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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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WWYD - Bridal party related
So my good friend is having me as her Matron of Honor and another friend as her Maid of Honor - essentially we're supposed to share the duties. The friend just set her wedding date (May 09) the other day so I e-mailed my co-MOH this morning to ask if we should go look at the shower venue (she already told us where she wants it) and noted that the only weekend I need to avoid is my son's/DH birthday weekend in March.
She writes back and says she was in touch with our friend's mom already and the venue and they're going to look at it 9/20 at 10AM - can I join  ? So, I'm annoyed. I don't know why these arrangements were made and THEN I was asked if I'm free. I'm not free - my DH is rarely off on Saturdays and this one he is, Ryan will be 6-months and we have a family day planned.
So, I don't want it to come off like I'm being difficult or that I'm not available b/c I have a baby (I'm the only one of my group of friends) but I think it's rude and I don't want to screw my family when I'm give a week and a half notice and no choice.
Should I rearrange my plans or just let them go without me?
ETS: My friends mom is paying for the shower so of course I believe it should be convenient for her first and foremost. I just don't get why I wasn't included in the appt until after I asked and wonder if I'm making a bigger deal out of it.
Message edited 9/10/2008 2:15:47 PM.
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Posted 9/10/08 2:12 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I'd be annoyed to, but your life is a little more important then looking at a place. so I would let her know that the date deosn't work for you, so they should go without you, but in the future you would like to be consulted before appointments are made since this postion is held by BOTH of you, and you really love your friend and want to share in it all with her.
I hope she gets the point, otherwise she might be a complete PIA the entire time
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:15 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I would just let them go without you.
edit...just read your "ETA" and if the mom is paying--then I wouldn't make a big deal...let them know you can't go and hint that you would like to know about anything else a little further in advance so you can be involved.
Message edited 9/10/2008 2:16:54 PM.
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:15 PM |
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MetsGirl07
LIF O2 Vendor
Member since 12/07 16202 total posts
Name:
Deanna
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
honestly... i think that was very rude and to overstep you like that.. even though you are sharing your duties..still its not right! and like you said she shouldnt ask if you are free AFTER she planned it already!!
i would say to her how you feel.. and hope that you can resolve it and change it to a day that you both can make it... its only fair!!
HTH! 
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:16 PM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I would tell her that you have a prior engagement that day, and would she please reschedule because you really would like to join them. Don't tell her your plans- it's none of her business. If she gives you a difficult time (which would be ridiculous because there is so much time to go) then tell her it is unfair of her to make an issue of it when you she neglected to let you in on the plans in the first place. BE difficult about it if you want to participate.
Good luck
ETS: Just read your ETS- Perhaps you should call your friends mom and ask her if it would be possible to reschedule, but if not, you understand, but would like to be made a part of future arrangements.
Message edited 9/10/2008 2:20:16 PM.
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:18 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Honestly, if the bride already knows where it's going to be than I wouldn't be to upset. It's not as though you will be shopping around for a venue. She already has it picked out. Which I find strange.
I would tell her it's short notice and I already have plans with my family that day. And just ask them for the details when they are done.
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:22 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I don't want to come off as the PITA. The annoying part is that this is a friend of mine too so I didn't anticipate any of these types of problems - I thought we'd be a good team.
The complicated part is that the Maid of Honor is getting married next year too and my friend is going to be her MOH - so I guess they're both in full blown wedding planning mode and honestly - I'm not. Ryan is my priority. I want to be a part of everything as much as possible, but I don't want to blow my son off for it.
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:23 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Is the venue near? I don't think it would take that long to go check it out with them if it's close by. Doesnt seem like it should be an all day event. Can your DH and DS wait in the car?
I would just nicely let her know that in the future you would like to be involved from the beginning and tell her that you need more lead time to schedule things like this to coordinate a baby sitter.
In her defense, maybe she thought she was making things easier by getting the ball rolling since the venue was already decided on. I understand that your DS is your priority, but right now, the wedding is theirs!
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:32 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I would just let them know that you're disappointed you can't make it, but you already have plans. Tell them next time they should let you know before the set a date.
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:34 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
First, I'm so glad all my friends are married because I don't have the patience anymore.
Secondly, I'd let it go this time but I would definitely say something to the MOH that you want to be included in the planning in the future and would appreciate being consulted BEFORE they plan something, especially because your schedule isn't as flexible.
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:37 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by eroxgirl
First, I'm so glad all my friends are married because I don't have the patience anymore.
Secondly, I'd let it go this time but I would definitely say something to the MOH that you want to be included in the planning in the future and would appreciate being consulted BEFORE they plan something, especially because your schedule isn't as flexible.
I know, really! 
I feel terrible feeling like this b/c I know this is their world right now - but it's so NOT mine. But she's a good friend and I want to be a part of it all.
I haven't physically been there for much yet, but I'm a good researcher!
a) I helped her DH pick the ring and if she knew what he was considering boy would she  me 
b) she wanted an unusual dress so I researched and found a few designers and ended up going with one of them
c) I've helped point her in the right direction for photographers (was totally routing for Angelica Glass!)
Anyway, I don't want to make too big of a deal of it b/c the truth is my babysitter situation is difficult. DH usually works on weekends and both of our parents spend time at their weekend homes or abroad. Plus, honestly, now that I'll be back to work FT I don't want to run around doing this stuff on a Saturday when I'll only be seeing DS under 10 hrs during the week.
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| Posted 9/10/08 2:45 PM |
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IrishLasss334
I'll be there soon!
Member since 1/08 6549 total posts
Name:
Patty
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I would be irritated, but I would let them go ahead without me. Being with DH and your son is more important.
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| Posted 9/10/08 3:30 PM |
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angnick
Life is So Wonderful!
Member since 8/06 6663 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
That was rude. What if you call the mom and see if you can change the date you go and see the venue?
And then call the co moh and let her know that the date was rescheduled.
Ooh scratch that , that is so mean. It must be my pregnancy hormones talking
I would just explain the situation and see if she is willing to change the date you go to visit, otherwise, tell her politely to take good notes and that you trust her judgement and are looking forward to hearing all about it
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| Posted 9/10/08 3:47 PM |
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Cpt2007
A new love!
Member since 1/08 5946 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I would just let them go without you.
edit...just read your "ETA" and if the mom is paying--then I wouldn't make a big deal...let them know you can't go and hint that you would like to know about anything else a little further in advance so you can be involved.
agreed.
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| Posted 9/10/08 3:58 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
let them go without you
stop in on your own one day when its convenient for you so you can see the room and help plan the decorations
try not ot take it personal..part of me would be happy that its one less thing i have to do
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| Posted 9/10/08 5:17 PM |
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