Parents/Inlaws watching kids

I have one child right now and my mom watches him full time. We would like to start trying for DC#2 at the end of next summer but the whole childcare thing scares me! I feel like it is too much to ask my mom to watch 2 kids full time. I know she loves DS but she wants to enjoy her life too!! Is anyone in this situation? We really can't afford daycare for 1 kid at the moment let alone 2. I feel like this will determine wether or not we have more kids I hope this post makes sense, lol.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

My Mom watched DS every day while I worked FT starting when he was 4 months old. The plan was that when #2 came along, DS would start a morning preschool program to give her a bit of a break.

If that didn't work and she was still wiped out, we agreed that we would do daycare 2 days a week and she would watch him for 3 days.

I asked my Mom about it, so maybe talk to her and she how she feels. I am sure you can work something out.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

I do understand your situation. Mom & MIL watch DS a couple of days a week. Its a lost (I'm so greatful they are young & active grandmas though, both in their early 50s). Its soo tough to call. I know both grandmas would say "no problem" but I dont' want to wear them out either. We're gonna TTC probably once DS is 18-24 mos. By the time baby #2 would arrive he would be in nursery school so hopefully that would help.

Message edited 11/4/2009 9:03:39 AM.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

My mom watched Robbie full time for us when I went back to work. She was so devoted to him.. it was fantastic. When I got pregnant with Noah - she told me straight out that she simply could not care for 2 babies full time and that I needed to find alternate solutions for Robbie.

I got part time daycare at the Y for Robbie when I went back to work (Noah was 5 months, Robbie was 2.5 years). It sucked and it was hard and we could barely scrape by - but my mother helped by taking the baby and by watching both of them on days when the Y was closed.

Now.. Noah was an oops.. so we didn't DECIDE to have him -- but I was absolutely CERTAIN when I found out I was pregnant that there was no possible way I was going to be able to afford daycare. But you just find a way.

I am NOT advocating that you say "eff it" and get pregnant.. but I think if having a 2nd child is a real priority to you, you can look at your finances and find ways to maneuver your expenses in a way that allows at least part time care. And some day care places have grants and discounts for hardships. I got one when I had to have both boys in daycare after my mom got sick.

Good luck

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

I am in the SAME EXACT situation as you. It's really stressful...If i knew my mom was ok with watching two kids, we could start TTC now....but we need to figure out how we would handle a second kid. I only work 3 days a week right now. I would really be upset if i had to start working 5 days. My days are really long, and i barely see my DS on the days i work. The worst part is that i am in my late thirties..so time is not on my side. I have no real advice, but just wanted to tell you that your not alone.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

MIL watches DD 3x/week, she has ever since DD was 3 months old. We specifically planned when to start TTC for #2 based on when my DD would start pre-school so that MIL wouldn't have both kids at the same time (she won't watch DD at all once DD starts pre-school).

Message edited 11/4/2009 9:18:08 AM.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

It's a completely personal decision and between your family and your Mom.

I would not have another baby if I had to solely rely on my Mom/MIL all day, all week.
I know my Mom would NEVER refuse if I asked her for help, even if she was exhausted - and I would feel that was taking advantage of her -
But that is MY Mom -
When my cousin got PG w/ her 2nd, my Aunt flat out told her she could not handle all day w/ a 2 year old and a newborn, it was just too much -

With the way MY Mom is (And the way I am, hating to feel like I'm asking for 'too much' help - which is always) I'd probably wait until Sean was going to Kindergarten before having a second child -

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

My ILs watch Kaydyn every day during the week. We were going to wait until after she turned 2 to TTC so that she would be in preschool. Well we ended up getting pg while I was still on BCP and Kaydyn will be just over 2 when I have DD#2. I think my ILs are a little worried, but since they're both home I think it's a little more manageable. I'm still going to try to get Kaydyn in camp next summer (I will be going back to work in May) and then start preschool in Sept to give them a little bit of a break.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

My mom watches both my kids.

DS was 1 year old when I found out I was pregnant with DD, and she was a complete surprise. One of my first thoughts was of my mom having to care for an infant and toddler and how much work that would be for her. Once I told her, she told me how silly I was for worrying about it. It really wasn't a big deal for her at all, and since DD was 3 months when she started watching her, she was already on a good napping and feeding schedule which made things much easier, and DS was becoming more independent. BUT, my mom is a young Grandmother, she is 56, so I am sure it may be different for someone who is in their 60's or older.

I didn't get to talk it over with my mom before I found out I was preg, but if we were going to try, I would have talked it over with her and see how she felt.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

I am in the same position. My mom watches DS right now for us too but she also works FT an night as an LPN. Let me 1st say that it was HER idea to do this. She REFUSED for me to put DS in daycare at 8 weeks old. She is also a fairly young grandma. She is only 52 and has 2 other grandkids. My niece and nephew are 8 & 12, my older sister had her kids young.

But it was ALWAYS our intention to put DS in daycare at least part time once he turn 1 yr old. I knew that at that point he would begin to be too much for her to handle. And also I strongly believe that DS needs to be around other kids his age. So he is starting daycare in January 3 days/week and my mom will have him the other 2 days. If we could affford it he would be going Full time, but we can't swing that right now. We are also trying to save for a house.

Anyway, If and when we have #2 my mom will mostly like watch DC#2 and DS will go to daycare full time at that point. But she will probably only do it for 6 months, not a year. This is partly due to the fact that DS started napping less and less around 9 months which means less sleep for grandma and I know it has been hard on her.

I am VERY grateful for the help my mother has given me and DO NOT want to take advantage of her. Even though it will be VERY tight $$$ wise for us next year, we are going to make the sacrafice and put DS in daycare. By the time #2 comes along we should both be making more money and have our debts paid off and hopefully already be in a house, so $$ should not be a as big of a problem like it is now.

Message edited 11/4/2009 9:31:34 AM.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

We have one DS who is 2. My mom watches him 3 days a week, and he is in daycare two days a week. The two days she doesnt have him she will have my sisters DC, she is due this week.

So I couldnt ever ask her to watch both, plus my sisters DC on the other two days. But we cant afford to have 2 in daycare.

I totally feel your pain, bc of this we have to wait to have #2 until DS is in full day kindergarten.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

My mother will be watching my son full time when I go back to work in 2 weeks.

We're not planning on DC#2 for a while, but when we do have a second child, my son will be in daycare by then.

Two children would be way too much for my mom to handle.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

Yes, I was in this situation. My ILs, my mom and one of my cousins watched DD on a rotating basis throughout the week while I worked. Once I got pregnant again, I knew that I could not ask the grandparents to watch two. Putting the girls in daycare (which we were opposed to anyway) would have eaten up most of my salary, so we decided I would stay home. 2.5 years later...so far, so good!

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

I see I am not the only one! Everything changed when DH lost his salary job last October. He now works a commision job which as you know has good months and bad months. Otherwise I would put DC#1 in daycare when DC#2 arrives. I guess a lot of things can change until then!! Thanks for the responses!!

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

Just curious..but i thought most preschools are only half day..The one we would be sending DS to (when the time comes), gets out at 11:30 every day.


The one DD will be going to is either half-week or full-week, all-day. She'll go 4 days a week full-time.

I'm in Suffolk, if that helps!


Wow, that's great!!

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

We're in the same boat. My MIL watches ds here and there while i work FT and my husband is on rotating shifts. She also sometimes watches my nephew. I don't think they could do 2 kids at once (1 of them being a baby).

For this reason, we are putting off TTC until i can work only PT or not work at all (although i like to work).

Ds was a very hard baby so if #2 is like that... my MIL wouldn't be able to do it again i don't think (or us for that matter).

ETA: there were LOTS of issues when my MIL watched Jacen. Too many. So for #2, we don't really want to rely on her too much if we don't have to.

Message edited 11/4/2009 10:14:01 AM.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

my inlaws were watching DC he is 13 months, they could barely handle him. when we told them we were expecting another, they started making excuses they couldn't watch DS bc he was too fast, things like that. so now I will be home w/ my kids

I'm sure they would watch the newborn but I don't want my kids seperated all day. I also wanted them close in age so we couldn't really wait for DC to be in nursery

Message edited 11/4/2009 10:20:48 AM.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

We waited 4 years though we were hoping just a little longer.

The first one is in a pre-school 3 days a week. This gives family a break now (they watched him full time until he was 2). When the 2nd one arrives, may fam will only have to deal with both of them at the same time for 2 days a week. That will go on for about 1 year until kindergarten starts.

Then the 2nd will be with family for another year then I will start him/her in the preschool program at 2. Planning this all out is a major headache but having family watch your DC is a blessing (even when they don't listen to you )

I figure this 4 year gap will be a nice break too when they are in college.

Re: Parents/Inlaws watching kids

I'm in the same boat here too. My mom and MIL watch DD (18 months now) during the week. DH and I work full time, but we each try to work at home one day a week.

My mom is 65 and my MIL is 60, so part of me feels like it might be too much for them.

We were thinking of TTC #2 after all the holidays are over with and if all goes according to plan, DD will be 2 1/2 when the next one comes along.

I am looking into some kind of pre-pre school for DD, like 2 or 3 days a week to give the moms a little bit of a break, but I'm not sure yet.