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People say such stupid things....
I met a coworker that I used to work with til she went out on maternity leave last year. She never came back, and I ended up changing jobs. My new job is right near her house, and we decided to grab lunch yesterday. I met her and her 9 month old son and quickly realized she was visibly pregnant. So I ended up congratulating her and shared my news despite being early, because it kind of just fell out. As we're eating she says, "I wouldn't get too excited about that baby if I were you. Most first pregnancies end in miscarriage. I hate to tell you that, but I don't want you to be hurt." I seriously did one of these   I composed myself before responding because I almost got up and left. I simply said, "This baby is here right now and dh and I feel like we should celebrate this gift for as long as we are given it, which i'm hoping and praying is for the rest of our lives." I know she had a loss the first time she was pregnant and I know many women do, I am so sympathetic and pray I never have to go through that, in addition to wishing that nobody ever had to experience that pain. I was so floored and so hurt. She wanted to get together for lunch next week...I'll pass. Now i'm so anxious for my sonogram next week, where we will hopefully hear the baby's heartbeat. 
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Posted 1/12/11 9:53 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Harlow-J
Mason's mommy!
Member since 12/09 3623 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Who says sh*t like that !?!?!?!?!?
Can we say Debbie Downer??????????
DO NOT let her get to you-that's so ridiculous a statement to make.....
You keep thinking positively-do not focus on the "what if's".
You and your DH keep celebrating, and stay away from her 
You do not need that kind of energy arround you or your baby.
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| Posted 1/12/11 9:57 PM |
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MrsKS
Thank You St. Gerard.....
Member since 12/09 8306 total posts
Name:
Kerri
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Re: People say such stupid things....
that they sure do...
and after reading what you wrote... that was very out of line for her to say. people seriously have diarrhea of the mouth!! it's terrible.
and yes there are a lot of mc, but it's not just first pregnancies, it can be 2nd or 3rd or 4th, etc. she really should just have congratulated you and kept her fat mouth shut!
when i was first pregnant i got A LOT of these types of comments, from SIL to the dr's office, etc. it was really cruel and makes you scared and nervous and truthfully it's unnecessary.
that really was an assshole thing to say. i'm sorry. you would think that as someone who's been through a mc herself.... she should know that just by telling you not to get excited that's not the cure for having no pain if a mc were to occur. the whole thing makes no sense.
in any event, ignore the stupid. dont let them get to you. keep positive. look forward to your dr appt and remember there are tons of girls who do get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy and baby on their first pregnancy.
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| Posted 1/12/11 9:58 PM |
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Posted by Harlow-J
Who says sh*t like that !?!?!?!?!?
Can we say Debbie Downer??????????
DO NOT let her get to you-that's so ridiculous a statement to make.....
You keep thinking positively-do not focus on the "what if's".
You and your DH keep celebrating, and stay away from her
You do not need that kind of energy arround you or your baby.
my thoughts exactly
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| Posted 1/12/11 9:59 PM |
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drwifettc
LIF Adult
Member since 6/10 2348 total posts
Name:
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Re: People say such stupid things....
***, who thinks that's appropriate. For what it's worth I think your response was awesome. Sorry that she was so rude. Enjoy every moment.
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| Posted 1/12/11 10:00 PM |
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Ever-After
Goals w/o plans r just wishes
Member since 6/09 2585 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: People say such stupid things....
ewwwww!!!! What the heck kind of a thing is THAT to say?? I can't believe somebody would be that stupid & cruel. I mean, it's one thing to encourage a friend not to share the news until your first sonogram (esp if you experienced a loss) but it is quite another to say not to get too excited or attached to your pregnancy. My goodness. I mean, yes, even though many women do experience losses their first time around(myself included) it certainly is not common enough to happen to everybody. For her to put that fear in your mind was very very wrong. If I were you I would not hang out with her again. You do not need negative people like that in your life.
And on a side note - you need to shake off what she said and not let it get to you. I'm sure your baby is FINE and you WILL hear a heartbeat next week. There's no reason to assume anything other than that.
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| Posted 1/12/11 10:02 PM |
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Thank you ladies!!! I knew you would make me feel better! Dh saw I was a little shaken when I arrived home yesterday and I ended up telling him what happened. He said, "she's lucky she is pregnant because I would have found her and run her over otherwise." Sometimes dh knows just the right thing to say. 
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| Posted 1/12/11 10:04 PM |
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miamimerger
Loving my bundle of pure JOY!
Member since 4/10 2429 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: People say such stupid things....
I just read this to my DH, and both of us had the same reaction: "WHO SAYS THAT?!"
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to hear that--I don't care what she went through, that's so inappropriate to say to you!
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| Posted 1/12/11 10:09 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: People say such stupid things....
WHAT AN A HOOOOOLE!!!
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| Posted 1/12/11 10:10 PM |
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littlebeanz
LIF Adult
Member since 7/10 1667 total posts
Name:
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Re: People say such stupid things....
I had someone refuse to congratulate me with my first. They said they will wait till 12 weeks. I was like...really???
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| Posted 1/12/11 10:19 PM |
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Wow, my jaw just dropped onto the floor. Excuse me while I pick it back up. WOW.
Not only was that incredibly rude of her, it was insensitive and especially as someone who has suffered a loss she should know better. Shame, shame on her!!
Don't let her words get to you, don't worry about your sonogram, I'm sure everything is fine.
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| Posted 1/12/11 10:53 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Omg how did you not kick her straight in her taco!?!?
Talk about diarrhea of the mouth. I have no clue how you gave such a calm reaction. It would have been ugly if I was there.
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| Posted 1/12/11 11:08 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Posted by Harlow-J
Who says sh*t like that !?!?!?!?!?
My thoughts exactly! To answer that question, a completely insensitive ignoramus says things like that.
Pay no attention to that. I have NEVER heard of such statistics nor do I believe that to be true.
Your response was perfect! Carry on with your excitement!
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| Posted 1/12/11 11:20 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: People say such stupid things....
 
I had a VERY similar experience when I was pregnant and told one of my best friends!!!! Yes.. this was a *best* friend! I told her I was pregnant (11wks at the time) and within 30 seconds, she told me about a woman she knows who keeps miscarrying. She asked if I got pregnant with IUI because that's how that other woman got pregnant and couldn't hold a pregnancy. I was STUNNED! She then went on to tell me about her sister's baby who was born 2 months early and said how he was born so premature that he didn't have the appearance of a regular newborn baby. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!!
Needless to say, the next time I have good news to share, she will be the LAST to find out!!
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| Posted 1/12/11 11:48 PM |
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julesrbf
Baby Girl
Member since 6/09 3882 total posts
Name:
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Posted by Harlow-J
Who says sh*t like that !?!?!?!?!?
Can we say Debbie Downer??????????
DO NOT let her get to you-that's so ridiculous a statement to make.....
You keep thinking positively-do not focus on the "what if's".
You and your DH keep celebrating, and stay away from her
You do not need that kind of energy arround you or your baby.
I agree, word for word. Who gives a sh*t what the statistics are - you never say that to a pregnant woman! EVER!
Enjoy being pregnant and just stay positive!
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| Posted 1/13/11 8:03 AM |
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TiffanyM
Love my little man!
Member since 9/10 1394 total posts
Name:
Tiffany
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Re: People say such stupid things....
WOW that was completely uncalled for...why couldn't she just congratulate you and shut her big fat mouth!
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| Posted 1/13/11 8:13 AM |
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Um wow!
Who says that to someone?!?! Thats just horrible. I hate people that are such Debbie downers. Plus she's wrong only about 10-25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage; and after hearing the baby's heartbeat the risk drops again dramatically.
Don't let her bring you down. I'm sorry that happened to you!
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| Posted 1/13/11 8:16 AM |
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Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Wow, I wouldn't get together with her again, she sounds like a real a$$!
Jealousy is the only reason I can think of that would make someone say such a useless comment . Yes, people do have miscarriages but that wouldn't make me go around expecting one to happen to me. It sounds like she was repeating what was said to her after her miscarriage to make her feel better. I have never heard that "most first pregnancies end in miscarriage" and I'm thinking that probably isn't true! I'm well into my first pregnancy and haven't had a miscarriage. What a tool.
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| Posted 1/13/11 8:49 AM |
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Re: People say such stupid things....
Thank you so much ladies!!! You all made me feel MUCH better!! 
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| Posted 1/13/11 7:16 PM |
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VickiRG510
I'M A MOMMY!
Member since 3/09 1042 total posts
Name:
Vicki
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Re: People say such stupid things....
OMG! First i will say that i am one of those people who have gone through a first preg m/c. HOWEVER, never ever in a million years would i ever diminish the joy of another couple having a child. Being blessed with such a gift is nothing but a joyous time. Im so sorry that she said that & even possibly put that worry onto you. While many pregnancies do end in m/c many many many do not! So enjoy & relax & much sticky 
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| Posted 1/13/11 9:08 PM |
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