SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

I'm posting here bc its SPR and I post here the most anyway.

I just need to kind of vent before I go to sleep tonight so I can get this off my chest and try to sleep tonight.

DH and I have come to the conclusion that we cant really afford where we are living anymore. We now pay $1400 a month plus all utilies for a 2br main level of a colonial, and a finished basement, garage, driveway and huge shared yard with the people upstairs (not the LL, another renter).

We know we cant find anything close to the amount of space we have for what we are paying here. I'm willing to go smaller of course but DH wont at all. It's hard for me to talk to him about this without getting really upset and resentful. He thinks it would be a good idea to move in with his sister who is recently widowed paying for a HUGE house in medford, she cant afford at all. She lives with her 25 yr old daughter and my SIL doesnt work., no wonder why they cant afford it. Shes the type of person who always needs a favor. Shes always asking DH to do whatever he can for her and her house. I feel if we move in, we would get the space we need but with a million obligations to help her all the time. Shes kind of a martyr, which her daughter is also learning to be. I think it would be way too stressful and not really worth it. DH thinks it would be good for 2 reasons, us saving money and helping her. I think emotionally and mentally I dont think I could deal with it, but I dont have any other option at this point.

I just started looking on craigslist and nothing compares to what we have or what DH thinks we need. He doesnt really understand that downsizing is necessary which is completely frustrating for me. All I want is a regular 2br apt for now, or 1 year so we can save to buy a house. I would even be willing to spend more if it were an option to buy but those dont seem to available anymore. I just dont know what to do. I'm not really sure how to deal with this, other than pray on it and wait. I was taught when I dont know what to do, then dont do anything. So right now I'm just thinking about what our options could be and what would be best for our family.

I'm a SAHM right now. We dont have money for daycare where it would be worth it for me to work. I'm a hairdresser from home, but I dont have many clients, I lost a few when I was pregnant. DH has a great job but with our bills and debt its hard to find something that would work.

I'm not really sure I'm just sharing or asking for advice but I feel like I just took on a whole big stressful situation out of nowhere. I just I'm just throwing this out there if anyone has been in this situation or knows of anyone with an apt or house that can help us. Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

sorry you're upset, its a tough situation. however, and i mean this in a nice way, you seem bothered by him not giving in to a smaller apt. while at the same time you seem to not want to give in to living with his sister? to me more room and little to no rent seems to me like the better move. you will be able to save so much more and quick and be out of there! however, you would need to be able to have your mind glued towards the future for each time you feel she is taking advantage of your husband. thats the hard part especially when he doesn't think he is being taken advantage of (my IL's do this to my DH and he doesn't even notice).

best of luck!

Re: SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

Aww I totally feel for you. It is a very hard situation you are in. We used to rent in La Bonne Vie in Patchogue....it was $1300 including water and heat. It was a 2 bedroom apt...and to be honest it was a nice size but what you have now def. is alot more. You would def. be downsizing like you say but it sounds like DH def. wants to move in w/ his sister...question - If you do this, which sounds like DH wants to and it will be the choice....would you trust your sister in law to watch your DC so maybe you could work part time out of the house at a Salon and maybe be able to save even more $ to move? Is he completely opposed to just trying to move to a less expensive apt?

Re: SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

Sorry that you are in this situation... DH and I were in a very simular situation since Novembber... when I lost my job. I always made all the money in our relationship, and I really thought that my job was always going to be secured. Sure enough, I was laid off, and couldn't find another job...still havnt. But now DH is working a 2nd job, and we are finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. We were thinking of moving into my SILs, but I just don't get along with her 100%...she's nice most of the time, then sudedenly she can snap...sorta scares me. So I was dreading having to move in there. Plus it would be a crazy small apt, in which we would need to put ALL of our funtirure into storage...so I was getting super upset. But now that we are finally getting ourselves back onto our feet, we know we won't have to be leaving. We pay 1350 plus utilites for a full house... full yard...all ours. Did you check out MSLI.com...? That is where I found this house. It changes daily... so keep stalking it...and I'm sure you will find something. Do you want to be able to return back to work? If so, is there a friend or famikly memeber that would be able to wathc your LO? When I return to work (hopefully soon) I will be having a good friend and family watch DS certain days of the week...bc daycare is just too too much. We wouldn't be able to afford that either...plus I would love to have DS grow up around people he knows... rather then strangers ...I dunno. If none of those options work, and your DH doens't want to down-size, maybe just moving in with your SIL for a year will be worth it. Just keep thinking in the back of your head that after a year, you'll be on your own. And, a good idea, if you won't be paying anyting to live with her, then keep putting about 1000 or more away a month... so that way after the year, you'll have at LEAST 12,000 for a new rental, or possibly a down payment. Best of luck to you... I hope everything works out for you. FM me if you would like

Re: SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

The situation with DH's sister sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I would put my foot down and tell him you are not comfortable living with her and need your own space. Downsizing is your only option right now but it will be temporary if you can save for a house. Can you get a part time job around DH's hours to speed up saving for a house? Maybe at a salon or supercuts type of placee?

Re: SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

Having lived with EXILs with EXDH, I can tell you that I would NEVER advise anyone to move in with anyone in their house. Unless you really decide on a date to move out. And still that probably won't happen until one or all parties start resenting the whole situation and arguments will start coming.

I can honestly tell you that it was one of the reasons my previous marriage did not succeed.

By the end, I could not stand my ILs, resented EXDH, etc...

Talk about lack of privacy. You SIL always in your business, etc...

I would live in a tiny little place by myself before I would move in with family ever again.

You are already not liking the idea. I can't imagine if you live there for more than 3 months.

Re: SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

The problem I see is this: The amount you pay for all that space, is what a NORMAL two bedroom costs. What in essence you will be doing is downgrading to a one bedroom that someone has sectioned into a two bedroom. Where are you going to put all of your things? Storage? Storage is expensive. In the end, what are you going to save? Are you really going to save enough over the next year to buy a house? Then you have the situation with your SIL. If you feel the way you do NOW about SIL then moving in there is not even an option. It will only get worse once you live there. Is she going to let you live there rent free? You said she cant afford it because she doesnt work. How is that helping her situation if you arent paying rent? How close are you to actually buying a house? If you cant afford your rent now on your DH's salary, is it reasonable to expect to be approved for a mortgage in just a year's time? How do you see your finances changing from now to then? What about getting a job alternate to DH's work schedule? Have you tried to get more clients?

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I hope you and your family find a solution that works for ALL of you

Re: SPR: I'm having a living situation here, we cant afford our apt anymore...

Thank you very much for all your responses. I know a lot of people whose relationships werent the same after living with a family member. To answer the questions, DH would want to give SIL $1000 a month to help her with the house. It would not be rent free. I would trust her babysitting, but after literally 5 mins of holding the baby she hands him back to me and says my back hurts, so thats out of the question. This year would just clear up our little debt we have and save for a down payment. Thats our problem with owning a house right now. We just need to get in. I dont think living with my SIL is going to work out. I have a million close family members but they all work so I wouldnt be able to use them as babysitters. I'm starting to advertise more to get more clients, so I am trying. I guess I'm just waiting for the perfect thing right now, I'm still thinking. Thank you again!