Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.

To the OP....yes I thought the wording was rude and yes I understand that you didn't mean to be. But understand that when you start making statements (for example) about how lower income area = lower intelligence it can get ugly on a forum board...for the simple fact that its a PUBLIC forum board with 10,000 different people each with their different opinions.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

If the goal is to feel intellectually stimulated I would suggest you figure out where you want to live based on what you can afford, the actual area and school districts. Then once you fall in love with the feel and look of the area, search for classes, groups and activities with people who are like minded or start one yourself. Perhaps a book club for starters.

The college town feel will only come from another college town.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

I think forest hills would be a good place for you to start.

Half of my family lives in Boston (Weston, newton, and city) they are quite intelligent and have done extremely well for themselves. They are the wealthy side of the family. My family on long island, not as well off. That being said, these places are not affordable for average joe.


In these neighborhoods, if you don't have the $$ these people do, you won't fit in no matter how bright a person is.

FH has all income levels, and it's very diverse.

Good luck!

Message edited 10/18/2012 10:16:07 AM.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

I posted earlier that I thought your post sounded obnoxious, but I also said maybe you didn't mean to and that it just came across that way.

After seeing more of your posts, I totally understand what you are saying. I think it's just the title of your post that struck me the wrong way.

I'm not bashing or trying to insult you at all, and I hope find what you are looking for.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by rojerono


I wasn't insulted by your question and I think I understood it and I don't see it or you in a negative light AT ALL.

It wasn't so much about how classically intelligent other people are. It wasn't about feeling superior to the people you are around. It was merely that you enjoy conversations that stimulate you and get you thinking. You are looking to engage with people on a deeper level. Instead of rote conversations, you want to have richer and deeper discourse that evolves naturally and in interesting ways.

That's not abnormal, that's not bad and the reason many of the ladies are on this forum is because - consciously or not - they enjoy the same type of thing.

So I do get it and I understand it and I appreciate it and I like the EXACT same thing.

But - as you have acknowledged - your wording could have been better. Now, remember this is the internet so your tone and intention don't carry as well in written format.

So to paraphrase slightly:

"I want to find a place where I fit in like I did in my last home town"
THEREFORE
"I am looking for a community of smart people"
CONCLUSION (using a very basic logic): Your current community isn't working because the people aren't smart enough for you.

This comes off as though you lack humility and have a large ego. This can be off putting. Additionally, people really like to put pins in large egos, so it makes you a fair target in the minds of many.

"Lower income neighborhoods do not have as high a concentration of degree holder."
"I lived in a high income area and found there to be a lot of snobbery"
"I want to live in an area that is neither wealthy or poor"
CONCLUSION (using funky internet logic): You use education level as a yardstick to determine intelligence. You view poor people who can't afford higher degrees as less intelligent and therefore do not feel a community with them. You feel people in wealthier communities are snobbish and therefore don't feel a sense of community with them either.

Anyone on here who doesn't have a degree or loves someone who doesn't have a degree will read that and be annoyed at the perception that you can't see intelligence if it isn't proven by a piece of paper. People who live in poorer neighborhoods will feel annoyed by the judgement that their community lacks intelligence based on the number of degree holders per capita. People who live in wealthy areas will be aggravated that they've been deemed snobby based on your personal experience with what appears to be a single wealthy area.

I don't think you were trying to come off overly intellectual, egotistical or rude. I think you seem sweet and like you are just trying to find your place. I wasn't insulted at all by your words and I do feel terrible that you were picked on because it does suck to be called out whether it is justified or not. But I do think you are probably best off leaving the subject alone at this point and just keep on keeping on. Defending yourself on this is not going to get you were you want to be. You tried to explain yourself.. now just take a deep breath, understand what may have been communicated incorrectly and continue posting.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.
.

I see a big difference between simply telling someone that you find their post to be rude and/ or offensive and completely berating and humiliating them ( I am not saying PP did that - I have no idea who said what). You can answer someone without being cruel.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.

To the OP....yes I thought the wording was rude and yes I understand that you didn't mean to be. But understand that when you start making statements (for example) about how lower income area = lower intelligence it can get ugly on a forum board...for the simple fact that its a PUBLIC forum board with 10,000 different people each with their different opinions.

Message edited 10/18/2012 11:16:58 AM.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by brownie

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.

To the OP....yes I thought the wording was rude and yes I understand that you didn't mean to be. But understand that when you start making statements (for example) about how lower income area = lower intelligence it can get ugly on a forum board...for the simple fact that its a PUBLIC forum board with 10,000 different people each with their different opinions.

I don't think you said anything rude--not sure why you're being picked on for this. Disagreeing or telling someone what you think they wrote is rude is not "being catty or obnoxious".

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by mommajay



Thank you so much. I wish I understood how I offended so many people. I'm guessing it was the statement I made about how, in general, people in low-income areas are less educated than people in high-income areas... but that's not my opinion, it's a fact! I thought it was a well-understood fact. There's a simple correlation between income level and higher education level. But I'm a single mom in a lower income bracket just looking for some like-minded people. I can't afford those high-income areas, so I was asking for towns that might be more middle-class but still value education and have the kind of vibe I'm looking for.

Daisy, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me where I was rude, because I didn't mean to be.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Don't know, but I can tell you where they don't live

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by 4ForMe

I posted earlier that I thought your post sounded obnoxious, but I also said maybe you didn't mean to and that it just came across that way.

After seeing more of your posts, I totally understand what you are saying. I think it's just the title of your post that struck me the wrong way.

I'm not bashing or trying to insult you at all, and I hope find what you are looking for.

Where do the smart people live?

Rojerono, thank you for the analysis. :) I really do appreciate it, and it helps me to see how it was interpreted.

I think the main thing that people were bristling about was the comment about income level and degrees. It's just frustrating me because I know that I never said (or meant) that poor people can't be smart, or that you need a degree to be smart.

So! As my final comment on this, I just want to point out a few things:

-My best friend, who barely graduated from high school, is one of the smartest people I know. I know that education level is only loosely correlated with intelligence level.

-I never said that I'm smart... only that I like to hang around with smart people. :)

-I don't believe that all rich people are snobby.

-I understand that smart people live everywhere. I was just wondering aloud if there are some areas with higher concentrations of smart people than others, regardless of financial status.

-My title was meant to be read with a grin.

-I don't mean to overdramatize what happened here, but it was still an interesting microcosm... I did unquestionably get mocked and bullied for a while there, and I felt like total crap. It screwed up my whole day yesterday even when I knew that was silly. As you can imagine, I've always been a bit of a "nerd" and known my share of bullying back from my school days, when the popular kids thought it was funny to pick on the nerds. For a while, this brought me right back there, to those lousy old feelings. But then, unlike in school, a whole horde of people came to help me back up... and I feel so much better today knowing that there are people who don't stand by and let someone get annihilated for no good reason on their watch. And some of the people who joined in apologized. So thank you so much for that. I can get past the few people who are insisting on misreading what I wrote as long as I feel like I have friends. And it all comes full circle, because that's what this thread was all about: feeling lonely, feeling out of place, and trying to find a group to fit in with. I have found some good people here, and I appreciate it.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by HoneyBadger

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.

Will you be my new best friend?

Message edited 10/18/2012 2:27:25 PM.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by Daisy32

Posted by HoneyBadger

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.

Will you be my new best friend?

Depends.....if you can answer yes to any of the following:
a) make a great beef stew
b) have a trampoline in your backyard
c) can hook me up with a lifetime supply of Salted Carmel Mochas from Starbucks

If you can answer yes to any of the above...then yes i will

To the OP just ignore everyone including myself ....and I'm not being snarky either. This is a tough crowd sometimes.

Message edited 10/18/2012 2:37:38 PM.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by HoneyBadger

Posted by Daisy32

Posted by HoneyBadger

Posted by Daisy32

I love the mentality that if you think someone is being rude AND YOU SAY SO- you are automatically a bully.

Yeah ok. Typical.

Will you be my new best friend?

Depends.....if you can answer yes to any of the following:
a) make a great beef stew
b) have a trampoline in your backyard
c) can hook me up with a lifetime supply of Salted Carmel Mochas from Starbucks

If you can answer yes to any of the above...then yes i will

To the OP just ignore everyone including myself ....and I'm not being snarky either. This is a tough crowd sometimes.

Yes I can make a great beef stew (passed down from my dad )
Sadly, I do not own a trampoline, but goddamn they are fun to jump on! <---- that's a dude jumping on a trampoline
I got nothing when it comes to Starbucks. I don't even drink nor like coffee.

And I agree, these waters can be rough and rather shark infested. Never let anyone get to you that much, we're not worth it.

ETA: To the OP, I sincerely apologize for making you feel so bad.

Re: Where do the smart people live?

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by mommajay

Would "intellectuals" be less loaded? I know I'm in dangerous territory for even asking such a thing, but I don't know how else to ask it. ;) I know that, in general, poorer areas are going to have less-educated people and richer areas will have higher-educated people, but I wonder if there's somewhere in between that thoughtful people congregate. :) I'm guessing I'd find plenty of intellectuals near Stony Brook because of all the students and professors near there, for instance.

I think I understand what you're asking.

Being that you lived in Boston which is a HUGE college city (condensed into a relatively small'ish area) there are lots of academics walking around and you're surrounded by academia more than your average town. I get that "feeling" you're looking for. Totally.

Since you mentioned Stony Brook, I will respond to that. I live in Stony Brook and it's a really nice town to live in BUT it does not have that feeling you're looking for............even though the university is right here. It's like any other town on the island and despite the college being here, it doesn't have that college town, academic feel within the community. Obviously if you're hanging out on campus it will be different but when you're out and about around town, it's really nothing out of the ordinary. KWIM?

While there are many nice towns on the island to live in I don't thing you're really going to find any that fit the "feeling" you're looking for. It's just not a really college, academic kind of community around here like some towns in other states are. Good luck though!!

Where do the smart people live?

I spent a lot of time in Boston too. Though I wasn't really a fan of that area/vibe, I totally understand what you mean.

Here in Suffolk - like a PP said, maybe Huntington Village. Not sure, but maybe even East Hampton, if that's not too far.

Where do the smart people live?

I know it's not on your radar, but I really enjoyed living in Brightwaters. I grew up in Boston and it really had that "home" vibe I missed so much when I lived in Deer Park and West Babylon. Reminded me so much of the Boston area. We moved to CT and I still miss Brightwaters. Nice little hidden gem.

Re: Where do the smart people live?