Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

woud it bother you if the non contributors to your home starting making requests for certain items when super market runs were peformed?

would it bother you if, when YOU were a house guest at their house, that YOU were always conscious of "pulling your own weight"? and the same was not reciprocated?

basically, do you have different ideas or expectations depending on WHO is in your home?

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

I don't keep score. It's not worth it to me, and I never expect anyone to offer me money to buy food or something when they stay with us.

It's difficult not to notice sometimes, with some people, though. If it started to bother me, I'd assign everyone coming something to do to make it easier. I'd just say "It's a lot of work having so much company, so this time I'm asking everyone to bring one or two things. Can you bring [beer, wine, chips and dip, appetizers, whatever]?"

ETA - And about your first question, it wouldn't bother me if non-contributers made specific requests for things when we went on grocery runs. Whenever we make grocery runs, I always ask if anyone wants anything -- and I mean that genuinely.

Message edited 12/29/2008 12:15:32 PM.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

eh, I try not to let those things bother me....To me, it diminishes the point of the visit which is to enjoy your guests and make them comfortable

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

It probably wouldn't bother me unless it was blatant.

While I would have to contribute to someone else's household (dinner out, groceries & cooking), when I'm hosting I feel like it's my job.

Unless you're my sister reading this post, then get your tush to the supermarket for the NYE party. We need appetizers & more food ideas.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

question 1.
The special requests wouldn't bother me.

question 2.
I guess it would depend how much they left for me to do. I know that extra work comes with being a host so I would chalk it up to that. If it really bothered me I would say something or ask them to pitch in with xyz.

question 3.
I don't really have expectations of who should do what. I think the closer the guest is to the host, the more likely they are to pitch in because of comfort level. I know I am more likely to dig in my mother's kitchen cabinets then I would my aunt's - I am sure that goes the other way if people are in my home.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

i don't mind if the people staying at my house didn't "reciprocate" the way i did when i stayed with them - but i sure as hell would have a problem with them making specific requests if they were not contributing!!

unless it's a dietary issue - if they want it, they can pay for it. that is just rude IMO.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Heck yes - it's all about respecting me and my home. No, you can't request groceries! That's a bit much. I would never, as a guest, request something specific - if I needed something due to my health - I would BRING it. I am not going to say - hey my fave cereal is Golden Grahams - can you pick some up for me?

As far as weight-pulling goes - if we're talking about guests putting pillows back on the couch after they've tossed them - put them back where you found them. Not a hard concept. Or using the towel then throwing it on the floor of the bathroom - put it in the hamper or ask me what to do with it.

Loading/unloading dishwashers and the like - no need. Homeowners like it their own way...

Yes, depending on WHO is in my home - way diff expectations - my bro, vs DHs friend - I'd expect my bro to do more - he's not a guest, he's family. I certainly don't expect him to do chores though.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Posted by GossipQueen


hmm i wonder who you are talking about is this the same person who ruined your surprise to the kids?

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

1- Yes this would bother me. I mean really people have some nerve! You are a guest I would never request something in particular. Unless I had a kid and the kid really wanted something- then I would go and buy it myself.

2- I am not sure what you mean by this questions but if its that the guest thinks that I am their maid service then NOPE- not happening. I am so conscious when I go to others home.

3-I think i would have different expectations. My parents stay with us alot and to me my house is thier home. If its guests that I am not too comfortable with I would expect more courtesy on their end.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Yes, I do find that annoying but I guess it would depend on what they were asking for.

For example, my best friend's boyfriend drinks a different type of microbrew beer that is an acquired taste. When we go to their home, we bring our own, knowing they won't have bought what we drink.

However, when they came to stay at my house, she called to tell me they were on their way. I said I'm at the grocery store, any special requests? And she said "Oh yeah, don't forget to get ___ beer it is for my BF. Oh and make sure it's in a bottle." It's like $20.99 for 12 bottles AND he's the only one that drinks it! So THAT annoyed me.

I asked so it's my fault but it's not like he's asking me to get cool ranch doritos instead of nacho cheese. Had that been the case, I wouldn't have cared.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

No, it wouldn't bother me. For instance, I know that when my inlaws come they like skim milk and a certain type of bread, so I make sure I have that in the house for them, and when my parents come, my dad likes diet pepsi, so I buy it for them.

Bottom line, if you are a guest in my house you are just that a guest, so I like to try to do whatever makes you happy. Doesn't matter who you are.

Maybe this will be the last time you have houseguests!!!

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Well, seeing as we just had a bunch of people for the holidays, I can say without a doubt that it irks me when BIL requests a specific beer, in a specific container (we have 12 kinds of beer in bottles, but no "it tastes better from a can" apparently), asks for weirdo items, complains about how cold his is one night, how hot he is the next night after I give him 4 more blankets.

Anyone else can ask for things if I am making a run to the store and it won't bother me (MIL, FIL, MOM, any one), but him and his kind? No.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Posted by racheeeee

No, it wouldn't bother me. For instance, I know that when my inlaws come they like skim milk and a certain type of bread, so I make sure I have that in the house for them, and when my parents come, my dad likes diet pepsi, so I buy it for them.

Bottom line, if you are a guest in my house you are just that a guest, so I like to try to do whatever makes you happy. Doesn't matter who you are.

Maybe this will be the last time you have houseguests!!!

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by racheeeee

No, it wouldn't bother me. For instance, I know that when my inlaws come they like skim milk and a certain type of bread, so I make sure I have that in the house for them, and when my parents come, my dad likes diet pepsi, so I buy it for them.

Bottom line, if you are a guest in my house you are just that a guest, so I like to try to do whatever makes you happy. Doesn't matter who you are.

Maybe this will be the last time you have houseguests!!!

I guess I was just taken aback that the way a person WANTS to be treated was not reflected by how I was treated by them.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

I will be honest. Yes it would bother me a bit.

An example:
My sister and her DH were invited for 1 week in my house the week of our wedding. My mom and step dad were there too. I had 6 adults eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. 6 showers everyday sometimes more when my sister and her DH decides to run in the afternoon and showered after their workout. They all drink coffee and pastries in the morning. My sister said she did not want much but ended up eating what we had bought for everybody else. DH and I don't eat/drink pastries and coffee. Now I did not invite any of them for them to pay me but I would have appreciate "some" help. My mom bought 2 dinner for 6. She helped with the groceries. She was never asked but insisted on it. She knew it was a lot of $$. My sister paid $15 for pizza 1 night and gave us $100 for our wedding gift. Yes, I get that they were on vacations. But I also paid for their LIRR roundtrip tickets to NYC with subway 3 times that week. My sister will never be invited again. I will never ask her for anything. She is just not welcomed at my house for 1 week. I truly feel she was over "abused" her stay since she felt she was at the club med and I was the taxi driver for 1 week (Her and HD were too cheap to rent a car also).

Message edited 12/29/2008 3:07:33 PM.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

I don't expect contributions - regardless of who it is that I have invited as a guest.

I always offer to contribute in some manner to the people that have extended their home to me. I think it is part of being a gracious guest.

I WILL admit that I do ***** - just a bit - if it is an uninvited guest who kind of takes advantage of my generosity. And even when I DO NOT *****... it's hard not to feel just a LITTLE put off by someone who doesn't seem to appreciate the lengths I have gone to to make them feel welcome. BUT.. such is life.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

I don't think the grocery requests would bother me unless they were requests for very expensive items, or things that no one else likes/would possibly eat.

But it depends on the specific person too. If it was someone who had a history of not helping out, and/or keeping score, then I'd probably notice and not like it too much.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

I also don't keep score.... as far as me being a hostess, as long as the guests seem appreciative and don't make waves, I'm happy.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests

I think I am also irked b/c

when guests arrived at my house on Chirstmas Day I explained I had everything for dinner but couldn't make the desserts I'd planned b/c I didn't have any eggs and the supermarket was closed.

we had only arrived at my house at 1am the night before (Eve) and I didn't want to drive with 2 dozen eggs in my PACKED car for 2 hours b/c I was afraid they could break. we thought we'd find an open supermarket but it was not to be.

guest A basically said "how could you not have eggs. when *I* am hosting, I make sure I have everything. I can't believe....blah blah blah"

I explained why I didn't have anything and said, "at least we have your stale donuts"...b/c they had rehostgifted a dozen donuts that someone had brought to them.

anyway...I guess I am not a proper host, so I shouldn't have expected proper guest treatment.

Re: Spinoff etiquette questions re: houseguests