Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

We are not having a shower, therefore I am a little stressed over making sure we get everything we need before the baby's arrival.

As we get closer-- family members, well really parents, are not speaking up in the way that I assumed they would, like-- what do you need, what can we get you, how can we help, etc. Maybe everyone thinks it's too soon, but girls who are due around when I am are starting to have their showers soon. I also know I am not a child, and we should be prepared to buy everything ourselves.

We have purchased our furniture, well, just a crib-- which, to be honest I am surprised no one offered to do for us.

I want to continue buying stuff we need, but DH wants to wait and see if people will buy it for us-- and I am so afraid that no one will, and we will have to buy everything ourselves. Then when the baby comes, we'll have nothing but tons of un-returnable stuffed animals and clothes which we'll have to find space for in our 1100 sq foot apartment.

It seems like others on here, know exactly who is buying the big ticket items, and with a shower-- they know they will get most of what they need.

Did your families offer to buy you things like furniture, car seats, etc.-- or did you ask??

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I'm also due in Feb. While I know I am having a shower probably in December I am surprised that no one has offered to buy the crib or other big pieces yet. I'm nervous that they are going to wait until the shower to get everythign and even though the furniture is estimated at 4-6 week delivery I want things set up ahead of time.

I'm hoping someone will say somethign soon. I'm surprised because my paretns bought my sister her crib set adn I remember them talking about it as soon as she has registered.

I'm not freaking too much because the first few months is going to be in our room in a bassinett so if the furniture is ordered late, oh well!

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Im not having a shower. I did however register and made sure I spread the word. I have also been very lucky to have MIL (wow, who says that) that has been VERY generous with this little man. I am getting very nervous, but slowly things are going off the registry. Im not going to stress to much, since Im thinking people will be buying gifts for him for the holidays. Once Jan rolls around. i will make sure I have what I need, so my boy doesn't go without.

But, drop hints. "oh, I just did my registry at *insert place* " It works.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I'm in the same situation, I'm not having a shower either. But I'm also not bringing anything into the house until she's born.

Our families have not said a word to us about anything, which is fine with me. I do plan to register this weekend.

I'm really not worried about not having what we will immediately need. I'm sure one way or another we'll have whats needed.

Message edited 10/27/2008 7:30:43 PM.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Can I be nosy and ask why you aren't having a shower?

I am going to be honest and say that you probably are not going to get a lot of the "BIG" stuff just because. People buy that stuff as shower gifts. I mean, we got a lot of gifts after Christopher was born, but they were clothes, picture frames, etc. We got the necessary stuff at the shower.

Unfortunately, even though you thought they'd step up, you really can't assume that people will buy the stuff for you.....

We bought our own furniture, etc.

Honestly, at the beginning you don't need that much, you have to have a carseat, stroller and someplace for the baby to sleep and some clothes.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I just figured I would have to be prepared to buy everything I needed myself.

I am having a shower, but besides the crib, haven't seen anyone purchase the bedding, changer, mattress, pack n play and other big ticket items.

DH and I always planned on buying the stroller ourselves.

I made a list of the absolute necessities and then calculated the cost. It wasn't soooo bad...around 2K or so.

Did you register?

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I'm also suprised no one has told me they are buying the furniture, etc. I want to start buying things I'm going to need right away but my mom keeps saying not to buy anything, so i guess i'll just wait it out. I am having a shower but i'm due in january and i found out (from dh) that the showers not till december. Hopefully early in the month!

Message edited 10/27/2008 7:45:42 PM.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Ok, so I am not the only one in this situation. Makes me feel better!

I am not having a shower because I am Jewish, but I am so not religious-- and neither is my family. I don't know anyone who has had a shower. I don't want things today-- just by early Jan so we can get stuff ready. Maybe I am just stressing too soon-- but I get overwhelmed easily and I don't want Jan to be a stressful month due to "stuff", I will have other things to think about.

I don't want to wait until after the baby is born to see what I get-- because I want things done and set up. I don't want to have to deal with going to the store, putting stuff together, etc.

I just want to make sure we have a few key items-- which tend to be the ones that cost the most!

I guess we should just start speaking up.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I also wanted to add that a lot of people think of gifts as "surprises" so they may be keeping mum about what they are getting you.

I say this b/c I told my sister that if no one buys the PNP by 10/30, I am going to BRU to use a 15% coupon that I have and she basically told me not to, because "you never know..." That made me think that she knows someone is getting it, but then again, how can I rely on that...

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

We are having a shower, so I'm sure a lot of big items would be bought off the registry.
We plan on buying the furniture ourselves because I don't want to worry about spending too much or waiting for someone to offer. Some stores take a good 8-12 Weeks, so I don't want to wait until the last minute.

I'm surprised that if you are not having a shower, no one has offered to buy you big items like your furniture, stroller, car seat. I guess this is too nosy of a question, but why aren't you having a shower?

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I really don't know how it works when you don't have a shower.

When I go to visit a friend who has a baby I bring clothes.

I think that if by December no one purchased the bigger items for you (swing, bouncy, carseats, strollers, etc) I would buy them yourself. You don't want to be doing it all at the last minute.

How about if your family does something for you after the baby is born? Doesn't have to be a shower - maybe a nice small lunch?

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I'm not having a shower either. It's just not my thing. My mom immediately said she and my dad were buying the furniture. DH's sister said that even though we're not having a shower "you're getting a ton of things". Which I don't buy that shiat. We registered and passed the word around but if I don't have the basics of what I need to get started by Jan(which I think we will) then we'll jsut buy them ourselves (due at the end of Jan). Maybe I'm still naive but I still feel like a baby does not need a ton of stuff. I think it's easy to go crazy buying baby stuff but the majority of the stuff is not neccesary IMO. I hate clutter.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

I did not plan on having a shower, but my AWESOME friends threw me one anyway and got most of the "non-furniture" must-haves that we needed. My mother bought our furniture for us before she passed away. My ILs stepped up and got the travel system, the high chair and the swing. You may be surprised how people will come through for you, it is just a question of WHEN.

We bought SOME stuff, but I assure you, that you will not get stuck with nothing.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

We kind of put feelers out, but never came out and asked. I brought up a few times with my mom whether or not we should put our furniture on our registry or not (asking for her advice). We said...not like we think anyone will buy it, but just in case if not we can use the completion program to get a little discount. I also dropped the hint that it takes a long time to come in and when we were going to go to the store to order it. I kind of thought my parents would be purchasing at least some of it and I was right - in no time they let us know what they were doing. My mom also mentioned that she was going to buy the mattress (but not tell my dad because she already spent a ton of $$) so when we hadn't talked about it in awhile I played dumb and asked her if anything else goes in the crib aside from the mattress to bring up talking about the mattress, KWIM? Not that I was asking for the money for it, just wanted to know if she was in fact going to buy it or if DH and I should run out and get it when we had a coupon.

Once we found out what my parents were doing, DH casually mentioned it to his parents and shortly thereafter they told us they were giving us money towards our glider.

Def try to put feelers out. I'm sure your family will take of you and your - shower or not!

Message edited 10/27/2008 8:45:50 PM.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Donna

Posted by KateDevine
Oh ITA, but if you are just not having a shower (not for religious reasons) I don't know that you will get BIG gifts, KWIM?

not true at least in my family, the expectant mom has always gotten her big things. Right now my ILs are buying the furniture and I know that my co-sleeper, car seat and stroller have already been purchased so far

I'm not sure why people are equating big gifts with showers only.

I'm curious, so if your sister or your best friend was expecting and not having a shower what would you do? just bring a gift of clothing when the baby was born? or would you purchase something from her registry?

Honestly, I don't know b/c we always have showers and that is when the mother gets her stuff.

And just because a close family member is having a baby doesn't mean that I am going to go into debt. Honesty, my SIL had my niece 3 years ago and I just got her clothes, come to think of it, I only got my BFF clothes as well for her shower with her DS.....

Guess people wouldn't want me in their family or as their friend!

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

What I kind of think I would do if a friend wasn't having a shower - and I was going to bring a gift to the hospital - chances are it would not be a swing, or bouncy, or something big - because I just would never think to bring that type of item to the hospital when a baby is born.

For me personally - once the baby is born I am so excited to run to BRU or BBB and stock up on clothes for the little one. Again - that is me personally. I'm sure some people will buy the bigger items - I just don't think I would. And, I usually spend a very good amount on gifts when a baby is born so it has nothing to do with the amount of money.

One more thing - you will be surprised how much "stuff" you need once the baby actually arrives for the people who are saying you don't need alot. It all adds up believe me.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

as far as furniture was concerned, we bought everything for DD#1 except for the glider which my mom offered to buy. we bought everything for DD#2.

the way i would approach it is have conversations with people saying oh i am going to go out and buy X,Y and Z soon and need to start researching my options. if people are planning to chip in, i think (or would like to think) they would speak up at that point.

i specifically told all friends and family NOT to buy newborn and 0-3 clothing, that i would take care of it myself. i didn't want to be inundated with items DD would never wear. my sister bought some things but told me in advance so we could coordinate.

i didn't have a shower but people gave gift nevertheless. since everyone knew we wanted to keep things to a minimum, everything worked out perfectly for us!

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

My in laws offered a specific amount of money toward furniture when I was pregnant with DD. This time they asked what we needed and purchased our double stroller and infant car seat.
Do you think it's just tradition/superstition that no one is offering yet?
Maybe you can DH can buy things to ease your mind and when people offer just ask for the money to replace the money that you and DH spent.

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

Re: Sorta Spinoff to Furniture Q- Broaching the subject of who is buying what (maybe a touchy q)

You never know what they have planned. My mom did buy my furniture, but in a way I wish I had bought a less expensive set and put that money away for the baby. When my son was born, my dad started a college fund for him -so you never know.

Honestly, you really don't need that many things in the beginning and most of the stuff you won't use for a while, then they will have new/updated stuff that you'll want.