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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Spinoff to playdate and DH.
This happened to a guy DH works with.
This guy's DW invited a mom from school over for a playdate for the kids. They've met a few times at school functions and the kids become friends. So she invites the mom and kid to come swimming in the pool.
The guy gets home from work, and finds not only the DW and kid, but the DH that he barely knows swimming in his pool.
Thoughts.
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Posted 7/6/13 9:45 AM  |
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juju
Welcome to the World!
Member since 5/05 6747 total posts
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
The mom probably didn't want their child to miss out on the playdate; however, I would never assume it is okay for my DH to take my place.
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| Posted 7/6/13 9:47 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by juju
The mom probably didn't want their child to miss out on the playdate; however, I would never assume it is okay for my DH to take my place.
The mom and dad were both there.
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| Posted 7/6/13 9:49 AM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
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Me
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Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
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| Posted 7/6/13 9:57 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
So it's OK for a strange woman to be in your pool but not her husband? I am just not understanding the issue. It seems like old fashioned gender roles.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:03 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:03 AM |
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LemonHead
Sour Girl
Member since 3/08 5271 total posts
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Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Some married couples just prefer to be together, and take their DC places together. Not sure why this is such a foreign concept. In both threads you posted, the DH attended the playdate. Big deal! The DW did not bring her parents, cousins, uncles and nephews, or axe murderers- it was the father of the child who was invited.
These are not your friends, they are the parents of your kid's friends. You can't expect people you dont know well to begin with to adhere to your set of expectations.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:04 AM |
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
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Gina
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Spinoff to playdate and DH.
As with your other post, I don't think I'd see this as a big deal either... But my dh is very sociable and always welcomes the possibility of new friends. I am almost certain he wouldn't think much of it. The only thing I can think of is if he had a very rough day and just wanted to relax by himself in the pool and he couldn't.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:05 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by NervousNell
So it's OK for a strange woman to be in your pool but not her husband? I am just not understanding the issue. It seems like old fashioned gender roles.
It kind of is a little bit, yes.
His wife is friendly with the mom, but neither really know the dad. She invites the mom and the dad tags along without any notice. And the guy comes home from a long day and wants to relax and has this whole family in his pool. People that he doesn't know. You would find that to be overstepping or at least annoying?
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:08 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by LemonHead
Some married couples just prefer to be together, and take their DC places together. Not sure why this is such a foreign concept. In both threads you posted, the DH attended the playdate. Big deal! The DW did not bring her parents, cousins, uncles and nephews, or axe murderers- it was the father of the child who was invited.
These are not your friends, they are the parents of your kid's friends. You can't expect people you dont know well to begin with to adhere to your set of expectations.
So if you were invited by the mom, and accepted the invite. You would just show up with your DH, without at least asking or letting her know? When you know her DH isn't around?
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:12 AM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though. 
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:13 AM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by LemonHead
Some married couples just prefer to be together, and take their DC places together. Not sure why this is such a foreign concept. In both threads you posted, the DH attended the playdate. Big deal! The DW did not bring her parents, cousins, uncles and nephews, or axe murderers- it was the father of the child who was invited.
These are not your friends, they are the parents of your kid's friends. You can't expect people you dont know well to begin with to adhere to your set of expectations.
So if you were invited by the mom, and accepted the invite. You would just show up with your DH, without at least asking or letting her know? When you know her DH isn't around?
Should she have said how many people were coming? Sure. But what is the issue here? Do you think the DH is going to do something inappropriate with his wife there? I just don't get it.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:15 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by NervousNell
So it's OK for a strange woman to be in your pool but not her husband? I am just not understanding the issue. It seems like old fashioned gender roles.
It kind of is a little bit, yes.
His wife is friendly with the mom, but neither really know the dad. She invites the mom and the dad tags along without any notice. And the guy comes home from a long day and wants to relax and has this whole family in his pool. People that he doesn't know. You would find that to be overstepping or at least annoying?
He knew the wife and kid(s) were coming over, right? Not sure why the 1 extra person would be a problem then. Is the dh THAT anti-social? You didn't know the dh, ok, so now you do. Introduce yourself and then relax with them.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:15 AM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
I think it's a playdate, not a pool party...and yeah, I'd think the situation was weird especially since the DH is not a friend. (It wouldn't stop me from inviting the mom and kid again though...)
I think the equivalent situation could be if DH told me he was going for drinks with some friends and I decided to tag along. What?! I like spending time with my family! 
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:16 AM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
We have situations like this all the time because my DH work a lot, and I are on call at times and step in and out of playdates.
Because we work so much, we spend all of our non working time with the kids... No matter where they are!
Same happens with our groups of friends... Most dads are actually there during family activities, so there are a group of guys and girls.
We have a community pool and a full 50% (or more) of the time or more, I'm talking to the dads instead of the moms. Nothing weird or sexual about it. It's just a parent. And yes, because I work, I often have more in common with the guys...
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:17 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by NervousNell
So it's OK for a strange woman to be in your pool but not her husband? I am just not understanding the issue. It seems like old fashioned gender roles.
It kind of is a little bit, yes.
His wife is friendly with the mom, but neither really know the dad. She invites the mom and the dad tags along without any notice. And the guy comes home from a long day and wants to relax and has this whole family in his pool. People that he doesn't know. You would find that to be overstepping or at least annoying?
If I came home from a hard day and wanted to relax I would be annoyed that ANYONE was in my pool. Even just the wife and kid. I am not seeing how the DH being there put it over the edge of annoying.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:17 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:34 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by NervousNell
So it's OK for a strange woman to be in your pool but not her husband? I am just not understanding the issue. It seems like old fashioned gender roles.
It kind of is a little bit, yes.
His wife is friendly with the mom, but neither really know the dad. She invites the mom and the dad tags along without any notice. And the guy comes home from a long day and wants to relax and has this whole family in his pool. People that he doesn't know. You would find that to be overstepping or at least annoying?
If I came home from a hard day and wanted to relax I would be annoyed that ANYONE was in my pool. Even just the wife and kid. I am not seeing how the DH being there put it over the edge of annoying.
He does get a little annoyed. He wants to relax, and it's notan anti-social thing. He just wants to relax. But when you have an entire family, it's even more annoying.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:38 AM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
I am really not understanding these posts - I think any situation where the Father wants to spend the day with his kids, even at a playdate TOTALLY fine.
For me personally, Im kind of an introvert, so I like having him there with me.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:40 AM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:41 AM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Again......so weird! Someone brought their DH over to a swim play date? Ummm, I have a pool and I would not like that one bit.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:43 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by BeachGal
Again......so weird! Someone brought their DH over to a swim play date? Ummm, I have a pool and I would not like that one bit.
Why would you find this weird?
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:49 AM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:54 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:59 AM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Spinoff to playdate and DH.
I get why the DH would be annoyed. If just the mother and her kids were there when he got home from a long day at work, he wouldn't necessarily have to "entertain" company. His DW and her friend could spend time together without him having to be a part of it. I think with the husband being there, he probably felt like he had to socialize the second he walks in the door - which, if you're tired or whatever from a long day, can be kind of annoying.
Message edited 7/6/2013 11:00:25 AM.
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| Posted 7/6/13 10:59 AM |
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