Very upset- question for working moms (LONG)

I just headed out the door to go to work. As I was about to leave, DS woke up crying. DH, just laying down to sleep got angry. I told him I would nurse DS since I had an extra 10 minutes. Well, it wasn't long enough. He wanted to be held a bit longer. I told DH I had to go. He throws the covers off himself and mutters 'G-- Damn it!' Then he starts slamming bottles down to feed the baby. I left the house hysterical and can't stop crying. I feel like I'm letting DH and DS down.

This happens often. DH begs me to bring DS with me to work, since I have to be up all night anyway. He complains because he hears him tossing and turning in the night and it keeps him up. HELLO!!!! It keeps me up when I'm not working and DH is snoring away the night.

DH is getting so much better with the baby, now that the baby likes to play. But many days/nights that I am working he makes it sound like he is going through hell having to watch him. I go through the same stuff!!!! I know it's hard with our work schedules being so screwy and family being so far away.

Does anybody have a DH that seems to resent you working, but will also complain if the money wasn't there? What am I to do?


Vent over.

Re: Very upset- question for working moms (LONG)

With your schedules, how much time is there when the 3 of you are together? I think that if you had more time to appreciate the baby together, some of the stress would dissipate. You'd get to laugh at the silliness of babies, etc!!!! I'm just assuming that the work schedules do not give you a lot of that. Also, I assume you are still running to doctors a lot. When I had to do that, we were both really stressed.

Re: Very upset- question for working moms (LONG)

Posted by Kerie-is-so-very

With your schedules, how much time is there when the 3 of you are together? I think that if you had more time to appreciate the baby together, some of the stress would dissipate. You'd get to laugh at the silliness of babies, etc!!!! I'm just assuming that the work schedules do not give you a lot of that. Also, I assume you are still running to doctors a lot. When I had to do that, we were both really stressed.

Re: Very upset- question for working moms (LONG)

ITA with Kerie.

Also being overly tired REALLY can make you a crank. Rob was a misery when Robbie was little. I don't want to give you all the details - but he even moved into the living room for a short time because the baby was too noisy.

For us it was a matter of my really sitting down and making him realize that we were in this together and that Robbie depended as much on him as he did on me - if not for food than for his emotional and social well being. Men are not the innate nurturers that many women are. They need to be reminded that growing a person requires a LOT of time and energy and love and interaction. And sometimes Rob needed to be reminded MORE than once (or twice or three times.. ).

I know how tough it can be but I would say try not to let him see you cry about it. If your DH is anything like mine he might equate crying with a form of female manipulation or weakness rather than frustration or anger. I'd sit him down and remind him - however many times it takes - that you know he is tired and you KNOW this is hard but that it will get easier and the rewards will be there when his son looks up at him one day and wraps his chubby arms around his neck and says "You're the best Dad and I want to be just like you!"

Hang in there Kelly!

Message edited 6/23/2008 6:42:27 AM.

Re: Very upset- question for working moms (LONG)

I don't think this is really about you -- I think he is just coming to terms with the harsh reality of caring for a baby. It is exhausting, and stressful for both of you and right now he isn't coping very well. (It will be your turn next week to freak out!)

Is there anyway to get him a break to catch up on some rest?

Re: Very upset- question for working moms (LONG)

Kelly, I FULLY understand b/c DH & I were on the same opposite skeds & in the beginning (2-5 months) DH was watching DD in the daytime as soon as he got in from work. He was NOT a happy camper. DH had the same "episodes" w/ muttering & being loud to get her bottle, etc.

We sat down & talked about how we're both sacrificing & it won't always be like this & how we're both tired. YET for some reason he just thought HE was feeling tired/overwhelmed & could only see his side. Thankfully we have parents that live close & they truly help us out w/ childcare & also w/ allowing us to go out here/there at night. We truly needed this. It seems w/ your schedules this is what you're lacking Kelly & all the work & childcare is just too much & you don't have enough couple/alone time.

I'm sorry you're going through this

Message edited 6/23/2008 7:24:27 AM.