SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Soo, my best friend is getting married in June. Dh & I are both in the BP. We always knew the Bachelor/Bachlorette parties would be in May...plan was guys get limo to AC and gamble/party/etc and come home in the wee hours of the AM. Girls go to City- Lips(drag show), clubbing/barhopping also in limo- get home in wee hours of morning. DD will be about 6 weeks old, so my plan was to leave her with my mom, not drink too much and check in often with my mom to see if I needed to cut the night early and head home to take care of my child.
Well, of course, now plans have changed (after 2 years of saying they do NOT want to go away for the parties) they've decided to...GO AWAY. Guys are going to drive to AC and stay overnight in hotel rooms. Fine. Bc guys decided this is cheaper and easier, now my friend says "well if they go away, I want to also!" They've decided on Point Pleasant, NJ for one night. I told her I just can't go. DD will be about 6 weeks old and I can't even fathom leaving her overnight. I'd be about 2 hours away! and I can't expect my mom to watch her overnight so young, what if she isn't SSTN? She says "can't you get someone else to watch her?" I said "umm, no, she's too young to leave alone" she says "well, that $ucks you can't come, wish you could, oh well"

I just feel hurt. We are literally BFF. It's been 2 years of planning and I've been there the whole way, helping with everything and she just kept saying "we are not going away, it's not fair to ask that of ppl" Now, that's all out the window and I can't go and she doesn't even care. I mean, maybe I'm being selfish for expecting her to care about me..but there was a plan and I was all for it and now she changes it with 2 months go and I'm so upset I won't be there to celebrate with her.

Am I wrong to be upset?

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

you're definitely not wrong to be upset - the plan for two years was to not go away! and now all of a sudden it changed! i would def be a little upset

but i do agree with the PP - most people not in the situation do not udnerstand at all - it will take them actually being in the situation to understand where you're coming from!

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Karin couldn't have put it any better. They just don't understand and won't until they're at that stage of their life. There's nothing wrong with you feeling hurt, just know they just don't see things your way right now.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Posted by mrskparetta

Posted by Deeluvsvinny

Soo, my best friend is getting married in June. Dh & I are both in the BP. We always knew the Bachelor/Bachlorette parties would be in May...plan was guys get limo to AC and gamble/party/etc and come home in the wee hours of the AM. Girls go to City- Lips(drag show), clubbing/barhopping also in limo- get home in wee hours of morning. DD will be about 6 weeks old, so my plan was to leave her with my mom, not drink too much and check in often with my mom to see if I needed to cut the night early and head home to take care of my child.
Well, of course, now plans have changed (after 2 years of saying they do NOT want to go away for the parties) they've decided to...GO AWAY. Guys are going to drive to AC and stay overnight in hotel rooms. Fine. Bc guys decided this is cheaper and easier, now my friend says "well if they go away, I want to also!" They've decided on Point Pleasant, NJ for one night. I told her I just can't go. DD will be about 6 weeks old and I can't even fathom leaving her overnight. I'd be about 2 hours away! and I can't expect my mom to watch her overnight so young, what if she isn't SSTN? She says "can't you get someone else to watch her?" I said "umm, no, she's too young to leave alone" she says "well, that $ucks you can't come, wish you could, oh well"

I just feel hurt. We are literally BFF. It's been 2 years of planning and I've been there the whole way, helping with everything and she just kept saying "we are not going away, it's not fair to ask that of ppl" Now, that's all out the window and I can't go and she doesn't even care. I mean, maybe I'm being selfish for expecting her to care about me..but there was a plan and I was all for it and now she changes it with 2 months go and I'm so upset I won't be there to celebrate with her.

Am I wrong to be upset?

i can totally understand your feelings. the problem is, they arent at the same point in their lives and they "dont get it"... nothing wrong with that, I guess you cant really expect them to get it. Just do what is best for your daughter and let them do what is best for them.

I was recently invited at a weekend AC bachelorette party THE WEEK BEFORE IM DUE i regretfully declined and was shocked when I had to explain myself. People who are not in the situation just dont get it

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

i totally know how you feel...i am in a very similar situation i am a moh in a wedding...bach party is going to miami 2 weeks after my due date...i was a little surprised i had to explain why i would not be able to go and a little sad i will miss out on the festivities but like previous posters have said i think unless friends are in your position they don't get it no matter how close you are. i the first to get preggo in this particular circle so when i get frustrated i just say in a few years when they are in my situation hopefully they will understand.

i do hope you feel better

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Posted by XcalystaX

Posted by mrskparetta

Posted by Deeluvsvinny

Soo, my best friend is getting married in June. Dh & I are both in the BP. We always knew the Bachelor/Bachlorette parties would be in May...plan was guys get limo to AC and gamble/party/etc and come home in the wee hours of the AM. Girls go to City- Lips(drag show), clubbing/barhopping also in limo- get home in wee hours of morning. DD will be about 6 weeks old, so my plan was to leave her with my mom, not drink too much and check in often with my mom to see if I needed to cut the night early and head home to take care of my child.
Well, of course, now plans have changed (after 2 years of saying they do NOT want to go away for the parties) they've decided to...GO AWAY. Guys are going to drive to AC and stay overnight in hotel rooms. Fine. Bc guys decided this is cheaper and easier, now my friend says "well if they go away, I want to also!" They've decided on Point Pleasant, NJ for one night. I told her I just can't go. DD will be about 6 weeks old and I can't even fathom leaving her overnight. I'd be about 2 hours away! and I can't expect my mom to watch her overnight so young, what if she isn't SSTN? She says "can't you get someone else to watch her?" I said "umm, no, she's too young to leave alone" she says "well, that $ucks you can't come, wish you could, oh well"

I just feel hurt. We are literally BFF. It's been 2 years of planning and I've been there the whole way, helping with everything and she just kept saying "we are not going away, it's not fair to ask that of ppl" Now, that's all out the window and I can't go and she doesn't even care. I mean, maybe I'm being selfish for expecting her to care about me..but there was a plan and I was all for it and now she changes it with 2 months go and I'm so upset I won't be there to celebrate with her.

Am I wrong to be upset?

i can totally understand your feelings. the problem is, they arent at the same point in their lives and they "dont get it"... nothing wrong with that, I guess you cant really expect them to get it. Just do what is best for your daughter and let them do what is best for them.

I was recently invited at a weekend AC bachelorette party THE WEEK BEFORE IM DUE i regretfully declined and was shocked when I had to explain myself. People who are not in the situation just dont get it

This is SO TRUE. Your BFF is in the "me" stage where all of us probably were during wedding planning. She sees this as the biggest event in her life and doesn't want to feel like she missed out on something. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with you not being able to go because you have a newborn. It's just life and I am sure your friendship will continue to be strong regardless.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Posted by bluekat16

Karin couldn't have put it any better. They just don't understand and won't until they're at that stage of their life. There's nothing wrong with you feeling hurt, just know they just don't see things your way right now.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Everyone else has already said it all...

YOU are not wrong for being bummed. I also don't think she's wrong for not planning around you... I understand that the plans changed and that definitely sucks, but if you weren't pregnant you'd be right there, front and center.

On the flipside, when she does get pregnant herself and has a 6 week old baby, she'll most likely think it's INSANE to consider a night away from her newborn.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

I would be upset but I would also do what's best for me, even if that upsets everyone. I had to leave my DD overnight at 6 months old because we had a family wedding and I didn't think I would survive even at 6 months old!! It was VERY hard to be away from her for so long so I cannot fathom leaving a 6 week old. If you're anything like me you won't even enjoy yourself because all you will be thinking about is your DC and getting back to them. It's hard leaving them......unless someone has a child of their own it's hard for them to understand.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

I too would be upset and bummed but it is her party. She can choose to do whatever she wants and so can you.

It sucks that you'll be missing it and I feel bad for you that she's not more verbally sympathetic to you. I get how you want her to feel bad you’re not going and that’s hard.

Try not to sweat it... she's caught up in wedding world and you're all about baby. Such different stages of life and she has no clue what your going through but it's not really her fault.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Posted by mrskparetta

Posted by Deeluvsvinny

Soo, my best friend is getting married in June. Dh & I are both in the BP. We always knew the Bachelor/Bachlorette parties would be in May...plan was guys get limo to AC and gamble/party/etc and come home in the wee hours of the AM. Girls go to City- Lips(drag show), clubbing/barhopping also in limo- get home in wee hours of morning. DD will be about 6 weeks old, so my plan was to leave her with my mom, not drink too much and check in often with my mom to see if I needed to cut the night early and head home to take care of my child.
Well, of course, now plans have changed (after 2 years of saying they do NOT want to go away for the parties) they've decided to...GO AWAY. Guys are going to drive to AC and stay overnight in hotel rooms. Fine. Bc guys decided this is cheaper and easier, now my friend says "well if they go away, I want to also!" They've decided on Point Pleasant, NJ for one night. I told her I just can't go. DD will be about 6 weeks old and I can't even fathom leaving her overnight. I'd be about 2 hours away! and I can't expect my mom to watch her overnight so young, what if she isn't SSTN? She says "can't you get someone else to watch her?" I said "umm, no, she's too young to leave alone" she says "well, that $ucks you can't come, wish you could, oh well"

I just feel hurt. We are literally BFF. It's been 2 years of planning and I've been there the whole way, helping with everything and she just kept saying "we are not going away, it's not fair to ask that of ppl" Now, that's all out the window and I can't go and she doesn't even care. I mean, maybe I'm being selfish for expecting her to care about me..but there was a plan and I was all for it and now she changes it with 2 months go and I'm so upset I won't be there to celebrate with her.

Am I wrong to be upset?

i can totally understand your feelings. the problem is, they arent at the same point in their lives and they "dont get it"... nothing wrong with that, I guess you cant really expect them to get it. Just do what is best for your daughter and let them do what is best for them.

I was recently invited at a weekend AC bachelorette party THE WEEK BEFORE IM DUE i regretfully declined and was shocked when I had to explain myself. People who are not in the situation just dont get it

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

I can see both sides. I would be really upset if I were you too - but, it is her day. She should be able to do it the way that she wants. It's just a little odd to me that she would rather go away than do something that includes you. Why pt. pleasant? can't they stay overnight in the city, or go out east on LI so that you could take part in some of the night?

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

You are not wrong to be upset at all. It is really crappy on her part to be like "that sucks, oh well". I am sorry you have to deal with this crap. Some ppl just don't get it, and I don't think will until they have kids. DH's brother is getting married in Aug, and is having his bparty in Puerto Rico the first weekend in June. I am due June 14th. DH is the best man, and his own brother doesn't even care that he can't go. DH would have to take four days off from work to go, and just isn't risking leaving me at 39 weeks pregnant. Not to mention we will have just moved into our new house three days prior.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

thanks girls! I just wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable by feeling hurt.

I'm not going to make an issue about it, because it's her party, and I don't want to ruin it for her.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

You can be upset that you are not going, but it is her party and honestly she can decide what she wants to do. I think when the time comes and you are home with your LO you won't even care.

I am going to a B-Party in July, my LO will be about 11weeks then. I am only staying overnight 1 night and my DH will watch the baby. I am not sure I would have stayed overnight if the baby would only be 6weeks though.

Sorry-this is an annoying situation

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

just a thought...and it might not work...but would it be an option to go for part of the time and then drive home rather than stay over? that is if u realllllly feel the need to go.

also...are the guys planning on doing it the same weekend? if not, maybe u and dh can take turns w/the baby.

and if it is the same weekend and u both feel like u should go...maybe see if the weekends can be switched so they arent at the same time.

i have a similar situation. im the moh for my bff and they want to do a joint oot party (vegas/cruise/ac etc). it's not planned yet but it's going to have to be may-mid aug (theyre wedding is end of aug)....and im due mid april.

i dunno how its going to pan out yet.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

Posted by mrskparetta


i can totally understand your feelings. the problem is, they arent at the same point in their lives and they "dont get it"... nothing wrong with that, I guess you cant really expect them to get it. Just do what is best for your daughter and let them do what is best for them.

Re: SPR: Bachelorette Party..vent (LONG)

If I were you, I'd be hurt too, but like others have said, she doesn't get it and won't until she's in this stage of her life.

That being said, are you sure you won't be able to leave DC for a night? I am only throwing this out there because DH and I had to leave DD at 5 weeks old to go to and be in a very close friend's wedding in Atlanta and left DD with MIL. It was smack dab in the middle of cold/flu season so we didn't want to fly with her but I also couldn't miss my friend's wedding - this was 10 years in the making and she's one of my closest friends. DD was not sleeping through the night, but MIL didn't mind getting up for her for a few nights (she actually helped us out earlier too to give us a break when DD was crying all night before we discovered her milk protein allergy). Don't get me wrong - it was hard on us to leave her, but it was also a really nice break from the newborn haze and a chance to catch up on some sleep so I'm really glad we did it and since then DD has fairly regular sleepovers at grandma's. I know everyone's parenting style is different, and it also depends on what your mom can handle too, but this really works for us and the breaks make me a better mommy. My grandparents were a huge part of my life, even as a baby - they lived with us and my mom was very prone to depression so I know my grandma did the bulk of the work for me when I was a newborn - so I'm sure that affects my attitude and parenting style, but I would at least think about it - you may be open to a break and you don't need to decide now. You can say no now and change your mind if you are comfortable with it then.