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AMPirate
Missing our peanut :(
Member since 11/09 1678 total posts
Name:
Antoinette
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Parents: Who comes first in your life?
My DH and I are expecting our first LO next year and it got me to thinking. Right now, he is #1 in my life - he is the person I love the most, he is my top priority. The same goes for him towards me. I was thinking, was that going to change once the baby was born?
So, if you had to put them in order, who comes first in your life, your kids or your DH/DW?
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Posted 12/8/10 11:42 PM  |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Right now the kids. They still rely on us so much, whereas DH and I can take care of ourselves if need be.
I wonder if that priority will change for us as the kids get older and more self-reliant, or if this is our new reality. I guess time will tell.
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| Posted 12/8/10 11:50 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Who comes first depends on needs. But there is no question for both of us, our children are our top priority. That's not to say if DH & I needed our own time to be together, we wouldn't take that time. Having a health relationship for my well-being and as an example for my children is important to me as well.
Having a child definitely turns your world upside down. If you were to ask me pre-kids what were the most important things to me I'd say DH, family & my career. It was amazing to me, if given that any of those three interfered with my child's well-being, they'd be kicked to the curb without question. I think most parents feel the same way. It's one of those things you don't truly know until you're there.
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| Posted 12/9/10 5:47 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
I guess, based on need, my DD comes first.
But, my love for DH has only grown since DD has been born. We have been together for 13 years and these past four months have been the best of our entire relationship.
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| Posted 12/9/10 6:12 AM |
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NinaLemon
It's a boy!!!
Member since 10/07 6453 total posts
Name:
Jeannine
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Without a doubt my child, I love my DH with all of me, but he would survive just fine without me. My son needs his parents to survive, his needs come before our needs and wants, always.
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| Posted 12/9/10 8:14 AM |
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ko123
My loves!
Member since 10/07 3002 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
The moment she was born DD has been number one in my life. And I think the same goes for DH. It doesn't mean we love each other any less, it's just this little person, that we created, has taken top priority in our lives. You love your husband with a love that is so real and true, but you love your baby with an unconditional, pure (almost animalistic) love that you never even knew existed. 
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:36 AM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
The kids..but DH is a close second
The kids young and needy right now so the ones that shout loudest get heard.
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:38 AM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
Member since 8/07 8806 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by ko123
The moment she was born DD has been number one in my life. And I think the same goes for DH. It doesn't mean we love each other any less, it's just this little person, that we created, has taken top priority in our lives. You love your husband with a love that is so real and true, but you love your baby with an unconditional, pure (almost animalistic) love that you never even knew existed.
This.
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:38 AM |
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browneyes
All moms are working mothers!
Member since 8/08 4311 total posts
Name:
Super Mom
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
My DD is first in my life. :) I love my DH and he was always number 1 but i think its safe to say that we were both replaced when our dd was born! lol
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:39 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
my family happiness is my #1 priority.
my sons PHYSICAL needs come first. his needs are both of our number 1 priority. the emotional well being of our family on a whole (including dealing with new emotions of not being #1 anymore) is included in that.
my husband is a grown up and understands why this must be the case, as do I. we had 15 years together before we brought our son into our life. it's his time to be numero uno for a while.
in terms of love, for me the two cannot be compared. I love my husband by choice, for who he is and what he brings to my life. I love my son with a internal compulsion and awe and adoration that comes from wherever than "mother" thing exists. b/c it happened instantly, before I knew who he was. the fact that my baby boy is totally awesome only makes me more insanely love sick  but I have loved him totally and completely since day one.
it would be much harder for me to NOT love my son than it would be me to fall out of love with my husband.
but the best thing you can both do is prepare to come second, tied for second, once your child is born. the physical demands of a newborn and infant, if you want to care for it properly IMO, will trump any ability to have either of you be in the top spot.
good luck and congrats!!!!
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:44 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by nrthshgrl
Who comes first depends on needs. But there is no question for both of us, our children are our top priority. That's not to say if DH & I needed our own time to be together, we wouldn't take that time. Having a health relationship for my well-being and as an example for my children is important to me as well.
Having a child definitely turns your world upside down. If you were to ask me pre-kids what were the most important things to me I'd say DH, family & my career. It was amazing to me, if given that any of those three interfered with my child's well-being, they'd be kicked to the curb without question. I think most parents feel the same way. It's one of those things you don't truly know until you're there.
exactly!
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:44 AM |
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SpencersMommy
I'm one lucky girl
Member since 11/07 3494 total posts
Name:
Melanie
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
DS comes first but it doesn't mean that DH is totally neglected. 
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:45 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
DS!
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:47 AM |
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labonnevie
sometimes 1+1= 4 <3
Member since 8/09 3869 total posts
Name:
the lucky one
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by ko123
The moment she was born DD has been number one in my life. And I think the same goes for DH. It doesn't mean we love each other any less, it's just this little person, that we created, has taken top priority in our lives. You love your husband with a love that is so real and true, but you love your baby with an unconditional, pure (almost animalistic) love that you never even knew existed.
absolutely. i could have written this myself.
DH had a hard time getting used to the shift though, but now is adjusted!
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| Posted 12/9/10 9:51 AM |
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piggy007
Mommy of 2!!
Member since 11/08 1742 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by labonnevie
Posted by ko123
The moment she was born DD has been number one in my life. And I think the same goes for DH. It doesn't mean we love each other any less, it's just this little person, that we created, has taken top priority in our lives. You love your husband with a love that is so real and true, but you love your baby with an unconditional, pure (almost animalistic) love that you never even knew existed.
absolutely. i could have written this myself.
DH had a hard time getting used to the shift though, but now is adjusted!
I agree with both of these statements!
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| Posted 12/9/10 10:13 AM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
I thought the same thing when I was PG. I love my DH so much how could I possibly love anyone more? Then my DS was born and it is a whole different kind of love. My DS is my #1 priority in life and I would do anything for him...and my DH knows that. And I think he would do the same! 
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| Posted 12/9/10 10:15 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
As a whole, my kids come first and foremost. But that's not to say that there are times when I know they are fine, and I make it a point to make DH my priority. My marriage, and making it work, is a huge part of me taking care of my kids as best as I know how.
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| Posted 12/9/10 10:17 AM |
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CaMacho
Sisters :)
Member since 7/06 15112 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by CaseyGirl
I thought the same thing when I was PG. I love my DH so much how could I possibly love anyone more? Then my DS was born and it is a whole different kind of love. My DS is my #1 priority in life and I would do anything for him...and my DH knows that. And I think he would do the same!
Same here, my mom actually prepared me for the kind of love i'd feel for DD and she was so right. It's not like anything else you've experienced yet and you won't know it until your baby is born!
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| Posted 12/9/10 10:21 AM |
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BethanyLynn
Love these munchkins
Member since 10/09 6295 total posts
Name:
Bethany
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by CaseyGirl
I thought the same thing when I was PG. I love my DH so much how could I possibly love anyone more? Then my DS was born and it is a whole different kind of love. My DS is my #1 priority in life and I would do anything for him...and my DH knows that. And I think he would do the same!
Exactly. DD is my #1 priority. Two totally different types of love.
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| Posted 12/9/10 10:23 AM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
So funny.... DH and I had this conversation last night.
My grandmother always said to put your husband first because you will raise your children and then they will leave you (not leave you leave you, but leave the house to start their own lives/families) and you are left with your husband. He will never leave you (God willing).
This has stuck with me. DH and I realize that there will be times in DS's life, like right now, he's 3 mo old, when his needs will need to be front and center. And that's OK... but at the end of every day I lay down with my DH and he is the one who will never leave my side. We are a team and we cannot raise our son if we are not strong as a couple.
ETA: This is not to say I don't love my son with all of my heart. Sometimes I can't breath at the thought of how much I love him and how grateful I am to have him my life. But my love for my DS is so different (and very special) than the love I have for DH.
Message edited 12/9/2010 10:54:21 AM.
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| Posted 12/9/10 10:51 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by KGools
So funny.... DH and I had this conversation last night.
My grandmother always said to put your husband first because you will raise your children and then they will leave you (not leave you leave you, but leave the house to start their own lives/families) and you are left with your husband. He will never leave you (God willing).
This has stuck with me. DH and I realize that there will be times in DS's life, like right now, he's 3 mo old, when his needs will need to be front and center. And that's OK... but at the end of every day I lay down with my DH and he is the one who will never leave my side. We are a team and we cannot raise our son if we are not strong as a couple.
ITA! 
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| Posted 12/9/10 10:53 AM |
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Lara&Aidansmommy
For mom i miss u ETC ILOVEU
Member since 3/07 13921 total posts
Name:
ETC I LOVE YOU
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Lara has taken over the number one spot, sorry dh
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:06 AM |
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WNA01
my 2 boys
Member since 10/08 4240 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by ko123
The moment she was born DD has been number one in my life. And I think the same goes for DH. It doesn't mean we love each other any less, it's just this little person, that we created, has taken top priority in our lives. You love your husband with a love that is so real and true, but you love your baby with an unconditional, pure (almost animalistic) love that you never even knew existed.
couldnt have written this better!
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:10 AM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
It changed for us..maybe not everyone. But once DS came we were astounded by how much he changed our lives and how much we loved him and that he was THE most important thing to both of us. Spouses come second..
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:10 AM |
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08BabySurprise
My Life. My Everything.
Member since 10/07 9151 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
We would both say, without a moments hesitation, that's it's without a doubt our son.
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:10 AM |
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