etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

over the Christmas Holiday, would you at least OFFER to contribute to the cost of food for you and your family?

if you took all of your meals at the house, would you spring for something? (especially if multiple runs to the super market/ordering take out were done)

or is it the host's "burden" to provide everything?

what is the consensus of LIF society?

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

Yes, I would offer to help out with the cost, or pay for dinner one night, etc

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I would always offer and really kind of push to give if the offer wasn't taken. Four days is a lot of food when family gathers. Forget about drinks.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

If I was the host, I would never expect any of my guests to contribute to the cost of food. If I were the guest though, I would insist on making at least one meal with food I bought myself. But that's just me.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

Posted by Mikismom

Yes, I would offer to help out with the cost, or pay for dinner one night, etc

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I technically feel it is the responsibility of the host and guests have no obligation to offer to pay for meals. HOWEVER, I would always take the hosts out to dinner one night and offer to make one of the grocery runs. I'd also offer to make things / bring things with me for everyone to share during the time I'm there. I'd try to make at least one of the grocery runs for them (or tag along and pay).

When I host, I never expect anyone to offer... So far, no one ever has offered to chip in. That's okay with me.

Message edited 12/29/2008 11:22:00 AM.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

If I were to stay at someone's house for 4 days at any time I would cook as much as possible for that person and indeed contribute to the food, not just for my family's share. If I am staying at their house, I am not spending $$ on lodging, KWIM?

I would also clean for them as much as possible.

But that is just me, and having been on both sides of that situation it is usually a help to the host.

Message edited 12/29/2008 11:22:02 AM.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

when i stay with someone for several days, i pay for the first grocery run and at least two meals out.

otherwise, in this circumstance, if i didn't offer to pay for food, i would have come with a couple of bottles of good wine and a nice gift for my hosts.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

For starters, I wouldn't show up at someone's house empty-handed if my family was staying there even for ONE day.

And we'd insist on paying/buying/cooking for something through out the long weekend.

This applies for both family and friends.

ETA: We visited family in Boston back in September. Our Aunt and Uncle are extremely generous and wouldn't think of letting us pay for a thing. We sent them a nice Harry & David gift basket once we got home. They truly were great to us, and it was the least we could do.

Message edited 12/29/2008 11:25:33 AM.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I'd feel really awkward having a house guest cook me dinner in my own home, but that is just me. Helping out with the cooking (prep work, washing dishes etc) just seems like the natural thing to do whether or not you are a 4-day guest or not.

I do think picking up the tab for a grocery run or two and some take-out would be appreciated by most people though.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

if it's family i wouldn't expect a dime. i would be offended if they offered and wouldn't accept anything!

i feel it's the host's responsibility to provide assuming the host invited the guests. if the guests invited themselves, i would imagine most would offer to take the hosts out to dinner/buy gifts/food.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

To be honest, it wouldn't even occur to me to offer to buy groceries. However, I would buy something- a GC for a restaurant, flowers, or whatever, depending on what the hosts liked. We took DH's cousin and wife to a Broadway show as a thank-you for putting us up when we visited them.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

Whenever we are guests we pay for all meals out, under the assumption that at least a few times you all go out to eat. If we were in the unique situation of staying with someone for several days and no meals out, then yes, we would at least make a few trips to the market and pay for groceries. We do this whenever we stay with my MIL in Israel.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I would never not contribute to anything. I would find a way to take them out to eat 1 night or go to the grocery store and pay the bill. That's the right thing to do.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I'd also strip the bed and wipe down the bathroom, too.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

If I invited people to come stay with me for four days I wouldn't expect them to buy groceries or give me money for food. If we were going out for dinner it would be nice to see them stick their hand in their pocket but I wouldn't expect it. I don't really keep score but this always works out to be one of those things that whan you go stay with them it evens out.

As a guest going to stay with someone I always show up with one arm longer than the other and would want to pay for a dinner or two.

Oh and if we are going to stay with my parents or my parents are coming to stay with us they can pay for everything. It's one of the many privileges I allow them.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I would not only bring a TON of stuff to the house I was staying at: like, offer to make one of the dinners and bring it with me, bring a bunch of snacks/wine, appetizers, soft drinks, etc. and I would bring a bunch of desserts. I usually either buy from a nice bakery or bake something good from scratch. I am pretty fanatical about bringing stuff to a house and making sure I help out the entire time and contribute.

If it was my first time at the house I would bring a thoughtful gift -- If it was Christmas time I would bring whatever gifts I normally give plus something nice for having us there for a few days.

I would also, when they order dinner, insist on paying for one of the dinners -- saying, 'let me treat - you had us over'. If we went out to dinner I would make sure to get the waiter and pay for the dinner since they were hosting us and having us stay for four days.

I know I'm a little crazy when it comes to this stuff but I always say - it is better to go overboard and have too much or give too much than to have them talking about you when you leave because you did nothing and brought nothing. The worst is when people show up, empty handed, starving and eat you out of house and home!

ETA: I don't think I would offer to "buy" their groceries -- I would just, like I wrote above, bring stuff myself.

Message edited 12/29/2008 11:46:05 AM.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I would offer, but as a host, I would not expect the guests to buy groceries. I think that's just part of having house guests. If you don't want to pay for the food, then don't allow people to stay with you (collective you, not you personally).

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I usually bring a gift for the host, unless its very close family in which case they would not accept it.

I would also offer to pick up dinner at least one night, maybe two if I was staying that long.

If I am the host....if Im using my own groceries and cooking I wouldn't expect anything. If we're ordering take out I would probably let them know how much their share of the takeout order was.

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

I would offer to buy groceries or take the hosts to dinner.

If both were adamantly refused, I'd send something to thank them once I got home (flowers or an edible arrangement or something...)

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

Re: etiquette QOTD...if you stayed at someone's house for 4 days

If I was a houseguest, no, I wouldn't contribute to the supermarket bill. However, I would take everyone out for a meal at least once (maybe even twice) but no, I wouldn't contribute to the grocery bill of my host because they are just that, a host.

I would not expect my houseguests to pay for their food, and if I had to run into the supermarket, I would decline any offer of money. However, it would be nice if the houseguest took us out for a meal. I have just had my parents for two weeks.