Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

My son is 4 and in Pre-K. Would any of these situations bother you? I’m looking for perspective…

(1) at snack time (snacks provided by the school), a teacher telling your child that he HAD to eat yogurt with fruit pieces in it even though he said he did he did want it or like it. Teacher says if he doesn’t eat it, she will take him to the nurse’s office. Then teacher pushes the spoon of yogurt to the child’s closed lips, and when he does finally eat it, he spit it out in order not to throw up.

(2) Teacher putting child in time out and when child asks how long he will have to stay in the time out, she states, “You are going to sit there forever. You’re never coming out.”

(3) Another student’s mother coming to you and telling you she saw this teacher screaming at your child in a very disrespectful manner because he was not far enough to the right when he was coming down the stairs.

(4) Your child asks to get a drink from the water fountain. Teacher refuses and says he can get a cup of water. Your child asks for a straw because he’s afraid he will spill it on his uniform. Teacher says he must drink from a cup, and while the other kids go off to play, tells him he must stand there and take a sip and cannot move from there until he does. Your child refuses and begins to cry hysterically. After several minutes, she finally lets him go play, and later when giving out a treat, refuses to give him one because “These are for kids who drink from a cup.”

Thanks in advance.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

"Bother"?... no I don't think it would "bother" me. I think I would be borderline livid!

All of the things you mentioned are WAY out of bounds. You should definitely have a talk with the Pre-K administration...

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

My child would never go back there again. I would call the state and report them, and cps or whatever. They would also be giving me my money back.

That's abuse. That teacher and nurse would be getting yogurt force fed to them.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

There are so many things wrong with this situation.....my son would be in a new school so fast!

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Sounds like major abuse of power. I would be flipping my lid!! I don't know if this is the only Pre-K teacher but I would insist on my child being switched from that class. This makes me and this is why we have so many children walking around with damaged self-esteem. I would even call this bullying!

Message edited 1/14/2012 9:17:59 PM.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

DEFINATELY NOT OK! I hope you've already called and spoke with the directors! That teacher could have charges brought up against him/her for those things!

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

I wouldn't have let it get to four things. After the first I would have gone to the director.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

My son would not be going there after any of those incidents. End of story.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

OMG

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Either my kid or the teacher would be gone. I'm curious though where or how you got the details of what happened (not that it would really change anything)

After 1 offense I'd be mad, talk to the teacher/Director, after a 2nd offense I'd ask for a different teacher, 3rd I'd pull my child out and take the necessary steps in reporting the school/teacher to who ever I had to.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Posted by GoldenRod

"Bother"?... no I don't think it would "bother" me. I think I would be borderline livid!

All of the things you mentioned are WAY out of bounds. You should definitely have a talk with the Pre-K administration...

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Almost every one of those wouldn't bother me, they'd enrage me. I'd speak to the teacher & the director about the behavior.

The only exception would be the being far enough to the right because depending on the circumstances, it could be a safety issue. However, still not a reason to yell.

She's not the right teacher or it's not the right school.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

I feel sick to my stomach! NO ONE would speak to or treat my child in such a horrible manner. Speak to the director & the teacher & then take him out!

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Wow I agree those incidents are all completly out of line. Have you spoken to the teacher after any of them occured? It almost sounds like the teacher has a personal issue with your son. My DD is in prek and recently the teacher did not allow my DD to have a birthday cupcake for classmate due to her not finishing lunch. DH and I were up there the next day to express our unhappiness and ensure it never happened again. After what you posted I beleive I would be looking for another school asap. Good Luck!

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

I would be on the phone with CPS!! What you have described is child abuse and that person has no business working with children. Day Cares aren't even allowed to use time out anymore it is considered child abuse.

Can I ask if this is an actual preschool or is it a day care with preschool?

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

I agree with the above posters that "bother" is an understatement. As someone who has worked in early childhood for 8 years, I am horrified. That is abuse. I would be up at that school demanding my child be put in a new class or if that isn't possible I would remove him from the school.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Wow, a million thank yous for all of your responses. I needed a reality check. I don't want to be one of these mothers who thinks her kid is perfect.

The person who did these things is actually the SEIT teacher of another child in my son's class. My son attends a Universal Pre-K in the Catholic grammar school in Queens

After the first incident in my post, I went to the principal and was livid. The principal was extremely understanding and agreed that children should not be force-fed. She was perplexed as to why the SEIT had that kind of interaction with my DS. She told me the SEIT didn’t report to her and didn’t work for the school but she would speak to her. She said she believed everything my son told me about the incident because it wasn’t the kind of thing a 4 year old would make up, particularly with those sort of details.

The poster who said it is personal against my DS is right. Here’s a bit of a background.

When DS started school, the teacher immediately told me (within 2 days) that DS didn’t want to sit, didn’t listen, etc. I had just given birth to DS2, and I knew DS was still adjusting to his new brother. I begged her to be patient, but she would not relent. Every day there was a note in his backpack. I finally said to her “Is his behavior WAY outside the realm of normal for a 4 y.o. boy?” She emphatically said yes. Even though she is very young and I think this is only her second year teaching (first year at this school), I decided to get DS tested. I did this solely on her concerns. I did not think he needed to be tested.

In October, I took him to NYU Child Study Center (which is private, doesn’t take insurance and was $$$$$). My aunt is a teacher in the Great Neck School District and told me “this is the place to go.” He had comprehensive testing on every level imaginable, supervised by a psych PhD. I had to fill out TONS of paperwork and questionnaires about DS. The teacher had to fill out questionnaires about DS. NYU then sent a PhD intern to observe DS in the classroom and talk to the teacher. They then took these findings to a TEAM of people at study center – therapists, PhD, psychiatrists – and they made their recommendations.

My DH and I were finally called into a meeting at NYU weeks later and told there was nothing wrong with DS. Yes, he had to work on his listening skills. Yes, he had to work on his distractibility. But it was normal for his age. They said he was fine with attention/ listening in smaller groups or one-on-one, but needed work when they were 18 other kids.

The only further testing they recommended was an IQ test, as they said they were sure he would test well within the gifted range. He reads on at least a fourth or fifth grade level. He has amazing verbal skills – his vocabulary is crazy. NYU was very clear that the behavior issues would improve if he was properly challenged intellectually.

He also has an extraordinary memory. My son has a near perfect recall of events – it’s insane. You can even ask him what day of the week something fell on (his birthday, his nursery school graduation, the day his brother was born) and he can tell you without hesitation (and is always right!). He could also probably tell you what he was wearing and what he ate. Which is why I was confident the issues that I described in the first post happened as he said they did. Also, the fruit in the yogurt caused another boy in the class to throw up – my mom heard the kid’s mother talking to the teacher about it after my son’t incident.

Anyway, when I sent the teacher the results from NYU in November, I think they upset her. For a week, all I got was notes from her like “He wouldn’t pick up toys today.” He’s there for 2.5 hours and was getting at least three time outs a day. So after the yogurt incident and meeting with the principal, I met with the teacher the next day. Although she admitted not being in the room when the yogurt incident occurred, she denied that that was how it happened and said that they want the kids to eat as a family and that my son had to work on his fine motor skills. She defended the SEIT completely. Things got very contentious as we went through what happened so far during the year. It was clear she did not care to work on challenging my son. It ended with the teacher telling me she wants my son to get a SEIT. I told her that would not happen. NYU specifically told me that a SEIT was NOT something my DS would benefit from.

I left the meeting quite upset and ran into the principal in the hall. She told me that the SEIT denied “forcing” him to eat but said the SEIT was “willing to talk to me”. I told her I had no desire to speak to her, that I just met with the teacher and it went BADLY and that something would have to change.

All of this occurred right before Thanksgiving. My son got sick and was out for a week after that, but when he came back, things were better. No more notes. No more time outs. I figured the principal had step in and did something.

Then incidents 2 and 3 occurred. I was not happy, but I was hoping that would be it. I just wanted him to finish the year there.

Then the water incident happened on Friday. DS didn’t tell my parents (who pick him up from school) or the nanny what happened. Nor did he tell my husband, who had just returned from a business trip and was home. Of course, I walk through the door a 6pm from work and he is not himself. And the nanny was like “Yeah, he’s been quiet all day…” I finally got it out of him what happened. He didn’t want to tell me. So now I have to wait until Tuesday to do something and am just about to lose my mind.

He told me today: “Momma, I don’t want to go back to that class.” Obviously, I won’t let him.

My brother-in-law is a partner at one of the country’s top law firms – I’ll be speaking to him today about how to file charges/complaints. I shudder to think this could be done to another child.

I thank you all again. If you read this far you are a SAINT! LOL!

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Message edited 1/15/2012 3:17:22 PM.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

I am so sorry for your son,that this has to be an experience that he has had to go through so young in life, breaks my heart.

I am so glad that you are not sending him back there

That SEIT if she can truly call herself that should be reported and should lose her licensening. Can you imagine her working with a child that is impaired

As for that other person in the room, who is clearly not a teacher and probably does not have an actual teaching license. I hope she loses her job. There are plenty of fine teachers that would jump at a chance to work at a school. Let alone relish that opportunity to work with someone like your son.

What a shame.

As a teacher I am embarrassed that those two are in my profession and as a mommy I just want to hug your little man.

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?

Re: Would any of these incidents between your child and a teacher bother you?