What would you do or how would you feel

so my SIL and BIL are getting a divorce - he cheated and has subsequently decided that he doesn't love her anymore. They are also the godparents to DS.
This is DH's sister - DH is of the opinion that he doesn't want DS to be around X-BIL any more. While I understand and agree that perhaps hes not the best example of a man... i dont know if its right to basically ex-communicate him from DS's life. xBIL loves him dearly as him and my SIL never had kids...

I guess I just feel bad what would y'all do?
Let me add that I do not have a relationship with soon to be x-BIL - him and I had a falling out on Fathers Day and that was the last straw for me... I tolerate him because of my husband and his sister

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

It sounds like cutting out x-BIL is in everyone's best interest. Any continued contact will cause animosity with DH and your SIL, and you too.
I'm sure xBIL loves DS, but he supposedly loved your SIL as well. If you're cheating on, then leaving your spouse, there are consequences.

Message edited 1/10/2017 11:05:57 AM.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

You have to cut him out.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

I would say because there is already issues, I would cut him out. This isn't always black and white but I say in this situation, it's the right move.

What would you do or how would you feel

Since nobody has a relationship with him I would cut him out...

What would you do or how would you feel

Be civil, but I would not foster any relationship between him and your son. He cheated and, thus, showed little regard to both his immedate and extended family. Let him go and good riddance.

What would you do or how would you feel

ok y'all thus far sound like DH... and I do understand what DH is saying I guess like I said I felt bad... and tried to put myself in shoes... mistakes and all. But yes XBIL and have never had a good relationship and I thought this would eventually happen...just sad for SIL because she is a good person with some issues but was completely blindsided by him saying he didn't love her anymore. :( I think she was going to try and work it out...not anymore. Thanks ladies!

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

I would cut him out.

What would you do or how would you feel

I think it's in everyones best interest to move on. I don't see him being an active Godparent amid this type of family turmoil and could lead to a lot more problems down the road.

What would you do or how would you feel

Do you think he will try to maintain a relationship now? Also, How old is your son? I feel that could play maybe the biggest role in things going forward. I don't think I would not be including him on birthday parties and such, especially in the beginning of this separation but if he was really reaching out and looking to spend time with my child I might let them do occasional things together. But since you have no relationship with him either it seems even more difficult. I think a lot of effort would need to be put forth on his part for me to go out of my way to accommodate him at all based on what you've said. And I definitely wouldn't put my relationship with my husband at risk to try to uphold the ex-bil relationship with my son. I feel like he would be distancing himself from you all anyway though and you may not need to worry about this in the first place even though it's sad for your son.

What would you do or how would you feel

I would cut him out especially since he doesn't have children with SIL so there is no reason for them to even stay in touch. You need to think about your sister in laws feeling over your brother in laws

What would you do or how would you feel

Cut your ties. Regardless what happened you need to support your SIL.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

What would you do or how would you feel

I would let my SIL decide, if she feels like it is okay for him to see your son here or there then I would allow it.

What would you do or how would you feel

I don't think it is as simple as just cut him out. It would depend on what type of relationship you want him and your son to have. If the divorce was amicable and there was no cheating would you feel the same way. What type of relationship does he have now with your son? I would just see how he proceeds in the future with your DS. I agree that I would not be inviting him to any family BBQ's or parties but perhaps they could have a relationship outside of "family" events.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

I'd cut him out, more so because you and DH don't have a relationship and IMO no relationship with parents means no relationship with young children. If DS is young enough he probably won't even remember him.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

No way- if you can't stand to be around him and he treated your SIL so poorly, why would you want your child to continue to have a relationship with him?

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

Cut him out.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

I think it would be best for the entire family if he was no longer part of it.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

Don't worry, you won't have to cut him out.. He'll remove himself on his own!

He was a shit%y husband, shit%y BIL, it's only natural he would be an equally shit%y uncle.

Message edited 1/10/2017 8:04:47 PM.

What would you do or how would you feel

If he's divorcing your SIL I doubt he'll make any effort to remain part of your lives.

Re: What would you do or how would you feel

one thing has nothing to do with the other. id let him see the kid.

What would you do or how would you feel

Eventually your SIL will move on and hopefully remarry which than could be weird bc the new DH will become uncle so and so and the ex would still be uncle too? He doesnt deserve that role anymore (speaking from experience btw )

Re: What would you do or how would you feel