WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

I have a friend and we get together once every few weeks. Her DS is a few months younger than my DD. Every time we get together, he hits her at least once. Tries to grab her toys, hits her on the head with a toy, etc. The mom always reacts quickly and scolds him, and DD sits there stunned and then upset. I usually say don't worry about it, I'm sure it's just a phase, DD is fine, etc.

And, she's admitted he's a hitter. That he hits all his friends, hits her, and she doesn't know how to deal with it. So she knows it's a problem and I kind of haven't wanted to pile on. But frankly I'm getting tired of not standing up for my kid, and her being a) beat up, and b) exposed to this type of behavior, which she's never seen before.

How would you handle?

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

Does she have a good time at the play dates other than during the hitting incident(s)?

Do you think there is potential there for your dd to get REALLY hurt?

If I were you and my kid was having fun AND I didn't feel it was a real danger- I'd let it go and continue my play dates to be a good friend to MY friend. Maybe I'd space them out a little more? Every month instead of every few weeks?

However, if my kid was always getting upset and STAYING upset and I thought there was potential for my child to really get hurt I'd say eff the friend and her troubles.

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

How old are the kids?

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

It's really a hard situation. Sometimes my little guy can be a bit of a bully - he's 19 months old.

It's such a difficult spot for me because I mean, what can I be expected to do? I sternly tell him no, remove him from the situation, give time out, give back a toy if he took it from someone, etc. I feel that I do all I can but at this age it's so hard to control them and make them understand KWIM? I feel TERRIBLE when he does things like hitting or pushing!!!! I really do. I dont' know what I'm supposed to do as the other parent just as you don't know what to do as the parent of the other child... KWIM?

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

If it was an acquaintance then I would say forget them, but this is a friend. He isn't even 2 yet and while your daughter may not have gone through that phase plenty of children do. I also think your friend is very aware of the situation and I am sure is uncomfortable as it is. She always addresses it and she is trying. I think as her friend you should be there for her and maybe try and offer suggestions to try and help.

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

I would not schedule any more playdates with your friend and her DS until he has moved on from his hitting phase, but that's me.

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

Posted by maybeamommy

Posted by twinkletoes807

I would not schedule any more playdates with your friend and her DS until he has moved on from his hitting phase, but that's me.

This makes me so sad to read!

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

Posted by twinkletoes807

Posted by maybeamommy

Posted by twinkletoes807

I would not schedule any more playdates with your friend and her DS until he has moved on from his hitting phase, but that's me.

This makes me so sad to read!

Why? I'm sure not everyone is as nutty as I am! But with me, since I am a control freak, if every single time my DDs had a playdate with a friend and they got hit (on the head with a toy) every time, I wouldn't reschedule the next playdate for several months in the hopes that the friend has grown out of the phase. If I can't control the hitting, then I'm gonna remove my DDs from future incidents.

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

Message edited 7/17/2012 3:16:58 AM.

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

We encounter bullies at the playground all the time.

So this is what I do:

"the boy/girl hit you?"
DS will either shrug like "so what?" so I do nothing

or he'll cry and I will ask
"are you hurt? where does it hurt?" and he will point if it really does hurt

or he'll just whine ... and I'll ask
"where you scared?"

we have a way of dealing with being scared of other kids who are aggressive. I say "did he scare you? scare him back, say boo!" we say "boo!" and its funny and all is right

IMO, she's probably crying more because she's reacting to the other mom's reaction, more than to her own feelings. She's scared of what happened, but I bet she didn't make a scene about it, she'd think nothing of it - especially if she says she still likes this boy.

DS hates the boy that hit him in the playground once. Months later he still wont go near him.

For the other mom, I would ask her to try, if maybe she didn't "punish" but instead just tell him "we don't hit eachother, you can try to do nice, or you can hit the floor or your lap (or whatever)"

There are 2 reasons why they hit, 1. to communicate 2. to express frustration

IMO, meet the childs needs, he needs to let it out, whatever it is, give him the tools to do it.

Re: WWYD - Friend's kid hits my DD at every playdate

I think that as long as she is addressing the hitting with her child I would continue the playdates. He is only a baby and doesn't really know any better yet. THey don't get sharing. They don't get that they can't just take another toy from a kid. They have to learn that. If she was ignoring the behavior I would think twice though.