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Belladonna219
HOT MAMA
Member since 2/07 2642 total posts
Name:
Belladonna219
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I think crying and being devastated as the OP stated is a bit of a extreme reaction for the mother to have in my personal opinion. To me a healthy baby is a blessing no matter what the sex is.
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Posted 8/8/08 4:52 PM  |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I would have to tell them to shut it and be grateful the child is healthy! Seriously, do peope have nothing in their lives to worry about that they have to b!tch about such things.....lets hope they never do have a REAL worry!
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| Posted 8/8/08 4:52 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I myself would find it hard to deal with someone telling me they were devastated over the sex of their child. Do I think they have every right to be upset if they were hoping for one sex? Absolutely. I just happen to think being devastated is a term more reserved for a loss of life.
I have had someone very dear to me cry uncontrollably over finding out the sex of their child. I let them mourn what they had planned on and helped them move on to realize the blessing they were being given. Sometimes it just takes a shoulder to cry on to get over it. Anything longer and I would probably feel the person was being selfish.
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| Posted 8/8/08 4:56 PM |
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MrsR
My love.
Member since 5/05 6247 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
well I think if you are her friend you keep your mouth shut, let her vent, and all move on. She is entitled to her feelings even if you think they are wrong. She isn't a bad person for being human and she obviously feels close enough to trust you with her innermost feelings.
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| Posted 8/8/08 4:59 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I've sat on both sides of the table on this one.
The responses you get are generally based on people's experiences.
Anyone who has suffered through the loss of a child, a bad miscarriage or IF in general, would probably light the person up.
Before we had the girls, I'd probably want to smack the person for such a thought. They're not WRONG to feel that way. Feelings are feelings - but to say it to someone going through IF is a bad move.
It's funny because they say all men want a son. I wouldn't say ALL men, but a large percentage. When we found out we were having two girls, the most common question Christine was asked was, "how does Don feel?" As if I was supposed to be upset.
I couldn't believe it - after all we went through, gender was the LAST thing on my mind. But, that was because of my experience and situation - which is likely different from your friend's.
Now, we have two girls. IF we ever wanted to try for a third (we don't) - I MIGHT have like 10 seconds of brief disappointment if it was another girl, only because after having two girls, a boy would be nice.
Yes, it would be nice - but I wouldn't be devastated or slip into a depression over it. It would be a nice "to have" - but if it didn't pan out, it didn't pan out. The health is the most important thing - and I'd be thankful for what I was blessed with.
So, your friend isn't wrong. Everyone's feelings are different based on experience.
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| Posted 8/8/08 5:15 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by chmlengr
I think she's entitled to her feelings. I wouldn't really say much to her, I would just try some positive spins on having 2 of the same sex because to be that "devastated" about it seems a little much, IMO.
ITA. Ladies, let's keep in mind that she is preggo and hormonal. Everyone's pregancy is different, I cried when I was happy, when I was sad, whenever. I was a total mess, but a happy mess.
I cannot have any more children and I think yeah, she should be grateful. YES I would like to slap her but then I stop myself b/c I know in my heart THAT SHE IS GRATEFUL, just hormonal and a little disappointed b/c she wanted a girl. I know when I was preggo I hoped I was having a girl and I would envision all the mommy / daughter stuff we would do in her lifetime. She was hoping for the same thing and her hormones are all over the place too.
I know when I was preggo I would cry at the drop of a hat and was "devastated" when DH painted our house and the color of the paint in the great room was not the color on the swatch and he had to repaint it. I literally cried for 3 hours and was so upset. Partly b/c DH was upstate at our house painting for 2 weeks while I was preggo on LI by myself for 2 weeks. AND renovating our house was beyond stressful.
Just be patient and gentle with her now. After she has the baby you guys will go out for drinks and laugh about how crazy and hormonal she was during this time, KWIM?
Message edited 8/8/2008 5:20:47 PM.
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| Posted 8/8/08 5:17 PM |
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MrsR
My love.
Member since 5/05 6247 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I also wanted to add that my DH had a really hard time when he found out we were having a girl. There was NO hiding the fact that he wanted a boy. He felt insecure about what to do with a girl - how to connect with her..he is from a family of all boys!
It took him a long time to come around - and he really turned to his other guy friends that had daughters for support. They were able to convince him that he will be thrilled with a little girl and that he will really feel a connection with her.
I would have been really mad if they just said to him - be grateful dude....its insensitive in my opinion. They really helped him through it and you know what - this time around he actually WANTS another girl because he loves ours so much!!!
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| Posted 8/8/08 5:26 PM |
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laurabora
LIF Adult
Member since 4/07 2712 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by thinkpink
I really don't think anyone should judge what anyone else wants. It is clearly important to your friend, how is fighting her on it going to help her or your friendship.
I also think that there are many men who want a boy and people are OK with that. A woman wants a little girl and she is told the be grateful just to have a baby.
I agree completely. I really don't understand how it is terribly wrong to hope to experience both genders and everything that goes with them. If she were rubbing it in the face of someone with infertility, yes, she would be wrong. But being sad for a few minutes is hardly a crime.
It's always a possibility that a girl will turn out to be a tomboy who wants nothing to do with dresses or dolls, who never gets married or doesn't even want a relationship with her mother. But that doesn't stop me from thinking about dressing up a little girl, doing her hair, helping her pick a wedding gown, etc. It's something I would love the opportunity to do but if I don't get the chance, that's the way the cookie crumbles.
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| Posted 8/8/08 5:34 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I think i would do both. I do think it is disappointing not to get the sex that you want. I know i would have kinda been disappointed.
But i would have quickly gotten over it. A HEALTHY baby is MOST important and that is what i would remind the person
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| Posted 8/8/08 5:43 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
A lil rough Barb but I agree. And I suffered(truly) with IF, losses, surgeries etc for 3 yrs. Whenever someone says you shouldn't feel this way because you should be grateful I don't think its very honest...I mean I am not a parent but doesn't anyone ever complain about their kids, husband, family? It doesn't mean you are not grateful-just human.
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| Posted 8/8/08 5:50 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
while i agree with the general vibe - I will reiterate that if someone is disappointed - that's their feelings and their right to feel that way
But they need to be mindful of who they express those feelings to. I would hope that no one would ever say something like that to someone going through, or who had experienced IF, a child loss, or a miscarriage, That's just plain insensitive.
My biggest pet peeve, and this may be for another topic and probably not on this board - is when people going through IF, finally get PG, and then have a gender preference. That baffles me. If you had a boy, and were disappointed a bit on the second one that it wasn't a girl - I can see that.
But when someone does IVF or an IUI and gets PG after a lengthy struggle, and turns around and has a preference - that is mind boggling to me. They're not wrong for their feelings - but from where I sit, that's just crazy.
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| Posted 8/8/08 6:06 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
I agree....
I will admit I was a little disappointed during my 2nd pg when we found out it was another boy. DH said that he could see it in my face when the technician said It's a boy. I moped for a couple of hours bc I really wanted a girl, but I didn't cry or say anything to other people. I got over it.
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| Posted 8/8/08 6:11 PM |
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JTK
my 4 boys!
Member since 6/06 7396 total posts
Name:
Kristi
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
ITA!! well said..
i Hate when people say you should be grateful for ....
I was definitly disappointed when my late was not a girl.. but i love him to pieces just as much as would a girl
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| Posted 8/8/08 6:22 PM |
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JRD2008
CT. here we come!!
Member since 5/08 2944 total posts
Name:
Kathleen
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
When I get pregnant with # 2, I would be lying if I said I didn't hope it was a girl. I would just love to have one of each. But if God blesses us with another healthy son, I will be just as happy. Just because I would have a few minutes of dissapointment at the fact that the baby wasn't a girl, does not mean I wouldn't love and adore him just as much as I do Joey. And, DH wanted a girl so badly when I was pregnant, he was the disappointed one when it was a boy!! He really wants a "Daddy's little girl". Go figure!
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| Posted 8/8/08 6:24 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I would console anyone who was hurting or who had a heartbreak - no matter how silly I felt the reason was.
I have 2 boys - and I will admit it - I felt a little pang of disappointment when they shouted "It's a Boy!" - but I couldn't love him more if I tried. And NOW? If I were to have a 3rd, I think I might actually WANT a boy - even though I'd take whatever I get!
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| Posted 8/8/08 6:28 PM |
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FelAndJon
needs to update her avatar pic
Member since 6/05 10212 total posts
Name:
Felice (aka LuckyBride2004)
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by MrsR
well I think if you are her friend you keep your mouth shut, let her vent, and all move on. She is entitled to her feelings even if you think they are wrong. She isn't a bad person for being human and she obviously feels close enough to trust you with her innermost feelings.
I have to agree with this 
We did not find out what we are having (we didn't with our first either). It is because we truly do not care either way. Yes, part of me would like a little girl to dress up in cute little dresses, paint her nails, and all the other things mommies do with little girls. The other part of me really wants another little boy because little boys love their mommies endlessly and I always wanted to have 2 of the same sex.
I have said all long with this pregnancy, if this is a girl, I will most likely go for a third (if we are blessed with a third) because I always wanted to have 2 of the same sex. If this is another boy, I don't know if I would go for a third because I really don't know if I would want 3 boys (that is a lot of testosterone when they they are teenagers!!)! Yes, I would be blessed regardless, but it just how I feel.
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| Posted 8/8/08 6:43 PM |
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Erica
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 11767 total posts
Name:
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by dandr10199
Ladies, let's keep in mind that she is preggo and hormonal. Everyone's pregancy is different, I cried when I was happy, when I was sad, whenever. I was a total mess, but a happy mess.
This was my first thought. There are some crazy hormones that go through our bodies and sometimes it's tough to deal with them and the fatigue and the sickness can all compound. If it were my friend, who never complains about a thing, I would be there to listen, tell her the positives of having the same sex (what I have), how someday I would like a girl, so I understand the desire for a gender and how the hormones do a number on us and sumpathize with that.
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| Posted 8/8/08 7:13 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
It's a BABY.
Enough said.
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| Posted 8/8/08 7:23 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
I agree with this ALL!
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| Posted 8/8/08 7:51 PM |
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I would tell them "just wait until you look into their eyes". How could not love the child you just had regardless of sex.
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| Posted 8/8/08 8:16 PM |
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
You have to consider this woman is pregnant, she is dealing with a lot of hormones as well. People may think crying is going overboard but when I was preg. I would hysterically cry at the ASPCA commercials. Whether others think its right or wrong, you can't help the way you feel. I would probably try to help her get excited.
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| Posted 8/8/08 9:04 PM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
i would listen to what she had to say and not pass judgement. it is a natural feeling to expect one thing and get another. most people will adjust to the surprise within a few days, but she needs to do that on her own.
i think to tell her that there are women who can't have children is kind of like our parents telling us there are starving children in africa when we don't eat our veggies--it doesn't hit home at the time and doesn't make the person feel better.
she needs time to come to terms with what she has without people being upset at her.
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| Posted 8/8/08 9:06 PM |
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Moehick
Ready for the sun!
Member since 5/05 30339 total posts
Name:
Properly perfect™
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Just as we all will sit here and say don't tell people how to feel it would be a lie to say people don't pass judgement...I see it all the time in real life and especially on here
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| Posted 8/8/08 9:10 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I'll prob be in a minority here but I'll say it anyway...people need a huge reality check.
The chances of either gender are 50/50. There are no guarantees in life. Being disappointed and upset to the point of devestation is WRONG.
A healthy baby is a blessing. A baby is a miracle from god and this is how I truly feel. I think pregnancy hormones can only account for a fraction of that feeling of devestation.
I don't know. I guess I look around and I see people struggling to get pregnant...and I see people with sick children...just today I saw a boy around 5 years old hooked up to a tube and trach. being pushed in a wheelchair...he could not do a thing for himself, it was obvious.
And then you have people who have the blessing of a healthy beautiful baby and feel "disappointed". Sorry. I may sound harsh but this is how I feel. GET OVER IT. Accept your child for what it is..a GIFT. Move on and realize that you've been dealt a great hand in life...this is how I feel and I cannot change that.
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| Posted 8/8/08 9:28 PM |
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babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
Name:
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
ITA.
If I were the person's friend, I'd probably would let them get over the shock. They had built up something in their head and they need a little time to adjust.
If they aren't over it, say, by a minute after the baby is born, then I'd slap them upside the head.
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| Posted 8/8/08 9:33 PM |
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