STORY with POLL UPDATE...

Ok were always BSing about our IL's but I have to say my family can be just as messed up LOL . My mother is having a 65th B-day party at a restaurant this weekend in which I told my dad that my DH cant make it bc of his second job (he's a head baseball coach for a college). DH has a double header that day up state. Well my dad said that he was very disappointed and when DH and I have an event my parents may not come. Then today my dad tells me to have my DH to call him to personally tell him that he cant go!!!!I know that my dad wants to say something to him about it and lay on the guilt. I told my dad that DH and I were going to take my mother out next week for dinner and my dad basically told me not to bother. NOW... My DH is fuming and angry about this situation. He's saying that he will not call my dad. That its ridiculous bc we already RSVPed. My DH is also afraid of what he might say to him in anger. I told DH to call him for my sake. What would u have your DH do?? TIA... Im very stressed about this

Ok DH refuses to call my dad. i know that this is going to cause so much tension...

Message edited 4/18/2006 11:06:10 PM.

Re: STORY with POLL

I think your dad is being a little selfish. I m sure he is hurt that he cant make it, but coaching a college sport is something he cant just rearrange his game.
I say have your DH call him and explain that he is sorry he cant make it. For your dad to be angry and say he wont come to any event you have in my opinion is childish and selfish. It is not like he is going out with his friends or something.

Re: STORY with POLL

Re: STORY with POLL

i think it's awful for your dad to say that thye won't come to something of yours next time, it's just being spiteful. also, didn't your dad know dh has a second job coaching? and this is the season, maybe he should have checked the schedule before booking a party if it was so important to him to have you guys be there.

if you want dh to call, i would maybe wait a day or two for the anger to go down. i know i make rash decisions when i am mad.

personally, i dont think there is a reason for dh to call, you and dh are a unit and if dh can't make it i dont think its necessary for him to call and explain if your dad already knows.

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I agree 100% with what Diane said.

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I am sorry that your dad is behaving that way. Tomorrow or Thursday I would have your DH call your father and express that he is sorry that work obligations will keep him from attending the party, and that he really wishes that he could be there in person, but that he will be there in spirit and knows that you will do a wonderful job representing you and your DH at the party for your mom. I think he should reiterate the offer to take your mom out for dinner next week. If your father has anything to say other than I am so sorry that he cannot make it, I would have your DH give you the phone so that you can talk to your father.

Re: STORY with POLL

I have to say I don't understand why your father is so upset with your husband. It's not like your husband is sitting home and refusing to go because he just doesn't want to. He is working a second job to help support and take care of his wife and family. He should be commended for that. To say that he may not show up for an event of you and your husband's is childish. My son-in-law also works two jobs and if an event occurred at the same time he was working and he couldn't make it, that's fine. Life happens. As far as your husband calling, I wouldn't ask him to just because your father threw a tantrum. Try not to get too stressed about this. This is something you cannot control. I can't tell from your post if you are going to your mom's party. If you do and your father says something about this, just ask him to stop and tell him that you want to enjoy the day with him and your mom. This, too, shall pass as all things do, and, if your father holds a grudge, there's nothing you can do about it. If you can, just enjoy the day and be there for your mom.

Message edited 4/18/2006 4:52:29 PM.

Re: STORY with POLL

I think your dad is being very childish. I would go ahead with the plan to take your mom out and if your dad chooses not to go, that's up to him.

My dad always worked shifts and the family understood when he couldn't make events. It happens and it isn't a personal affront.

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I voted for "not call". Your DH already stated he cannot make it. Your both making it up to your mom next week. Your dad needs to be more understanding.

Re: STORY with POLL

Re: STORY with POLL

I don't think your DH should have to call. Your dad is the one being unreasonable IMO. I'm sure your mom will understand. Maybe have DH write a short note to your mom wishing her a happy b-day and telling her that he wished he could be there.

Re: STORY with POLL

nope, I would definitely not have my DH call.

Now, if my DH was ditching the party for some stupid reason, like "hanging out" with friends, we'd have a problem.

but, for a legitimate reason, like the one with your DH, I'd tell my Dad to stop being a trouble maker and stop trying to cause problems in my marriage.

Re: STORY with POLL

Re: STORY with POLL

I would have DH call. Perhaps your father is being unreasonable, but he is your father. I wouldn't want any tension between my husband and my father and for that reason alone, I think the call needs to be made...even if your DH is apologizing for something that's not even his fault.

For me, when it comes to parents and inlaws, although they can be psychotic sometimes, I always remind myself that they won't be around one day and will I be sad thinking about the way I treated them? In this case...jeez, we should have made him happy by making that call.

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you guys have been really helpful. DH comes home late tonight. i will let you know what we do.

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I don't think DH should call. His regrets were already sent. Is your mom upset that Dh won't be there?? If she's ok with the 2 of you taking her out on your own, then I don't understand why your dad's that upset. Maybe your mom can try to reason with him?

I can only imagine what he'd do if you said you BOTH couldn't make it to the party!!!

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I don't think that your DH has to call your dad at all. In fact i don't think i would have even told my DH.
I think your dad is rude for even suggesting it at all an i would have told him myself to not involve my DH...

Message edited 4/19/2006 6:13:34 AM.

Re: STORY with POLL

I don't think that he should call. Your dad is being a child and there is no reason to perpetuate it. I think your DH was right when he said that he's afraid what he might say to him. What if they get in a fight on the phone over this, now a little thing, is a big thing. I say, stick to your guns and let him just deal. If he wants to be a baby, then let him.

I agree with the suggestion of having DH write a little note to your mom for the day of. That would be sweet. Good luck Nancy!

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I think your dad is being ridiculous. Your DH has a good excuse to not be at the party, and frankly, if your DH decided he wanted to stay home and stare at the ceiling that day, it's none of your father's business.

Also, this is your Mom's b-day, so why is your dad butting in with so many "rules" about taking her out to dinner? Your mom can eat with whomever she wants, can't she?

I think someone needs to tell your dad to flat out knock it off, and it shouldn't be your DH. We have a rule in my house - if it's drama, we deal with our own families and never involve the other.

Message edited 4/18/2006 6:52:12 PM.

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I voted not call. IMO your dad needs to get over this and realize that people have things going on in their own lives. Family.. can't live with em.. can't live with em!

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I would tell my DH not to call. If anything, I would probably tell my dad that I told him not to call and explain why I said that. It might make things worse, especially since you stated that there's concern over what he might say.

Re: STORY with POLL

Re: STORY with POLL

I wouln't put my DH in thta situation... I would call and speak to my dad about it, and make him realize that DH isn't doing it on "purpose" but that he has a job, and he has to understand that... It can get tricky with IL's and I don't think your DH should have to be put in that situation.

Re: STORY with POLL UPDATE...

bump

Re: STORY with POLL UPDATE...

You're going to this party right? Then, what's wrong with your Dad? I understand he's a little disappointed...but isn't he taking this a bit too far.

I would not tell my DH to call...IMO, it's really not necessary.