will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I got laid off a month ago, while I'm actively seeking employment right now I had a conversation with DH this morning (which got a little ugly) that I'd like to stay home after our little one is here....I think we can swing it. But he has to make a few changes- i.e. he gets taxed out the wazoo right now b/c he has zero exemptions, I said he should change it to at least 1 or 2 so he has more take home pay per week. He also has $100 per week going into a credit union savings account.....he should nix that so its more money going into our bills every month. He thinks I'm trying to take the easy way out and perhaps is thinking I've already given up on the job search (no way since I'm only 6 weeks along!!), I think he's just stressed at the prospect of being the only income in our household, I understand that, but when our baby is here I'm just hoping he changes his tune b/c paying for childcare is not cheap!! I should also mention that my sister offered me to watch her baby if I needed the extra income (she already would have a family friend watching her for $200 per week, so I can take a little less, but at least it would be some kind of income).

sorry this turned into more of a vent than a question, but wanted to see what everyone else plans to do. if you had the option of staying home, still being able to pay all your bills but having to be "tight" with your funds, would you do it? or would you work so you can still afford more luxuries? we will still have a little bit of savings put to the side, so I feel like we have a cushion if something happens.

thanks for listening, and please share what you plan to do.

Message edited 1/4/2009 1:13:28 PM.

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

I am going to stay home. I have a 6 year old as well, and right now, I am paying for an after care school program because I don't get out of work before she gets out of school. Between day care payment and this payment alone, it's financially just not worth it. It's going to be very tight, but both DH and I agree, it's the smarter choice.

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

I wish!! I make more money than DH at the moment, but if that ever changed I would possibly go part time.

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

We still haven't decided what I'm ultimately going to do once the baby is here. I mean, obviously I'll be staying home for the first month, month and a half, but after that we're not really sure. We've talked about the cost of childcare vs. me staying home with no paycheck and to be honest with you, with what I was making in the past, it almost comes out even. So in that case it seems obvious that I should just stay home. Plus, we're talking about trying to get pregnant again with our second a few months after the baby is born.
So I guess I don't really have a definitive answer for you at this point. It's a very difficult decision.
It sounds like the difference though between yours and my situation is that my DH would prefer that I stay home with the kids, it's just a matter of being able to afford it. We'll see.

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

Great post Helen!
You just described our situation pretty closely. Every time I broached the sahm subject while pg dh would tense up or get 'deer in headlights' on me - or worse. So I let it go, knowing he had NO IDEA how life would change after baby.
I did the math... the cost of daycare, plust the 'costs' of working - every single $ - commuting, luch out 1xwk, dry cleaning, small clothing budget, small 'gift' budget for office gifts, seriously I laid out EVERYTHING and held on it (it was a great exercise).

And you know what, around week 9 I was having a MELTDOWN about returning to an "ok" job (LOVE my boss, but he's the ONLY thing I love about it), and now that DS was here, he could SEE what a vulnerable little creature we had - handing him off to a pack of strangers in 3 weeks was going to kill both of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So here I sit, a happy SAHM, poor but happy :)

I really think unless you're making SH$Tloads of $$$ that's required to pay the monthly bills, there's a reasonable way to live without the little extras and be home with baby for a year, at least!!

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

DH and I think its best for me to stay home with the baby. We both feel that my checks every week would be paying for daycare with very little left over and he thinks its not worth it having strangers watch our baby when I could just stay home with the baby. I'm worried to being a little tight on money. But I told DH after the baby is a few months old I would like to look into getting a part time job and my mother could watch the baby on her days off which are mon, wed, fri. I just would like that little extra money even if its to save and put away. I'm still so worried about not working but thank god DH does have a good job.

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

for your situation what about just getting a local job now (retail, Starbucks, etc) and just bankiing that salary. this way you and your DH can get an idea of what you need to do to live on one salary but you still have $$ coming in just in case.

remind your DH that even if you got back into a real office job now you probably wouldn't get maternity leave since you won't have been working there for at least a year - that's how it always was at my companies

good luck!!!

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

nope, I am a ft working mom and will go back to work after baby #2

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

i would give anything to be a SAHM. i've always wanted to be a Mom and it kills me that I am probably going to have to go back to work so soon.

We are both teachers and we just bought a house. I work in a dsitrict that pays a lot more than the district DH is in. he will continue to work. on both salaries, we are very comfortable, but on just his, that would pay the mortgage and then we don't have much left to do the utilities and all the little things.

what's frustrating is that we're not big spenders. we're very thrifty and we both drive old cars and are not extravagant people. me going back to work is to pay the bills, not to support a lifestyle of luxuries. i am hoping that i can go back to work part-time if there would be a .5 position available in my disitrcit. if not, we will dip into savings for a few months, and i'll go back in January or so.

Re: who will be a SAHM after baby is born?

I think we could make it work, but I want to continue working for my benefits and retirement. Hopefully I'll be able to do half the week working from home. When you look at the cost of giving up work, it's more than just take home minus childcare/whatever, you also have to factor in the cost that you are losing in your retirement plan, benefits, job growth, etc. I am too scared that if I gave up my job and in 3 years wanted to go back, I would be starting well below where I am currently working.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I hope to be able to do a little work here and there, either at home or tutoring, but for at least a year I hope to be a SAHM. My baby will be a baby only once.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I plan to take a year off-- but, maybe I will do some freelancing from home should the opportunity present itself. I'll look for another F/T job once we move and get settled in the burbs.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I wish I could but I can't

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

Yes.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I got laid off as well, and have been on unemployment for most of pregnancy. I wasn't finding anything at first, and now, no one wants to hire someone who is about to pop lol.

I want to stay home, but DH is freaking out about money. I'm trying to make him see that day care is too expensive, and it would be pointless for me to work to pay for day care.

If anything, I might get a part-time at night, when one of our parents can watch the baby hopefully. It's so complicated But if I had it my way, I would def. stay home.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I'll be going back to work and I don't have an issue with it. I make almost as much as DH and we are saving for a house so we need both salaries. My mother will be watching and I'm a staff developer in a school district so I don't have much of a commute and my hours are good. I'm due April 29th and I won't go back until Sept. For me personally, I can't imagine really being a SAHM. I feel very lucky to have family around to watch the baby though.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

Nope. I'll be working PT just like I do now. I am, however, taking off from school until September.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I'm planning to be a SAHM. We had always said we would try to go this route and luckily we are able to swing it.

I just wanted to mention that even with us being able to afford it, I can still see that DH is a little stressed about it. I think it's just all of the responsibility and knowing that our lives are going to change really drastically.

After we get settled a little I do plan on having something on the side of my own either freelance or a little business.

Good luck to you!

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I wish I could be a SAHM but that won't be the case for us. We will need both incomes! We are hoping we can work out an arrangement with my mom and Joe's mom. My mother doesn't work and his mother is retiring at the end of the year so we can hopefully split it up and DH gets home from work usually around 2/3.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I got laid off in th middle of November. Im having a hard time finidng a job because propective employers don't want to give maternity to new workers in 7 months. DH and i have been talking about me staying a home for a couple years seeing as how i would basically be working to only pay for day care, might as well spend some quality time with out little one. I think we can swing it, DH just got a raise and they are sending him for more training at work, which means more money too.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I would absolutely love to be a SAHM. Unfortunately, DH's salary won't cut it. We would like to buy a house in the next year (probably wishful thinking) and need my salary as well.

As of right now I plan to take off at least three months, and then go back to work part time for a few months. I can also work from home.

Luckily I work for the family business, so it shouldn't be too difficult to work out.

Re: will you be a SAHM after baby is born?

I wish!!!!!!! But I am lucky enough to stay home until the next school year at the end of August. I will at least be with my little guy for a few months!
XOXOXO
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