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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Would You Consider It a Lie?
some of you know that i found out DH payed $50 on an internet gambeling website and lost it all.
WELL, i assumed it was just that once and he made it out like that. Or, at least let me assume that.
SO, i found out last night by looking online that it was not the first time it was the SECOND time!
so he's lost a total of $100 of our money (once the week before christmas, and once now that we're plannign our trip)
its not teh amoutnt hat bothers me its the principal...... and the times he did it.
he promised never to do it again but i say he LIED to me by leading me to believe it was just once and he said no he never said it was just one time.
im not tlkaing to him today. im so mad. i slept on the couch last night.
do you think im overreacting or not?
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Posted 2/7/06 12:56 PM  |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
I would be angry too. Dh knows that the one thing I will not tolerate is lying. We are both adults and there is no excuse for it. If he really wanted to gamble some of our money, I probably would not say no if it was small amounts like this, but doing it behind your back is inexcusable, IMO. I think one lie leads to another and another until they are just too big to hide anymore.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:00 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
I would be upset or angry about the fact that he lied about it. I don't think the solution is you sleeping on the couch, I don't believe in that strategy. I think you to really stand your ground and make it clear to him that this type of thing really makes you angry. Be adamant & honest with the way you feel. I know it's easier said than done, but don't scream & yell and don't accuse him of stuff. I would ask if he feels compelled to gamble on a regular basis and take it from there. I would ask him to be honest with me and that if maybe there is a deeper issues other? Good Luck!
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:01 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
I don't think you are overreacting, and I do consider it a lie. However, I don't think that sleeping on the couch solves anything.
I think you need to talk about it, in depth, especially (1) that he feels the need to gamble (2) that he feels the need to hide it from you and (3) when you confronted him, he didn't open up about the other time.
If your DH is hiding things from you, this would be my biggest concern. IMO, if anyone can't have an open relationship with their spouse, then they are headed for big troubles. But that is just me.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:01 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
well i have no problem telling him how i feel. and i did last night, but i was so disgusted with him i just wanted to be away from him. (nothing gets thru to him)
i dont feel like i can trust him anymore. too many things have happened and i dont know what to do anymore.
even though theyre little things, trust is extremely important to me and right now i dont feel as if i can trust him.
and i dont know what to do about it
Message edited 2/7/2006 1:04:12 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:03 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Lolita4Life
well i have no problem telling him how i feel. and i did last night, but i was so disgusted with him i just wanted to be away from him. (nothing gets thru to him)
i dont feel like i can trust him anymore. too many things have happened and i dont know what to do anymore.
even though theyre little things, trust is extremely important to me and right now i dont feel as if i can trust him.
and i dont know what to do about it
You should give him a list of the things that have been on your mind. The things that concern you, the little things do add up and get bigger and bigger as time goes by. Have you guys thought about conseling?
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:05 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Lolita4Life
well i have no problem telling him how i feel. and i did last night, but i was so disgusted with him i just wanted to be away from him. (nothing gets thru to him)
i dont feel like i can trust him anymore. too many things have happened and i dont know what to do anymore.
even though theyre little things, trust is extremely important to me and right now i dont feel as if i can trust him.
and i dont know what to do about it
That is a big issue. Personally, I could never be in a marriage with someone I didn't trust.
ETA: Have you thought about going to counseling?
Message edited 2/7/2006 1:12:45 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:12 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by LadyLainez
You should give him a list of the things that have been on your mind. The things that concern you, the little things do add up and get bigger and bigger as time goes by. Have you guys thought about conseling?
well it would only be two things that concern me.
THIS and one other thing.
theres this other thing he does and has promised not to do. its nothing bad really, but it bothers me and i asked him not to do it anymore.
he promised he wouldnt , then low and behold i find out he had done it agian. then he promised AGAIN he wouldnt, yet again he did....
its endless.
at first it was what he was doing that bothered me, now its the principle and the lack of respect and the trust issue.
if i cant trust him about that then how can i trust he wont spend our $ online for poker agian, ya know?
we have considered counseling but it never has happened.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:12 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Shellyesq
That is a big issue. Personally, I could never be in a marriage with someone I didn't trust.
ETA: Have you thought about going to counseling?
well, to be honest, i dont feel like i can either. and thats whats bothering me so much lately. these little things are turning into big things. i dont mean his actions, i mean the trust issue. and i feel like im at the end of my rope.
yes, we have thought about it.
Message edited 2/7/2006 1:14:29 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:13 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Lolita4Life
if i cant trust him about that then how can i trust he wont spend our $ online for poker agian, ya know?
You can't.
Posted by Lolita4Life
we have considered counseling but it never has happened.
If you are serious about this marriage, then you need to make counseling happen. Find a therapist, Make an appointment and GO! That is the best way to work on this.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:15 PM |
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Summer05
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2320 total posts
Name:
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Lolita4Life
Posted by Shellyesq
That is a big issue. Personally, I could never be in a marriage with someone I didn't trust.
ETA: Have you thought about going to counseling?
well, to be honest, i dont feel like i can either. and thats whats bothering me so much lately. these little things are turning into big things. i dont mean his actions, i mean the trust issue. and i feel like im at the end of my rope.
yes, we have thought about it.
I agree, I think that you should look into counseling.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:15 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
My DH does play poker online, and so long as it doesn't interfere with our time, I don't mind. We have one shared account for our bills, and we each have a separate own account. I shop, he plays poker. If it relaxes him after a stressful day, I don't mind, and he is home with me when he does it. $200 isn't a huge deal, but why didn't he tell you? And you said he did not have $100 for his rent? Why does a 30-something grown man not have $100 to his name? And why is he ordering a new laptop if he doesn't have rent money?
ETA: I wouldn't consider him not telling you about the other time a lie.
Message edited 2/7/2006 1:18:52 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:16 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Well, I would say that if you are at your witts end, then ask that you guys either seek counseling or you will be forced to take other measures. I know that when one is in a relationship "love" gets in the way and you feel like because you love this person you will choose to forgive always and believe it every time they say it won't happen again. DH & I got together when we were 19 and now we're 26. We have been thorugh alot of things. Both good & then not so good. But I was forced to give ultimatums and stood my ground. Things did get better and our relationship is awesome now, but it took work from both ends.
Message edited 2/7/2006 1:18:07 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:16 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
i know i should.
theres another really important issue with our relationship as well.
its not a trust issue though.....
and THAT was my main reason i felt we should go to counseling.
dh looked into it, but never came up with any names from our insurance provider......
or got lazy with it......
or thign started to look up......
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:17 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
ive given altimatums........
i dont think he actually belivees me though...
cuz i kinda have nowhere to go if i ever did decide to leave him.
(well, i DO but i DONT)
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:18 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
nov04.....see, well thats smart. i think im going to have to maybe do that. see, we only have one shared account.
maybe we should just have our shared one and then personal accounts.
eta:
its confusing. he just didnt have enough EXTRA money to cover the costs of the airplane tickets.
Message edited 2/7/2006 1:21:38 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:20 PM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by nov04libride
And you said he did not have $100 for his rent? Why does a 30-something grown man not have $100 to his name? And why is he ordering a new laptop if he doesn't have rent money?
Yes... for someone that doesn't have any cash... buying a new laptop and going on a trip to Vegas just doesn't make any sense to me.
The only people that should play poker online are the people that can AFFORD to do it. If you are struggling with the rent... and can't stop playing poker online... you have a gambling problem and should get counseling for that.
And this is coming from someone that plays poker.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:20 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Lolita4Life
ive given altimatums........
i dont think he actually belivees me though...
cuz i kinda have nowhere to go if i ever did decide to leave him.
(well, i DO but i DONT)
so there lies the problem. You have said it many times and used it an another excuse and you don't follw through with it.
I am not telling you this is the best way or you should do it because you have to think and follow your convictions!
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:21 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Lolita4Life
nov04.....see, well thats smart. i think im going to have to maybe do that. see, we only have one shared account.
maybe we should just have our shared one and then personal accounts.
That works well for us, because neither can say we are wasting "our" money.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:21 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nov04libride
And you said he did not have $100 for his rent? Why does a 30-something grown man not have $100 to his name? And why is he ordering a new laptop if he doesn't have rent money?
Yes... for someone that doesn't have any cash... buying a new laptop and going on a trip to Vegas just doesn't make any sense to me.
The only people that should play poker online are the people that can AFFORD to do it. If you are struggling with the rent... and can't stop playing poker online... you have a gambling problem and should get counseling for that.
And this is coming from someone that plays poker.
no no we have money for all that stuff.
it was just that week that he didnt have any EXTRA money to buy the plane tickets.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:22 PM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by Lolita4Life
nov04.....see, well thats smart. i think im going to have to maybe do that. see, we only have one shared account.
maybe we should just have our shared one and then personal accounts.
Both me and my wife have totally independant bank accounts. We keep everything separate. Its so much easier this way... as we NEVER fight about money.
We do have one joint account that I put some cash in there that my wife can pull from occasionally (so she can buy herself stuff)... but our primary bill paying accounts are our own personal accounts. She pays her bills from her checking. I pay my bills (most of the household bills) from my checking.
She really has no idea where my everyday money goes... and vice versa. Its just better that way in general.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:22 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by nov04libride
And you said he did not have $100 for his rent? Why does a 30-something grown man not have $100 to his name? And why is he ordering a new laptop if he doesn't have rent money?
Yes... for someone that doesn't have any cash... buying a new laptop and going on a trip to Vegas just doesn't make any sense to me.
The only people that should play poker online are the people that can AFFORD to do it. If you are struggling with the rent... and can't stop playing poker online... you have a gambling problem and should get counseling for that.
And this is coming from someone that plays poker.
That's true. On these sites you can play 1 cent games if you have no money (my BIL has no money and has been playing off $5 for months). Spending what you don't have is a problem, and not being grown up enough (or being too addicted to poker?) to realize you have to stop if you can't pay the rent is a problem.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:23 PM |
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Jesaroo
is not the girl you knew
Member since 5/05 14266 total posts
Name:
Jes
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
it was just easier to only have the shared account since i get paid in cash.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:23 PM |
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DjPiLL
Member since 5/05 3664 total posts
Name:
Richard
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
If he loves to play poker... buy him the World Series of Poker video game. It actually isn't bad and could be a good "free" alternative.
You can get it for just about any system... PS2, Xbox, PSP, etc.
I think they also make it for the PC computer.
Message edited 2/7/2006 1:25:58 PM.
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:25 PM |
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LadyMaravilla
Fall Is Here
Member since 5/05 12023 total posts
Name:
Sonia
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Re: Would You Consider It a Lie?
Posted by DjPiLL
If he loves to play poker... buy him the World Series of Poker video game. It actually isn't bad and could be a good "free" alternative.
You can get it for just about any system... PS2, Xbox, PSP, etc.
Ok, I don't think will fix the problem. Getting seperate accts will not fix the issue, since Jess says he has lied about another thing before. The issue here is the lying and not really the money. IMO
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| Posted 2/7/06 1:26 PM |
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