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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Me too and to be honest if I am making 30K less but living in a cleaner place and not wasting 3 hrs commuting and dealing with crazies and stench, I will be much better off. Just have to get my DH on board.
But I feel like you and I am so over it! 
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Posted 4/26/17 11:15 AM  |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
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| Posted 4/26/17 11:32 AM |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Yes- I wish I could win the lottery. lol.
ETA I have had several family members relocate outside of NY. I have cousins that moved to TX and SC.
Message edited 4/26/2017 11:45:58 AM.
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| Posted 4/26/17 11:44 AM |
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MrsMick
Baby #2 debuts in March 2016!
Member since 9/09 1977 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
I am SO conflicted because I could sell my house, buy one CASH and become a SAHM. DH can work anywhere and make the same that he makes BUT I worry about schools, the fear of wanting to move back here but not being able to. Everyone that I know that has moved- 8 out of 10 came back. That is what keeps me here. If I was able to sell my house, buy one cash down there and maybe get a co op up here- it is doable but I have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old. Don't want to make the wrong decision. It is such a crap shoot.
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| Posted 4/26/17 11:45 AM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by MrsMick
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
I am SO conflicted because I could sell my house, buy one CASH and become a SAHM. DH can work anywhere and make the same that he makes BUT I worry about schools, the fear of wanting to move back here but not being able to. Everyone that I know that has moved- 8 out of 10 came back. That is what keeps me here. If I was able to sell my house, buy one cash down there and maybe get a co op up here- it is doable but I have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old. Don't want to make the wrong decision. It is such a crap shoot.
Why did the people you know come back?
I know a couple who bought a place in FL and they don't love it because there is nothing to do
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| Posted 4/26/17 11:49 AM |
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BabyHopes2
LIF Adult
Member since 4/13 1058 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Funny you mentioned you this as I was sitting in bumper to bumper this morning all this aggravation for what? over crowded, so expensive, barely making any $...ugh hate NY! hope to one day move when DH retires.
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| Posted 4/26/17 11:51 AM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by MrsMick
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
I am SO conflicted because I could sell my house, buy one CASH and become a SAHM. DH can work anywhere and make the same that he makes BUT I worry about schools, the fear of wanting to move back here but not being able to. Everyone that I know that has moved- 8 out of 10 came back. That is what keeps me here. If I was able to sell my house, buy one cash down there and maybe get a co op up here- it is doable but I have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old. Don't want to make the wrong decision. It is such a crap shoot.
You just have to make sure you find good schools wherever you go (I'm in the same boat, my kids are 8 and 4) and then you just have to get your head around the idea that once you leave, that's it. You're making a new home somewhere else and don't even contemplate a move back.
Everyone I know who has left has said it was the best thing they ever did, they wish they did it sooner and would never come back. I left and came back and have regretted it every day since............stupidest thing we ever did. When we leave the next time, that's it............NEVER coming back.
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| Posted 4/26/17 11:54 AM |
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MrsMick
Baby #2 debuts in March 2016!
Member since 9/09 1977 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by stinger
Posted by MrsMick
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
I am SO conflicted because I could sell my house, buy one CASH and become a SAHM. DH can work anywhere and make the same that he makes BUT I worry about schools, the fear of wanting to move back here but not being able to. Everyone that I know that has moved- 8 out of 10 came back. That is what keeps me here. If I was able to sell my house, buy one cash down there and maybe get a co op up here- it is doable but I have a 1 year old and an almost 4 year old. Don't want to make the wrong decision. It is such a crap shoot.
Why did the people you know come back?
I know a couple who bought a place in FL and they don't love it because there is nothing to do
My one friend move to FL then back and then to SC and then back. She just missed LI and just hated the slow paced life elsewhere. Crazy but it wasn't for her.
My cousin moved OOS North to NH. They HATED it. Eventullay moved back to LI because they couldn't make it.
One of my co workers moved to Cali and moved his family back here less than a year later.
My other cousin moved the Florida with her family and they were back within 5 years. All for the reason that financially, they were better off here.
So far two people are staying but they are down there for less than a year so time will tell.
Message edited 4/26/2017 11:55:24 AM.
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| Posted 4/26/17 11:54 AM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by NervousNell
But then I think about moving and I think- how would I make money? I feel like yeah, cost of living might be cheaper elsewhere, but so are salaries. In the end I feel like it's all relative.
Unless you can go retire on a NY pension or keep a NY salary to work remotely elsewhere, it's kind of not feasible/
100% agree with this. I say this all the time.
Unless you are making NY salary you just going to be struggling somewhere else!
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| Posted 4/26/17 12:00 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by blu6385
Posted by NervousNell
But then I think about moving and I think- how would I make money? I feel like yeah, cost of living might be cheaper elsewhere, but so are salaries. In the end I feel like it's all relative.
Unless you can go retire on a NY pension or keep a NY salary to work remotely elsewhere, it's kind of not feasible/
100% agree with this. I say this all the time.
Unless you are making NY salary you just going to be struggling somewhere else!
It's not just about what you make though. You have to look at things like housing costs, property taxes and a big one which makes a hug difference is state and local taxes.............some states like Delaware, FL, and NH have none. NY is a HEAVILY taxed state and it costs you.
There are calculators online that will tell you based on what you make in your current city how much you would need to make in another city and have the same quality of life. You'd be surprised how much less you could make and still live very comfortably off of the island depending on where you go.
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| Posted 4/26/17 12:13 PM |
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by stinger
Posted by myboysmyheart
Not so much a getaway. But dh and I bought a house in South Carolina. We leave at the end of June. We will still work and life will go on, but we are hoping it will be less stressful out of the hustle and bustle of NY.
Where in S carolina?
In Conway. We are on the border of Myrtle Beach.
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| Posted 4/26/17 12:52 PM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
No matter where we would be there is always a grind. When you have kids a job, things are going to be hectic no matter where you live. Things look better in other states but they are they? At least here I love my house, town and the summers are amazing. I'm sick of M-F but I love my weekends. I guess it all depends on where on long island you live. But then again I don't live in a very populated town on LI
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| Posted 4/26/17 1:06 PM |
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hidingin1516
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1009 total posts
Name:
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So very sick of the grind.
I am off LI now for 9 years. I am in CT 1 1/2 hr drive away from my family. We love it. I am a SAHM and have been for 7 yrs. now. We lived in Utah, and Boston during these 9 yrs. Utah was hard. That was far and lonely but we made the best of it. Boston was awesome but we were in the heart of the city, I am sure we would love the subarbs as well. But CT is really awesome. We have so much in this town. There's constant things going on. Cost of living is the same but taxes are lower. We have an acre of land for thousands less in taxes than my family who have a 1/4 acre on LI. When we visit, which is often, I get so annoyed driving there. Traffic is nuts. people are crazy on the roads. As soon as we are over the bridge, we know it lol. I have no idea how people stay. My point is you don't have to go far.
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| Posted 4/26/17 1:18 PM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Dh has had many opportunities in his feild to move mostly to Texas and Ca neither of which I like or to places where the cost of living is the same or more. The daily grind on long island is awful. Dh took a job on the island to get rid of the 3 hour train commute but with traffic going from ronkonkoma to Uniondale it is almost the same. Dh has a current job where he can eventually work from home. We do plan on moving when my parents retire. We are looking for a place between Delaware and north Carolina. We actually stayed in Maryland this weekend and fell in love with farm country there. It's so peaceful, it's not far from ny or dc but it's more rural and I feel like that is what we need. Places for our kids and dogs to run, somewhere that taxes are way cheaper and life is just simplified.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:09 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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So very sick of the grind.
I think if you are that unhappy you should consider a move. It is not impossible and don't assume your salary would be dramatically lower in another state. It completely depends in the industry. also, many companies will allow you to transfer. my dh could have kept his salary if we were willing to move to a Dallas suburb ( which, by the way, had highly ranked schools, safe, upscale etc ). we didnt want to move , but we could have lived very nicely , if we were interested in a relocation. also , many things aside from housing lower cost of living : property and income taxes , childcare costs , car insurance , heat and electric etc etc. do a ton of research and visit and see if you find a place you love. city data is a great resource.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:34 PM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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So very sick of the grind.
I liked the island when I first moved here, but it's now wearing thin... it's gotten to the point where I don't even bother trying to make friends anymore bc I can't stand most people here and am very ready to leave. I'm a sahm so I can up and leave any time. My parents are retired and ready to follow us wherever the wind takes us... my dh just started a new job which will allow him to work from home. Once he gets his accounts established, we are gone... we figure in a year from now. We didn't care for the areas we looked at in SC, so later this year we're going to check out NC. I think we'll all be much happier once off this island.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:38 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by MaZz
I liked the island when I first moved here, but it's now wearing thin... it's gotten to the point where I don't even bother trying to make friends anymore bc I can't stand most people here and am very ready to leave. I'm a sahm so I can up and leave any time. My parents are retired and ready to follow us wherever the wind takes us... my dh just started a new job which will allow him to work from home. Once he gets his accounts established, we are gone... we figure in a year from now. We didn't care for the areas we looked at in SC, so later this year we're going to check out NC. I think we'll all be much happier once off this island.
I can't stand most people here either but I thought it was just me being a b!tch. 
Glad it's not just me! LOL
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:44 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by olive98
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
No matter where we would be there is always a grind. When you have kids a job, things are going to be hectic no matter where you live. Things look better in other states but they are they? At least here I love my house, town and the summers are amazing. I'm sick of M-F but I love my weekends. I guess it all depends on where on long island you live. But then again I don't live in a very populated town on LI
I don't think there is ALWAYS a grind. I think the commuting and epic levels of traffic on LI make it so the work week is 1000 times worse then it is for others. You might have the same job elsewhere but you might not feel as exhausted and stressed because it's less chaos, crowds, people, and fast paced way of life. Other areas, where there is less people, things, and traffic forces you to slow down. I think it's a good thing.
For me personally, I just can't tolerate the traffic and crowds. I feel like NOTHING is enjoyable anymore. You want to pick a pumpkin? Fantastic. So do 2 million other people all trying to get out to the east end. Enjoy your miserable 5 hrs of pumpkin traffic. You want to go to a fair? Awesome! So do 5 million other people. Good luck getting there and finding a spot and then have a great time shoulder to shoulder. I'm just sick of it all. LI is not the end all and be all but I think A LOT of LI'ers think it is. I'm kind of over it.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:50 PM |
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MrsE323
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/13 530 total posts
Name:
M
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So very sick of the grind.
DH and I left LI in 2010. At the time we had no children. We have loved it but now with our 2nd DS on the way we are considering moving back. It's really hard to be away from family and friends and we don't have much help here. I am so torn about the whole thing. In NY I was working 11-12 hour days in the city at a high stress job and was miserable. Here I work 8:00am-4:00pm (if that), hop back in my car drive 15 minutes to daycare and we are home most days by 4:15. I make about $30-40k less than what I would in NY but being home to see my kids in the afternoon/evening is amazing. I know if we move back it will be right back to the crazy work schedule and stressful job but I miss having family around. I wish I could take all my extended family and friends and force them to move here and we would for sure stay forever.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:52 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by MaZz
I liked the island when I first moved here, but it's now wearing thin... it's gotten to the point where I don't even bother trying to make friends anymore bc I can't stand most people here and am very ready to leave. I'm a sahm so I can up and leave any time. My parents are retired and ready to follow us wherever the wind takes us... my dh just started a new job which will allow him to work from home. Once he gets his accounts established, we are gone... we figure in a year from now. We didn't care for the areas we looked at in SC, so later this year we're going to check out NC. I think we'll all be much happier once off this island.
I can't stand most people here either but I thought it was just me being a b!tch.
Glad it's not just me! LOL
Everyone is rude and rushing around. You don't realize how NICE people are until you leave the island and go somewhere else. People are actually friendly and engage you in conversation. We were in Boston recently and everywhere we went people were chatty, helpful, and friendly. It was refreshing.
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| Posted 4/26/17 2:52 PM |
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CookiePuss
Cake from Outer Space!
Member since 5/05 14021 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by olive98
Posted by Hofstra26
Posted by olive98
I agree with being sick of the grind. Constantly going. No time to enjoy most days. But I don't agree with all the long island haters. Love it here. Wouldnt move for anything.
If you're sick of the grind and you don't enjoy most days, why would you want to stay here when it could be so much better somewhere else? Genuinely curious.
Everyone says, "LI has everything" to which I reply, "Yes it does, and it also has 500 bazillion people and because of that, you can't actually enjoy anything here". I've been to other places, and lived off the island too, and there is just such a nicer, more enjoyable pace outside of living here.
No matter where we would be there is always a grind. When you have kids a job, things are going to be hectic no matter where you live. Things look better in other states but they are they? At least here I love my house, town and the summers are amazing. I'm sick of M-F but I love my weekends. I guess it all depends on where on long island you live. But then again I don't live in a very populated town on LI
I feel the way you do. As other parts of the country become more popular...they have even worse problems with traffic. Cities like Houston have insane amounts of traffic because there is little in regards to public transportation and the roads are still being built.
I do think that the fast paced nature of downstate adds to feeling grinded down. I think part of it is that I do live in a small hamlet of Long Island right on the North Shore. I go home and there is little to no traffic noise, no street lights and I can hear the sound. I live in a small district where a relatively high percentage of the teachers are local and have children in the district so you go somewhere and you know lots of people.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:05 PM |
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Otherme
Square head cutie pants
Member since 3/06 6899 total posts
Name:
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
There's many responses to this..
The OP's original posting seems to be more about her work/life balance as well as where she's living and maybe its time for a real change in order for her to achieve happiness.
Changing just one of those things may have a positive influence on how you think about the other.
For example, changing jobs may give you more time to enjoy your home life and appreciate the simpler things. Or, changing where you live could shorten your commute and help you hate your job less. Not saying this is the answer to her problem at all, just saying there are many ways to look at situations.
To answer all the other posts about the grind and cost of living, overall life in NY/LI.. well, the grass isn't always greener. These same complaints are found in every other state in the country!
So many things that we take for granted here are just not found in other locations and i think we often lose sight of how lucky we are to live in such a great diverse place.
Yes, you can chose to move to another place and live an idyllic life by a lake, but in doing so you'll give up so many of the other benefits you have by living in this area.
Yes, the traffic here sucks, yes there are too many people, yes we have a high cost of living..
But you know what? I wouldn't trade it for living in FL or NC or TX or anywhere else that people are moving to. I would not fit in in any of those places. I love the hustle and bustle of the city, i love the millions of choices we have for practically anything we want to do, buy or eat. I love the beaches, i love the change in seasons, i love the proximity to nature as well as the city, i love that i'm surrounded by people of many different races, ethnicities, religions and backgrounds.
I'd die of boredom in FL, i've been.. i know!
And tell me who out there isn't proud to say that they live in NY when meeting people from any other place in the country.. right?
It's easy to think we have it so bad here, but if you really think about it, its pretty damn sweet.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:19 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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So very sick of the grind.
My DH and I started to feel this way about LI and we relocated OOS when the opportunity presented itself. He heard about an awesome, career changing opportunity with his same employer OOS and when he inquired, it turned out that his boss would be someone he had interacted with in the past and he was offered the job on the spot. He kept his NY salary and it has increased from there. We love it and don't have plans to move. Life threw us a few curveballs when we were moving (my dad got a cancer diagnosis that week) so things were difficult and challenging in ways I never expected. But, I got through it by not contemplating what it would be like if I was still in NY or having a plan to return. You have to jump right in and commit to living OOS otherwise any hardship can be seen as a reason to return. Where we live COL is comparable to NY in every way except real estate prices so the idea that jobs in other places/states don't pay NY salaries is not accurate. Lots of people where I live make NY-ish salaries. We are very happy and our quality of life is so much better. DH sees our boys every morning and gets home for dinner. No more LIRR, he has a 20 minute commute.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:21 PM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
We think about it sometimes.
DH is self-employed. I work in midtown and I'm out of that house from 8:30 - 7pm. It kind of sucks that he's home so much earlier than me, but on the bright side, he'll take care of errands and chores around the house before I get home. It's really great to walk in to a clean house every night.
My commute is okay - no transfers, one subway line straight there from down my block at home to down the block at work...but sometimes we thing about selling the house and moving upstate.
We are in love with the Catskills. We keep going up there and checking out different towns.
No kids so no worries about everything that comes with them.
But...I carry our health insurance and our plan is amazing. And with my health background, we can't afford to leave it. It's not our ONLY reason for staying put but it's a factor for sure.
We do love NYC...it has so much to offer. I do think we would feel trapped out on LI though. As crazy as urban life is, it appeals to us a lot more than the suburbs.
Plus if a zombie apocalypse happens, I wouldn't want to be on LI.
ETA... I find that I feel a lot more balanced in work/life when I take a day off now and then and just...breathe. I took a PTO the other day and was able to take care of a couple of projects, go for a run, and cook a great meal. It's nice to do that once in awhile...makes me feel a lot more in tune with myself and less like I'm running in a rat race.
Message edited 4/26/2017 3:26:58 PM.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:23 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: So very sick of the grind.
Posted by Otherme
And tell me who out there isn't proud to say that they live in NY when meeting people from any other place in the country.. right?
Sometimes I'm embarrassed to tell people I am from NY. They look at us as rude, pushy, you name it.
And I know that isn't true- (at least not for EVERYONE!) but we have some bad stereotypes.
I work with people all over the country in my job and a lot of them don't even want to work with us because we are those "new yorkers"
Message edited 4/26/2017 3:32:43 PM.
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| Posted 4/26/17 3:24 PM |
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