With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I wouldnt say I have any signs of PPD - as a matter of fact, I am normally very anxious and nutty, and I feel I have been VERY calm since having Cailen - maybe its the lack of sleep...

but, I am having a very difficult time thinking of him growing up.

I will look at him, and all of a sudden, everyone's words start filling my head - how they grow up so fast, and before I know it he will be big...

It brings such a sadness to me, it hurts. I imagine him getting bigger, becoming an obnoxious 10, 11, 12, year old - and older, where he will not want his mom near him at all. I imagine him becoming an adult.....

This tiny little person that curls up on my shoulder and never wants me to put him down. He will grow and change and he will eventually be gone forever.

I swear, I am practically crying right now thinking about it...

I also think about the fact that I am going to get older. And so will DH... And then we are going to die.

Alright - I know I am insane, and maybe some of this is from hormones - but does anyone esle go thru this? It is so hard, but its on my mind all the time.

I want to talk to DH about it, but he gets in that practical mode of - yeah, thats what happens. Kids get older. We get older, we die... etc...

Hope I'm not being a debby downer here ladies. Normally I am silly and laughing about everything - but this is somehting that I think about at times and it is so hard to get back to a better place....


Any thoughts?

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

DH was the same way for a while with Sarah. He'd get all bummed out that she was getting bigger and doing new things.

For him, once she became more interactive and started to really show her little personality it became better, he started to really enjoy spending time with her and stopped focusing on her growing up. Does that make sense?

Don't feel badly, you are definately not alone.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I'm impressed that you have such perspective. I'm so focused on making it though each day that it is hard to imagine her getting any older. It seems like this stage is forever to me.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Posted by Calla



I'm impressed that you have such perspective. I'm so focused on making it though each day that it is hard to imagine her getting any older. It seems like this stage is forever to me.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Your NOT alone, i have thought the same EXACT things you did, we are going to get older WITH our daughter and if we don't have other children and we die, she will be alone, etc. oh god, it gets me depressed so I have been controlling my thoughts, by not even going there right now and trying to enjoy the time I have with her while she is soo young.. I've thought about it all, believe me, If I wrote everything I have thought of - they would put me away in the funny farm.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

This still happens to me, and I am so glad you posted about it. I couldn't sleep last night because I was crying in bed thinking, "What if I die before she grows up?" The thought is so terrifying and overwhelming to me sometimes that I can't handle it. It's not all the time, but when it does overtake my mind, it's very intense and scary. So, while I have no advice, I can say that you should be very grateful that you are enjoying him right now. I was so depressed the first few months of Ava's life that I never truly got to enjoy the time that she needed me to hold her close and love her every second of the day. I will carry that guilt with me forever and would do anything to turn back the clock and cherish that time with her. Just keep loving him and enjoying him.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I couldve written this post word for word..

I constantly have anxiety over the him getting older, therefore I get older, therefore eventually Im gonna die....

Whenever it happens I just try and redirect my thoughts to something else...

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I actually get these thoughts quite often

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Tonight Joseph said he wishes he was a pre-schooler. He said that kindergarten is too tough for him. He wants nap time & he doesn't like homework. While I miss his pre-schooler stage, the idea that he wants to be anything else but a kindergartner makes me sad. I told him that I thought that being 5 was the perfect age for him. I can talk to him, he gets to do things a pre-schooler can't do - like go to science club, go to more birthday parties, go to Kids at Work Day at my office, etc.

It does kill me that this little boy that I've repeatedly told him how terrific he is and how I've cheered him on at every stage is now hearing from some little brat at school that he's not so terrific. It breaks my heart that he's second guessed our opinon. The fact that he wants to wear a blazer to school isn't "cool". (ok it isn't cool but I let him wear it one day & he was teased. At least I've completely banned the idea of ties)

I do know what you mean with the teenage stage. My nephew doesn't hang out with my sister & BIL as much. It's been hard for my sister to see her son try to navigate through puberty. I swear the words "growing pains" is really meant for the parents.

While it does go fast, I think if you learn to appreciate every stage they're in, it gets easier.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Another debbie downer her too!! I could have written your post word for word also..I used to stare into her crib when she was smaller and bawl crying, I would imagine something happening to her and not being able to go on..in a really perverse way it actually gave me comfort when my DH said he couldnt go on living if anything were to happen to my DD...I felt such relief that he felt as strongly as I did.

i think the world as we know it today is tough and bad things happen to good people.My heart breaks when I hear of a sad story involving a child as I put my own dd in their position.

I wish I had some words of advice but I am sorry I dont...I feel everything you have said and not a day goes by that I dont tear up when I look at my DD and hope that she will always be okay.

I guess its just part of being a mom.

hang in there

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Posted by Marcie

I actually get these thoughts quite often

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Liza you definitely aren't alone.

Today I was standing in the cafeteria at my job and I just stopped. I stood off to the side and watched all the people go about their business. All I could think about was not one person there would notice if I wasn't here, but my DD is sitting at daycare without me (I'd like to think she misses me ) Then I started getting upset that I was missing this time with her and how I wish with all my might I could be with her....then one thought led to another, her growing up, us getting old, death, etc.

It was one of many moments.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I understand 100%. My friend and I discuss it a lot.. One big worry that we had since our kids were born - is our own health and mortality. Every weird ache or pain, we thought that we had some life-ending illness.

My Mother said that after you have a child you have all of these new worries- because you love something more than you love yourself for the first time...your child's well being means more to you than anything..

I'd like to say this has passed for me- but it hasn't. I just try not to worry or think too far ahead.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Wow - thanks ladies - I thought for sure this post would get 500 views but 0 responses....

It makes me feel a little better to know I'm not alone - and also, I feel better admitting this to you guys because it is hard to keep these thoughts to myself - so thank you for hearing me and admitting you go thru this too!!!

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Wow - thanks ladies - I thought for sure this post would get 500 views but 0 responses....

It makes me feel a little better to know I'm not alone - and also, I feel better admitting this to you guys because it is hard to keep these thoughts to myself - so thank you for hearing me and admitting you go thru this too!!!

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I felt that way.. now that DD is just turning 3 I still can not believe it . I get very upset every year on her birthday because i think to myself where did my baby go? She is a very indenpendant , strong willed little girl. I think to myself where did the time go. Then I have thoughts of what she will be like in 5 years...

So no you are not alone.

Just enjoy everyday!

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I felt like that for the first month or until my hormones leveled out. I couldnt see the pictuers we took of him for the first two weeks he was born because I would sob uncontrolably. I felt like the minute I delievered him he just started to age and when he was in my belly he would stay young forever. As he started to get older and interact more those thoughts went away for me. Also, age never bothered me but having him I am always thinking how old I will be when he is xx age.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

All of the emotions you're going through, and describe, are COMPLETELY normal. It's true that not everyone goes through this - some have it easier than others and never experience a drop of anxiety, stress, or depression on some level after baby comes out, but I would venture to say that MOST do. Everything you described in your post are emotions that I battled with every single day for the first 4 months. It depressed me to no end that this helpless little creature, that depended on me, and loved me unconditionally, would one day grow up and be a smartarse

I'll tell you this - I STILL grapple with many of those emotions. Some nights when I can't sleep (last night for example), I get caught in the grips of total and complete fear, thinking about all the what-if's.

It does get better though - as baby gets older and you find your groove, so to speak, you find ways of managing the anxiety, stress, or whatever you want to call it. Every once in a while, the thoughts pass through your head, but not like they are right now.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Yep...welcome to Motherhood-where your whole way of thinking changes!

I never thought about my own mortality till I became a mother. I guess its because for the first time in your life, you have someone who is so totally dependant on you!
I seriously make myself sick with anxiety thinking of what would happen if I werent here to take care of my kids...and I never was a nervous person before I became a mom.
I still look at them and get meloncholy thinking of how fast time goes...its true what theysay-dont sweat the small stuff when your a mom, because it really does go by so quick-so just enjoy every minute!( I try to remember this when I feel extremely overwhelmed!)

Message edited 5/8/2007 8:31:36 AM.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

At least I know I am not alone....
I think about these things so much I have to constantly push the thoughts out of my head and enjoy the moment I am in!
I cry because I hope we have the same close relationship my mom and I have...and I cry even more when I wonder what will happen if we dont
I cried when we went to a sweet 16 this weekend and DH's niece danced with the father to daddys little girl. It reminded me of dancing with my dad at my wedding a few months ago asnd made me think of Taylor dancing with DH when she gets older

I have always been very emotional so I chalk it up to feelings


ETA-I cried while replying to this post!

Message edited 5/8/2007 8:49:30 AM.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

I have this same exact thing. Whenever he does something new I cry. Not because I'm happy, but because I am so sad to see him grow up. I had a really hard time when I first went back to work. I didn't want to see him grow at all! At one point he grew out of his 3-6 month clothes and I was SQUEEZING him into them. The arms were coming almost up to his elbows. He was only 3 months old and I didn't want him to be growing so fast! Finally my mom told me that I have to put him in the next size. I just didn't want to do it. I cried hysterically when I had to put them away.

Now I am getting much better but every night DH and I speak about how BIG he's getting and how much he's doing and it makes us a little sad. But happy at the same time!

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

It makes me really sad too to think of the reality of how fast their childhood will go by. But all the more reason to cherish every single moment and leave that pile of laundry for later because they DO grow up TOO fast!!!!

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here

Sometimes I think this way- but then I try to just live in the moment. It is very hard- as humans we have the tendency to live either in the past or in the future- but never in the now...

So I try and enjoy each moment as they are at that exact point... since it's the only moment that exists anyway.

Re: With all the PPD questions, I have a question for BTDT moms... Warning - I am going to get a little heavy here