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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
That's a tough situation. If you say it's "hardly an option" to SAH, then it seems the answer should be clear. Unfortunately, when your heart and your child are involved, we all know it's never clear. I will answer on both sides of the coin since I've done both...
To Mom's who continued with their careers:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work?
~Yes! But for me, it was never hard. Maybe the first day I got a pang, but never afterward. Loved my job.
Does the day still go fast or does it drag on? Have you cried at work? Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am?
~As a teacher, my day ALWAYS went fast. No, never cried. No, never late; my DH dropped my DD off at the babysitters' houses.
Do you wish you would have just left your job?
~No, I loved my job.
To the SAHM's: Did you leave your career in order to stay at home with your DC? If so, was not having the extra money an adjustment?
~Fortunately it was not an adjustment for us. We only lived on one salary anyway and banked the other. We are fortunate that we live comfortably and we still bank a good amt. This made the decision especially easy for us. My salary was practically negligible  and I would have spent it all on daycare if I chose to go that route.
Did you miss having "adult" time, and going to work everyday?
~Yes, I did, especially at first. Now that my DDs are 4 and almost 3 I feel like I have a good amount of adult interaction. They both go to school and I see other moms daily. I also have a weekly playdate and have another close friend who SAH. My mom is also home. Oh, and I've had men working in my house for 4 weeks now.
Did you eventually return, and if so how old was DC? Do you wish you put DC in daycare and kept your career?
~I have not returned yet, but fully intend to. I absolutely do NOT wish I put my DC in daycare--that was not an option for us (esp. my DH) in the first place.
As you can see...I was/am happy doing both. Both have their plusses and minuses. I enjoyed working VERY much and miss it very much, but I know that work will always be there. I'll go back in a few years. I am so blessed to have had the option to have both experiences.
You will make the right decision for your family!
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Posted 3/3/10 9:44 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
To Mom's who continued with their careers:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work? Sort of. I stopped bawling everyday, but it goes through phases. I can have a really good stretch and then something will happen where she starts having a bad week or two and then it gets hard again. But I would never say it is easy for me to leave her, even though I love her school and teachers-because I still want to be with her.
Does the day still go fast or does it drag on? The days do go fast for me, thank God.
Have you cried at work? yes, definitely, more so on the train-which I hate. In the beginning (first few months) I cried alot. Now this happens to me when she is having a bad day, not feeling herself, etc. and I just want to be with her.
Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am? I've never been late to work. I usually get the 7:30 train, but if I miss it there is a 7:45 which still gets me to work by 8:45 which is ok. My manager is awesome and very understanding so even if I was late once in awhile he would not give me a hard time.
Do you wish you would have just left your job? Yes, but I can't. I spent the last 13 years focusing on me and my career, now my DD is more important and I would love to be able to focus on her, not worrying about how to get it all done. I am on extended maternity leave right now for #2 (9 months) and I am as happy as can be. I did the same with DD, I did not miss my job b/c I was so happy spending the day with DD.
It is really different for everyone, but for me, my idea of a perfect day is spent playing and taking care of DD. Work is work is work, I find more fulfillment making a difference in my DD's life, not my CEO's bottom line.
Good luck with your decision and I envy you that you have a choice!
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:13 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
To Mom's who continued with their careers:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to
work?
Yes and I never thought it would.
Does the day still go fast or does it drag on?
Goes fast.
Have you cried at work?
The first week yes. Occasionally on my lunch break I just drop in.
Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am?
Sometimes, DH helps and we alternate with who drops him off/picks him up.
Do you wish you would have just left your job?
No way. I like having my own life and now the time I spend with DS is more quality time. Plus I can afford to buy him nice clothes, etc.
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:31 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
we would miss the money tremendously.
there is so much we want to do for our son that requires having the extra money my salary provides.
the reality of the situation is this: my sons needs are met, he is meeting all of his milestones and then some, he is happy, he is loved every day....the only thing is *I* am not there with him.
but he doesn't "need" me. he needs someone to nuture and care for him and he has that.
me being home would be for *ME* to bear witness to that. for ME, it is purely a selfish need.
selfish because I would be staying home b/c I love him so much and want to be with me so much when really I could be doing so much more for him by earning a salary. selfish b/c by satiating my need to be with him, I would be keeping things from him that I *WANT* to give him.
if this wasn't the case...if I didn't feel he was in a situation were his needs were being me, I would feel differently.
but this is what it is for ME and MY situation which I am sharing with you.
every day my heart breaks a little when I leave him.
but it swells to enormous proportions when we are reunited.
I miss him. but it's ok.
good luck with your decision.
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:32 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by Grill
Daycare is absolutely not an option for me. I would live in a cardboard box with my son before leaving him in a facility while he was so young, needy and impressionable.
A cardboard box eh? Very nice. 
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:37 AM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
I'll answer these..
To Mom's who continued with their careers:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work?
- Loey isn't in daycare, but it does get easier to leave him. The first day was really tough, but after that it wasn't so bad. He is also sleeping when I leave which makes it easier. I BF him in the morning which is "our time" and then put him in the swing to nap so I can get ready for my day.
Does the day still go fast or does it drag on?
- My day seems to FLY by! I keep myself busy at work and next thing I know, it's already time to leave.
Have you cried at work?
- Never
Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am?
-No - see above.
Do you wish you would have just left your job?
-Honestly? I can't really picture myself not working at all. I would love to be a SAHM for at least a while... but it just wasn't in the cards for us. I think working PT would be a good compromise.
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:49 AM |
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MrsFlatbread
Skinny jeans are in my future
Member since 6/06 10258 total posts
Name:
Baby Momma
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by dita
Posted by Grill
Daycare is absolutely not an option for me. I would live in a cardboard box with my son before leaving him in a facility while he was so young, needy and impressionable.
A cardboard box eh? Very nice.
relax chica!  I was not offended. It was just her opinion. She just feels strongly that daycare was not an option for her family. So she makes sacrifices. and, I would imagine that in reality, if she had to ever live in a card board box or go to work and put her kid in daycare, she would put her kid in daycare. different strokes for different folks.
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:52 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by MrsFlatbread
Posted by dita
Posted by Grill
Daycare is absolutely not an option for me. I would live in a cardboard box with my son before leaving him in a facility while he was so young, needy and impressionable.
A cardboard box eh? Very nice.
relax chica! I was not offended. It was just her opinion. She just feels strongly that daycare was not an option for her family. So she makes sacrifices. and, I would imagine that in reality, if she had to ever live in a card board box or go to work and put her kid in daycare, she would put her kid in daycare. different strokes for different folks.
I
I agree. it was a passionate response, which I think we can all agree with. we all have certain things for our kid that we will go to the mats to secure/protect. hers is to stay home. same as mine/ours is to work.
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:54 AM |
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lilbean
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/10 634 total posts
Name:
michelle
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
To the SAHM's: Did you leave your career in order to stay at home with your DC? If so, was not having the extra money an adjustment? Did you miss having "adult" time, and going to work everyday? Did you eventually return, and if so how old was DC? Do you wish you put DC in daycare and kept your career?
I ;eft my career as a teacher to be a SAHM. It was a leap of faith and I always wanted to do it. I did it and I never looked back. As long as you can survive and pay bills, its sooo worth it. I never think about the money because its gone, so why think about it. KWIM
I do not regret it at all, these last 2 years have been amazing to watch my DS grow. The way I decided was a few ways....
1-Can I survive, pay bills, etc.
2-What can I do to earn a little extra $$ here and there.
3-will it have a neg. impact on marriage because of $
4-In 50 years form now would I have rather had more vacations,clothes etc, or have gotten to spend time with myDC?
5-What did DH want me to do?
Hope that helps...
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| Posted 3/3/10 10:58 AM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work?
Yes - it does. It became a rhythm for me. At first DH did the mornings and the drop offs. I was up and out of the house before DS woke up and worked a 7-3 schedule.
Now I work 8-4 and we are still getting the hang of that. There are still days when I get sad that I'm leaving him, but he LOVES daycare, so that helps.
Does the day still go fast or does it drag on?
Both - just like before. Somedays I am frantically trying to get everything done so I can pick him up on time.
Some days I pick him up on time and wish I had worked late!
Have you cried at work?
I cried the first day and I cry sometimes when we have a bad separation, but it usually doesn't last past the parking lot.
Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am?
Right now? Yes. But like I said before - you figure out what works for you.
We leave the house at 7:00. So I realized that a sit down breakfast isn't in the cards. We have a ritual where DS gets to pick his breakfast bar and fruit snacks in the morning.
He eats in the car - it's not ideal, but it's what works.
Do you wish you would have just left your job?
No. Not once. I have a fairly high-powered job as well. I feel I'm better at my job and at being a mom because I'm a working mom. It is the best of both worlds for me.
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| Posted 3/3/10 11:04 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
I disagree-and I think I was the first to call her out on it (I should get a prize).
I think the statement is ludicrous and I'm not one who gets my feathers ruffled easily.
But to say you feel soooooo strongly against "facilities" that your baby would be better off living with you in a cardboard box? Come on-there is no excuse for that kind of disrespect to those of us who use (and love) these "facilities".
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| Posted 3/3/10 12:06 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by CrankyPants
I disagree-and I think I was the first to call her out on it (I should get a prize).
I think the statement is ludicrous and I'm not one who gets my feathers ruffled easily.
But to say you feel soooooo strongly against "facilities" that your baby would be better off living with you in a cardboard box? Come on-there is no excuse for that kind of disrespect to those of us who use (and love) these "facilities".
but maybe it has NOTHING to do with the daycare center at all.
maybe it is PURELY about HER wanting to be with her child 24/7 and she would endure ANYTHING to make that happen.
I didn't read her post as saying her baby was "better off" ... I read it as she just felt so strongly about being home with her son that she made an exaggerated comment.
maybe I am crazy but I don't really believe if given the choice, she'd look for a nice Sub Zero retailer to build herself a carboard mcmansion. I definitely did not read it as diss to daycare facilties as they operate...just that leaving him in a facility at his age was not right for HER.
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| Posted 3/3/10 12:16 PM |
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MrsFlatbread
Skinny jeans are in my future
Member since 6/06 10258 total posts
Name:
Baby Momma
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by CrankyPants
I disagree-and I think I was the first to call her out on it (I should get a prize).
I think the statement is ludicrous and I'm not one who gets my feathers ruffled easily.
But to say you feel soooooo strongly against "facilities" that your baby would be better off living with you in a cardboard box? Come on-there is no excuse for that kind of disrespect to those of us who use (and love) these "facilities".
but maybe it has NOTHING to do with the daycare center at all.
maybe it is PURELY about HER wanting to be with her child 24/7 and she would endure ANYTHING to make that happen.
I didn't read her post as saying her baby was "better off" ... I read it as she just felt so strongly about being home with her son that she made an exaggerated comment.
maybe I am crazy but I don't really believe if given the choice, she'd look for a nice Sub Zero retailer to build herself a carboard mcmansion. I definitely did not read it as diss to daycare facilties as they operate...just that leaving him in a facility at his age was not right for HER.
ditto on what Jess said...word for word...
let's just all agree to disagree....
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| Posted 3/3/10 12:27 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by Ophelia
Posted by CrankyPants
I disagree-and I think I was the first to call her out on it (I should get a prize).
I think the statement is ludicrous and I'm not one who gets my feathers ruffled easily.
But to say you feel soooooo strongly against "facilities" that your baby would be better off living with you in a cardboard box? Come on-there is no excuse for that kind of disrespect to those of us who use (and love) these "facilities".
but maybe it has NOTHING to do with the daycare center at all.
maybe it is PURELY about HER wanting to be with her child 24/7 and she would endure ANYTHING to make that happen.
I didn't read her post as saying her baby was "better off" ... I read it as she just felt so strongly about being home with her son that she made an exaggerated comment.
maybe I am crazy but I don't really believe if given the choice, she'd look for a nice Sub Zero retailer to build herself a carboard mcmansion. I definitely did not read it as diss to daycare facilties as they operate...just that leaving him in a facility at his age was not right for HER.
I appreciate your take on it and though I'd like to give the poster that benefit, the overall tone of those lines prevents me from doing so.
Her word choice makes me think she is a daycare hater  and since I feel like cr@p today, I'll go even further: she probably judges those of us that use them for our young, impressionable babies.
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| Posted 3/3/10 12:32 PM |
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charon54
My two boys!
Member since 5/05 7279 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
I returned to work on 1/25 and I won't lie, the first few weeks sucked. I was taking one day a week off to watch DS.
We just started daycare this week and I am back to a 5 day a week schedule. Honestly, it gets so much easier. I appreciate my time with DS so much more. I have learned to drop things that used to be important that I would do outside of work so I can focus my attentions on DS.
For me, I need to work both financially and mentally.
To answer your specific questions:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work?
Yes
Does the day still go fast or does it drag on?
Goes very fast, because I have a deadline that I have to leave by, can't stay late.
Have you cried at work?
No.
Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am?
No, but I don't really have a time I have to be in most days, unless I have a conference call.
Do you wish you would have just left your job?
No.
Message edited 3/3/2010 1:18:01 PM.
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| Posted 3/3/10 1:16 PM |
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Grill
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 994 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
but maybe it has NOTHING to do with the daycare center at all.
BINGO!!!
I absolutely don't judge or 'hate' daycares. It is just not the right decision for me and my family. I don't even consider this topic to be up for debate, on either side of the issue. We are all loving, devoted parents...different, but still devoted. I have no idea what I would do if I were you. Sorry to have offended.
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| Posted 3/3/10 1:38 PM |
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mrsej
The cutest!
Member since 1/07 2495 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by Grill
but maybe it has NOTHING to do with the daycare center at all.
BINGO!!!
I absolutely don't judge or 'hate' daycares. It is just not the right decision for me and my family. I don't even consider this topic to be up for debate, on either side of the issue. We are all loving, devoted parents...different, but still devoted. I have no idea what I would do if I were you. Sorry to have offended.
I agree that everyone has different views about daycare, but your comment was slightly strong - alot of people put there children in daycare at a "young impressionable" age. I totally think differing opinions about daycare is great, but i think the way you worded your opinion was a bit harsh, especially if read by someone who puts their young child in daycare. I know you did not mean it to be and you can put any opinoin on a board like this and you should, but when you put a post like that up, you should understand that some people are going to have an opinion about your opinion!
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| Posted 3/3/10 1:51 PM |
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KartveliT
...
Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
I agree
Message edited 3/3/2010 4:41:18 PM.
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| Posted 3/3/10 1:57 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by MAC222
I am currently facing a very difficult situation, and I am sure that many of you have been here :(
I am scheduled to return to work shortly...DS will be 3 months. I am contemplating leaving my career, and staying at home. This is hardly an option with the cost of owning our home, and living on LI..as you know. However, I am having a difficult time feeling comfortable with our daycare situation. There are no grandparents..family etc...
I am worried about missing my salary, feeling like I don't do anything all day. I would be going from a high power position and I am nervous that when I go to return to my field, I won't find a job as good as the one I would be leaving...so....
To the SAHM's: Did you leave your career in order to stay at home with your DC? If so, was not having the extra money an adjustment? Did you miss having "adult" time, and going to work everyday? Did you eventually return, and if so how old was DC? Do you wish you put DC in daycare and kept your career?
To Mom's who continued with their careers:
Did it get easier to drop DC off, and go to work? Does the day still go fast or does it drag on? Have you cried at work? Are you constantly late to work due to getting Dc ready in the am? Do you wish you would have just left your job?
Thank you for anything you can add that will help me...
This is my honetly 100% no BS answer. I wish with all my heart I could leave my job to be a SAHM. I cried for 2 weeks when I went back to work. Did it get easier yes of course, but a little part of me is always sad when I leave him. Mind you I have a fantastic situation He goes to a private sitter, with only 1 other child there (the babysitters grand daughter) I feel cheated that I can't be home with my baby because in my mind he'll onoly be little once! I wish I could stay home until he goes to Kindergarten. I am a teacher so I am also fortunate I get to spend a lot more time with him than other mommies, to me it's just not enough! It is a tough decision, I work solely because we need the money. If I could do it, I would!
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| Posted 3/3/10 1:57 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Yes - in the beginning I called daycare every day for about a week to check on DS. Now I am fine with it. He really likes it there. I keep busy at work so I don't dwell on it too much...I tell myself, I need to work, no other choice so don't make myself miserable. I do have bad days though. I am usually not late - we have a routine going now so it's good. Of course I wish I could have stayed home but it's not an option for me so like I said...I don't even give much thought to it anymore.
Eta; - the plus side is, I get to do my own thing during the day, get some adult interaction, errands done at lunch. And when I go home after work I get a BIG SMILE from DS and that makes it all better!
Message edited 3/3/2010 2:01:47 PM.
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| Posted 3/3/10 1:59 PM |
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Serendipity
Summer!
Member since 4/07 7631 total posts
Name:
PrayingWishingHopingALOT
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by julz33
I left my F/T job, was a SAHM for a few months, and then found a p/t consulting type job. I work about 20 hours a week, mostly just 2 days (sometimes 2.5 or 3). I get paid pretty well, still get to use my brain and training, but the job is not my LIFE. My son is the main focus and this is just extra. I am very happy with my situation. Its a great balance between being a SAHM and working mom, the best of both worlds. Maybe part time/consulting it is something you can look into?
Wow...your situation is similar to mine. I am working Partime too. About 16 hours a week sometimes more and sometimes less. ANd it is not my life at all.
I am a nurse, have a masters and worked very hard for it. BUT....TO be honest I had (and I still am having) a hard time with working. If i could I would stay home.
BUT..we chose to live where we live and bills have to get paid. I am lucky I can work 2 days. HOWEVER, I still cry just about everyday.
I gave up (but it was a no brainer to me) a very good job in NYC, working for a top hospital and gave up the high salary that went along with it)
We are in the process of making some changes and hopefully I will get to stay home with my kids in the future.
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| Posted 3/3/10 2:04 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
I can't really offer any advice on what works best for you and your family but I can only let you know that the one thing you won't have to worry about is "doing nothing all day" if you do decide to become a SAHM
Good Luck, whichever you decide !
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| Posted 3/3/10 2:09 PM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
Posted by Jen2999
For me the anitcipation of going back to work was WAY WAY WAY WAY worse than actually going.
Now, I enjoy it and appreciate it even more than before.
I am so busy during the day (teacher) that by the time I start to miss her, Im heading out the door.
You get into a routine...it is exhausting.. but I feel so fulfilled in all aspects of my life 
At the end of the day I plop, dead tired, on the couch and think, "wow..I made it through another day and I LOVE my life"....and I am not just being corny...it really is like that!!!!
I really don't have to type anything out b/c this is exactly how I feel.
(although I'm not sure I ENJOY my job as much haha)
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| Posted 3/3/10 2:09 PM |
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MsG
Should be working
Member since 5/05 2824 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
I went back to work. It was very hard, especially the first few months when my ds wasn't sleeping through the night yet.
I like working, but ideally I'd work part-time. If I could afford to not work I would have liked to stay home for the first 2 years.
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| Posted 3/3/10 2:38 PM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: SAHM's and moms who work: Desperately need to pick your brains..kind of long
I wanted to say to the OP. My advice would be not to make a decision now if you dont have to.
There are plenty of us who thought we wanted to be FT SAH parents and realized we were wrong. And Vice Versa.
I thought my whole live I wanted to SAH FT but after a week or two I was okay with my routine of working FT.
When I went back FT, my DH didnt want me to, he wanted me to quit and find something PT. I couldnt do it. So the agreement was to take it in 3 month increments. I would work FT for 3 months and see how it went....
At 3 months I still wasnt sure but DH was. So we decided what was best for our family. I left my FT job after being back for 3 months and 3 weeks!
GL in your decision!
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| Posted 3/3/10 2:50 PM |
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