To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

If your child will only eat/drink certain things, have you ever had been told by someone that if you take it away, the child will have to eat/drink whatever you give them because they won't let themselves starve or die of dehydration?

What was your response?

People have said this to me a million times...even Doctors.

One Dev Ped once told me to let her eat whatever it is she wants to eat and focus on other things. I do this now, and it takes a lot of pressure and stress off. Don't know if it's the right thing to do.

My DD has ADHD, SPD and anxiety. As far as eating, her biggest issues are sight and texture. My DH has her close her eyes and spoon feeds her at times...she is 7 1/2!!!

Our Neuro suggested we try her on a low dose anti depressant to see if it will lessen her anxiety and get her to feel more comfortable eating. it has lessened the anxiety and I am able to brush her hair and clip her nails without a fit, but the eating, no difference so far.

Message edited 1/24/2012 8:38:15 PM.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

I ignore those who say "make him eat what you eat, this is ridiculous, you aren't a short order cook, etc." because it's not worth getting into it (unless it's someone who knows his diagnosis). Most people really don't get it and think I am spoiling him. They also do not understand that he may actually starve himself, or at least become severely malnourished. I have tried making him eat what we do, and have not had success.

I did decide to let him eat with limits, he can't have anything he wants, but I will give him a few choices that I can manage. If he chooses and does not eat it, he doesn't get anything else (these are foods that he usually likes).

But I agree, it's not worth the stress.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

DD has feeding issues...she's over 6.5 yrs. I find myself constantly making several different dinners. I can't bear the thought of her having an empty stomach. I do exactly what pp said-she gets a choice of 2 things and if she doesn't eat it, then that's her choice.
I've seen my daughter go through bouts of not eating at all for a few days. While she's never been slight, I worry about her overall nutrition.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

I hear it ALL the time. I really can't stand people and their advise when they have no clue what SPD is.
It's not like dealing with a regular 2 yr old who normally eats chicken nuggets or spaghetti and meatballs.
My DS freaks at new foods. Been working on it and with some bribes and patience once in a while I can get him to eat
At b-day parties, playdates, or dinner I take my own food or feed him b4 we go. My mom thinks waving foods in front of him will eventually work. WOrst part is she does it when I FINALLY calm him down and he's sitting nicely then she thinks if she puts a fork of steak or chicken in front of him he'll miraculously want it
Nope, just makes him go into a tantrum

When I have the time I will sit with him and make sure he eats and chews what he needs. If we're in a rush I give him one of his comfort foods so he doesn't starve.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

Yes I hear it and it's obviously someone who does not have a child with true feeding issues. A lot of feeding issues are either sensory in nature or with physical issues.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

Yes I've heard it from people & his ped. However, I was also told by a dev. ped that 10% of children won't eat when they're hungry....my child being one of them. I therefore, DID let him eat whatever he wanted, even though it was vanilla cake and/or powdered munchkins day in/day out. Now 8 months later I WISH he would eat cake, or ANYTHING, as he only "eats" Pediasure.

Surprisingly when he was just eating the cake and/or vanilla yogurt, his bloodwork came back normal & he was still gaining weight, so ped wasn't concerned.

I wouldn't stress; give her what she will eat, it's better than nothing at all & major

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

I don't know that I've received such a hard line stance from most people, but I did do that when I was trying to get DS off the bottle. After a few unsuccessful attempts, we went cold turkey, just before he turned 2. The child went 2 and a half days drinking absolutely NOTHING. He was eating lots of applesauce and had milk in his cereal and I think this is why he wasn't getting dehydrated. Finally, on the third day, he took a sippy from his daycare teacher. I don't know how much longer I would have hung in there.

It was a good lesson for me, because it showed me a couple of things. First, this kid has some strong will and if I am going to force him to do anything, I have to be prepared for a battle.

Second, those who mean well, don't always have the answers, including the doctors. YOU live it. YOU have to decide if the battle is worth it. I ask lots of questions, ask other parents, his teachers and therapists for ideas. But in the end, I make the decision based on what I think we are all able to handle and follow through with in our household. In my bottle example, we got him on sippys, but it was one of the soft tops ones and wasn't really that much different than a bottle. He is 4 now, and still can't drink out of a straw. In hindsight, I am not sure this was the best approach for him.

Third, if the people who are working with him don't seem to be helping, get someone else. Again, with our bottle issue, we had a speech therapist who really was not much help. We started shortly afterwards with a new therapist who was wonderful who spent a lot more time with him, trying to get him to drink from an open cup. She worked for MONTHS on this and worked with his daycare teacher at the time on how best to help him, without forcing him to do anything. The first day he drank out of a cup voluntarily, they were all celebrating - the teacher took a photo and sent it home for me. That day, I got rid of every single sippy cup in the house.

Fourth, I don't know about other parents, but I usually get these comments from people at parties, holidays, or when we are eating out. I generally tell them that we battle enough with eating at home, I refuse to do it at a function that is supposed to be fun for ME too. I deserve that. I work hard enough with him so much of the time that I deserve to say "screw it" once in a while so we can enjoy doing things together as a family. I will offer DS things at a party or in a restaurant, but that is not the time or place to take a stand on this, IMO.

Bottom line, I don't think you really get it unless you live it. I know this is a crude comparison, but if your child had a visible, physical disability, would these people give you better ways to make them get dressed or bathe? In my mind, it is sort of the same thing. If you have a kid with low tone, sensory/texture issues with food, those suggestions simply may not work for him/her and they just don't understand what's involved.

Sorry if I rambled, but I think people just need to leave it alone sometimes.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

Ugh, my daily struggle too. DS now don't even eat the staples he used to. I swear he lives off Pedisure and, chicken nuggets and yogurt. Some days he pushes away everything. I still offer a few things. I waste so much money in food. It's so stressful, and then when I hear people's comments it makes me more crazy.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

Total nonsense. Unless you live with it people including doctors just don't understand. My DD may not starve, because she does request to eat but she NEVER requests to drink. We had an episode when she was almost 3 that I had to give her water with a dropper because she was refusing to drink. This was when everyone (including the ped) was yelling at me that she was still on the bottle and to stop cold turkey. Well after I did the dropper for one day she got her bottle back and I told them all to go you know what. She stopped the bottle on her own a few months later. I still though have to remind her to drink every day.

I rarely listen to comments like that and to this day it still irks me that I put my DD through that for 3 days. Never again.

Re: To all parents of children with feeding/eating issues.

YEP and I hate it, because it makes it sound as if "we" as parents are doing the wrong thing somehow.

I usually say in response "yes thats how most kids are, but not Noah....he wont eat and he will get sick and I wont let that happen".