sit our children down and make them tell us their feelings and talk through it and help them deal with it if and when it happens again...

We need to do whatever it takes to build our kids up and make them confident and responsible people...That'll put an end to all of these little bullies out there..

Hugs to all!

As always...I agree!

K's feelings come first and I think it's important to sit down with her talk through how it makes her feel when people are not so nice. Also a great opportunity to reinforce how important it is that we are nice to everyone.

Personally, I would call the teacher and let her know about the comment that K made. That you want to do everything possible to help turn this situation around and make it a learning experience while still properly handling K's emotional needs. Ask her for advice.

I have always found that when I "ask" for advice (aka pointing out to them that I know there is a problem and want it corrected/addressed/squashed) I get some great pointers AND they tend to keep an eye out for the behavior To their credit...teachers deal with the behaviors of specific age groups on a daily basis. I find most to be excellent subject experts and a wealth of knowedge.


ETA: check out this initiative: No Name Calling Week 2011

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

My DD thinks everyone is her friend and we are working on that with her. There are 2 boys who tell her to go away and that she can't play with them - one has even said "go away stupid" in front of his parents and nothing was said to him. There is one girl who was in her class last year that we still see at the playground sometimes who pushes her to the ground and says "go away I hate you". She is 6 months older than my DD. My DD is getting a bit upset recently and is now coming home and telling me about a boy who hits her or pushes her at school. I'm working on teaching her not everyone is going to be her friend and that if someone is not nice to her she should avoid them and play with the children who are nice to her.

As far as the teachers go - I don't know how much help it will be - I know I'm told well it might not be nice but MY daughter has to learn to stay away from those people and then it won't happen.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

This is so heartbreaking and I am seeing this so much more recently!!!

I am so curious as to what makes kids so mean! I mean jeesh!!!

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Oh yeah, and even peer pressure that age and earlier. My DS has chimed in a few times when others were being not so nice to friends. I let him know his behavior is 100% unacceptable!!

The teachers absolutely need to intervene. You should be "that mom" if it is affecting your child.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by Bxgell2

I don't know if I would approach the teacher yet; unfortunately this IS the age that these things start. It happened quite frequently with Alex at that age with 2 other little girls, and STILL does.

I looked at it as a phenomenal coaching opportunity. The hard truth is that this will not be the last time your daughter faces mean behavior by other kids; the better you prepare her now, the better equipped she'll be for the rest of her life to handle these kind of bullies/meanies.

When Alex started talking about these two girls and the mean things they would say, I launched into a nightly discussion with her about how we pick our friends, we don't need to be friends with everyone, we always have our family who loves us, and I coached her on what to say if another child was mean to her (i.e. "That's not nice - I'm not going to play with you until you can be nice"). I would role-play with her, and give her concrete examples of what behavior constitutes a "good friend" (like, saying, Avery is a good friend to you - remember how she hugged you when you hurt yourself?). I also gave her examples from my own life, and talk to her about how children were mean to me when I was young, and how I would respond to them, and how I picked good friends who never say mean things to me.

Alex did, and still does, BEAUTIFULLY as a result. I just had her parent-teacher conference and the teacher remarked that Alex is the only child in the class who rises above the mean behavior, and not only does she stand up for herself, but she also stands up for other children. So, if one of the little girls is mean to another child, Alex will intervene, say this is my friend, stop being mean to her, and leads them away to play with them.

Now, I will admit, there was one child who was saying downright inappropriate things to Alex - repeatedly - that's when I went in and spoke to the teacher and Director. It turned out this girl has a wraparound due to behavioral disabilities and the wraparound wasn't intervening appropriately, so they fired her and hired a new one.

Good luck - it IS heartbreaking, but try to look at it as an opportunity to teach your daughter how to maneuver around these unhappy parts of playground antics.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by bicosi

it IS cruel but you need to just keep an eye on it and you need to also talk to your child and help them deal with these kind of situations.. I think that's the most important thing..

I think that oftentimes as parents we tend to go off and go to teachers, etc. and try to fix the problem and yet the trauma still lies within our little ones..

I think we need to sit our children down and make them tell us their feelings and talk through it and help them deal with it if and when it happens again...

We need to do whatever it takes to build our kids up and make them confident and responsible people...That'll put an end to all of these little bullies out there..

Hugs to all!

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by bicosi

it IS cruel but you need to just keep an eye on it and you need to also talk to your child and help them deal with these kind of situations.. I think that's the most important thing..

I think that oftentimes as parents we tend to go off and go to teachers, etc. and try to fix the problem and yet the trauma still lies within our little ones..

I think we need to sit our children down and make them tell us their feelings and talk through it and help them deal with it if and when it happens again...

We need to do whatever it takes to build our kids up and make them confident and responsible people...That'll put an end to all of these little bullies out there..

Hugs to all!

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Oh poor K I'm sorry she's going through this. I hate seeing kids mean to other kids and when it's your own it's SO much worse. I agree with others who say to talk to her and build her up but I'm pretty sure if it were me, I'd mention it to the teacher too

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Posted by Bxgell2

I don't know if I would approach the teacher yet; unfortunately this IS the age that these things start. It happened quite frequently with Alex at that age with 2 other little girls, and STILL does.

I looked at it as a phenomenal coaching opportunity. The hard truth is that this will not be the last time your daughter faces mean behavior by other kids; the better you prepare her now, the better equipped she'll be for the rest of her life to handle these kind of bullies/meanies.

When Alex started talking about these two girls and the mean things they would say, I launched into a nightly discussion with her about how we pick our friends, we don't need to be friends with everyone, we always have our family who loves us, and I coached her on what to say if another child was mean to her (i.e. "That's not nice - I'm not going to play with you until you can be nice"). I would role-play with her, and give her concrete examples of what behavior constitutes a "good friend" (like, saying, Avery is a good friend to you - remember how she hugged you when you hurt yourself?). I also gave her examples from my own life, and talk to her about how children were mean to me when I was young, and how I would respond to them, and how I picked good friends who never say mean things to me.

Alex did, and still does, BEAUTIFULLY as a result. I just had her parent-teacher conference and the teacher remarked that Alex is the only child in the class who rises above the mean behavior, and not only does she stand up for herself, but she also stands up for other children. So, if one of the little girls is mean to another child, Alex will intervene, say this is my friend, stop being mean to her, and leads them away to play with them.

Now, I will admit, there was one child who was saying downright inappropriate things to Alex - repeatedly - that's when I went in and spoke to the teacher and Director. It turned out this girl has a wraparound due to behavioral disabilities and the wraparound wasn't intervening appropriately, so they fired her and hired a new one.

Good luck - it IS heartbreaking, but try to look at it as an opportunity to teach your daughter how to maneuver around these unhappy parts of playground antics.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

I don't know that I would say anything. DD is also 3 and goes to nursery school 2 afternoons a week. There is a girl in her class who is NOT HAPPY at all to be in school and is just sad all the time. Whenever any of the kids tries to play with her, she tells them to "leave me alone.... go away! You are not my friend!" Is it mean? yes, BUT, the girl is 3 years old. She is still a BABY, and is unable to "be mean" on purpose. She is hurting, not liking school, and missing her mommy.

I tell my DD to just leave her alone. I tell her that the girl is sad and misses her mommy, and that she is being mean because she is just so sad. DD understands this and still tries to play. Every day she will tell me "I tried to play with Alexa again, she is still sad though, so I played with Katie instead".

Honestly, at this age, I doubt its "meanness" driving this baby to act out. Something else is probably going on.

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!

Thanks guys. I definitely did talk to K about how this happens sometimes. I told her how sweet she is- and how special she is to me, and how thoughtful I know she can be, which is such a great quality to have, etc. I told her that sometimes you think someone is your friend, but if they are mean to you, they are not your true friend. I drove home how we are not mean to people ever- even if they are mean to us.

I'm still debating on bringing it up the teacher- and if I do- I will more than likely "ask for advice."

Thanks so much! My heart is hurting for my little girl!

Re: Other kids being mean to your child. I didn't think it would start at age 3!