why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Why is it so hard to make new friends with other moms? so the kids can get together



its so fusterating
Anyone else?

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

I hear you! I feel like every other mom is just not interested in any more friends. And I really wonder how any new friendships happen if that's the case. SOMEONE's got to be making an effort.

I have an older daughter and it was so much easier because most of my friends from before kids had girls at the same time so the transition was seamless. Now with DS it's much harder.

What I do is, I try to reach out to the entire family. Like we have entire families over for a bbq so the kids can hang out and we can get to know the parents in a casual setting and make adult connections as well. I'm also more likely to accept an invitation if my whole family is going. Or we try to meet up at a carnival or fair which also takes the pressure off.

i look forward to the time when my kids can maintain their own friendships and I can go back to hanging out with the adults I actually want to be friends with

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Try doing it when you have social anxiety disorder and are super uncomfortable around other people and in social settings. Plus you work full time.
It's impossible.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

I am one of those moms who has zero interest in becoming friends with my kids friends moms. I am a single mom with a full time job and 3 kids, a house, friends that I have had since high school and no desire whatsoever to add more people to my already crazy existence. I know that the other moms think I am an antisocial b*tch and frankly, I dont care. I will pick up or drop off the kids wherever they are headed (teenagers and middle schoolers with lots to do sports wise and friends wise) but I am not having coffee or chatting with the moms. I engage in small talk sometimes at the baseball field, but I try to keep that to a minimum there as well... I am there to see my kid play, not coffee clutch.

why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

How old is your son? When my daughter was in kindergarten, we had a Halloween party and invited all of the girls from the class. From that point on we became friends with the kids and mothers . I also signed her up for Girl Scouts in kindergarten. Maybe you can do Cub Scouts? You can also be involved in the PTA, you can meet moms that way at night at meetings or helping out at the school or whatever. You have to put yourself out there to actually make friends though!

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Because people suck. They’re lazy & can’t be bothered. You text them & they never get back to you. You suggest getting together, or just getting the kids together to play, and they don’t respond. It’s too much for them give me a break. If I can manage to make an effort with 3 young kids and working full time, anyone can. It’s sad for the kids more than anything because they miss out on friendships, or lose a good friendship they already had, because their parents are antisocial, lazy, it’s not a priority, whatever the reason. Now I seek out and make plans with other parents who are like-minded, and want the kids to socialize (my kids are too young to drop off) & themselves like to or at least don’t mind getting together, coming over, meeting somewhere, whatever, once in a while. The rest fade away.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

How old is your son? I've found that putting him in activities really helped us become more social with other kids and parents. He does soccer and he will be starting cub scouts and lacrosse, all through our town so he gets so socialize and play and gives us an avenue to become friendly with a lot of people from our town and school. Outside of that, I dont really go out of my way to organize any play dates. My husband and I both work, so weekends are typically family time aside from when he has a game. I feel like the activities gives him plenty of socialization, plus school of course...

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by drpepper318

Because people suck. They’re lazy & can’t be bothered. You text them & they never get back to you. You suggest getting together, or just getting the kids together to play, and they don’t respond. It’s too much for them give me a break. If I can manage to make an effort with 3 young kids and working full time, anyone can. It’s sad for the kids more than anything because they miss out on friendships, or lose a good friendship they already had, because their parents are antisocial, lazy, it’s not a priority, whatever the reason. Now I seek out and make plans with other parents who are like-minded, and want the kids to socialize (my kids are too young to drop off) & themselves like to or at least don’t mind getting together, coming over, meeting somewhere, whatever, once in a while. The rest fade away.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Depends on how old the kid is.
I agree about scoping out parents and inviting a whole family over when you meet a nice parent. Also smile and say “hi” at the park and around the neighborhood. I know it sounds silly, but I met lots of people that way. Every so often, a bunch of parents go out for drinks, coffee or even dinner. My best friends are from childhood, but I like the new ones too.

why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

it definitely is!!! especially when i'm pretty antisocial and not really into making small talk or whatever. I'm definitely trying though, for my sons sake. my oldest is in second grade now-- and he doesn't really have any close friends that he does things with outside of school :-/ nobody that calls to invite him over to hang out.... and i really feel like its because i don't make an effort to get to know the moms :-/ it doesn't help that our house has been under renovation for almost a year now- so theres no way i'm encouraging him to invite people here HAHAHA my oldest also isn't into team sports, so we don't really see people at games or practices. he does a boys gymnastics class with about 5 or 6 other boys, but its not really the same. i feel bad because its partly my fault for not making an effort... but at the same time, i just don't have it in me to play the "socializing" game, its hard to find people you "click" with. i'm hoping in the next couple of years, it'll change as he gets more independent.... because i'm completely worn out from being "mom" AND "friend" all the time! :-/

why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

My DD is only in preschool but I will say this: I'm happy to have a play date. But if I don't click with the mom, I have no interest in forging a friendship. I'll get together for our kids to play and make small talk, but we're never going to be grabbing a drink after work.

I have yet to really "click" with another mom. I have a few I definitely don't click with and a couple who have potential.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by itsagoodlife

Posted by drpepper318

Because people suck. They’re lazy & can’t be bothered. You text them & they never get back to you. You suggest getting together, or just getting the kids together to play, and they don’t respond. It’s too much for them give me a break. If I can manage to make an effort with 3 young kids and working full time, anyone can. It’s sad for the kids more than anything because they miss out on friendships, or lose a good friendship they already had, because their parents are antisocial, lazy, it’s not a priority, whatever the reason. Now I seek out and make plans with other parents who are like-minded, and want the kids to socialize (my kids are too young to drop off) & themselves like to or at least don’t mind getting together, coming over, meeting somewhere, whatever, once in a while. The rest fade away.

Sad for the kids how? Just because I’m not interested in being friends with their friends moms? My kids are not lacking in friends. They have made their own friends in school And through sports. My mother hardly ever MET my friends moms growing up My kids don’t need me to be friends with their friends moms to have a social life of their own. My kids are older though, high school and 2 in middle school.
To each his own. If that makes me “lazy and antisocial”, so be it LOL

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Message edited 9/19/2018 9:04:35 PM.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by itsagoodlife

Posted by drpepper318

Because people suck. They’re lazy & can’t be bothered. You text them & they never get back to you. You suggest getting together, or just getting the kids together to play, and they don’t respond. It’s too much for them give me a break. If I can manage to make an effort with 3 young kids and working full time, anyone can. It’s sad for the kids more than anything because they miss out on friendships, or lose a good friendship they already had, because their parents are antisocial, lazy, it’s not a priority, whatever the reason. Now I seek out and make plans with other parents who are like-minded, and want the kids to socialize (my kids are too young to drop off) & themselves like to or at least don’t mind getting together, coming over, meeting somewhere, whatever, once in a while. The rest fade away.

Sad for the kids how? Just because I’m not interested in being friends with their friends moms? My kids are not lacking in friends. They have made their own friends in school And through sports. My mother hardly ever MET my friends moms growing up My kids don’t need me to be friends with their friends moms to have a social life of their own. My kids are older though, high school and 2 in middle school.
To each his own. If that makes me “lazy and antisocial”, so be it LOL

I don’t care who you’re friends with. What I’m saying is some parents are lazy and antisocial and their kids suffer for it because they don’t get to maintain friendships if that parent never even bothers to text back or agrees to a play date especially when the kids are young (mine are 1, 3, and 5 so they’re not making their own plans). It sucks because it affects the kids and they miss out on friendships.

why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

A few people we have met hang with the may cousins that have. They not around to socialize because always family things. My kids have ZERO first cousins. Its so sad!!

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

I am not actively looking for friends and to be honest I think that is true for a lot of adults, especially with family and work. If you want to make new friends it has to happen organically not because your kids are friends.

I suggest continue to have play dates and see if you clique. Host family gatherings as someone suggested. Also try to meet people on your own aside from the main focus being about the kids. I have real good friends who don’t have kids that I met after I became a mom.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by Sash




This is so harsh. No one is damaging their kids if they don’t take them on play dates when they are young. I can bet money or even my life on it.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by Sash




This is so harsh. No one is damaging their kids if they don’t take them on play dates when they are young. I can bet money or even my life on it.

You’d be surprised!
If your kid had a best friend who then went on to a different kindergarten and the Mom promised to keep in touch so the kids could stay best friends.... then you never hear from her again (because she’s a total flake who was never able to return a text & now you can’t even see her at school events anymore) and your kid asks constantly about seeing his best friend who he’ll probably never see again bc of the Mom being a flake... yeah that’s hurtful. I would say that’s sad & her fault.
Other parents I know would rather their kid sit in front of a video game all summer or all weekend rather than taking the kid to the park here and there to see old friends & maintain friendships. Yeah I’d say that’s damaging too.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by Sash

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by Sash




This is so harsh. No one is damaging their kids if they don’t take them on play dates when they are young. I can bet money or even my life on it.

You’d be surprised!
If your kid had a best friend who then went on to a different kindergarten and the Mom promised to keep in touch so the kids could stay best friends.... then you never hear from her again (because she’s a total flake who was never able to return a text & now you can’t even see her at school events anymore) and your kid asks constantly about seeing his best friend who he’ll probably never see again bc of the Mom being a flake... yeah that’s hurtful. I would say that’s sad & her fault.
Other parents I know would rather their kid sit in front of a video game all summer or all weekend rather than taking the kid to the park here and there to see old friends & maintain friendships. Yeah I’d say that’s damaging too.

No, I’m sorry this scenario is so out of the realm of reality for me, I can’t even comprehend it. Why would any mom promise their child that their relationship with their “4yr old “ friend will stay in tact?! It’s kindergarten!!. Classes change every year, so why promise that? Kids change their mind every millisecond. If I can’t control it, I don’t promise it. Sh!t happens, life happens. I’m sure the mom may have other crap going on. She probably isn’t concerned with when my little baby gets to hang out with hers. Or maybe she doesn’t like me or has other sucking up she has to do or she isn’t comfortable... it’s doesnt matter. Because it her legitimate right and doesn’t mean she is hurting her child.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by Sash

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by Sash




This is so harsh. No one is damaging their kids if they don’t take them on play dates when they are young. I can bet money or even my life on it.

You’d be surprised!
If your kid had a best friend who then went on to a different kindergarten and the Mom promised to keep in touch so the kids could stay best friends.... then you never hear from her again (because she’s a total flake who was never able to return a text & now you can’t even see her at school events anymore) and your kid asks constantly about seeing his best friend who he’ll probably never see again bc of the Mom being a flake... yeah that’s hurtful. I would say that’s sad & her fault.
Other parents I know would rather their kid sit in front of a video game all summer or all weekend rather than taking the kid to the park here and there to see old friends & maintain friendships. Yeah I’d say that’s damaging too.

No, I’m sorry this scenario is so out of the realm of reality for me, I can’t even comprehend it. Why would any mom promise their child that their relationship with their “4yr old “ friend will stay in tact?! It’s kindergarten!!. Classes change every year, so why promise that? Kids change their mind every millisecond. If I can’t control it, I don’t promise it. Sh!t happens, life happens. I’m sure the mom may have other crap going on. She probably isn’t concerned with when my little baby gets to hang out with hers. Or maybe she doesn’t like me or has other sucking up she has to do or she isn’t comfortable... it’s doesnt matter. Because it her legitimate right and doesn’t mean she is hurting her child.

Eh I disagree. It absolutely may be some social issue she has, maybe she just doesn’t feel motivated to keep in touch (she’s never been able to return a text to save her life or commit to anything really.. and not just to me, across the board... at least as long as I’ve known her.. flaky), maybe she doesn’t value maintaining a friendship like you said or can’t be bothered with us/ sick of us long term... and yep that is absolutely her right... but to say it’s not in her control is ridiculous.. of course it is. And to say that to hope or try to keep a childhood best friend from kindergarten is silly... well that’s a ridiculous statement too... It’s a shame when a close friendship ends no matter the age or the reason, or for no reason at all. But you’re entitled to your opinion!!! People have different values and that’s just fine.

Message edited 9/20/2018 8:55:19 AM.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by Sash

Eta: where did I write this: And to say that to hope or try to keep a childhood best friend from kindergarten is silly... well that’s a ridiculous statement too

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

Posted by drpepper318

Posted by Sash

Eta: where did I write this: And to say that to hope or try to keep a childhood best friend from kindergarten is silly... well that’s a ridiculous statement too

When you asked why you’d ever expect a 4 year old friendship to stay in tact... “it’s kindergarten!!” you say. The gist of your entire response was “who cares, they’re just babies”
So what?! Like the fact that they’re only 4/5 means we shouldn’t even try & give them a chance to stay friends?! They could be bf for life but lose touch not bc they had a falling out or grew apart but bc parents don’t bother & its “oh well”... it still sucks for the kids...Like I said, think what you want, we all value different things. I think good friends are hard to find even at age 5 & a shame to be thrown away bc one parent is a flake.

Message edited 9/20/2018 10:46:49 AM.

Re: why is it so hard to make new friends for your son and moms?

I have to be honest, I haven't had this problem at all. Maybe when my son was a newborn but after that I just got myself out there. Went to any and every event that I was invited to. Signed him up for classes, joined playgroups, joined clubs in town. Then, I found myself in a strange predicament. I had too many friends. I admit that I did joke around that I was closing my circle before it got too large and I was off the market for new friendships. But lo and behold my youngest went to Pre-K and I met the most lovely group of ladies, some of whom are really close friends now. I probably did seem like a b*tch for a while because I was not interested in making new friends at all. However, I also realized that the way you are with your first is sooo different than how you are with your 2nd, 3rd, etc. So I was hurt if a particular mom wasn't responsive when I tried to arrange playdates for my 1st but I didn't always consider that it was her 3rd or 4th kid and frankly she just didn't have the time. It didn't make her a bad person. Kids are so busy as they get older and if you have older ones you know that.

Anyway, good luck.... And just keep in mind that sometimes people actually are super busy and just don't have as much time as they would like to get their kids out for a playdate or socialize with friends.