SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I am currently facing a very difficult situation, and I am sure that many of you have been here :(

I am scheduled to return to work shortly...DS will be 3 months. I am contemplating leaving my career, and staying at home. This is hardly an option with the cost of owning our home, and living on LI..as you know. However, I am having a difficult time feeling comfortable with our daycare situation. There are no grandparents..family etc...

I am worried about missing my salary, feeling like I don't do anything all day. I would be going from a high power position and I am nervous that when I go to return to my field, I won't find a job as good as the one I would be leaving...so....

To the SAHM's: Did you leave your career in order to stay at home with your DC? If so, was not having the extra money an adjustment? Did you miss having "adult" time, and going to work everyday? Did you eventually return, and if so how old was DC? Do you wish you put DC in daycare and kept your career?

To Mom's who continued with their careers:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work? Does the day still go fast or does it drag on? Have you cried at work? Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am? Do you wish you would have just left your job?

Thank you for anything you can add that will help me...

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

For me the anitcipation of going back to work was WAY WAY WAY WAY worse than actually going.

Now, I enjoy it and appreciate it even more than before.

I am so busy during the day (teacher) that by the time I start to miss her, Im heading out the door.

You get into a routine...it is exhausting.. but I feel so fulfilled in all aspects of my life

At the end of the day I plop, dead tired, on the couch and think, "wow..I made it through another day and I LOVE my life"....and I am not just being corny...it really is like that!!!!

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I was in the same situation as you a few months ago (DD is 5 months). I opted to quit my job in NYC. Yes, it was a corporate, well paying job too. ABSOLUTELY no regrets! We as well did not have close family able to watch DD and that would have been the only other option I felt comfortable with. I don't miss my job but I do miss the social interaction at times. Also, it's been the winter and I think I am just feeling cooped up and can't wait until spring. I have a few other mommy friends nearby and plan to get out with DD more once the weather starts to warm up. DH & I took DD into the city today to get our taxes done. It was WEIRD to see everyone dressed up, in heals, going to work. DIDN'T miss it but strange to see lol... As for the finaces, we did plan for this. And, we are on a tight budget now. But, IMO if there is a will there's a way. I tell DH if I have to I'll waitress the moonlighting shift but that's just me Do what your gut tells you to do....

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

i just completely gave up my job.. though in the lasy year i work 15 times.... i do miss adult time but i just deal.....money is an adjustment but now i pride myself on saving.... for us, daycare would have taken up 3/4 of my salary so it is not worth it

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Well, I've been a SAHM for 4 years now. To answer your questions--

Yes, I did leave a good career (I worked in technology) and a very good salary.

No, I did not miss having the extra money. We had been banking my salary from the day we got married and combined our finances, so I never felt like I missed having my "own" money. None of the money I made was "mine" and none of the money DH made was "his". Everything was ours and still is. I obviously miss saving as aggressively as I did, but we still find ways to save each month.

Yes, sometimes I miss the level of adult interaction and the specific sort of challenges my old career offered. But let's face it, the grass is always greener on the other side, so for every bad day I have as a SAHM where I wish I was at work, I admit there were an equal number of bad days at the office years ago, where I wished I was home. There is no such thing as a perfect lifestyle.

Overall, I have zero regrets. This has been a special time in my life-- being home with my kids when they're little and not in school. There will never be an opportunity to take care of them in this way again, so I'm glad I seized the moment and was here for every minute.

I don't have any concrete plans to go back to work once the kids are in school... DH is in a high powered demanding job and is NOT in a position to split the days off required when kids are home sick, school is closed, etc, so it's probably best for our family for me to remain at home and available.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I went back. I had to, we have a mortgage to pay, and dh didnt want to move upstate.

the first week back was the toughest. I recommend coming back on a tuesday or wednesday to ease into it. I started to ease into a schedule. It started to get better. I ocassionally would feed ds his morning bottle there so i could chitchat with the ladies and feel better about leaving him. Ultimately I know they will do alot with him durring the day.

to me, my work keeps me busy during the day. it doesnt drag on. 5pm hits and I have to remind myself to wrap up. I think it depends on what you do, and how into your job you are.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I gave up my job to be a SAHM. After DS #1 was 10 1/2, maybe 11 mo, I was presented with a great P/T job offer. I took it and it was the best decision for me. I get to be home 4 or 5 days a week with my kids, but get "me" time out of the house.

It really is what you can afford. Dont feel guilty for whatever decision works best for your family.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I left my F/T job, was a SAHM for a few months, and then found a p/t consulting type job. I work about 20 hours a week, mostly just 2 days (sometimes 2.5 or 3). I get paid pretty well, still get to use my brain and training, but the job is not my LIFE. My son is the main focus and this is just extra. I am very happy with my situation. Its a great balance between being a SAHM and working mom, the best of both worlds. Maybe part time/consulting it is something you can look into?

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

To the SAHM's:
Did you leave your career in order to stay at home with your DC?
Yes. I was the Director of a department. It was, for me, a huge career that I worked really hard to achieve.

If so, was not having the extra money an adjustment? I was supposed to go back yesterday. I still have a little bit of money saved up. But going from well over 6 figures a year to just under 6 figures for our household will certainly hurt. Fortunately, we lived below our means and so my needs aren't that great.
Did you miss having "adult" time, and going to work everyday? I have recently begun hanging out with other Moms who share my philosophy on things. This interaction is extremely fulfilling. And no, I absolutely do not miss going back to work. This shocks me the most, since my entire identity, which I valued, was defined by a career that I loved and cherished. Even on the day my water broke, I was convinced I would return after my FMLA.

Did you eventually return, and if so how old was DC? I will return. I don't know when.

Do you wish you put DC in daycare and kept your career? Daycare is absolutely not an option for me. I would live in a cardboard box with my son before leaving him in a facility while he was so young, needy and impressionable.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Posted by Jen2999

For me the anitcipation of going back to work was WAY WAY WAY WAY worse than actually going.

Now, I enjoy it and appreciate it even more than before.

I am so busy during the day (teacher) that by the time I start to miss her, Im heading out the door.

You get into a routine...it is exhausting.. but I feel so fulfilled in all aspects of my life

At the end of the day I plop, dead tired, on the couch and think, "wow..I made it through another day and I LOVE my life"....and I am not just being corny...it really is like that!!!!

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

To Mom's who continued with their careers:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work? Does the day still go fast or does it drag on? Have you cried at work? Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am? Do you wish you would have just left your job?

I have a lucky situation & DS is a 30 second walk from my office, so it made it a much easier transition for me. I'm able to run over just to hug or kiss him if I needed...(which I have done.)

I cried the first two days, but only before I left the house & when I left him & walked away. While I was at work I worked.

Never late - oddly enough I'm on time or even early!

I'm glad I continued working. I like having the time to myself. I also feel like I can give 110% to DS when I'm with him. I think I'm a better Mommy for it.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Posted by Jen2999

For me the anitcipation of going back to work was WAY WAY WAY WAY worse than actually going.

Now, I enjoy it and appreciate it even more than before.

I am so busy during the day (teacher) that by the time I start to miss her, Im heading out the door.

You get into a routine...it is exhausting.. but I feel so fulfilled in all aspects of my life

At the end of the day I plop, dead tired, on the couch and think, "wow..I made it through another day and I LOVE my life"....and I am not just being corny...it really is like that!!!!

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Working mom of 2 kids here: I adore my children and hate that I dont see them all day...but I dont think I would enjoy being a SAHM. Work is actually my me time and time I get things done (e.g. manis, gym during lunch)

My ideal situation would be to work part time...could u do that?

IMO the kids need us more when they are older and in school....that is when I am going to be upset

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I went back towork bc I had to. I racked up my credit card buying new work clothes adn stuff for baby. I was a mess before I went back, cried so hard one night I was hyperventilating (never happened in my life!) I went back to work, my inlaws were watching DS. everything was ok the first month, then things started going down hill. I lost it one day at work I couldn't get myself together, I had been back exactly one month at that point. I was sad all day, only got to spend 1.5 hours w/ DS, getting very bitter , fighting with DH and being a beotch at work. I finally quit after 7 months. Money is an issue , we do have a lot saved, I cook at home now and I hardly use any gas in my car. it's so worth it to me to stay home, I love being with my son, I love being the one he calls and looks for, if you can swing it do it. We have another DC on the way since I'm home now.

sometiems I do miss working, but I don' tmiss all the BS, office politics, deadlines. It's so nice to not worry about anything but my family. when DC's start school, I'll worry about working. I don't want DC's in a daycare , I would not be able to focus at work all day anyway.

ETS I was late almost every single day , between 10-20 min , so hard getting DS out of the house in the winter time

Message edited 3/2/2010 8:58:02 PM.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Working mom here. I was so worried I would suddenly hate the job I loved so much before DD came into my life - I feared I'd resent it for 'taking me away' from her.

The anticipation of going back to work was FAR worse than going back. The week or so leading up to it was just awful. The morning of the return, I was too nervous and my mind was just racing. My days just flew, and they still do for the most part. It helps that I still, in fact, love my job.

When I was first home with DD (I took 6 months maternity leave), I was almost losing my mind. I missed having my routine, I missed my old life. Then things got better, and I didn't want my maternity leave to end. But I know I'm a better person if I work. I need that for me. My job is another part of my identity and I just can't give it up. Daycare worked out- I love where she goes, and I can see how much SHE loves it and how much she gets from it. I'm actually glad for her, that she's having this experience.

But yes, I miss her terribly. Now that I've been back for two months, I get the Sunday night blues big time. But once I get back into the routine, I'm fine. I live for the weekends now and MAN do I make the most of every single moment with her now. I cherish every little second.

I hope you can come to a decision that you're most comfortable with. I know it's hard.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

For me the weeks leading up to when I was supposed to return to work were awful. I couldn't sleep, I was constantly anxious. I just couldn't imagine leaving DS. DH and I discussed it and I left my job to be a SAHM.

We gave up a little over half our income, it was an adjustment, but not a huge one. We have always been careful with money, we are just even more so now. We don't go out a lot but it just makes the times when we do go out more special. I do not regret our decision at all, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I have recently started a business out of the house doing what I used to do. So I am again getting some mental stimulation. It has been an adjustment figuring out a schedule. I was just working during naps and after DS went to bed, but as things got busier I had to adjust. We turned an extra living room into my office, which allows a large area for DS to play if I have to get some work done during the day. If my business continues to grow we may put DS in daycare for 2 days a week.

My feeling is, if you have the means, do it, I doubt you will regret it!

ETA: I wasn't 100% happy in my job before DS, which made the decision easy. I was the manager of a department and found out that I do not enjoy managing people, I am a doer, not a manager. Having my own business has been incredible because I am back to doing the work I love.

Message edited 3/3/2010 10:01:46 AM.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I am a SAHM for the most part, but I recently just went back to work for 3 hours a week. I'm an EI therapist so I have a lot of flexability in my job and can work as much or as little as I want. I have always known that I wanted to be SAHM and luckily DH can easily support us with his income. I'm very happy that I have the opportunity to be home with DS and continue to work in my field at the same time. I love my job and did miss it while I was on maternity leave for 6 months. I also love being with DS all day. I don't really miss my "adult time" or feel like i do nothing all day because I try to get out at least once a day and make plans with other moms or my family. The day fly by and before I know it I'm putting Ds to bed for the night.

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I stopped working after DD and it was an adjustment for me..I made decent money, not high powered position but enough and i was always use to working and making a paycheck...when i was younger i sometimes had 2 jobs at once, so for me to all of a sudden have no money of my own was a little weird..i did get used to it after a while and then eventually started to watch my friends dd so i was getting a few buchs in my pocket and it made me feel a little more at ease...it is an adjustement but now dd is almost 3 and i have another dc on the way, the thought of going back to work is somehting i dont want to have to think about for a long time since ive gotten so used to it lol

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long

I gave up my career to stay home. Busted my butt for many years getting many degrees....and now I stay home. The money isnt an issue for us, although it would have been nice. Like you, we had no friends or family to watch her, plus even if I did, I would have had a hard time with giving up the control. And I def could NEVER do daycare.

Even still, I find it very difficult. I am bored, exhausted too often, and feel very rusty in just basic things. I feel like all I do all day is cook, clean, feed and change my child (well that IS much of what I do). But it gets very very monotonous.

That being said, I am sure I will look back and be so glad I stayed home and spent all this time with my DD. But I think the ultimate ideal senario is working PT< best of both worlds.

Message edited 3/2/2010 9:09:15 PM.