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The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Today the teacher called me aside about my DS who is 5 and in kindergarten. She said that DS was being especially bossy, pushy and even aggressive.  He is an only child, not only in my home but in the entire family, so saying he is a spoiled isnt far off at all and he is clearly used to being the center of attention.
I'm not shocked at this news but it is still sad and scary to me. I dont want to think of DS as a bully at this age (or any age). I punished him seriously for the first time by taking away all electronics for the day and told him that if he acts up at school even once tomorrow that he will lose the electronics for a week, after that, we move to Christmas presents. He cried and all that... maybe it means I got through to him?
I dont know... this post has become more of a vent than anything else but any advice would be great.
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Posted 12/13/12 4:48 PM  |
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MommaG
Yay Spring!
Member since 5/05 5133 total posts
Name:
Gloria
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The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
I know he's only five, but did you try talking to him - asking him why he behaves that way? Maybe explain to him why it's not nice and how would he feel if someone treated him that way. Tell him no one will want to play with him or be friends with him if he behaves that way. I think you need to see what concerns him and talk to him about it from that angle. And of course, heap on the praise for good behavior.
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| Posted 12/13/12 7:16 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Does he understand that he is behaving this way and the effect that it has on others? If he doesn't I am not sure taking things away will help. Maybe he is unaware how his actions effect others. Have you tried talking with him, giving him alternative things to say or do in the situations he got in trouble for? I'm sorry I knowit must hurt and be frustrating for you to hear that about your child.  Vent away! That is what we are for. Could you do some one on one playdates where you could observe and guide him or help with modeling a more appropriate way to handle a situation?
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| Posted 12/13/12 7:34 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Yeah, you need to nip this quickly. Public school is way different then Preschool. Kids talk/parents talk. He will end up isolating himself from many things. Taking away things is a good idea. Maybe the teacher can move him closer to the area she teaches in to keep a better eye on him.
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| Posted 12/14/12 7:51 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
does he play a sport?
Then you can see him in action with his peers.
Do you ever get a chance to sit in on his class?
Even if he acts differently with you there-you can view the other kids and see what it expected of him.
GOOD LUCK!
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| Posted 12/14/12 8:50 AM |
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
When we talk about his behavior with his classmates, its ALWAYS the other kids fault. They did this, so he did that and for some unknown reason, he is the one getting in trouble. Look, I'm not stupid, I was a kid once too and I know he is not innocent but its SO hard to get the whole story from a 5 year old.
He also cries when we talk about it because he says he tries so hard to be good, he doesnt know why he acts bad. Those are his exact words.
We dont do much in the way of playdates but during the summer, we did alot with one boy in particular who is very similar to DS' personality and when they got into little tiffs, we (me and that kids mom) let them duke it out and it worked 90% of the time. Both kids gave in to each other or just stopped playing with whatever it was they were fighting over.
Im so scared that this is deviant behavior and will only get worse with time.
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| Posted 12/14/12 9:31 AM |
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Posted by Janice
does he play a sport?
Then you can see him in action with his peers.
Do you ever get a chance to sit in on his class?
Even if he acts differently with you there-you can view the other kids and see what it expected of him.
GOOD LUCK!
No, he doesnt want to do anything. I offered karate and looked into cub scouts (but I think he is still too young for that). Maybe if this continues another few weeks, I will talk to the teacher about my options.
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| Posted 12/14/12 9:32 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
What about play therapy. I know that sounds extreme but I wanted to offer some suggestion.
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| Posted 12/14/12 12:03 PM |
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Was he in preschool? If not, I would give it a little time and maybe try to socialize him more. Trips to the park, library, joining a sport, etc.. That should help.
If not, I would maybe look into a social group in school.
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| Posted 12/14/12 12:16 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Posted by MrsDiamondgrlie
when they got into little tiffs, we (me and that kids mom) let them duke it out and it worked 90% of the time. Both kids gave in to each other or just stopped playing with whatever it was they were fighting over.
Im so scared that this is deviant behavior and will only get worse with time.
This is a problem. When your child is fighting with another child ( that is not a sibling) you need to step in. It's your job to show them how to deal with these tiffs. You let a 5 yo fight it out, and that's why he is going to be aggressive in school. You have to nip this now, for his sake. He is an only child, he needs to be nice to his friends.
This is a pet peeve of mine, when parents stand around when their kids are fighting with other children.
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| Posted 12/14/12 3:09 PM |
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sunshine28
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 501 total posts
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
I agree with the other responses that you really need to take action here. Bullying starts very young and only gets worse. I also must add that him being an only child really has nothing to do with it- I am a teacher, a parent, and an only child. This is a ridiculous and insulting misconception (that I've listened to my whole Life) that only children are spoiled and don't know how to properly socialize.
If I were you I'd work very closely with the teacher and make him apologize to each child that was involved. I would also use an incentive program to reward positive behavior. Follow through and be consistent!
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| Posted 12/14/12 4:17 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Posted by sunshine28
This is a ridiculous and insulting misconception (that I've listened to my whole Life) that only children are spoiled and don't know how to properly socialize.
FWIW, I'm an only child myself and I don't think anyone was saying the OP's kid was spoiled or socially deficient due to being an only. As a parent of two kids now, I think it's just a matter of having more exposure to, uh... "conflict resolution" (aka: fighting it out, lol) when you have a sibling.
Regardless, I think this kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. My older DC is in first grade and trust me, the kids tell you who the "mean" kids are and parents do talk. You don't want this behavior to alienate your son.
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| Posted 12/14/12 4:41 PM |
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sunshine28
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 501 total posts
Name:
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Nobody else was saying it, but the op herself said that he is an only child and is spoiled and used to being the center of attention. I was just pointing out that many people think that this is normally the way it is with only children. Even before my 2nd child was born I was teaching my daughter the importance of treating others with respect. I made sure she was around other children her age. On the other hand, I know many children who have multiple siblings and have no clue how to cooperate and interact appropriately with peers.
Message edited 12/14/2012 5:46:51 PM.
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| Posted 12/14/12 5:46 PM |
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Thanks for all the responses. I didnt know there was even something called "play therapy".
Today there was a parent/child holiday thing at school so DH and I got to go to his class and see all the kids and the interaction.
The teacher said he was much better today and that his behavior is more like following the other kids when they are misbehaving and then having to take it to the next level to "be the winner" if that makes sense. Like if all the kids are running around, DS has to be the fastest.
DH also noticed that one of the aides was picking on DS especially for some reason. She told him to be quiet 2x but DH was looking at DS and DS' mouth was closed the whole time. I was listening to the teachers instructions and missed this all.
The teacher today made yesterdays comments seem like no big deal, maybe I made it out to be more serious??? I dont know but DS did show improvement after our talk and he knows that I will ask the teacher every day about his behavior and that there are now serious consequences to his actions.
I also am signing him up for karate for the social interaction and also the discipline.
Thanks to all again.
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| Posted 12/14/12 10:04 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
I think it's great that you are trying to be proactive and speaking to the teacher about it. I think you should work with her on setting up some sort of behavior chart for him. If you set some concrete expectations for him (like keeping his hands to himself, no bossing other kids, etc.) she can let you know with a note or an email each day if he did a good job. You can set up an incentive chart at home, where he would get a sticker for each day he follows the plan and you can reward him for every 5, 10, whatever stickers he earns.
I have a hitter, we have been working on it for a long time. I know people may have a lot to say about it who don't know how hard we are working with the school to deal with it. I can't worry about that. I spend my time trying to figure out what motivates him to hit and what we can put in place, both at school and at home to prevent it. In the end, you want him to have friends and kids who want to play with him. Keep talking to him. Keep explaining to him that other people don't like it when you push or are bossy with them. Keep talking to the teacher too, you both want to help him with this, believe me. 
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| Posted 12/21/12 11:37 AM |
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Posted by dpli
I think it's great that you are trying to be proactive and speaking to the teacher about it. I think you should work with her on setting up some sort of behavior chart for him. If you set some concrete expectations for him (like keeping his hands to himself, no bossing other kids, etc.) she can let you know with a note or an email each day if he did a good job. You can set up an incentive chart at home, where he would get a sticker for each day he follows the plan and you can reward him for every 5, 10, whatever stickers he earns.
I have a hitter, we have been working on it for a long time. I know people may have a lot to say about it who don't know how hard we are working with the school to deal with it. I can't worry about that. I spend my time trying to figure out what motivates him to hit and what we can put in place, both at school and at home to prevent it. In the end, you want him to have friends and kids who want to play with him. Keep talking to him. Keep explaining to him that other people don't like it when you push or are bossy with them. Keep talking to the teacher too, you both want to help him with this, believe me.
Thank you so much!
It is like a miracle. I started to punish him and NOT cave in like I have done for 5 years and he only had 2 "instances" for the week instead of every day multiple issues. And 1 of the 2 instances was school work related, not a social issue.
I dont expect perfect behavior from a 5 year old boy but being mean to others is NOT acceptable and he knows there are now consequences.
Better late than never on my part... 
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| Posted 12/22/12 10:45 AM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Posted by Onemoretime
Posted by MrsDiamondgrlie
when they got into little tiffs, we (me and that kids mom) let them duke it out and it worked 90% of the time. Both kids gave in to each other or just stopped playing with whatever it was they were fighting over.
Im so scared that this is deviant behavior and will only get worse with time.
This is a problem. When your child is fighting with another child ( that is not a sibling) you need to step in. It's your job to show them how to deal with these tiffs. You let a 5 yo fight it out, and that's why he is going to be aggressive in school. You have to nip this now, for his sake. He is an only child, he needs to be nice to his friends.
This is a pet peeve of mine, when parents stand around when their kids are fighting with other children.
I couldn't agree more. You don't let children duke it out. You step in and show them what to do in that situation.
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| Posted 12/22/12 3:00 PM |
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Posted by OneOfEach
Posted by Onemoretime
Posted by MrsDiamondgrlie
when they got into little tiffs, we (me and that kids mom) let them duke it out and it worked 90% of the time. Both kids gave in to each other or just stopped playing with whatever it was they were fighting over.
Im so scared that this is deviant behavior and will only get worse with time.
This is a problem. When your child is fighting with another child ( that is not a sibling) you need to step in. It's your job to show them how to deal with these tiffs. You let a 5 yo fight it out, and that's why he is going to be aggressive in school. You have to nip this now, for his sake. He is an only child, he needs to be nice to his friends.
This is a pet peeve of mine, when parents stand around when their kids are fighting with other children.
I couldn't agree more. You don't let children duke it out. You step in and show them what to do in that situation.
They werent literally "duking it out" like hitting or anything. And I was ready to step in but the other kid's mom said to let them work it out and I was curious to see if DS would finally give in or would they compromise... whatever... it worked. If it was a serious arguement with fighting and/or tears, we (the moms) would have stepped in (and we have MANY times) during playdates. The kids were 4-5 years old and didnt need to be told to share, they knew what to do but were being stubborn.
I am definitely a "mother hen" with DS but sometimes I need to step back and let him learn how do things on his own.
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| Posted 12/23/12 10:36 AM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: The kindergarten bully is mine?!?!
Posted by Onemoretime
Posted by MrsDiamondgrlie
when they got into little tiffs, we (me and that kids mom) let them duke it out and it worked 90% of the time. Both kids gave in to each other or just stopped playing with whatever it was they were fighting over.
Im so scared that this is deviant behavior and will only get worse with time.
This is a problem. When your child is fighting with another child ( that is not a sibling) you need to step in. It's your job to show them how to deal with these tiffs. You let a 5 yo fight it out, and that's why he is going to be aggressive in school. You have to nip this now, for his sake. He is an only child, he needs to be nice to his friends.
This is a pet peeve of mine, when parents stand around when their kids are fighting with other children.
See, and I disagree. Children need to know how to handle their own problems without an adult interjecting themselves every time. How will their ever learn if Mommy steps in every time?
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| Posted 12/23/12 2:17 PM |
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