Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

I just got home from the Source Mall and we are home solely because my DD (almost 20 mos) FLIPPED OUT while we were there. I mean, BAD.

We were meeting my friend and her DS, so while we were waiting for them, I figured I'd shop a little (browse). Anytime I strolled DD into a store, she started crying. By the 3rd store, she was HYSTERICAL. I was SO embarrassed, bc there was NO reason for the flip-out, other than just not wanting to be in the store. I didn't want her hysterics to dictate my decision to be in the store, so I quickly picked something out while DD SCREAMED and CRIED HYSTERICALLY. There was little consolation even possible.

SO we leave the store, she calms down, and I ask DD, "Do you want to go see Liz & Ryan?" She smiles and says yes. WELL -- we go meet our friends by the food court and when DD sees them she FLIIIIIIIIIPS. I mean, back arching, HYSTERICAL crying, snot running out of her nose, HYSTERICS. This did NOT stop for 1 second, unless my friend wasn't in sight. We were supposed to eat at the food court and go to Open Play at Gymboree, but DD just COULD NOT handle seeing my friend and her DS. They would walk away, and DD could calm down, but as soon as we went near them again, HYSTERICS. I finally decided that we had to leave bc DD was just a MESS. (She fell asleep on the way home and is now sleeping)

I am so upset by this, for a multitude of reasons. 1) I feel that her behavior was really NOT normal. I understand stranger anxiety, but a) my friend isn't a stranger, and b) DD's had stranger anxiety before but it was just clingy and whiny - not the HYSTERICS of today. 2) There's a little history here, with DD being 'odd' in Gymboree class, not wanting anything to do w/ the other children, happy playing off to the side doing her own thing, not wanting to be near any of the other children at all.

Sorry this got so long. I am just SO upset by this whole situation. It just doesn't feel right.

Thank you to anyone who read this whole thing. I'll take any hugs, words of wisdom, BTDT advice, etc. Thank you.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

I have no advice but I am sorry you both went through that

how sad

maybe she is not feeling well

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Do you think maybe she has a cold or doesn't feel well?

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

A whole lot of hugs!

Is it possible that maybe she doesn't feel well or is teething, to have set her off like that?

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

I was about to say, maybe she isn't feeling well.
This sometimes happens with DD.
And later in the day, she usually gets a fever and is not feeling well.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

I am so sorry M Is it possible she was tired, or is getting sick, or maybe her teeth were bothering her. Any of them could have contributed to separation anxiety. Did you try to take her out of the stroller, i know it can be a pain in a mall, but maybe she wanted to walk a little? I am finding that my DS is going through some separation anxiety again too. We went to my moms like 2 weeks ago (he pretty much sees them every week) and he would not let me leave the room, not even to use the bathroom. He was banging on the door and crying. and he ADORES my parents...go figure. Sometimes they just get into moods, so maybe she was just having an off day

Message edited 2/18/2009 1:05:49 PM.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

It sounds like maybe this is not a normal reaction for her? DD gets very fussy and cranky and can act strangely right before she gets sick. Is there a possibility that she is just not feeling well and doesn't know how to react other than to freak out and want her mommy?

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Could it be that she was having an "off " day? As far as gymboree class, does she always go off on her own and play ny herself? Maybe she is intimidated by the other kids. I would speak with your ped..but not worry too much about it.

All kids have their moments. Even the "best" behaved kids have meltdowns

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Maybe like others said she was just having an "off" day. I've had days like that with my DD and like you, for NO reason at all. Around the same age too. It took me almost 10 minutes just to get her in the truck and strap her in.

Did that friend of hers every do anything to upset her? I know my DD is extremely sensitive and her feelings get hurt easily and there was one day we had a play date and one of the girls took something from her...a few times and that combined with no nap sent her into complete hysterics. I know she felt intimidated by the girl and any time she came near her she was HYSTERICAL.

And at 2 years my DD still does her own thing with groups of children - she takes time to warm up and backs away when kids with strong personalities are present. HTH.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

I have gone through that with DS MANY MANY times. I know how embarrassing it is.

Your DD may have just had an off day. Sometimes we are in bad moods for no reason, maybe she was too?

DS is much better, but he used to be so tempermental with going out, I have many times just left stores because of his fits.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

OK this must be a 20 month old thing-b/c my DD who is the same age is doing this. she is definitely more of a "loner" type- i mean she likes being on her own, even at Gymboree and even at daycare. so i know she is not the biggest social butterfly-but she is friendly and likes other kids. anyway, she does the same thing at the mall in the stores but is fine in the hallway part. i found that as long as she had a snack to occupy her she stopped crying. but then recently the weirdest thing has been happening. she has been totally freaking our whenever my older brother is around! this is out of nowhere. he is not unfamilliar, not scary-she always liked him no problem. even worse, the freaking out would happen in restaurants mostly (since we go out a lot with him and my SIL and nephew) she WILL NOT absolutely will not sit with him being at the table! we took her to a restaurant w/o him and she is fine. once he is there she is a screaming hysterical mess-it is a total mystery to me. i am completely stumped by this behavior. just recently it has gotten better. she actually ate out with him at the table yesterday for lunch-but there was a huge group of us. it was still an improvement though. hang in there! i totally know how upsetting and confusing it is. i feel totally helpless with this. i am just waiting it out! i am sorry you are experiencing it!

Message edited 2/18/2009 1:15:29 PM.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

If its not normal behavior, then I would say try not to worry unless you start to see a pattern and then maybe talk to the Ped about it to ease your mind?

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

I know how upsetting this can be. My son is 18 months and I go through a lot of the same. He's ok in stores usually but when he doesn't want to do something he is very strong willed and not afraid to flip out if need be. And it is totally embarrassing. I think it is just their own personality and way to express themselves. My son is not very vocal yet so I think that lends to the tantrums.

But about the playing by themselves thing. He kind of does that too. for the last month I've been so preoccupied with the behavior. Again, he only wants to do what he wants to do. I think daycare has helped in this regard once he moved to the toddler room because what I noticed (by watching his interaction from afar without him knowing I'm there) is that he acts very differently when I'm not around. When I walk in the door he shuns other kids. he doesn't want them to come near us. Mommy's here. I only want mommy. He does have pretty bad stranger anxiety by the way. But when mommy's gone they've told me that in the last 6 weeks they've seen a big change with him and he is participating now so I kind of feel better.

At 18 months I think they're still on the cusp of transitioning from parallel play to interactive play with children. Does your DD go to school/daycare? If not it might be worthwhile to look into a day or so just to get her into a situation where she will learn to participate without you there. I just found that my son needs to be away from me to participate and learn this behavior because when I'm around he only wants to play with me. Which is fine but I want for him to learn how to socialize.

And she could just be having an off day too

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Thank you all, so much, for your words and hugs.

I suppose it's possible she isn't feeling well. I didn't see any signs earlier in the day, but who knows. She did fall asleep in the car over an hour earlier than her usual nap time. I will see what she's like when she wakes up.

My head has been pounding since this happened. I kind of want to cry myself.

As far as Gymboree class, she just loves playing with the stuffed animals, running around with them and jumping on the mats, dancing to the music. But anything organized, she pretty much stays away from. Except the parachute/bubble time - she loves that. Gymboree is pretty much the extent of her "social life" (aside from getting together with friends every once in a while - when I work she's home w/ our nanny 3 days/week and my parents 2 days). I will need to work on improving that.

If this sort of behavior persists, I will definitely call the ped.

Thanks again, everyone.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

My son did that a few weeks ago, it was complete out of character and I put it down to anxiety about potty training (we had an unsuccessful go at potty training, we will try again next month) We were in the supermarket and I left my shopping and took him home.

It was awful, and I was upset, but stuff happens! I think I handled it well, lets just hope it doesn't happen again!

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Oh M, I'm so sorry you guys had a rough day Sounds like little momma put you through the wringer today.

You’ve seen my DD at OUATT…clingy, doesn’t want to play with other kids for a LONG time. She definitely prefers older kids, she finds them very intriguing, she doesn’t interact a ton with kids her age (as you’ve seen from our GTGs). I don't know HOW she'd be in a group setting like that, like Gymboree or something.

As for your friend & son, sounds like she was just in a mood and they were a trigger for her, by no fault of their own. I’m sorry you guys missed out on a fun day b/c she was having a rough day. Hopefully after her nap she’s more content.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

Jack is a nightmare when I am shopping -- he flips out the second I walk into a store and the second I walk out I'm fine. I literally have to bring a bag of toys and snacks to pray that they occupy him even for a little bit so that I can get some shopping done. This is really only at places like the mall. When he is in the cart he is great.

I think she was just having an off day - I wouldn't worry too much. I know how hard it is to unwind after a day like that.

I also think that they are at the age where they know what they want to do -- and if they are not happy they are going to let us know!

Message edited 2/19/2009 8:51:16 AM.

Re: Very upset about DD - need some hugs and maybe some advice

DS will do that (not the screaming part!) but when he has had it he wants out and that's all he cares about. Then he is all fine when we get to the car. It could be part of them just growing up, not wanting to be in the stroller for hours. Just being frustrated as they can't do what they want.