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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by pixie
OK...I understand you want to buy his outfit and you still can. But I am trying to bite my tongue here because I think posts like this are just insane. You should be grateful that your child has grandparent who want to spoil him. They live for this stuff...and it makes them so happy to give. Instead of venting, I think you should be appreciative, she meant no harm. How hard is it to bundle him in a cute outfit, take a picture, and take it off? I know I'm going to get flamed- but I just had to put that out there.
I totally get what you are saying but Jen tried a long time to have her DS and I can understand why she would want to buy all his firsts. I had both grandmother's buy my DS first Halloween costumes and I was  too. I love Halloween it was one of the things I was so looking forward too. I put him in both and went to visit each in the costume they bought.
Jen I find that grandparents are sooo excited to get stuff for the baby that you may deal with this stuff unless you say something. Maybe mention the Christmas outfit as something you want to buy but that your Mom can buy his first Thanksgiving outfit. 
ETA: We come on here to vent about things like grandparents all the time. I don't think Jen is unappreciative of her Mother it was just something she wanted to do.
Message edited 9/5/2009 11:00:40 AM.
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Posted 9/5/09 10:58 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Candy Girl
Candy girl- you are so sweet!
Member since 11/07 6349 total posts
Name:
erin
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by pixie
OK...I understand you want to buy his outfit and you still can. But I am trying to bite my tounge here because I think posts like this are just insane. You should be grateful that your child has grandparent who want to spoil him. They live for this stuff...and it makes them so happy to give. Instead of venting, I think you should be appriciative, she meant no harm. How hard is it to bundle him in a cute outfit, take a picture, and take it off? I know Im going to get flamed- but I just had to put that out there.
I agree. My DD has only one grandparent--my Mom who is totally disabled and lived on an EXTREMELY fixed income. She can't really buy her Grandkids anything, though I know she wants to. On Easter, she ordered an inexpensive stuffed animal for DD and it almost made me cry.
Listen, DD is my first child and I am sooooo excited to buy her first Halloween costume, birthday outfit, holiday pictures etc. I understand that point completely., But if someone--ANYONE offered DD a gift, I wouldn't be upset about it. What's worse, Grandma buying DC an outfit you wanted to buy yourself or not having a Grandma to do that at all? Dramatic, maybe, but very, very true in some of our lives.
Edited to change "i kind of agree" to "I agree"
Message edited 9/5/2009 11:00:20 AM.
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| Posted 9/5/09 10:58 AM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
This is my DC first halloween, and I too tried for a very long time to have them... that being said, if my mom got them halloween costumes, I wouldn't really be upset.
If she got something I didn't like, I would take a picture for her and then get one that I did like.
You will be the one celebrating with him, taking him out, etc.
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| Posted 9/5/09 11:17 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I received a halloween costume and a santa suit at my gender neutral shower. I won't be using either one since they're boyish andI had a girl. I have also received 90 million "my first halloween" onesies, bibs and toys.
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| Posted 9/5/09 11:46 AM |
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TaraHutch
True beauty
Member since 10/07 9888 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by MrsRbk
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by BigB
I understand your frustration, I do....but what I have learned to do is let my mom just do it. It makes her so happy (and there are few things that make her happy!)
I also figure, hey better her money then mine! LOL...Is that horrible? 
I'm sorry, but I don't see what the big deal is, I wish someone would buy DS' this year
Because she has waited YEARS for her DS, and wanted to do this "first" herself.
Jen - I know your mom didn't mean anything by it, she was just excited. I know that the PP hormones also make us a little more emotional, but I understand why you are upset. I agree though with others, put him in the outfit, take a few pictures to make your mom happy, then put him in YOUR outfit.
I like this suggestion.
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| Posted 9/5/09 11:53 AM |
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Pooka
Oh Happy Day!!
Member since 11/06 5689 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I can relate. My mom did the same thing to us last year for DS's 1st Halloween. She got him a pumpkin costume and I really wanted to go shopping for his first costume. We had him wear it when we went pumpkin picking.
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| Posted 9/5/09 11:56 AM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I understand where you are coming from. My parents and IL's are always buying stuff for DD. Although they have never ventured to buy a Halloween costume.
Just remember where it comes from and why. You mom is just excited!
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| Posted 9/5/09 12:44 PM |
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I think its sweet. Guess I am reading some of the responses and as annoying as it seems, be happy that your DC's grandparents think of him/her enough to want to do something special for them and contribute something significant in their lives. Just putting another perspective out there. I wish Cailen's grandparents (both sides) thought to do things like this....
Message edited 9/5/2009 12:52:43 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/09 12:51 PM |
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Ali1
Mommy
Member since 8/05 3116 total posts
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I've got to be honest with you on this one...I really don't see how this is a vent or anyone can be upset about this. My MIL brought my sons there first Halloween outfits......I was grateful for it. Was it my first choice, no...but I was grateful that she cared enough and that it made her happy to do so. If I wanted to go out and get my sons their first halloween outfits I would have done so and just taken pictures of them in both.
And the complaint about people by things for you saying 1st Halloween, 1st Christmas at your shower...I know a lot of it goes to waste, but it's the thought that counts.
We should all be grateful that we have grandparents/people that love our children like that. A lot of people do not. I am sure it was not done in spite or to one up you, I have to assume it was done in kindness.
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| Posted 9/5/09 12:55 PM |
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by Ali1
I've got to be honest with you on this one...I really don't see how this is a vent or anyone can be upset about this. My MIL brought my sons there first Halloween outfits......I was grateful for it. Was it my first choice, no...but I was grateful that she cared enough and that it made her happy to do so. If I wanted to go out and get my sons their first halloween outfits I would have done so and just taken pictures of them in both.
And the complaint about people by things for you saying 1st Halloween, 1st Christmas at your shower...I know a lot of it goes to waste, but it's the thought that counts.
We should all be grateful that we have grandparents/people that love our children like that. A lot of people do not. I am sure it was not done in spite or to one up you, I have to assume it was done in kindness.
I agree - plus, don't forget - this is her 1st grandchild - she was waiting for this and feeling your pain too with this, I'm sure. I'll bet she dreamed of doing something like this for a long time. I know it's a while away, but I can't wait to be a grandma (I'm not rushing my stepdaughters though!!! )
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| Posted 9/5/09 12:57 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by Ali1
I've got to be honest with you on this one...I really don't see how this is a vent or anyone can be upset about this. My MIL brought my sons there first Halloween outfits......I was grateful for it. Was it my first choice, no...but I was grateful that she cared enough and that it made her happy to do so. If I wanted to go out and get my sons their first halloween outfits I would have done so and just taken pictures of them in both.
And the complaint about people by things for you saying 1st Halloween, 1st Christmas at your shower...I know a lot of it goes to waste, but it's the thought that counts.
We should all be grateful that we have grandparents/people that love our children like that. A lot of people do not. I am sure it was not done in spite or to one up you, I have to assume it was done in kindness.
Thank you!! You said it much more eloquently than I could!!
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| Posted 9/5/09 1:08 PM |
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staceyd
LIF Adult
Member since 8/08 2052 total posts
Name:
stacey
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by Ali1
I've got to be honest with you on this one...I really don't see how this is a vent or anyone can be upset about this. My MIL brought my sons there first Halloween outfits......I was grateful for it. Was it my first choice, no...but I was grateful that she cared enough and that it made her happy to do so. If I wanted to go out and get my sons their first halloween outfits I would have done so and just taken pictures of them in both.
And the complaint about people by things for you saying 1st Halloween, 1st Christmas at your shower...I know a lot of it goes to waste, but it's the thought that counts.
We should all be grateful that we have grandparents/people that love our children like that. A lot of people do not. I am sure it was not done in spite or to one up you, I have to assume it was done in kindness.
Thank you!! You said it much more eloquently than I could!!
I agree with this too..
HOWEVER, I have a MIL who bought DD her coming home outfit... and I was ******... but it was ok.. I realize they are just as excited as we are, and there are plenty of special outfits for me to pick out... My advice would be dress him in the outfit, take a pic, move on...put him in what you want to put him in....
As for being p@ssed... I totally get it.. and I dont think anyone has the right to criticize your feelings.. I am sure the OP is appreciative of what her mom and others buy and do for her son... she just was looking forward to this experience of picking out and buying him his first costume, as I am sure we all are or have been with our own children..
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| Posted 9/5/09 1:17 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Not sure how this will come out, but hopefully it comes across as intended 
Both my parents have passed away
( before I was 23 actually) I loved them both with all of my heart and would do anything to have them back...Niether of them had the opportunity to know let alone meet either of my children and they both would have adored and spoiled them to pieces....
With that having been said, I would never have allowed my mother to pick and out and buy my DC their first anything holiday related ! To me this is something very special, something that I always dreamed of doing( going shopping for my DD's 1st Christmas dress etc...) IMO, my parents had the option to pick out mine and my brothers Halloween, Christmas, Easter 1sts...Maybe they did, maybe they didn't , they are not here to ask , but that was their choice....
If my mom wanted to go with me to help choose, that would have been awesome, but for a grandparent to take it upon themself, although a sweet gesture would not be okay with me...
To some picking out special clothing may be trivial and thats fine, but to the OP (and myself) , it means more than just that....
My MIL "tried" to say she was going to pick up my DS a suit for his 1st Christmas and I politely said "thats really sweet, but it is important to DH and I to pick his holiday outfits"...
To the OP, I would agree to take some pics of your DC in the costume and still buy your own since it is important to you and DH
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| Posted 9/5/09 1:23 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Aww....as a grandmother myself...I'm sure she didn't mean any harm.
Yes we had the time with our kids...but there's something different about grandbabys. You want to spoil them like crazy and give them the world.
Hopefully you will all experience it one day
Try and talk to her about it and let her know it's important to you to by his 1st.
I'm sure she will understand.
Message edited 9/5/2009 1:30:01 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/09 1:28 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I don't get when people attack others who vent and say that they should be "grateful".
Grateful is GIVEN...Believe me I am sure all of us are grateful to have parents in our lives, why though does that mean we cannot get annoyed with them?
Does everyone stop to say that when someone else annoys them? Oh be grateful you have a sister, be grateful you have a brother, a cousin, an aunt etc.
NO...Cmon people....allow others to vent and just accept you may not agree...but no need for a guilt trip.
I GET how the O/P feels.
We tried for YEARS to have my son and every "first" of his was HUGE for us. We looked for his first Halloween costume, Christmas outfit etc with so much excitment and I too would have assumed close family /friends would "get that".
I wouldnt EVER think to buy a first for a child not mine....
But ok...so it seems not everyone feels that way, well so be it. We all have our own ideas of what we expect...and there is no wrong here...
On the FLIP side....those who it doesn't bother....we could say " oh you must not care as much for your child as I do , because you dont care if someone else picks out their "first". That can be said right? But thats silly....Its not true....just like someone being "ungrateful" etc is not true.
Lets try to see BOTH sides to each debate.
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| Posted 9/5/09 1:31 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by BigB
I understand your frustration, I do....but what I have learned to do is let my mom just do it. It makes her so happy (and there are few things that make her happy!)
I also figure, hey better her money then mine! LOL...Is that horrible?
ITA with this.
I mean, DS had a costume for his first Halloween and one of my mom's friends bought him one as a gift, so he wore that one.
I'm sorry, but I don't see what the big deal is, I wish someone would buy DS' this year
Well I guess that's how you feel but that's not how I feel...it's NOT the end of the world but I do feel my mom overstepped a bit.
And to the people who called me ungrateful or whatever...just like Donna (DM24angel) said..we also tried for YEARS to have my son so I'm sorry but this is very special to me, as I'm sure it is to any mother....I am allowed to vent whenever I want...to say this is not worthy of a vent is ridiculous...I thought we could all come on here to the Parenting board to discuss things...I'll be sure to ridicule you next time any of you have a vent that I feel is "unworthy" ..I am not UNGRATEFUL or UNAPPRECIATIVE of my mother...give me a break....that's just ridiculous. You don't know me. I will put the costume on him and take a picture however I will be buying him an outfit of my own!
Thank you to the people who "get" what I'm saying
Message edited 9/5/2009 2:04:05 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/09 1:58 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by CaseyGirl
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by BigB
I understand your frustration, I do....but what I have learned to do is let my mom just do it. It makes her so happy (and there are few things that make her happy!)
I also figure, hey better her money then mine! LOL...Is that horrible?
ITA with this.
I mean, DS had a costume for his first Halloween and one of my mom's friends bought him one as a gift, so he wore that one.
I'm sorry, but I don't see what the big deal is, I wish someone would buy DS' this year
Well I guess that's how you feel but that's not how I feel...it's NOT the end of the world but I do feel my mom overstepped a bit.
And to the people who called me ungrateful or whatever...just like Donna (DM24angel) said..we also tried for YEARS to have my son so I'm sorry but this is very special to me, as I'm sure it is to any mother....I am allowed to vent whenever I want...to say this is not worthy of a vent is ridiculous...I thought we could all come on here to the Parenting board to discuss things...I'll be sure to ridicule you next time any of you have a vent that I feel is "unworthy" ..I am not UNGRATEFUL or UNAPPRECIATIVE of my mother...give me a break....that's just ridiculous. You don't know me. I will put the costume on him and take a picture however I will be buying him an outfit of my own!
Thank you to the people who "get" what I'm saying
At the same time, why can't people post their opinions?
YOU feel that she overstepped, myself and a few others don't. Unfortunately, when you post on a public forum people can disagree with you
I'm sorry you are upset about, I truly am, but at the same time, there are several solutions to it
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| Posted 9/5/09 2:11 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by CaseyGirl
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by BigB
I understand your frustration, I do....but what I have learned to do is let my mom just do it. It makes her so happy (and there are few things that make her happy!)
I also figure, hey better her money then mine! LOL...Is that horrible?
ITA with this.
I mean, DS had a costume for his first Halloween and one of my mom's friends bought him one as a gift, so he wore that one.
I'm sorry, but I don't see what the big deal is, I wish someone would buy DS' this year
Well I guess that's how you feel but that's not how I feel...it's NOT the end of the world but I do feel my mom overstepped a bit.
And to the people who called me ungrateful or whatever...just like Donna (DM24angel) said..we also tried for YEARS to have my son so I'm sorry but this is very special to me, as I'm sure it is to any mother....I am allowed to vent whenever I want...to say this is not worthy of a vent is ridiculous...I thought we could all come on here to the Parenting board to discuss things...I'll be sure to ridicule you next time any of you have a vent that I feel is "unworthy" ..I am not UNGRATEFUL or UNAPPRECIATIVE of my mother...give me a break....that's just ridiculous. You don't know me. I will put the costume on him and take a picture however I will be buying him an outfit of my own!
Thank you to the people who "get" what I'm saying
At the same time, why can't people post their opinions?
YOU feel that she overstepped, myself and a few others don't. Unfortunately, when you post on a public forum people can disagree with you
I'm sorry you are upset about, I truly am, but at the same time, there are several solutions to it
okay, but she wasn't looking for opinions, she was just looking for some hugs/support as a new mommy. As it might not be a big deal for you, it is for her and her feelings should be respected and not bring her more down by saying "I don't see what the big deal is"
IF she was asking for opinons that's fine, post away, but she was not.
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| Posted 9/5/09 2:28 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by CaseyGirl
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by BigB
I understand your frustration, I do....but what I have learned to do is let my mom just do it. It makes her so happy (and there are few things that make her happy!)
I also figure, hey better her money then mine! LOL...Is that horrible?
ITA with this.
I mean, DS had a costume for his first Halloween and one of my mom's friends bought him one as a gift, so he wore that one.
I'm sorry, but I don't see what the big deal is, I wish someone would buy DS' this year
Well I guess that's how you feel but that's not how I feel...it's NOT the end of the world but I do feel my mom overstepped a bit.
And to the people who called me ungrateful or whatever...just like Donna (DM24angel) said..we also tried for YEARS to have my son so I'm sorry but this is very special to me, as I'm sure it is to any mother....I am allowed to vent whenever I want...to say this is not worthy of a vent is ridiculous...I thought we could all come on here to the Parenting board to discuss things...I'll be sure to ridicule you next time any of you have a vent that I feel is "unworthy" ..I am not UNGRATEFUL or UNAPPRECIATIVE of my mother...give me a break....that's just ridiculous. You don't know me. I will put the costume on him and take a picture however I will be buying him an outfit of my own!
Thank you to the people who "get" what I'm saying
At the same time, why can't people post their opinions?
YOU feel that she overstepped, myself and a few others don't. Unfortunately, when you post on a public forum people can disagree with you
I'm sorry you are upset about, I truly am, but at the same time, there are several solutions to it
I dont think shes upset over people not agreeing with her 
It was people saying she was ungrateful and that it was not worthy of a vent or to be upset.
We dont need to belittle each others feelings or place guilt trips.
Thats harsh.
I dont think wanting to buy your own "first" for a child much wanted and waited for equals being ungrateful.
Message edited 9/5/2009 2:45:58 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/09 2:41 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Let's all remember that jen is also a brand new Mom and new to this board!!
Don't want to think we aren't the lovely board that we all know we are
Jen!!
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| Posted 9/5/09 2:47 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Posted by Stacey1403
Let's all remember that jen is also a brand new Mom and new to this board!!
Don't want to think we aren't the lovely board that we all know we are
Jen!!
We are initiating her
Jen.
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| Posted 9/5/09 2:50 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
Awwww..same thing happened to us - my Dad was in a store and saw a costume he couldn't resist for our DS (who was only 9 wks at the time of Hallowee) and showed up with it like a month b/f hallowee when he was like a month old - But I had my heart set on another costume for his first Halloween - honestly, it didn't bother me b/c I knew my Dad was just really excited too - it was his first grandson and first baby in the family in a while - so we dressed him in the other costume the night b/f and morning and took some pics and then he wore his "real" costume for the Halloween stuff - it was totally fine and of course my Dad totally understood. Why don't you try doing something like that?
ETA: After reading through all the posts I just wanted to say that even though I was very blessed to conceive my DS right away doesn't mean I was not as excited as you are - there is no way I could ever love my DS any more or value my time with him any more than I do. I don't really see what waiting for years for your DS has to do with your feelings - I think you would probably feel the same way had you conceived right away!
Message edited 9/5/2009 3:12:23 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/09 2:53 PM |
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Jen2999
Baby girls & beagles rock!
Member since 8/06 10356 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I can't believe this is even a debate.
Jen, I would totally tell your mom that you kinda wanted to pick it out with DH and ask if you can still keep the costume to wear that weekend also for pictures (it's a saturday so if you stop anywhere fri or sunday you can dress DS in it)
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| Posted 9/5/09 2:57 PM |
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luckyinlove
I love my baby girls!
Member since 12/06 2441 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I totally understand! My DD is the first baby in the family and everyone is so excited for the upcoming holidays. If the same kind of thing happens to me, I plan on thanking them, but still buying what i was planning on buying.
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| Posted 9/5/09 3:32 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Vent: my mom bought my son..
I wasn't saying that buying my son's halloween costume was more important than anyone else who did not have trouble conceiving - its just that it's something I've waited many years for!
As for the initiation, yea...I knew it had to happen sometime! :) LOL
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| Posted 9/5/09 5:03 PM |
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