Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...UPDATED in first post

Did you ask your parents why you were an only child?

If your parents explained to you why you were an only child, (i.e.: They could not have any more kids, finances were tight, you just wanted one, etc.) did you feel that although they explained it, you still feel like you missed out on something?

Did you wish your parents adopted a child? Or was it a non-issue?

We are 99.9% sure having another child biologically is out for me (with my heart issues). That said, I wanted to ask some of the only children what their thoughts were. Both of my parents were only children and they both HATED it. I grew up with them describing how horrible it was and how thankful I should be to have my brother. I am thankful for my brother. I just wanted to know what are the positives about being an only child? AND please answer my poll if you can. I am sorry if I offended anyone, I just wanted to know these answers. TIA


UPDATE:
Thanks to everyone who responded.

I was so nervous about posting this question, because I was unsure of how to articulate what I was feeling and I really did not want to offend anyone. Thank you all for answering me honestly. DH and I always wanted 2 or 3 kids. We may adopt and if we do it will probably be when I am out of the woods health wise. Therefore, we are looking at Grace being 4 or 5 years old when we start that long process. I am weighing the options. I mean, if she is 5 and we adopt, will they be too far in age for them to be close (emotionally)?

To all of the "two under two crowd" I respect all of you so much, I can imagine how hard it is to have two children under two years of age. However, when things are crazy, just please remember that you have been given an amazing opportunity to have two children close in age, that will be close all of their lives.
Be thankful that your body works that way God designed it to, and that you and your children are healthy. I know it is hard to do in the midst of chaos, but you are all truly blessed and wonderful moms whom I respect.

Message edited 6/25/2007 10:29:31 PM.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I am an only child.
I never, ever asked my parents why (although they divorced when I was 3) and I was never upset about not having a sibling- I liked it. We did tons of stuff together- things that probably wouldn't have happened if I had a sibling.. we went out to eat a lot- I got super spoiled at Xmas- it was great.
I also had a lot of cousins- so I had other kids to play with...

But we went to the zoo every year, great vacations, got tons of attention- it was excellent!

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

i loved every second of being an only child.... my mother had me in every activity so i never felt alone

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I was an only child and I asked my mom why...she told me that my father only wanted a girl and he got one so he was happy. I'm not sure if I missed out on anything because I've always seen brother/sister relationships where people fight and/or they're not close. (I'm talking about my family) for anyone that might be stalking me...

I'm 80% sure that I'm going to be having another one because I want my son to have a brother/sister and I want to make sure they've got a friend for life...no matter what.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I am an only child and I did ask about having a baby brother or sister when I was very young. All in all, being an only child was fine. I always got to spend time with my parents -- this is the best way to "spoil" your children. I have so many awesome memories of times spent with my parents. I know kids have great memories with their parents if they have siblings, and even more memories of good times with their siblings, too... I guess we all get used to what we know.

I think the only downside is that I had many board games I only used a couple of times.

Message edited 6/25/2007 5:46:59 PM.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I am an only child and I had a very happy childhood, the one thing is I lost both parents before I was 21 and I am happy it was only me, because if I had a younger sibling I may not have been able to finish college, and put myself through Graduate school to get my masters. If I had an older sibling it may have been nice, but things happen for a reason.
As for me trying for another child I will cross that path if it ever comes, I had a very difficult pregnancy and I don't know if I have the emotional strength to go through it again.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I am an only child. I never asked why they never had another, but they did get divorced when I was very young and there were difference in faith issues between families, so that probably says it all right there. Sometimes I wished I had a sibling and sometimes it was great to get all the attention and presents. My DH always fought with his sister when he was younger and used to wish he was an only child...just because you have a sibling doesn't always mean it's a great thing. My mom hasn't spoken to her sister in like 10 years...

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I am an only child (although my dad has 2 other children from his 1st wife when he was younger - but we were never really close and still aren't. Neither one of them even came to my son's christening and they were both invited! They have both also $hit on my father their whole lives b/c their mother is a psycho.)

Anyway back to the issue. I remember when I was little asking for a brother and sister and even putting it on my christmas list, but my mom just could never have anymore children. She had several miscarriages and chose not to go for fertility treatments. When I was in middle school and high school I thought it was "cool" to hang out with my friends older siblings and I guess part of me would have liked to have that relationship, but now that I am older (I'm 26), I am ok with it. I look at my husband who has a brother who is the complete opposite of him and for a long time they didn't even talk and the drama and continuous fighting that goes on between many of the siblings in my family (like my mom and her siblings) and realize I am happy to not have to deal with any of that. (And I know that doesnt happen in every family and some people are extremely close with their siblings, just speaking form what I've seen).

Now that I look back it was nice having my parents "all to myself". They were always there for me, never torn between who's game they would have to go to or recital. They were able to put me through college and help me out financially when I first started out b/c they didnt have other children to have to do the same for. I never had to fight for their attention or feel I had to compete with anyone else or feel like one parent favored the other.

I guess their are pro's and con's to both and everyone's experiences and thoughts are going to be different about the subject. You should do what is best for your family. If you think you would like to adopt, I think that is a wonderful idea. Not many people are willing to go that route. But to give a child, who otherwise would have nothing, a life with a wonderful family is a blessing.

To me, everything happens for a reason. My mother and I have discussed it and feel the reason she was never able to have more children is probably b/c I was a little bit of handful during my teenage years , but also b/c my dad's ex-wife was a horrible person and created a lot of problems and made our life harder than it should have been. My step brother and sister are also not the best people and did not treat me well growing up either.

To be honest, even though I only had DS 3 months ago, I have not made up my mind if I want another child yet. Part of me does and I know DH definetely does. To me if it happens, than it was meant to be. If I couldnt have another child naturally, I dont know that I would go the fertility route to make it happen. I would be ok with just DS.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I am an only child, my parents had a really hard time having me so after I came around they were pretty much done.

I never ever missed not having siblings. I come from an extremly close family with tons of cousins who are really just like siblings to me. We saw each other ALL the time and always went on great family vacations together. Maybe if I didn't have such a close family and I grew up alone I would feel differently, but I def. can't say that I missed out not having a brother or sister.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I'm an only child and I did ask my parents why they didn't have more. It was a medical reason, so I accepted that (it made logical sense).

I never missed having a sibling when I was younger. I definately got to do a lot of things that I would have been able to otherwise (because of cost).

However, now I hate that I don't have a sibling, its lonely. My closest friends are like siblings to me, but its just not the same. I am hoping that whenever I meet the person I will marry that he has a lot of siblings that I can bond with.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

Message edited 6/25/2007 6:20:46 PM.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I am not having any more children. However...I have a stepdaughter who is soon to be 11 and she lives with us. So...although I only had 1 biological child, we have 2 children in our household. My mom made some comments that they are both like only children, because their age difference is so big, they will always be at different points in their lives. I think that because when she grew up, her sister was 14 years older, and they weren't very close because of it.

However...DH is 10 years older than me, and he didn't want to have any more (he was 42 when DD was born). I also went through infertility treatments to have DD and I don't know if I could handle that emotional rollercoaster again, so I agreed not to have any more (I had my tubes tied after DD was born).

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

My SIL is an only child and loved it. She and my bro are only having one too and think its nuts that we want another. They are very comfortable with their decision and say that my DD will be like her sis since they are so close in age and they are right.

I would be fine with your decision if I was your child. But of course, if you wanted another, I think adoption is great too. I always wanted to adopt and would have if I met my DH younger.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I was an only child and hated it. My Mother had cancer and had a hysterectomy when I was 3. She never re-married, divorced when I was young. She took in foster kids, but I was 19-20 yrs old already at that time.

I hated hated hated being alone ...and I wanted a sister or a brother my whole life.

I know how you feel kinda....My pregnancy was so awful, that I never honestly want to do it again, ever, BUT i want to have a brother/sister for my son, so I now think about other options...

Good luck, its a hard decision you have to make on top of all your health issues. Good luck to you..

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

Another only child here, and I must be honest since you asked... I hated it. I begged for a sister/brother!

My parents divorced when I was 3. All my life, my Mom told me it wasn't as if they didn't try, it just didn't happen. I've made a "joke" about being an only child saying, "My Mom hit the jackpot on the first try" Truth is, she probably couldn't handle more than one of me!!!!

My Mom traveled a lot since she became both my Mom and my Dad. I'm sure being home alone a LOT had something to do with my feelings.

I witnessed all kinds of sibling relationships. I have 5 girl cousins that were like sisters to me. I say were, b/c time went on after we "grew up" and there was some drama, and I'm not "a sister". Some of the relationships I saw were great and I was totally jealous of them. Some of them were horendous and I can't believe siblings would ever treat eachother in such a way!

I always knew I didn't want an only child, so I hope that after this arrives, we can someday have another.

Edited to add, DH has 3 brothers and I LOVE having a big family now! They're all so close and so nice. I love spending time with all of them!

Message edited 6/25/2007 9:01:39 PM.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

Both DH & I are only children - I think for me it was easier living in the suburbs. DH however was a Manhattanite and had a rougher time being an only child - to older parents no less. He didn't have a lot of friends. I on the other hand had lots of friends in my neighborhood. Only children have a lot of perks too - they get all the love and attention...you just have to watch out and not spoil Gracie too much if you go this route. My mom said she asked me if I wanted a sister or brother when I was little and I said no.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

Updated in first post

Message edited 6/25/2007 10:28:54 PM.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...

I was an only child for 11 years. I hated it! (my parents divorced when I was still a baby, they both remarried but waited a long time to have more kids). My mom had my brother when I was 11 and my step mom had my sister when I was 15. I am not close to my sister at all and I felt like a 2nd mom to my brother.

I didn't have the best pregnancy and swore I wouldn't have a 2nd baby but I am seriouly thinking about it because I don't want Hayley to be an only child.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...UPDATED in first post

There is a good chance my son will be an only child.

My sister is only 22 months younger than me, so I don't remember not having her around. I would have loved to have my parents to myself. I am super close to my cousins and at times, to my sister, but I think I would have been fine being an only child.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...UPDATED in first post

I am an only child dina and I always longed for a sibling.

I must admit though that if my parents were more happily married I might not have wanted a sibling so badly. But, when they fought I always wanted someone there to understand what I was feeling. I always assumed that I wouldn't feel so lonely and unhappy in my family if I had a sibling. But, if my parents were happier I don't think it would have been so important to me.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...UPDATED in first post

I'm not an olny child, but my sister and I were both adopted. We're 5 years apart. Growing up we weren't that close, but now that we're adults we are much closer.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...UPDATED in first post

I loved being an only child. I never asked for a brother or sister, and I always considered my friends as family.

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...UPDATED in first post

Re: Some questions for only children or those who only can have or want one child...UPDATED in first post

My little sister wasn't born until I was 9. I was always bored playing alone...I was inventive and creative, but playing alone got old. I was thrilled when she was coming/born. We have never been super close...but that has more to do with clashing personalities. Now that she's older (she's 17), we are much closer, honestly, she was always jealous of me for some reason that I never understood, she had it so much better than me.

My daughter is 6, my son is 4 weeks old. She is so proud of him that it melts my heart. He is her half-brother...but you'd never know it. She can calm him down when we've tried everything else...somehow, they are already that close.

DH is from a family of 4 kids (each 2 years apart) and I've always wanted a bigger family. We would've done anything to have more kids.