VENT (advice needed) sorry long

Please Do Not Quote

(DS is 4.5 months olds)

Let me start by saying that I am very thankful that DS has people that love him so much. I am grateful that they want to be with him, care for him, etc..

Yesterday, DH had some painting to do in the house and I didn’t want DS smelling the paint fumes, so I asked my mother if she wanted to hit the outlet mall because I needed to get DS a winter jacket. From the moment we get out of the car she has to hold him. DS was good for a bit of time but started to get upset in the store. I took him and he calmed down quickly it was like a switch. He was fine, I was walking around with him showing him everything, talking to him. He was smiling and calm. No sooner does he calm down, in she swoops to take him again. UGH! This happened at least 10 times while we were out. It is really annoying. Obviously, he is having a rough time, just because he calmed down doesn’t mean its time to grab him again. I didn’t even have him long enough to try to put him back in the stroller. He probably would have feel asleep (which he needed to do). My poor child is screaming at the top of his lungs in these stores because you insist that you need to hold him. I know I have to be the Mother here and take charge of the situation, which I tried to do several times (but I also have this guilt in my that I’m not letting my mother old her grandson). I left there seriously wanting to cry and with the worst headache imaginable. I go out with DS all the time by myself and have no issues.

I think part of it is that he wants mommy (I have been on maternity leave with and not back at work yet) but I think it also is that his schedule was sort of messed up and he was prob bored since we usually play in the afternoon.


Today, we went to MILs house for dinner. DS was pretty good but there were times that he cried and got fussy and wanted only me, but for the most part MIL was able to spend some time with him. And considering DHs 3 cousins and one of their boyfriends stopped over and his Step Bro, DS did well with being passed around (which I hate btw). After DS ate, we played and he started rubbing his face and I could tell he was getting tired. He usually takes an early evening nap in his swing when we are home. I pick up DS and sat on the couch, sat him on my legs facing away from me and he was calm and trying to close his eyes. DS is never still like this unless he is tired. After a few minutes MIL walks over, and grabs him. UGH! I see red and envision a repeat of yesterday. Sure enough after a minute or so DS starts screaming, DH takes him and DS starts to calm down a little but is still crying. MIL keeps wanting to take him back and DH is saying no. Finally I take him and he just wont calm down. We had to leave. It is so annoying… why can’t they just leave the poor baby alone. I know they mean well but the baby is tired and doesn’t want to be passed around.


People just don’t get that the DS keeps getting upset and that DH and I cant enjoy being out with him and them because we have to deal with a screaming baby. Last weekend was DHs grandfathers 80 bday and we told everyone before hand that they are not holding him because we don’t want to leave early or have DS upset. They party started at 630 and DS usually naps then and is in bed by 830/9. The night was so successful, we had a great time, DS slept in his stroller – no screaming/crying at all.

How do you handle these situations? I feel like I’m constantly fighting the battle of DS best interest and not hurting family members feelings by refusing them to take him or hold him.

Message edited 10/18/2010 8:31:31 AM.

Re: VENT (advice needed) sorry long

Bump

Re: VENT (advice needed) sorry long

I had similar situations with my family over the years. I am a very blunt person, so I would just say something like, "If you hold him, he will cry. This way, he's sitting with me, and you can see him while he's happy."

I get that family wants to spend time with my kids.... but I hold preserving my sanity first and foremost!!!

Re: VENT (advice needed) sorry long

I have taken DD from MIL and my mom in those situations.

My MIL makes me insane because she is constantly changing positions with DD and chattering to her "easy baby, it's ok, etc." trying to get her to calm down.

I know that she just needs to be held and walked around for a bit.

I suggest just putting your foot down. If you don't, they will just keep doing it.

I'm sorry and it sucks, but YOU know your kid best. And in all honesty, you have to deal with a cranky baby at home.

Re: VENT (advice needed) sorry long

These situations are SO hard and can be really uncomfortable but you need to speak up. You are the mommy and you know your child best....

I always try to put things as nicely as possible, so I'll say something like "Oh, Loey is sooo sleepy. I'm just gonna hold him until he goes to sleep." or "You know, he really does better if we just keep him in the stroller ... or he really does better if I just hold him" something like that...

Re: VENT (advice needed) sorry long

Re: VENT (advice needed) sorry long

Posted by saraH

I have taken DD from MIL and my mom in those situations.

My MIL makes me insane because she is constantly changing positions with DD and chattering to her "easy baby, it's ok, etc." trying to get her to calm down.

I know that she just needs to be held and walked around for a bit.

I suggest just putting your foot down. If you don't, they will just keep doing it.

I'm sorry and it sucks, but YOU know your kid best. And in all honesty, you have to deal with a cranky baby at home.

Re: VENT (advice needed) sorry long