*update at last post* How would you feel and what would you do?

So we just moved into a small neighborhood and my one and only 7yr old ds made friends with the neighbors kids right away. It’s been a month.

So the kids play go back and forth between homes and have been having a great time.

One neighbor normally has their 7 yr son and there grandchildren over to play regularly. There are three grand children... 2- 3yr olds and one 8.

So apparently on weds. my son was at neighbors house swinging with one of the older kids and Didn’t see one of the 2yr olds come out and my son hit him. The mom of the 3yr old sends all the kids over back to their respective homes - no issue.

My kid comes home tells dad what happens and said it was by accident - have no reason to not believe that. My husband tried to go over with our son and apologize etc but the mom wasn’t interested... the grandfather says not to worry it was an accident and all was ok.
I texted the grandmother at night as I don’t have the moms # just to say I hope the kid is ok etc and to apologize again... she was kind of standoffish but I was trying not to read into it.

Thursday my son goes out to play and the kids run from him and ya they aren’t allowed to play with him. He’s upset and this is news to me- we go over as a family to try and find out what’s up... she says mom is still very upset and this is what she wants... it is what it is... now it’s just very awkward

so DH and I are kind of feeling a bunch of stuff and really are annoyed and feel bad for our kid. Has anyone had a similar situation? What did you do?

Message edited 7/11/2020 9:16:10 PM.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

I feel bad for ur little one, accidents happen and it wasn’t intentional. The mom is def overreacting. We were at a gathering last weekend and my boys (4 and 7) were playing with another little boy (5 yo). It seemed that the little boy liked to play a little rough so while playing, he picked up some type of boom toy, threw it at my 4 yo’s face and scratched his cheek. Although I was concerned, I understood it was an accident, it wasn’t like the little boy maliciously scratched my son’s face and on purpose. So I said to all the boys that we need to play more gentle and be more careful, otherwise someone can get hurt again. They continued playing while I kept an eye on them. Later on I saw my husband talking to the little boy’s father and the father seemed very apologetic about the situation and scolded him for what happened. Yes it totally sucks when things happen to our kids but sometimes things happen by mistake. Hopefully that mom will get over things and let the kids play again, if not I’m sure ur little one will have other friends to play with soon.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

wait they have a child the same age as their grandchild?!? I'm just trying to understand the situation. Does the daughter and grandchildren live with them? Just let the kids play when the grandkids are not around. It sounds like the issue is with the daughter/mom of the grandkids.

Message edited 7/10/2020 1:04:37 PM.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

OMG how sad for your son. He didn't do it on purpose. What a terrible way to be treated! I've never been in that scenario, but the neighborhood we live in is in transition and A LOT of new families with young kids are moving in, so I can see it happening. I wonder how I would handle that. Part of me would say to hell with them, but I wouldn't want my son to lose out on a friend he likes. Especially a close neighbor.

I understand the orders are coming from the mom (not the grandmother) but how does she not understand it was an accident? It seems a little irrational.

Do you ever see the mom? Maybe a personal apology to her face would help smooth things over, or a small token gift for the kid he knocked over? Again, I'm the type that just writes people off like that, but in the interest of your son, if he really likes playing with them, it could help get back in their good graces.

I'm sure time would fix it if you just leave it alone, but it's summer and it would be nice for them to be able to play together now. I'm sorry you even have to deal with that. How ridiculous.

How would you feel and what would you do?

The mother sounds overly dramatic, and you are better off staying away. Sucks to have awkwardness with neighbors, but it could get worse.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

That is ridiculous. I have a 3 year old who is completely unaware of his surroundings and is constantly walking right in front of swings. I was just saying yesterday that he needs to be bubble wrapped. IMO, if it's anyone's fault the kid got hurt it was his own. How do you hold another kid accountable for that?

1. The mother sounds like a complete azzhole so you are better off not letting your DS there to be subjected to more nonsense. Who doesn't at the very least LISTEN to an apology? RUDE.
2. As much as it stinks for your DS, hopefully the mom of the 7 year will relent and let him play. Awkwardness with the neighbors is rough.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

I agree with everyone else and that mom sounds like a dumb@ss. Sorry, hopefully she will get over herself but I would stay away. Your family did nothing wrong. Your poor son.

How would you feel and what would you do?

It was an accident. Your son felt remorse, apologized, did all the right things.

The mom needs to get over it. And if anyone was at fault - it was her - she should've watched her kid as he got close to the swingset.

And if her kid doesn't know better than to run in front of a swing - someone should've been out there watching them.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

I feel so sorry for your son.

Do the mom and her young kids live there too? Like, why does the mom get to decide who her little brother (?) is or isn't allowed to play with??

Maybe you could wait until it's just the grandparents and the 7 year old, and try and go over and figure out what might help resolve this issue.

I wouldn't give up since it's the only child in the neighborhood and your son really likes him, and I personally hate having any weird issues with neighbors. Hopefully it will smooth over quickly. It's just so strange that they just cut an 8 year old off like that, and refuse to even discuss it.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

How poorly they're treating your son! It was an accident. They're really going to blame your son when it's their fault the kid got hit? Where were the adults to supervise the toddlers that they let them go near 2 older kids swinging on a swing? And what if it had been the other kid on the swing to hit him, the uncle kid? Honestly they sound like awful people. I would be wary of how they treat or accuse your child should another accident occur in the future, and we all know how frequently accidents happen among children.

How would you feel and what would you do?

Thanks everyone! I sometimes feel like I am in the twilight zone with how I approach things... hence why I posted. In my heart I feel like the mom and the grandmother(our neighbor) are overreacting completely, but I also gave space for them to be upset as its a normal reaction. When DH and i spoke I said perhaps I am missing something with my kid. I don't know my kid to me intentionally malicious but if there was an issue with him or if they experienced something different - I would hope they would tell me so i can address as his parent. I keep saying - he came home and told us it was not on purpose... he didnt see the baby...

On purpose or not I believe we have to teach the kids better, show them right from wrong and I dont presume perfection. But this " you cant play with him"... this isnt the way... IMO

Our neighbors had their son late... hes is 7 and his older sister is the mom of the three kids 3yrold and 8yr old daughter. They are kind of living there as it seems she is having boyfriend drama. I was disappointed with our neighbors lack of response when we went over - I felt from her like she supported her daughters position.. and I think she could have put her foot down and said we aren't handling this situation this way. Our hope is that it blows over but in the mean time my kid is basically ostracized. I have decided I cant let this consume me any more and I don't want my son seeing me stuck on this topic . It is hard for me - I have anxiety and this is like tipped me over the edge. I appreciate each of you and your responses not for validating me but just hearing other moms perspectives.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

i was once the kid who got knocked out cold by a kid on a swing. no one's fault. i was an idiot and that other kid couldn't stop fast enough to avoid me. BAM. i fly across the playground.

the mother sounds like an idiot.

i'm sorry for your little boy and how they're treating him. hopefully, he finds new friends quickly and forgets this family.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

So this is something that DH and I discussed - at first they were at our house and DH was watching them and then they went over to neighboors - I said to DH - three adults in that house and 5 kids of which 3 are school age... the mother of the babies said she lost sight of the one who got hurt. Ok exactly $hit happens - thank god it wasnt worse- I feel we should take the blame as grownups and do a better job of supervision... how about that!

Im just sick over it...

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

I'm just flabbergasted that they have a child younger than their grandchild.
I'm so confused by that!

But yeah they sound like morons- to blame a young child for a swinging accident. They could have been supervising the young one better too so he wouldn't be in harms way.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Posted by NervousNell

I'm just flabbergasted that they have a child younger than their grandchild.
I'm so confused by that!

But yeah they sound like morons- to blame a young child for a swinging accident. They could have been supervising the young one better too so he wouldn't be in harms way.

Message edited 7/10/2020 1:29:27 PM.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Posted by Sash

Posted by NervousNell

I'm just flabbergasted that they have a child younger than their grandchild.
I'm so confused by that!

But yeah they sound like morons- to blame a young child for a swinging accident. They could have been supervising the young one better too so he wouldn't be in harms way.

Maybe they popped out their kids young? lol. My stepson is 22 years older than is his youngest brother. God forbid he had a kid now, his mom would have a grandkid and child 2 years apart. And my son would be an uncle at 12.

But my stepson better not have any kids because I would kill him.

ETA: when they had my stepson, my DH was 21 and the mom was 19. I’m only 17 years older then my stepson.

How would you feel and what would you do?

They are definitely overreacting.

I could see if they weren’t allowed on the swings anymore, but to run away from your son like he’s a murderer is a little bit ridiculous.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Aw, I do feel bad for your son.

Did the 2 year old get hit with a bat?
Would you say its bothering you more than it is him?

Also, you have to remember, this just happened.

Give it a few more weeks, tops. I bet this blows over and they are all playing again. You guys are neighbors. Kids are kids. They're not going to avoid him forever.

In the meantime, have him play with his old friends if it is possible or take him to a place where he wants to go.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

I think you've gone above and beyond to apologize. I would distance yourself a little bit and let it blow over. Eventually, kids being kids, they will play again.

This kind of drama actually happened with my neighbors. Their boys were rough-housing at the bus stop and for awhile the moms were very awkward towards each other and basically not talking. The kids eventually sorted it out and mow the moms are best of friends.

Time heals all wounds.

Re: How would you feel and what would you do?

Posted by soontobemommyof2

Posted by Sash

Posted by NervousNell

I'm just flabbergasted that they have a child younger than their grandchild.
I'm so confused by that!

But yeah they sound like morons- to blame a young child for a swinging accident. They could have been supervising the young one better too so he wouldn't be in harms way.

Maybe they popped out their kids young? lol. My stepson is 22 years older than is his youngest brother. God forbid he had a kid now, his mom would have a grandkid and child 2 years apart. And my son would be an uncle at 12.

But my stepson better not have any kids because I would kill him.

ETA: when they had my stepson, my DH was 21 and the mom was 19. I’m only 17 years older then my stepson.

We’re 7 siblings in my family, I’m lucky number 7 lol! My mom had all 6 children close in age except me. There’s 12 yrs difference between my brother (sibling #6) and I. My niece (my oldest sister’s daughter) is only 3 yrs younger than me.