Toddler discipline...

otherwise known as dealing with the terrible two's...

how the heck can I discipline Bella.

--She screamed at the top of her lungs at Outback on Friday night (just for kicks) and does this often for a reaction now.

--many times she will look at me and then throw her food because she knows it's upsetting to me OR if I am not paying enough attention to her while eating, she will throw her food and then say uh-oh until I come over and then smile while she looks in the area where she has thrown the food.

--don't even start me on trying to change her diaper or clothes

--jumps up on the couch and then proceeds to throw herself around...

--throws herself on the floor when she doesn't get what she wants (i.e. us picking her up, or if she doesn't get what she wants)

She laughs if we raise our voice or if I try to explain what she is doing wrong.
WHAT DO I DO at this age?

I know she understands, she is a smart, smart cookie...too smart...

Re: Toddler discipline...

with the food...if DD throws it to the dogs (she thinks it's fun the just toss it overboard and watch them eat) I take it away. I tell her NO, we DO NOT feed the doggies. If she proceeds, she loses her food (for a short time period).

With the screaming for kicks.....maybe take her out of the restaurant till she stops? Explain to her that we do not yell like that inside.

as for the rest of the tantrums...ignore her. let her throw herself on the floor. When she is done try explaining to her that MAYBE She'd get what she wants if she asked nicely or behaved nicely instead of throwing the tantrum

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We ignore the tantrums and that seems to work. Not easy to do when you are out.

Food throwing-Once it starts I take it away. If he is actually hungry he will calm down and ask for it back.

Diaper changes- UGH so difficult these days. I try to do while he is watching a show. Otherwise it is a struggle.

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it will be hard, but ignore the behavior

the more reaction she gets out of you and your dh, the more she will do it.

institue a 2 minute time out, everytime she throws a tantrum, or does something she isn't supposed to - either on the sofa, or at the table (with not food of course ) - but it has to be in a spot where she has no toys/activities, or anything to distract her or keep her occuppied for those 2 minutes.

as for the screaming in the restaurant, i say just let her wail it out until she gets tired! don't worry, noone will notice!

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we ignore her tantrums for sure, and it does work at home...but I have to admit sometimes that she just gets to the bottom of my nerve and yanks at itI can work on that.

in public, YIKES. I don't wanna be that parent...and it was ear-splitting. I pulled her outta the highchair and took her for a walk towards the frontof the place, but I think that is what she wanted...so it was almost like an award. she doesn't make eye contact when you are "disciplining"...she knows...and that's what drives me mad.

she only really throws food when she is "done" with that food, so how else can I work this in...taking it away is what she wants...

time-out...I would really like to try this, but is she too young??? she doesn't sit still and to try would be a nightmare?? how can I start to instill this?

I just feel like half my day is No bella, No Bella...cmon Bella, and please stop Bella.....and the other half she is an angel; happy, engaging, smart, singing...

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I need answers to the same issues

With the tantrums, I ignore him. I know that is difficult, but it works. After that I try to explain to him the situation like "I know that you want to play with this and you feel frustrated because I don't let you, but this is not a toy bla bla bla".

About a restaurant, I try to distract him with something that he likes like cheerios or a toy. If that doesn't work I give him his pacifier

When I am changing his diaper I tell him to cooperate so it can be done faster (it doesn't work, of course) so I give him the remote ad he likes to turn on the TV and gets entertains with that or if it is not available, I sing to him and it seems to work most of the time.

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If she throws tantrums ignore her. When my DD used to do that I wuld say," When you scream Mommy doesn't understand what you want. I cannot pick you up or help you until you talk to me nicely." She learned real quikc that screaming wouold not get her anywhere.

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Posted by MrsERod



as for the screaming in the restaurant, i say just let her wail it out until she gets tired! don't worry, noone will notice!

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Thanks everyone, it was a rough weekend all around...she was just not listening but then she'd be so cute...

I don't want to resort to bribery, but sometimes I feel like it is the only way...

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All I can say is... WELCOME TO MY LIFE! You described Alex's behavior, to a "T". I'll let you know how we address each behavior, though I can't guarantee results

"She screamed at the top of her lungs at Outback on Friday night (just for kicks) and does this often for a reaction now.'"

Yup, Alex did that twice this weekend, but we continue to go out - I refuse to stop going out because of her behavior issues. If we are at a restaurant, DH and I tell her STERNLY to "shush". That will work for all of 5 minutes. If she starts screaming or gets completely out of control, my reaction depends on where we are. If we are at a Diner where there are other kids, I ignore her. If at a fancy restaurant, I take her outside and ignore her. We've found that we have to be ABSOLUTELY consistent. Any time she does ANYTHING we disapprove, we put her on the floor, walk away and ignore her. I have to tell you, it's working. Her tantrums are much less frequent, and MUCH less in duration. So, now,in a restaurant, if I ignore her, she now stops within a minute or two.

"many times she will look at me and then throw her food because she knows it's upsetting to me OR if I am not paying enough attention to her while eating, she will throw her food and then say uh-oh until I come over and then smile while she looks in the area where she has thrown the food."

Yup, Alex does that - or, in the alternative, she'll feed her food to Sparky, which is a no-no in our house. If she does this at home, I tell her no sternly, and give her one warning. If she does it again, I tell her lunch/dinner is over, take her out of her seat and place her on the floor.

"don't even start me on trying to change her diaper or clothes "

I have a bruise from the last diaper change If it's in the AM, or at night, she usually still has her Paci, so if she starts acting up, I tell her, if she doesn't behave like a big girl, I'm going to take her paci. If she keeps at it, I take it away. She starts behaving well very quickly after that. Now, when we have to wean her 100% from the paci, we're going to have a SERIOUS problem

"jumps up on the couch and then proceeds to throw herself around..."

We let her do that... it's too low to the ground to get hurt, and she's careful enough when she's throwing herself around

"throws herself on the floor when she doesn't get what she wants (i.e. us picking her up, or if she doesn't get what she wants)"

OMG, this is the most embarrassing of them all. She'll literally throw herself to the ground, scream at the top of her lungs, and start pounding her little fists! EVERYONE stares! She ALWAYS without fail does this when I pick her up to go in the car at the end of the day. For us, consistency is key. I ignore her. Yes, it's soooooo embarrassing, but I can't give in, otherwise she'll just keep doing it. If, for some reason, I'm in a rush, I'll just grab her and put her in the car, or whatever we need to do, and let her cry in the car, but really, I usually try to just ignore her when she does that.

"She laughs if we raise our voice or if I try to explain what she is doing wrong.
WHAT DO I DO at this age?"

Yup, Alex does this too. If I tell her no, sternly, and she laughs, then I pick her up and put her in another room and walk away. That's the best way for us to get her attention. She's clingy, especially with me, so she'll come running back into the room, hug my leg, and I'll tell her she has to say sorry, which she usually does, and then I'll give her a hug.

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In regards to time outs - what I do is I put them on my lap facing out and they sit there for a one minute. I ignore them but just hold them there since there is no way they would sit somewhere for a minute straight.

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Wish I could offer advice. I am in the same stage right now and I am at my wits end. Abby is pretty good but every now and then when she does not get her way she hits me. I started with TimeOut. I am consistent but I am not sure it is working. She usually just sits in the corner and sings to herself. DRIVES ME NUTS!! When I yell, she smiles. I am at a loss but figure I will just continue the timeouts and being consistent and see what happens.

If anyone has any advice I welcome it.

Oh, she knows why she is in time out. If you ask her she will smile and say hitting.

Message edited 4/23/2007 2:16:57 PM.

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All I can say is wait until 3. I had no idea what terrible 2's were because Delaney didn't do that.....so now she's 3 and I'm experiencing the same.

We had the same thing w/her at a restaurant on Sunday. My DH was ready to rip her out of the restaurant. we were mortified and she just stared at us like yeah...what are you gonna do. I can't believe I lose to a 3 year old. In any event, we do the same thing, ignore it OR give her a time out for whatever age she is....so when we got home, she sat in the chair for 3 minutes. It's very very difficult because they are so cute and SOOO smart, however, if you aren't consistent, they win and it'll be hell...

Good luck and remember you're not alone.

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I will be bookmarking this for future reference

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We do the time outs too, which seem to work. And I don't know if this is bribery or not, but it seems to work - we talk to him and ask him if he wants to watch Little Einsteins later (or whatever show) or still wants that cookie we promised him or whatever it is he is looking forward to. When he says yes, we tell him he can't do it/have it unless he stops yelling/throwing food/etc. He totally understands and it usually works. If he's acting up, I also ask him what's wrong - usually he'll want his sunglasses (his favorite - wears them all day everyday) or the keychain with the car remote - if I can provide that to him, he behaves. I try to remember to talk to him because I tend to fall into that "he's not even two yet - he won't understand me" but he understands a lot more than I thought he would.

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Oh Kelly...I feel your pain....I'm going through the SAME THING with Jared. Everything is like...no no no...I'm surprised he hasn't said that back to me yet.

Today, he had a mini meltdown while I was out with MeltoddJulia at a pizza place. I was so embarassed but what can I do? Kids cry...
Hopefully they will overcome this stage very soon...

Edited to add....time outs work for us...when we're home.

Message edited 4/23/2007 7:42:17 PM.

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Again, thanks for all your replies, it does make me feel better to know we aren't alone...it can be sooo frustrating, because I don't want to lose my temper, but like MaryBeth said, we lose to 2 and 3 year olds...that does not feel good

Sandra, what do you say or do when he throws food?? Bella does it when I am NOT looking...When I am she'll be an angel and say all done and give me all the food one by one, it's great (at least I taught her one thing right)

and she can be SOOO good. she will go get her cup when I ask her, she'll pick something off the floor and give it to me, and she let me clip her toenails and nails last night with just a little bartering and A LOT of ABC singing...

I am just unsure if timeouts will work now, unless I hold her like Michelle suggested. Stef, how do you timeout Jared and when did her really "get" it.

Thanks girls, I have some good stuff
to try...

Beth...too funny about Alex and Sparky, the image just cracks me up

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I use time outs, but what I found more effective was putting the favorite toy in time out. It was hard to keep DS in one place, but those toys were completely under my control

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I just started Jared on time outs about a month ago and that's when he started to understand them (21 months). I copied SuperNanny... If he's doing something wrong...I tell him if he does it again...he's going to get punished. If he does it again...I put him in a spot and tell him not to move. I keep him there for 2 minutes and then I hug and kiss him and tell him why I put him there. We go back to normal after that.

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Posted by Stefanie

I just started Jared on time outs about a month ago and that's when he started to understand them (21 months). I copied SuperNanny... If he's doing something wrong...I tell him if he does it again...he's going to get punished. If he does it again...I put him in a spot and tell him not to move. I keep him there for 2 minutes and then I hug and kiss him and tell him why I put him there. We go back to normal after that.