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Spinoff to playdate and DH.
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Maybe, the husbands can become friends? That is the way I think of it. Unless the guy is drinking your beer I think it is ok. Honestly, it's your house. Do what you want!
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Posted 7/6/13 11:00 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
On the other side of the coin, I find it weird when there are plenty of playdates, and the father NEVER shows up.... I understand working long/weird hours, but to never know where your DC are going seems strange to me.
I'm usually the one to initiate playdates for DC. I'm usually at many of the playdates. Yes, I do socialize with the moms. I'm heavily involved in Cub Scouts, which is predominantly female leaders (except for this year. I think it's almost 50/50.)
Other than stereotypes and preconceived notions, I see nothing wrong with a parent being with other parents, even if the genders are one man and several women.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:03 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though. 
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:04 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:06 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
That sounds like a bit of jealousy on your dh's part.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:07 AM |
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hopingforbaby
We made a wish & you came true
Member since 2/10 2695 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
But it's not a 100% male thing. I just asked DH how he would feel and he said he wouldn't care. So that's really all I have to say at this point. Not everyone thinks its weird so maybe just keep that in mind the next time a DH tags along.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:09 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
It seems you know a lot of families then that the dh's don't really want to be involved in outside things with their wives and kids. I LOVE that my dh wants to and has come to tons of things with us. If the father is not working or has some other plans, why not go and spend time with your kids? Just like a mother who might be working or has other plans, the father can easily go to things with the kids too.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:11 AM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by LemonHead
Some married couples just prefer to be together, and take their DC places together. Not sure why this is such a foreign concept. In both threads you posted, the DH attended the playdate. Big deal! The DW did not bring her parents, cousins, uncles and nephews, or axe murderers- it was the father of the child who was invited.
These are not your friends, they are the parents of your kid's friends. You can't expect people you dont know well to begin with to adhere to your set of expectations.
Exactly this !
This is why dh and I choose who our kids have playdates with, so we don't have to deal with crazy drama like this . We have a more the merrier mentality and like to hang with similar people.
I think the only moms that would have a problem with a dad being around, are the ones who have a dh that are not too involved
Message edited 7/6/2013 11:17:30 AM.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:13 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
That sounds like a bit of jealousy on your dh's part.
Jealous that a strange guy is hanging out in his pool while he's working? Yeah, that has something to do with it.
I wouldn't be happy if the roles were reversed either.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:20 AM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
Can I ask, what exactly are you looking for with TWO threads several pages long then? We get that you obviously cannot understand how some of think this is OK, and we don't understand why you are making a thing about it. We all obviously aren't going to agree and that is OK, but I feel like this is going in circles, you know? I am not being snarky, I am just trying to understand what the goal is here? It might be time to agree to disagree, and acknowledge that even though it is not OK in YOUR circle, that in many (and possibly the other circles this mom and DH run in) it is perfectly fine which is why they think nothing of attending as a couple.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:23 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
That sounds like a bit of jealousy on your dh's part.
Jealous that a strange guy is hanging out in his pool while he's working? Yeah, that has something to do with it.
I wouldn't be happy if the roles were reversed either.
No jealous that another man is not working as long as he is. That is how you just made it sound.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:24 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
It seems you know a lot of families then that the dh's don't really want to be involved in outside things with their wives and kids. I LOVE that my dh wants to and has come to tons of things with us. If the father is not working or has some other plans, why not go and spend time with your kids? Just like a mother who might be working or has other plans, the father can easily go to things with the kids too.
Every one of the families that I have playdates with the moms, the dad's are super involved and they do TONS of stuff together as a family, as do we.
A weekday playdate with moms, isn't "family" time. It's a playdate with moms and kids.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:25 AM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
It seems you know a lot of families then that the dh's don't really want to be involved in outside things with their wives and kids. I LOVE that my dh wants to and has come to tons of things with us. If the father is not working or has some other plans, why not go and spend time with your kids? Just like a mother who might be working or has other plans, the father can easily go to things with the kids too.
Every one of the families that I have playdates with the moms, the dad's are super involved and they do TONS of stuff together as a family, as do we.
A weekday playdate with moms, isn't "family" time. It's a playdate with moms and kids.
to YOU.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:26 AM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by BeachGal
Again......so weird! Someone brought their DH over to a swim play date? Ummm, I have a pool and I would not like that one bit.
Why would you find this weird?
Because if I was invited to a woman's pool and her DH was not home, there is no way on Earth that my DH would come with me. I find that very rude actually. When this happens do you tell the host he is coming so she is prepared? My DH would not do this even if I paid him, lol.
Eta-my DH is very social and gets along great with all but this is not his cup of tea!!
Message edited 7/6/2013 11:30:15 AM.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:28 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
That sounds like a bit of jealousy on your dh's part.
Jealous that a strange guy is hanging out in his pool while he's working? Yeah, that has something to do with it.
I wouldn't be happy if the roles were reversed either.
No jealous that another man is not working as long as he is. That is how you just made it sound.
Annoyed that an uninvited, strange man is hanging out with your wife and kids in your pool.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:28 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
I still confused by the whole thing. I guess I see it from our pov. My DH is a very social person. Weather he's tired from work or not he LOVES his time with the kids and he loves being social. I can totally see my DH coming home from work and seeing another family in the pool playing, come out and even offer the guy a drink or even beer (depending on what time it is... LOL).
I mean, if I invited friends over for a playdate I don't tell them how long they can stay. I like to keep it open and unless we definitely have something that day I let the guests stay till whenever. If we had dinner plans or something and the playdate was coming at noon I'd say it sounds great, but we have something later so just letting you know we have to start getting ady by 4... or whatever time.
Other than that it's a free for all. I know a lot of my friend's DHs who are so friendly and like big kids so it's fun and we are always like... The more the merrier.
Btw... We have a pool and sometimes with kids I understand also the mom wanting another pair of hands bc it can be scary by the water. Maybe she doesn't swim or she can't take care of the baby while the older one wants to go in. You also don't know the situation. I say be honest... If he comes over yes I'd be surprised and maybe joke it off like... Oh, didn't know your husband was coming too. What do you like to eat... Etc.
It's one thing when you're saying its a girls day or we are taking dd to American Girl or something. Other than that if DH is around he comes. My boys love it and he is so friendly.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:29 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
It seems you know a lot of families then that the dh's don't really want to be involved in outside things with their wives and kids. I LOVE that my dh wants to and has come to tons of things with us. If the father is not working or has some other plans, why not go and spend time with your kids? Just like a mother who might be working or has other plans, the father can easily go to things with the kids too.
Every one of the families that I have playdates with the moms, the dad's are super involved and they do TONS of stuff together as a family, as do we.
A weekday playdate with moms, isn't "family" time. It's a playdate with moms and kids.
to YOU.
It's NOT! It's a playdate.
If I have a weekend playdate and I can leave my other 2 kids home, I would. The playdate is for one kid, usually. I would NEVER bring my whole family, if we weren't invited as a family.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:32 AM |
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drwifettc
LIF Adult
Member since 6/10 2348 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
That sounds like a bit of jealousy on your dh's part.
Jealous that a strange guy is hanging out in his pool while he's working? Yeah, that has something to do with it.
I wouldn't be happy if the roles were reversed either.
So you would be pissed if you were out for the day and your husband invited his friend and their kid over and the friend brought his wife?
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:35 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by 2BadSoSad
...Other quotes removed
Can I ask, what exactly are you looking for with TWO threads several pages long then? We get that you obviously cannot understand how some of think this is OK, and we don't understand why you are making a thing about it. We all obviously aren't going to agree and that is OK, but I feel like this is going in circles, you know? I am not being snarky, I am just trying to understand what the goal is here? It might be time to agree to disagree, and acknowledge that even though it is not OK in YOUR circle, that in many (and possibly the other circles this mom and DH run in) it is perfectly fine which is why they think nothing of attending as a couple.
ITA. According to the 2010 US Census, there are roughly 35 million families with kids under 18. With that many families, there will be millions who think this is weird, and millions who think it isn't. If it bothers you that much, just speak to the mom, and ask her not to bring her DH over. Debating in circles on a forum isn't going to change anyone's opinions, but talking with the parties involved can resolve the discomfort that you are experiencing. The other mom will either agree with your terms, and not bring her DH over, or she'll disagree with you, and not come over at all. Either way, your issue with her DH is resolved....
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:39 AM |
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drwifettc
LIF Adult
Member since 6/10 2348 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
It seems you know a lot of families then that the dh's don't really want to be involved in outside things with their wives and kids. I LOVE that my dh wants to and has come to tons of things with us. If the father is not working or has some other plans, why not go and spend time with your kids? Just like a mother who might be working or has other plans, the father can easily go to things with the kids too.
Every one of the families that I have playdates with the moms, the dad's are super involved and they do TONS of stuff together as a family, as do we.
A weekday playdate with moms, isn't "family" time. It's a playdate with moms and kids.
to YOU.
It's NOT! It's a playdate.
If I have a weekend playdate and I can leave my other 2 kids home, I would. The playdate is for one kid, usually. I would NEVER bring my whole family, if we weren't invited as a family.
I'm sorry but I think it's you. I have two kids and a husband that works insane hours. I'm in a moms group. Have been in it since my oldest was born. Some of us now have other children or had older children. We've always 100 percent of the time included whatever older/younger children were home at the time. And while our husbands don't usually come to day time play dates on the off chance that one came it would be fine. We do occasionally associate with them as a families and do have moms night out.
I'm sure you'll be annoyed, but I've also brought my MIL to a play date when she was in town. I asked first, but would have been shocked if my friends said no. Would we want our DH's to come to every play date, no because obviously we want to chat and talk about them sometimes, haha, but if they came to one here and there, who cares.
AND I also asked my husband about the pool thing and he wouldn't care!
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:40 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
How often is this happening that it is THIS big of an issue for you? If it is "just 2 or 3 hours" suck it up, honestly. You wouldn't, but the majority of us see nothing wrong with it. Honestly, it is NOT that big if a deal to get your panties up in a bunch about. Let it go, be pleasant and maybe instead of harping on the fact that he is there, get to know him instead so when it happens again, you are just hanging out with another friend.
It's not a big deal. I just don't see how so many if you think
This is the norm. Every other mom I have dealt with, it's just been moms. Maybe it's a SAHM thing? I don't know. I've done weekend playdates with working moms and their DHs weren't around or busy. It's like an unspoken thing.
It seems you know a lot of families then that the dh's don't really want to be involved in outside things with their wives and kids. I LOVE that my dh wants to and has come to tons of things with us. If the father is not working or has some other plans, why not go and spend time with your kids? Just like a mother who might be working or has other plans, the father can easily go to things with the kids too.
Every one of the families that I have playdates with the moms, the dad's are super involved and they do TONS of stuff together as a family, as do we.
A weekday playdate with moms, isn't "family" time. It's a playdate with moms and kids.
What rule book says that playdates are only for moms and kids? lol.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:40 AM |
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olive98
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/12 791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Who cares?? If it bothers you stop having play dates. It's 2013. Men and women interact and socialize. If you don't like it don't do it.
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:41 AM |
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EricaAlt
LIF Adult
Member since 7/08 22665 total posts
Name:
Erica
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by drwifettc
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
That sounds like a bit of jealousy on your dh's part.
Jealous that a strange guy is hanging out in his pool while he's working? Yeah, that has something to do with it.
I wouldn't be happy if the roles were reversed either.
So you would be pissed if you were out for the day and your husband invited his friend and their kid over and the friend brought his wife?
Ita... Only thing I would be joules of is that they all had fun with the kids and I wasn't there. Other than that I would be happy as long as DH and the kids had fun. Doesn't sound like the husband was sitting there flirting and hitting on her. I read he was in the pool with his kids.
How long were they there? Did you specify a time? Was this DH rude or overstepping his boundaries?
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:41 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by BeachGal
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by BeachGal
Again......so weird! Someone brought their DH over to a swim play date? Ummm, I have a pool and I would not like that one bit.
Why would you find this weird?
Because if I was invited to a woman's pool and her DH was not home, there is no way on Earth that my DH would come with me. I find that very rude actually. When this happens do you tell the host he is coming so she is prepared? My DH would not do this even if I paid him, lol.
Eta-my DH is very social and gets along great with all but this is not his cup of tea!!
Prepared for what?
Ok, so this is not your dh's "cup of tea", I get that. Why is it wrong for another dh to do that though that enjoys to hang out with others?
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:42 AM |
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Re: Spinoff to playdate and DH.
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by afternoondelight828
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Posted by rugratmama
Posted by hopingforbaby
Again, I don't see the big deal. Especially since its a play date for the kids. If just the DH showed up out of nowhere without his wife who I made the plans with I may feel weird about that. If the wife is there though; why is it a problem?
So you don't think it's overstepping?
No, not if you invited the kid over for a play date. Is it just because its a man that its considered overstepping? Would if be an issue if the mom brought the kids little sister for example?
I feel like poor dads cant win in this world. If they arent around, they are bad fathers. If they are around, they are "creepy". DH and I do everything together when it comes to our kid. My parents divorced when I was very young and my dad wasnt around a lot at times so I thank God every day my dh is so active in DS life. Now I have to wonder if people around us think we are werid or creepy though.
FTR....I try to have playdates cleared out before DH gets home. Because he does have a very long day. On the occasion where a mom stays longer he will say hello, and go about his business.
Playdates ARE for the kids. But sometimes the moms become friends, and it can be a way for SAHMs, like myself, to socialize when you are with the kids all day. Most of the moms I am friends with, are not friends with my DH, nor am I friends with theirs. We have not interacted as couples or families.
If I invited a mom and her kid/kids over and she brought her DH. I would be annoyed and my DH would be pissed, as this guy was. It's overstepping and rude. I always ask to bring my little ones along, and if I can, I leave them with DH. I would NEVER bring DH along, if I knew the mom was home alone and were weren't invited as family.
DH gets PLENTY of time with my kids. 2-3 hours will not hurt.
But that is how YOU feel. And that is fine. Not everyone lives their lives the way you do. I don't see why that is such a big deal? If it bothers you that much, don't hang out with people who are notorious for bringing their DH. Problem solved.
And you still haven't clarified why it is such an issue that the DH is there. Or why DH would be so pissed. Is it because its a man? My DH isn't the type of person to bothered if I am hanging out with another couple so I just can't relate to why you feel this way. And that's ok too. Different strokes and all that.
From this guy and DH, it's kind of like, it's bad enough when a mom overstays. But you come home and have some guy floating around in your pool, enjoying your backyard.
While I'm out working my ass off. It is a male thing. There's no need for it. Not that I think anything sexual would happen. Obviously it wouldn't.
That sounds like a bit of jealousy on your dh's part.
Jealous that a strange guy is hanging out in his pool while he's working? Yeah, that has something to do with it.
I wouldn't be happy if the roles were reversed either.
No jealous that another man is not working as long as he is. That is how you just made it sound.
Annoyed that an uninvited, strange man is hanging out with your wife and kids in your pool.
STRANGE? lol. You both know the wife, correct? How STRANGE can the dh be then?
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| Posted 7/6/13 11:42 AM |
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