Re: Would you send a card

Re: Would you send a card

No I would not.

Re: Would you send a card

Re: Would you send a card

No, I wouldn't. After 10 years of not speaking? Absolutely not.

Would you send a card

I would not.

Re: Would you send a card

No.

Would you send a card

Leave it alone.

Re: Would you send a card

No, No and Noooooooo : )

Re: Would you send a card

Totally inappropriate IMHO.


Even if you wanted to send him a What's Up message if he is your FB friend, I would not start it with "I heard you got married".

You haven't been in touch for ten YEARS from the way your post reads........that to me is WAY in the past, and could potentially open up a bunch of stuff that is not wanted on EITHER end.

Re: Would you send a card

Uh, no.

Re: Would you send a card

Re: Would you send a card

well, do I really need to answer? Im sure its pretty obvious what the answer is

Re: Would you send a card

Would you send a card

I will go easy on you because I think I get how you are feeling.

You had a great friendship with him where it felt like you were going to be friends forever and be there for each other for all the big life events. Some friends enter your life and you just know or hope that they will always be there - and sometimes, it unfortunately ends for one reason or another.

Then, when you hear about some giant life event they just endured - wedding, new baby, death in family - you feel an overwhelming sense to reach out...but it's because you've tied that event to the previous friendship you had, if that makes sense?

I think that is a normal feeling.

While I haven't been in a situation like yours, I can kind of relate to how you might feel.

I had a toxic friend that I didn't realize was toxic until very late. Growing up, we discussed being aunts to each other's kids, being in each other's weddings, etc. Our friendship ended and there was no contact.

However, when I had my first child and when I found out she got married, I felt an overwhelming feeling to reach out to her - even though logically, I knew it would be a bad idea.

I think during moments like these, we miss the good. We miss the promises we made to each other. These moments are fleeting, though.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I left well enough alone and looking back, I'm glad I did. Do I still wonder? yes...but the overwhelming "I want to reach out during this special time and wish so&so well"........well, it slowly vanished.

I advise you to wait it out...you may find that it vanishes for you, too.

...But I totally get where you are coming from.

Message edited 12/31/2012 8:01:55 PM.

Would you send a card

I would. and I have.. to both his weddings! LOL He is my best friend and biggest 'ex' but I made it clear that he was in my life forever when I met my hubby. We go years without talking but still circle back. He brought his new wife to meet us a few months before they were married. She thought it was awkward then she got to know me and how he and I are together now.

We are adults.

He and I were a crazy couple. GREAT fire but always damaging. We just dont work together. But we are so close and can't imagine life without him and he always knows he can count on me. We best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Re: Would you send a card

No, I wouldn't.

My BFF and I didn't talk for 8 years. 8 years! I sent her an invite to my wedding. She sent me an invite to her DS's Christening. It's almost 8 years since we started talking again and she and her DH are Godparents to my DD1.

Our moms have been BFFs for years too and we have known each other since we were 10. However, I think it is rare to pick up like that.

The fact that your BFF is a guy who at one time professed his love for you makes it completely different which is why I say not to reach out.

Also, how would it make your DH feel? And his wife? I imagine he must have told her about you. It can't do anything but make her feel threatened. I say let it go. No good can come of this. If he had never expressed his feelings like that, maybe. But he did so now you need to let it go,

Re: Would you send a card

Posted by EatingMyVeggies

I will go easy on you because I think I get how you are feeling.

You had a great friendship with him where it felt like you were going to be friends forever and be there for each other for all the big life events. Some friends enter your life and you just know or hope that they will always be there - and sometimes, it unfortunately ends for one reason or another.

Then, when you hear about some giant life event they just endured - wedding, new baby, death in family - you feel an overwhelming sense to reach out...but it's because you've tied that event to the previous friendship you had, if that makes sense?

I think that is a normal feeling.

While I haven't been in a situation like yours, I can kind of relate to how you might feel.

I had a toxic friend that I didn't realize was toxic until very late. Growing up, we discussed being aunts to each other's kids, being in each other's weddings, etc. Our friendship ended and there was no contact.

However, when I had my first child and when I found out she got married, I felt an overwhelming feeling to reach out to her - even though logically, I knew it would be a bad idea.

I think during moments like these, we miss the good. We miss the promises we made to each other. These moments are fleeting, though.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I left well enough alone and looking back, I'm glad I did. Do I still wonder? yes...but the overwhelming "I want to reach out during this special time and wish so&so well"........well, it slowly vanished.

I advise you to wait it out...you may find that it vanishes for you, too.

...But I totally get where you are coming from.

Re: Would you send a card

Posted by mommyago

Posted by EatingMyVeggies

I will go easy on you because I think I get how you are feeling.

You had a great friendship with him where it felt like you were going to be friends forever and be there for each other for all the big life events. Some friends enter your life and you just know or hope that they will always be there - and sometimes, it unfortunately ends for one reason or another.

Then, when you hear about some giant life event they just endured - wedding, new baby, death in family - you feel an overwhelming sense to reach out...but it's because you've tied that event to the previous friendship you had, if that makes sense?

I think that is a normal feeling.

While I haven't been in a situation like yours, I can kind of relate to how you might feel.

I had a toxic friend that I didn't realize was toxic until very late. Growing up, we discussed being aunts to each other's kids, being in each other's weddings, etc. Our friendship ended and there was no contact.

However, when I had my first child and when I found out she got married, I felt an overwhelming feeling to reach out to her - even though logically, I knew it would be a bad idea.

I think during moments like these, we miss the good. We miss the promises we made to each other. These moments are fleeting, though.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I left well enough alone and looking back, I'm glad I did. Do I still wonder? yes...but the overwhelming "I want to reach out during this special time and wish so&so well"........well, it slowly vanished.

I advise you to wait it out...you may find that it vanishes for you, too.

...But I totally get where you are coming from.

ITA! I think a lot of people on here are quick to say no way because they never had a friend like this. I have an ex bf who was a best friend to me for many years and although we don't talk anymore, I would feel very similar to how you feel and would want to send a card or just a facebook message if I heard about some major event in his life. Is it completely approriate to do? Probably not, because im sure our dh's wouldn't be thrilled about it. But this is still someone who at one point was a best friend to you and I think its completely normal to feel the way you do. I like what the above poster wrote about- maybe just give it some time and see if you still want to send it or if you kind of just forget about it

Would you send a card

FTR, I would send a card. I don't know, seems harmless and polite and I think it opening up anything negative is silly - you're bth married, so I don't think all of a sudden there'd be a dramatic proclamation of love. If anything, it might be the olive branch that helps to rebuild your friendship. Or maybe it doesn't, but so what? The wort that will appen is he will gore it. I say send it.

Re: Would you send a card

100% NO

Would you send a card

Edited bc I think I read it all wrong... Were you actually involved with this guy? Or was it just a friendship? If it was just a friendship I might say congrats on fb and that's about it... If it was more than that, I wouldn't say anything at all

Message edited 1/1/2013 11:32:45 AM.

Re: Would you send a card

Re: Would you send a card

Re: Would you send a card

Re: Would you send a card

One of my exes was a reader at our wedding! I'm still in touch with the other guy I mentioned earlier. Not all DHs ate insecure or would have a problem with it.