| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] |
Kmarie36
LIF Adult
Member since 9/10 1449 total posts
Name:
|
Re: I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)
Posted by Sweets13
12 hours a month is NOT a lot of time I see my parents and inlaws more than that in a week
You took the words right out of my mouth!
Has she done anything to you to give you reason not to like her?
|
Posted 11/5/10 9:05 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
|
Re: I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)
Posted by pnbplus1
How do I handle this?  Am i just wrong? Honest opinons requested.
For whatever the reasons you have with not liking your MIL you can't show those feelings in front of your DC or DH. It's not about you spending the holiday with your MIL it's about your DC spending the holiday with grandma and for your DH his mom. Maybe thinking this way will help you get through that day. I'm sure your DC see's your family much more than the side of your DH. We all or most of us have one or two people we can't stand in our family I personally can think of 10  but you make the best of it. A drink or two wouldn't hurt 
|
| Posted 11/5/10 9:21 PM |
| |
|
brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
Name:
|
Re: I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)
Posted by adeline27
Posted by pnbplus1
How do I handle this? Am i just wrong? Honest opinons requested.
For whatever the reasons you have with not liking your MIL you can't show those feelings in front of your DC or DH. It's not about you spending the holiday with your MIL it's about your DC spending the holiday with grandma and for your DH his mom. Maybe thinking this way will help you get through that day. I'm sure your DC see's your family much more than the side of your DH. We all or most of us have one or two people we can't stand in our family I personally can think of 10 but you make the best of it. A drink or two wouldn't hurt
ITA! My MIL annoys the crap out of me too, but for holidays, you have to suck it up....I think of for the sake of my DD, its the right thing to do. And wine always helps
|
| Posted 11/5/10 9:26 PM |
| |
|
pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
|
Re: I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)
Posted by MikesWife
If she wants to sit and sulk - let her. At the end of the day you can put your head on the pillow and know you did the right thing for your husband and your son.
This makes a lot of sense, thanks. I love my DH so much and don't want to hurt him. As always, there is of course a back story. I did get along with MIL before she was my MIL but right before the wedding she said lots of hurtful things to me (some which DH does not know) and I in turn gave her a piece of my mind. I threatened to call off the wedding. My mom is aware of the situation.
So, after that, I never trusted MIL again. I've seen her other side, I don't like who she truly is. I feel like she's been trying to make up for that all these years but she can't, ever. I don't like who she is as a person, at the core.
MIL is on her own, DH's dad is not in the picture. DH is also an only child, as am I. His side of the family is small and he doesn't do holidays with them, there is lots of friction there.
I recognize that I am to some degree wrong. I get that. But, i just want one holiday, one, without her. I do feel sorry for her at times. My mom is amazing and welcomes MIL into their home (my parents are still together) but has made negative comments from time to time about MIL. HOWEVER, she too reprimands me for not being nicer to MIL.
Thanks for the advice about reframing and helping me put it in perspective. I'll try, that's all i can say. I've been trying for years, but obviously not hard enough.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 9:54 PM |
| |
|
8ternity
<3
Member since 11/08 10586 total posts
Name:
Formally NYPD-Wife
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
|
| Posted 11/5/10 10:01 PM |
| |
|
smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
I think you will need to $uck it up for the Holidays.
But maybe you can limit or distance the MIL's visits outside of the Holidays. Or you could just let her see DH and DC while you go run errands when she comes. Sometimes you are there. Sometimes you are not. But probably not every time because that would create even more problems.
And in retrospect, if you see your parents often, it is not fair for your DH not to see his mom as often as you interact with your parents. KWIM?
|
| Posted 11/5/10 10:06 PM |
| |
|
eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
youre wrong.
I dont see why you should get ONE holiday without her with your DH spends every holiday with your mother.
And FWIW - I dont think spending the equivalent of 1/2 a day with your MIL a month is a lot. How often do you see your mother?
This is one of those, put your own feelings aside times.
Message edited 11/5/2010 10:11:18 PM.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 10:10 PM |
| |
|
lovemyfamily88
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/10 641 total posts
Name:
????
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
I think you are wrong and very selfish. You said she pretty much has no family, so if she doesn't spend the holidays with you and Dh she will be alone??? That's just mean. I could never do that to someone. Especially my child's grandmother. It's not all about you. She has a right to spend the holidays with her son and grandchild.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 10:38 PM |
| |
|
twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
Posted by eddiesmommy
youre wrong.
I dont see why you should get ONE holiday without her with your DH spends every holiday with your mother.
And FWIW - I dont think spending the equivalent of 1/2 a day with your MIL a month is a lot. How often do you see your mother?
This is one of those, put your own feelings aside times.
ITA
|
| Posted 11/5/10 10:49 PM |
| |
|
Momma2Be
Mommy of an angel
Member since 10/09 5911 total posts
Name:
Dina
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
Posted by adeline27
Posted by pnbplus1
How do I handle this? Am i just wrong? Honest opinons requested.
For whatever the reasons you have with not liking your MIL you can't show those feelings in front of your DC or DH. It's not about you spending the holiday with your MIL it's about your DC spending the holiday with grandma and for your DH his mom. Maybe thinking this way will help you get through that day. I'm sure your DC see's your family much more than the side of your DH. We all or most of us have one or two people we can't stand in our family I personally can think of 10 but you make the best of it. A drink or two wouldn't hurt
I have to agree. I would put personal feelings aside for the sake of my DC and DH for the holidays.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 10:52 PM |
| |
|
monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
I agree with Barb.
6 hours every other weekend would get under my skin too. If she wants to see DS and DH then you definitely should take advantage of that time for yourself.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 10:54 PM |
| |
|
mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
There must be a big back story. From what you have written, I can only suggest to suck it up for the holidays, and try to cut back on the 6 hours every other weekend. For me, that would be a lot because I feel i already have very little alone/quality time with my daughters and DH.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 11:08 PM |
| |
|
Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
You can feel however you want to feel and not make any apologies for it. If you don't want her there, you don't want her there. What we say isn't going to change that.
Unfortunately, yes, you are going to have to suck it up and deal. Try to shift your focus from her to something more pleasant.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 11:12 PM |
| |
|
4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
I agree with PP. I get it, I get how you are feeling but she is your DH's Mother and for better or worse you married into his family as well. She is DDs grandmother, etc . .
Could you really picture her being alone on the holidays? From what I'm gathering she has no one else, right?
It's one of those I'm going to have to suck it up moments.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 11:19 PM |
| |
|
Sweets13
Bella Bambini
Member since 5/05 9300 total posts
Name:
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
Posted by pnbplus1
MIL is on her own, DH's dad is not in the picture. DH is also an only child, as am I. His side of the family is small and he doesn't do holidays with them, there is lots of friction there.
THIS right here is even more of a reason as to why you need to s*ck it up. Your DH is her only child. Your DS is her only grandchild. How would you feel knowing your parents were by themself on a holiday? Your MIL is trying to make up for what she did before the wedding. Cut her some slack...give her another chance. I am glad to read that you admit to being wrong. It's easier to be the better person.
Message edited 11/5/2010 11:51:53 PM.
|
| Posted 11/5/10 11:50 PM |
| |
|
MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
Sorry to say, but it's one of the things you sign up for when you marry someone's DC.
I am very lucky to have found my DH, whom I love with every inch of my heart...but it was also important to me that I got along with his family. And it has made our marriage so much better, not to have to worry about how I get along with DH's parents.
Sounds like you're going to have to grin and bear it...sorry.
|
| Posted 11/6/10 9:49 AM |
| |
|
MommyinApril
LIF Infant
Member since 11/09 77 total posts
Name:
Megan
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
First of all, I admire your courage to put your honest feelings about this out here for all to read, and judge. I also admire your ability to see both sides of the situation. You are "sucking it up" because you do see her and spend time with her, even though you might not want to. I think you are really just looking for recognition of the effort you are putting in to getting along with your MIL. It isn't easy so  to you for seeing her twice a week and for spending holidays with her. It can really take a toll on a person to be around someone like her.
With that said, as much as her bad mood can be contagious, so can your good mood. Try "killing her with kindness," maybe her attitude will change.
|
| Posted 11/6/10 10:28 AM |
| |
|
Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
I can see both sides here....no judgment from me
I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said but 2 things come to mind....
Maybe get DH to drive her home at the end of the day letting her know that you're all staying at your mom's and maybe there isn't enough room to accommodate everyone, this way she's there, but you get your alone time too.
Second....try to let go of some of your anger towards her. I know you're pizzed and probably rightfully so, but you did say she was desperately trying to make it up to you. You have a long life ahead of you with many more potentially miserable holidays if you don't try to let some of it go. Don't forget, but forgive...for the sake of your child. You don't have to like her, but respect that your husband loves her. And he will truly love you more for it.
Just something to think about.
|
| Posted 11/6/10 10:40 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: UPDATED-I'm tired of spending every holiday with my MIL (LONG)**more info on page 2**
If you want to spend a holiday with just dh and dc you are not wrong. You can't expect dh to leave his mom alone to spend the day with your family. If you don't want her with your family you will probably have to split the day up. Its so much easier to let mil be miserable than run all over on a holiday.
|
| Posted 11/6/10 10:41 AM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] |
You just can't win.
