Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

This is an occasional debate in my circle.

Do you keep a log or a note of what people give you (whether it be wedding gifts, birthday, christening, whatever).

And if so, do you refer to that list and base your decision on what you give when you attend functions for others?

In other words, say person X comes to your wedding and give $200. If X gets married, do they get $200 in return? More? Less?

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

I will answer my own question and say that we do keep a log and that 99% of the time, we go by the log.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Weddings, yes. Generally I give what I get. Seems most appropriate to me. Of course it was 10yrs ago we adjust

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

no.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Posted by DiamondGirl

Weddings, yes. Generally I give what I get. Seems most appropriate to me. Of course it was 10yrs ago we adjust

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Nope.

I give what I can - if it's more, it's more, if it's less, it's less.

No tit for tat.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

no...I'm surprised people do that.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Nope.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Not anymore.
Right after we got married, we had 7 weddings to go to for the remainder of the year. So we used what they gave us as a guide when giving those couples a gift.
But now, no. I don't have the memory to remember those kinds of things. I give what I can afford.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

i've never kept track

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

No log.

In my mind I know who's generous, who gives what they can and who doesn't give a sh*t. I don't sit there and keep debits and credits though.

I always like to reciprocate generosity but I give whatever is appropriate or whatever I feel like giving, depending on the occasion. I don't worry about matching people $ for $.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

The only reason i have a record of what we received for our wedding is because we had a big spreadsheet to keep track of everything - who was invited, who responded, who gave gifts for shower or wedding (and what it was), if the thank yous were sent out yet etc.
So because i have that, we do have a 'log' of what we received for our wedding, and have referred to it a few times when deciding what to give to others.

To be honest though, its only come into play when we remember getting an extremely generous gift from someone and we wanted to make sure we reciprocated in kind if we could

We don't keep track of what we actually give people for weddings though.. each time we just think of what sounds reasonable based upon our relationship with the couple and what we can afford. So i'm sure it fluctuates but i haven't kept track of it so don't know exactly how much it does!

For weddings/showers etc i have a rough idea in my head of what is appropriate to spend for a 'general' gift and we usually go by that - again depends on how close we are with the person

eta: i don't have anything like this for bday/showers/christenings/engagements etc.. we just give what is appropriate.

Message edited 4/19/2011 12:14:34 PM.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

The only we have kept was all of our wedding cards and we have the gifts written on the back.
I do use those as an "idea'>

As for Baptisms, Birthdays, Holidays, etc. We don't do a "Log".

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Wanted to add, we don't keep a log..much to unorganized for that but generally I remember if someone gives a standard gut or a generous one and I try to follow suit. Maybe not to specific dollar amount.

To me by giving more I might be perceived as showy. If I give less I feel cheap. JMO

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

no

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Absolutely not. I give what I can afford and I think it's ludicrous that people keep track for this reason. I mean... why even give a gift then? Basically you are just passing the same amount of money back and forth.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

I have a very organized Excel spreadsheet from my engagement party, bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, birth and christening that I go by.



I always want to give what I feel is appropriate. WHAT I FEEL IS APPROPRIATE is going by what others have given me in the past.

I want to be generous without making anyone feel uncomfortable.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

Heck no.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

No..it depends on what we can afford, what is appropriate for the relationship and what other expenses we have relating to the event.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

I do keep a log of gifts, but we don't use it negatively. What I mean is we give what we would normally give to people... but if someone stands out as being super extra generous we will do something extra for them in return. If someone gave a "cheap" gift we wouldn't lower our gift amount, so it would only work in someones favor.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

I do not keep a log. I did remember who was especially generous at our wedding, and who was especially cheap (as in, people gave us $0). But I don't remember this info on purpose - it's just that people sometimes make an impression.

Actually, we invited friends of my parents to our wedding, and when my parents went to their friends daughter's wedding they asked how much they gave us (so they could reciprocate) and I wish I could have given them that info, but I just didn't have it.

As far as keeping a log, this is my fear that friends DO remember what everyone gave, and hold it against you if you fail to match their gifts.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

The only event I've kept track for was my wedding. And the only reason I kept it was because it was in one of my cute wedding notebooks, so it's packed away with all the wedding stuff. My mom always asks me what so and so gave us for our wedding so she can reciprocate for their children. I try to do the same, but money is tight for us right now. I don't get bitter over it though, people give what they can.

Message edited 4/19/2011 12:42:20 PM.

Re: Spinoff Joyous Events Close Together. WITH POLL

No. But if someone chronically regifts or doesn't put a lot of effort in (in thought, not money- I have gotten great inexpensive gifts) then I may be less generous/thoughtful.