Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Last night when I picked DD up I got invited out to dinner with both my mom & my aunt. I thought I *should* go after the comments about possibly not watching her anymore b/c she screams all day.

We got to the restaurant, we were seated etc. At some point my mother asked me if I had a bottle with me to feed DD if she got hungry. I said to her I don't need a bottle I'm right here. My aunt said something I didn't hear, then asked where I was going to feed her or how or something. I basically said that if DD needed to eat (which I didn't really think she did) I would feed her right there, meaning at the table.

Well, my aunt in a very loud/disapproving/obnoxious tone said "I'm sorry but that is disgusting" Then my mother asked if I had a cover up, (I don't), which is what I told them.

I've been having issues with my mother for the last few weeks constantly asking when DD is going to start eating pablum. I have continually told her DD won't start solids until she is 6 months old. She got a little snippy with me on Tuesday about it and wanted to know what kind of pediatrician I had that would keep DD off solids until that age. I had to tell her DH & I made an executive decision about what is best for DD.

Last night at the dinner table was no exception. My mother made continuous references to giving DD bread to chew on for her gums while teething. She commented to DD (not me) how she would never eat zweibach crackers b/c "mommy won't let you eat" etc.

I *know* in my heart I am doing the right thing for DD, but this continuous stream of negative comments is taking its toll. Especially on top of my mom telling me that DD refuses the bottle and screams all day for her. I'm wondering if Heather is right and DD is screaming b/c she senses the negative energy coming from my mother OR if my mother is making it up in the hopes that I will give DD solid food so she doesn't have to "handle" breast milk.

This is not a situation where she is thinking back to how things were done when I was born as my mom has another grandchild that is not yet 3. However, my sister was pumping exclusively by 5 weeks and stopped altogether at 14 weeks b/c she couldn't pump at her job.

I just don't know what to do.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

sorry you are going through this. My advice, is to stick to your guns, no matter what anyone says. I hope you can rectify this situation and do what you think is best for your DC.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

I have no advice on the BF part - but as for giving the bread and whatnot - people used to always say things to me before it was time to give him food. I said "NO - he's not getting it yet" - end of story. If they questioned why? "Because I said so" -

I'm sorry your mom is being so difficult with this!

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Wow, you're definitely being bombarded by a lot of negative energy and comments that are making you question your mothering. But DON'T! You're the mom, you're doing what you feel is best for your baby, end of story!!! Nothing that you said is out of the ordinary, at all. We didn't start DD on cereal until 5 months, fruit/veggies until 6 months. She just recently started teething biscuits, at 9 months old. She is perfectly healthy.

Oh, and to your mom & aunt for being 'disgusted' by your breastfeeding at dinner, which you didn't end up doing anyway-- is it bad that I would have whipped it out anyway, just to spite them?

Is there any way you can talk to your mom, lay it on the line that you are the mom, you're doing what's best for your child, end of story? It would make life so much easier for all of you?

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Im so sorry you have to deal with all that negativity. It really sounds like you are making great decisions for you little one. I know all to well how hard it is to balance the relationship especially when you rely on them for babysitting. I think some grandparents need time to adjust to not being in charge. I would try to give it time for your mom to settle down and have a calm discussion with her about how you feel.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

I'm so sorry
Mothers have a way of making daughters second guess themselves when it comes to their children.

DON"T let her do it! Stick to your guns, she raised her children and now it's time for you and DH to raise yours.

When the negative comments start flying just nip it in the bud. "If you don't have anything positive to say, please keep it to yourself, i don't want to hear it" ANd if she keeps going, leave or ask her to leave. She'll get the point.

I would also ignore the passive aggressive comments she says to your DD, she's just trying to get a rise out of you.

So sorry and you are doing a great job and you guys are doing the right thing!

PS i heard the same thing from my mom regarding solids, i had meatballs at 3-4 months old times have changed just as much as carseats have since we were babies.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

I don't know the history here, but is there anyway you can make different daycare arrangements?

It sounds like your mom feels that because she watches your daughter she should get to make some parenting decisions. It might alleviate a lot of the tension if she is removed from the equation as a care provider and goes back to her role as grandmother.

Good luck!

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Posted by stephanief

sorry you are going through this. My advice, is to stick to your guns, no matter what anyone says. I hope you can rectify this situation and do what you think is best for your DC.

Message edited 4/4/2008 9:49:11 AM.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

I don't understand why she has a problem "handling" breast milk. I have to say though, DD probably is screaming when she has to get a bottle because she doesn't like it. My DD would do that to me when I was trying to get her to take bottles before I went back to work. She knew how because she took bottles when she was very young, she just didn't want to.

Tell your mom to mind her own business. It seems that she will give her opinion no matter what. So you are just going to have to ignore her at this point. She just has a completely negative view about BFing and there is nothing you can do to change that. Sorry.

I may get flamed for this. But as a compromise, maybe cover up when BFing in public. I would love to be as free as you are with BFing. But I also know that it makes certain people uncomfortable, mostly the men in my life i.e. brother, father, FIL, BIL......so I cover up around them. They aren't uncomfortable about the act itself. Just the fact that I'm pulling out my boob. So to make them feel more at ease, I bring my cover-up when I know I'll be around them. And I bring it everywhere I go.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

I am SO sorry she is giving you such a hard time. My mother asks alot "how long are you going to do this for" and THAT even irks me so I can imagine how you feel. You need to continue what you are doing and that is STICK TO YOUR GUNS! She raised her child/children, it's your turn now. Same goes for your aunt. Why don't you print out an article for her from kellymom.com or another site about how starting solids at 6 months is basically the norm (for the most part) and a good time to start for BF babies.

Hang in there.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

sorry you are going through this. I am EBF my DD and I did not start any foods until 6 months. There is no need to start sooner bc with BF the babies get all the needed nutirents..

what i found with my MIL who formula fed was she wanted to feed my DD so bad so she made strange comments from time to time... like formula feeding is normal ect..

did your mom and aunt BF? I truley think it is all about them wanting to feed the baby and they cant.

you are a great mommy. and you are doing the right thing. just roll it off if you can people can be soo rude

( i have a hooter hider which I love to wear when i am out.. you may want to look into it. I bf my DD in a resturant with the Hooter hider and no one said a thing)

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

You are doing a great job! I applaud your efforts. I know how difficult mothers can be about this.
I nursed my son for 9 months (I stopped when he was biting me and drew blood). In his first year, he never had a cold, ear infection or other affliction that my friend's children were getting. Knowing this, my mother back off a little bit but I know she will still give me a hard time when this baby is born. Their generation didn't BF (it was looked down upon) so they are not used to it. All my mom's friend's children also gave up very early with BF so my mom just doesn't know a lot of people that did or do it. It is truly a matter of ignorance.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

sorry you have to deal with this. I cant understand why people give you such a hard time for doing the right thing. My dd didnt go on solids until 6m also, and she is perfectly healthy. Stay strong and dont let others influence what you do with your child.. Your DH and you are doing the right thing.. keep to what you want to do!

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Is your mother my MIL?

I heard it all the time too about not feeding DS food until 6 months. "He's a big baby, he needs food" "How can you only give him breastmilk?" Etc.

At DS's 4 month appt, the dr said we COULD start solids if we wanted. I asked if there was a nutritional boost if we started solids. She said no. She said most people just like to do it for a change.

I mentioned this numerous times to MIL and she made snarky comments. I snarked right back. (I just found out now that SIL finds it hilarious when I snark back to her mom)

Anyway, stick to your guns!!!! I know this is difficult as she watches DD, but you have to explain to her that things are different now. Just explain allergies and not starting food too quick. (I know there is no correlation, but reach for something)

Ask her if she completely followed her mom's advice when raising you. Maybe something would click.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

She sounds a bit like my MIL which is why we almost never see her. I'm sorry you are going thru this - it is especially hard to BF - but harder when your family isn't supportive. My mom BF me until I was 9 months - now that DD is 9 months she is continually asking me when I plan to stop (I want to BF and wean at 1 year) - but I have to supplement some bottles when we go out as recently I have had problems pumping - when she found out she told me it was about time - and esp since formula was much easier for her when she babysits.

The food comment I learned to nip in the bud early on - with my ped and the new school of medical thought is to hold off until 4-6 months and since you all (mine and DH's family have food allergies) have food allergies it is better to wait to 6 months.

Be strong your doing an amazing job

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

stick to your guns you are doing the right thing!

I would print out numerous articles that state that starting on solids too soon can result in babies having alergies, and how its not recommended. I can't believe it was though formula was better for kids, how the heck did kids grow up b4 formula??? We produce milk for our babies, the nutrition that only our babies need, how can that be bad in any way???

stick to your guns, everyone has variety of opinions on how to raise kids. They are probably all right, as are you!!!

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

It really stinks that she is giving you such a difficult time! I used to be sensitive to other people's comments but soon after having DD I just changed my outlook. Honestly, my attitude is that DH and I make our educated decisions for the best of our DD. Whatever we choose to do is our concern and no one else's. No one else would deal with the results but us. So far....DH and I are doing well with our decision making!!!

Stick to your guns. You are the Mom! Don't let anyone guilt you into doing things differently.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Posted by stephanief

Posted by DUCKS2001

I am EBF my DD and I did not start any foods until 6 months. There is no need to start sooner bc with BF the babies get all the needed nutirents..

just want to point out that ff babies do not need solids before 6 months either for the same reason

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

Posted by DUCKS2001

Posted by stephanief

Posted by DUCKS2001

I am EBF my DD and I did not start any foods until 6 months. There is no need to start sooner bc with BF the babies get all the needed nutirents..

just want to point out that ff babies do not need solids before 6 months either for the same reason

thanks steph, Idid not know as I EBF

Message edited 4/4/2008 12:31:32 PM.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

You and DH are the only people who should be making decisions about your DD. Stay strong.

I think you may have to put your foot down and just say "This is what we've decided. We have made choices that we feel are the best for OUR child and I don't want to hear anything else about it."

Tell her your ped supports starting solids at 6 months, that research and info is different and more advanced now. ...or tell her to google it herself.

As for your Aunt, I'm sorry about the ignorant rude comment. I nurse discretely anywhere I want I applaud you for doing the same.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. My DS has difficulty taking a bottle (but there is a sippy cup that my babysitter uses that he takes). My MIL often makes remarks saying its not fair that I'm the only one who can feed him. She is often negative and wonders why my DS is always crying and I think it is her negativity that makes him cranky.
I don't use a cover up either. My DS sweats terribly and he gets uncomfortable and won't stay latched. I feed him anyway.
You are doing a great job, and don't listen to people giving you unwanted advice. You know whats best for your DD.

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

I NOTEBOOKED this a while ago incase I needed it...maybe this would help with the bottle situation?

Re: Spinoff to Yesterday's Problem with my mother - LONG - Breastfeeding moms please come in

D, I'm sorry you're going through this w/ your mom...not an easy situation.

My MIL was so against BF...at every opportunity she put her 2 cents in. Then she kept asking when I'm putting her on formula. Very aggravating. I don't know what she'd do if I ever pulled them out & started BF right there! You totally should have done it at the restaurant & put your aunt in her place.

I hate to say it but it sounds as if your mom may be amplifying the crying/problem w/ a bottle JUST to make you change your mind about the solid foods? I also agree maybe Marianna is sensing your mom's frustration.

My MIL was hell-bent on having DD start solids b4 6 months, saying what all her nieces did & what she did w/ DH (33 years ago), etc. I stayed firm & DH & I both had a united front that this is what we want for DD.

Then at 6 months we started solids & then comments started about the zieback cookies & pastina (neither of which we've still given her...YET). I think if its not one thing, its another.

I think part of it is giving up the power that she had as YOUR mom & now you/DH are the executive decision makers. It's almost maybe like her parenting skills are being knocked on what she did for you/your sis b/c YOU don't agree/aren't doing them w/ your DD (I dont know, just a theory).

Anyway, sorry you're dealing w/ this

Message edited 4/4/2008 2:18:46 PM.