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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
I have a new leading man in my life since DS was born. Sorry DH!
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Posted 12/9/10 11:11 AM  |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
My dd comes first for both dh and I. Her needs are #1. Dh and I have bee n together for 10 yrs married for almost 2 yrs and our love is so strong even stonger since dd, we know that our needs have taken a back seat to dd but we couldn't be more happier or closer
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:16 AM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by KGools
So funny.... DH and I had this conversation last night.
My grandmother always said to put your husband first because you will raise your children and then they will leave you (not leave you leave you, but leave the house to start their own lives/families) and you are left with your husband. He will never leave you (God willing).
I love your Grandmother.  I was told the same thing growing up as well, and I know I don't have a crystal ball, I hope to follow the same mentality.
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:26 AM |
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sj-girl
Happy Family of 4
Member since 5/08 5654 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
My DH comes first. If it wasn't for our marriage and good relationship then there would be no ds. We NEED to have a good marriage to raise DS in a good home and loving environment
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:32 AM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by KGools
So funny.... DH and I had this conversation last night.
My grandmother always said to put your husband first because you will raise your children and then they will leave you (not leave you leave you, but leave the house to start their own lives/families) and you are left with your husband. He will never leave you (God willing).
This has stuck with me. DH and I realize that there will be times in DS's life, like right now, he's 3 mo old, when his needs will need to be front and center. And that's OK... but at the end of every day I lay down with my DH and he is the one who will never leave my side. We are a team and we cannot raise our son if we are not strong as a couple.
ETA: This is not to say I don't love my son with all of my heart. Sometimes I can't breath at the thought of how much I love him and how grateful I am to have him my life. But my love for my DS is so different (and very special) than the love I have for DH.
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:36 AM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
My son without a doubt! i love my DH with all of my heart, but my DS comes first.
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| Posted 12/9/10 11:51 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
My marriage ONLY works if dh comes first.
This was our huge issue for the first 10 mos of parenthood. We did not transition well at all. I thought dh understood how needy a newborn is, esp a EBF one who never sleeps...but no, he did not get it.
In all fairness, dh puts me first. Everything, every decision he bases around me. He needs the same for him.
It is hard for me, a struggle...so I try and see if from the view point that he has. By us being #1, they can only benefit from that. We both love them so much...but for some reason our marriage needs a lot of attention to function. We never had an issue prekids...that's why I think we did not make the leap very well.
So, dh first. Me first to dh. Both of us happy with each other makes a nice atmosphere for our children to grow up in.
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| Posted 12/9/10 12:05 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
...
Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by NinaLemon
Without a doubt my child, I love my DH with all of me, but he would survive just fine without me. My son needs his parents to survive, his needs come before our needs and wants, always.
Perfect answer.
Yes, our children NEED us to have a solid relationship for them to have the love and stability they need. However, we decided LONG ago, that our children are our priority. Mu husband is the love of my life, but my kids are MINE. Biology makes me put them first. Always.
Message edited 12/9/2010 12:09:45 PM.
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| Posted 12/9/10 12:07 PM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by Janice
My marriage ONLY works if dh comes first.
This was our huge issue for the first 10 mos of parenthood. We did not transition well at all. I thought dh understood how needy a newborn is, esp a EBF one who never sleeps...but no, he did not get it.
In all fairness, dh puts me first. Everything, every decision he bases around me. He needs the same for him.
It is hard for me, a struggle...so I try and see if from the view point that he has. By us being #1, they can only benefit from that. We both love them so much...but for some reason our marriage needs a lot of attention to function. We never had an issue prekids...that's why I think we did not make the leap very well.
So, dh first. Me first to dh. Both of us happy with each other makes a nice atmosphere for our children to grow up in.
I agree 10000000%!!!
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| Posted 12/9/10 12:50 PM |
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pickles16
Real Estate Professional
Member since 11/07 17227 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
I would go to the ends of the earth for DD as well as DH..but when it comes to needs, DH would be fine without me where DD still needs me...so DD is my priority right now
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| Posted 12/9/10 12:56 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
I put our kids first. And my DH does too. Neither one of us feels hurt or resentful about this because we share the same philosophy in parenting.
Also I don't believe that putting your kids first necessarily leaves your spouse neglected. What, you can't have more than one love in your life? If that was the case, nobody would have more than one child either.
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| Posted 12/9/10 1:04 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
AJ is first and foremost.
He is replaceable, a dime a dozen are good men if you can find them.
AJ is unique in all that she is, who she is how she came to be and what she means to me. There will never be another her, another child good enough, another child I could just get used to, another child I could love differently but as much. This is my world.
He means less than nothing in comparison to her. He knows that and could care less. God help us if we get divorced because the Battle for AJ would be EPIC!
Outside of AJ, yes, Jim ranks up there with Dad  
That's to say he's not worthless to me or less important. Just that with AJ in the world, she makes everything else pale by comparison.
ETA: Wanted to add he feels the same. For both of us she is absolutely #1 in our world, in our minds, in our hearts.
Message edited 12/9/2010 1:12:07 PM.
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| Posted 12/9/10 1:10 PM |
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Sandy55
My family ROCKS!!!
Member since 2/08 1219 total posts
Name:
Sandy
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
As I see it, we are a family as one unit.... and our family comes first before anything else.
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| Posted 12/9/10 1:14 PM |
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Our marriage comes first but we put our kids needs first all the time for so many different reasons. It depends on the need.
Our kids are our life but our marriage is top priority too and wouldn't be sacraficed just like my kids wouldn't be either.
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| Posted 12/9/10 3:04 PM |
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
Posted by Sandy55
As I see it, we are a family as one unit.... and our family comes first before anything else.
...or I could've just quoted you but didn't see your post above mine.
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| Posted 12/9/10 3:06 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: Parents: Who comes first in your life?
There is no way to separate.
If you are talking about love and who do I love more-well they are completely different kinds of love and you cannot compare them. It's like trying to compare mountains to the ocean. I love Claire and Owen because they are literally a part of me. On top of that they are needy, loving, cuddly wonderful kids. I love DH because we "get" each other like no one else. I love him even more because my kids are a part of him too-that's his nose, his face I see when I look at them.
If you are talking about who do I pick to save if they are falling off a cliff-well, my kid because DH has a better chance of making it on his own.
But-we put the needs of the family unit above everything. That means DH and I can go without a fancy dinner every weekend to DD can have ballet lessons but it also means that DD can go without ballet lessons so the family can go away together.
However-if DH wants to watch the football game and DD wants to watch Dora I'm backing DH because, well, he is the grown up and he bought the TV so tough noogies (though, I suspect DH would let her watch Dora).
It's a careful balancing act of everyone's individual needs done with the knowledge that none of us works without the rest.
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| Posted 12/9/10 3:39 PM |
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