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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
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Question for those with SK and bio kids
I'm pregnant with our first DC. I'm very curious/nervous to see what happens when he/she is born. I would love to hear your experiences.
First, how did BM react when she found out you were expecting?
How did your SK react to their new sibling?
How does your DH treat your child v. your SK? I'm so afraid of my kid getting the shaft because of his guilt complex of my SD not living with us, despite the fact she's at my house every day. I have no idea if that is even rational or not but I can totally seeing him spoiling the crap out of her to compensate. As it is, he never tells her no.
How did you facilitate a balance between the guilt he may have for not being a full time dad to his other child and treating your child as equal? Or did it just come naturally?
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Posted 1/19/11 3:19 PM  |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
SD was 7 when my DS was born....
She handled it great and loved him from the start forunately....
The BM on the other hand "acted" like she was handling it okay ( went so far as to buy us an outfit for him  ) but then.......
Fast forward to the 1st time she saw us all together as a complete family unit
( my DH, myself, SD and my DS) and all shiit hit the fan 
As for my DH, he did not spoil or overcompensate at all....We did however do whatever we possibly could to make her feel very included and special as a big sister which may have contributed to the way she took to my DS so well ( just like we would if she was "our" own biological child) . She did the sibling class, got the big sister to be books, was included in my shower and helped me to open presents, the big sister shirt at the hospital, took millions of pics of them together, and just included her in everyday things when she was with us.... I think this is very important
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| Posted 1/19/11 5:59 PM |
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
I just had my DD 8 days ago and so far everything is going great with SS. He is 10 years old and loves his baby sister.He is also such a big help!
When BM found out i was pregnant she actually congratulated DH which i was shocked to hear. Since Ive had the baby I havent heard anything from BM....so far lol!
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| Posted 1/20/11 12:39 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
This is all very encouraging. I'm constantly worried and your experiences are providing me with some comfort. Thanks!
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| Posted 1/20/11 8:06 PM |
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Mom-of-one
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/08 677 total posts
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
BM is very sweet to my DD, and DD loves to see her.
SS (teenager) is with us 3 days/week, so Dh does focus in on him a bit more on those days, but not to the exclusion of DD. It's important that they get son-dad time.
I think now that Dd is older - 3- it's a bit tougher than when she was little b/c she misses her brother when he's not here. We hate to see her sad like that.
HTH!
ETA: We've & other family members have never used the term "stepbrother/sister" with the kids - we call them brother & sister. I don't know how important that is - but I think it does serve, in our family, to be a unifying force.
Message edited 1/20/2011 8:45:00 PM.
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| Posted 1/20/11 8:41 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
Posted by Mom-of-one
ETA: We've & other family members have never used the term "stepbrother/sister" with the kids - we call them brother & sister. I don't know how important that is - but I think it does serve, in our family, to be a unifying force.
Same here....Those words have never been uttered and I think it is extremely important ....Never used the term half-sister or half-brother.....Its sister/brother-thats it
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| Posted 1/20/11 8:57 PM |
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
Posted by Bops
Posted by Mom-of-one
ETA: We've & other family members have never used the term "stepbrother/sister" with the kids - we call them brother & sister. I don't know how important that is - but I think it does serve, in our family, to be a unifying force.
Same here....Those words have never been uttered and I think it is extremely important ....Never used the term half-sister or half-brother.....Its sister/brother-thats it
We do this as well.  is DD's sister, there's no half about it!
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| Posted 1/21/11 4:31 PM |
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
Posted by imthecindyofcindyandkevin
Posted by Bops
Posted by Mom-of-one
ETA: We've & other family members have never used the term "stepbrother/sister" with the kids - we call them brother & sister. I don't know how important that is - but I think it does serve, in our family, to be a unifying force.
Same here....Those words have never been uttered and I think it is extremely important ....Never used the term half-sister or half-brother.....Its sister/brother-thats it
We do this as well. is DD's sister, there's no half about it!
Same here!
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| Posted 1/22/11 12:49 AM |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
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Re: Question for those with SK and bio kids
i was concerned about my ss reaction too, but he loves his brother - they are 8 yrs apart and at times the little one can get under his skin, but that's in all familiies - blended or not.
the bm congratulated us when she first found out but during our custody hearing she continued to make the point that even though my husb refered to them as brothers, he is not a real brother to him (my 3 yr old) just a half-brother...thankfully neither child was around - but it goes to show you what she really feels
good luck!
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| Posted 1/22/11 7:50 AM |
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