Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

I believe that marriage is underrated...I fortunately grew up in a household that my parents have been together for over 35 years. They work everyday at their marriage..

Sometimes I think couples go into marriage with the wrong intentions. They believe that once they are married, all their problems disappear & it gets better. Everyday is a challenge & both parties need to give 110% each day! Of course, there are ups & downs (that is healthy)

Both DH & I knew what we were getting into & the day we took our vows, it became a reality! Knowing that I have the support system there at all times, someone to cheer me on & cheer me up, love me unconditionally & be faithful to me forever, it is the best feeling in the world!

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

While I don't think marriage is over rated, I do think that it is not for everyone. I see people get divorced so easily now-a days that it is crazy! It is almost as if one problem arises...off to the lawyer they go! I know some people don't believe that you should have to work for your marriage, but I think you do! Being married is not easy and if you love someone, why give up so easily? I think you are right about the "idea of marriage". I think that some people seriously think that once you are married then it is smooth sailing through life and all existing problems go away.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

I agree with a lot of what other people said. Marriages were not happier in the 50's. But women could not leave (think Nora in Ibsen's a Doll's House). Also, divorce was less common and much more taboo, especially for women. A man could cheat on his wife and leave her for another woman, and yet the woman would be the one with the "scarlet letter."

Today there isn't so much of a social taboo on divorce. You won't be ostracized from society or your family.
It's like anything...were there fewer gay people in the 50's? Of course not, but you didn't see them represented on TV, and there was ostracism, not to mention legal changes.
In the 60's in NY in order to get a divorce you had to get someone to take a picture of your spouse IN BED with someone else.

So there are a lot of social reasons that the divorce rate has increased.

As for marriage. I know some people who have dedicated their lives to one another and choose NOT to get married and that seems to work for them, but to me, that could not compare to declaring your love and commitment before your family, friends, community and god.

I don't think marriage is over-rated at all. I don't think people should stay together if they are profoundly unhappy, but there are so many struggles you go through in a marriage, where if you're married or engaged, you have that vow to get through it together, but if it's just a boyfriend, and seen already as a temporary state, you'd just break up over it. In a marriage there's a sense that no matter what happens, we're gonna face it together.

I also feel like a lot of the time when people say they don't want to get married it's ebcause either they want to have their cake and eat it too ( have the support, but still have "freedom") or they want that escape valve. And to me that means, maybe marriage isn't for them, but they should also be with someone who doesn't want marriage... or it means they're not mature yet, or just not with the right person.

I personally have never really been witness to a good marriage that was always good or that lasted forever. I honestly cannot name a couple I know and say "they have a good marriage. I want to emulate them". I have no example, so I have to make my own example and my own ideal, and in that regard, LIF has really been helpful because there are people who are really in legitimately happy marriages.

Message edited 7/18/2006 12:30:05 PM.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Yes, very over-rated!

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

i think part of the problem with divorce in this country is that most people are young, and i mean 20, 21, when they get married. they have no idea what they are in for and think that the marriage will solve everything.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Since we are all not Hollywood celebs, the way we think about marriage is so different its not even funny. The money part alone is a factor... thanks to my dad I didnt have to pay for my own wedding but I mean if I did, we would still be in debt but for celebs its like a "drop in the bucket" as far as expenses. Now for the more important factor, love. Maybe they just take marriage on in a relationship the way we would use the words "I love you". In other words, we use those words to mean something special but arent "binding" for life. I wouldnt trade in the fact that I am entered into a special bind with my DH for life for anything.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

maybe b/c i'm an older bride and i'm only 30, i see 24 as young.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

IMO it's simple:

Marriage is over-rated to people who don't believe in it.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Message edited 7/18/2006 12:47:24 PM.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

marriage is definitely hard work but there are so many circumstances that make it not work for so many.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

I think the age that people meet and marry has a lot to do with it. I met my ex at 23...I had no idea who I was...I just graduated college and so did he. We never really dated many other people and had the opportunity to establish ourselves as an independent adults.

Now at 30....I was forced to create an independent life for myself....and now when I date...I am extremely selective and know what it is I am looking for. I don't think I could have found the person i would spend my life with at 23...my personal opinion. My divorce has been a great learning experience an in many ways worked out for the best.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

i don't think it's overrated at all. marriage is a wonderful thing and i love being married. things change when you're married, no matter how committed you may be in a relationship it doesn't compare to having a husband to share your life with. when you both say i do, you're no longer a couple but become a family.

i also don't think that people go into marriages thinking that if it doesn't work out they'll just get a divorce. i think the majority of people who get married think it's a forever thing and it depends on the couple as to why it didn't work out. there are certain things that happen in a marriage that just can't be fixed!

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Posted by azoodie

ii also don't think that people go into marriages thinking that if it doesn't work out they'll just get a divorce. i think the majority of people who get married think it's a forever thing and it depends on the couple as to why it didn't work out. there are certain things that happen in a marriage that just can't be fixed!

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

Do I think marriage is over-rated? No, not at all. I also don't think the rate of divorce is as high as some like to think it is. They can't even calculate it properly. They compare the number of divorces in one year to the number of marriages. Neither have anything to do with the other.

Re: Since divorce is so common, do you think marriage is "over-rated" ?

I don't think it's overrated. I think people are "in love with love" and that causes a lot of them to rush in, and not really think things through. I know of a few cases where people got engaged/married after a really short amount of time (like, a month) and it was a mess. People are too easily swept away, IMO. I don't know if we get those ideas from the media but I think they perpetuate it, to an extent.

I also think that unfortunately, many people don't have strong relationship role models in their lives, which may also lead to people jumping in too fast. Though, ironically, I know a few people whose parents had rock-solid, wonderful marriages, but their own marriages didn't work out. Sad, but also interesting.

And of course, some people go into marriage with their whole hearts, but their partners don't. There are people out there who aren't marriage material, and don't find that out till after the fact.