WWYD with poll

MY DD is 4 next month and we have not been the parents that has had my kids ever sleep out. DD is a very sensitive kid..sometimes she still cries when we leave (well when i leave) if we go out. She does not want to sleep out and the thought of it seems to scares her. My IL's dream is having her sleep there.. my fear is she will definately cry and they wouldnt know how to handle her when she gets in a fit..(I have seen it already they say all the wrong things to make it worse). DH asked me this am for a favor to let her sleep there...do i do it knowing my kid will have an anxiety attack there?? Shes not that close with them and she def would freak at bedtime....thanks


edited to say..(for those who do say YES...where do i draw the line if she crying when i bring her there and leave..do i just do that???)

Message edited 1/24/2011 8:59:50 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

Is there a reason for her to sleep over? I would do it if we needed to go to a wedding or something (and have), but we never do it just to have a night w/o DS, because he is the same way.

Maybe if DH wants to have a night away, MIL could stay at your house w/ her while you go to a motel or something?

Message edited 1/24/2011 8:58:58 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

Re: WWYD with poll

I would hold off a bit. She is still very young for staying over at someone's home she is not familiar with.

I don't think she is ready yet.

Re: WWYD with poll

I totally understand how you feel...My IL constantly make comments to us because we wont let dd sleep over. She is only 18 months so I am definitely not comfortable with it...plus there are several other major issues too
Although by 4 I have a feeling I might have to...
I say try it...

where to draw the line ummm good question...just try to sneak out when dd is happy and playing...then let IL try but tell them to please call you if she is really upset for more then say an hour


The only reason I say to try is because if there is a reason (say a wedding) you don't want the stress of the first time leaving her on a night where you can run back KWIM

Message edited 1/24/2011 9:10:34 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

Do you live far away? I would probobly try it and if she gets really upset have them call you and go pick her up.

My ds is going to be 4 next month also, if my mom asked i would try it, but she lives a few blocks away so I can go pick him up within 5 minutes.

Re: WWYD with poll

Personally I would do it. and I would do it the first time on a day you DONT have anythign to do so that you are home if she just CANT stay.

First sometimes we dont give our kids enough credit. She may be fine....of course she may not but in the end then whats the big deal....tell your MIL that if she wont sleep after 1 hour of trying to get her to bed then to call you.
You can always go get her.

If she cries as you are leaving, just leave. Explain to her before hand what is going to happen but that you will come back for her. And tell her if she is a big girl and is good for ILs then after you pick her up you can go to breakfast, chuck e cheese, or TRU (what ever she would like best) If she cries when you are leaving just get down and remind her of what you talked about but tell her you have to go but you WILL be back to get her, you promise you will always come back for her!! If you dont leave her you are just reinforcing her anxiety. Even if she doesnt stay the night you have to leave her for a little while IMO just so she knows that she can be there without you and be fine!

And think of how nice it would be knowing if you needed to go somewhere you could have overnight coverage.

DS has stayed at my ILs a few times. He used to cry when I left but now he basically says okay see you later!! HE knows that his grandparents will SPOIL him when I am not there!

ETA: I never sneak out of a place on DS. My thought is that I dont want to create an anxiety in him that wherever we are he may turn around and not see me there and I left him. I always say goodbye. Personally I would rather leave him crying hysterically than have him fear that one day mommy might just leave when he is playing. JMO

Message edited 1/24/2011 9:21:29 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

Personally I would try it. If it is far away, i would go out with DH and stay in the area, or somewhat around the area so if she's that upset that you won't be too far away and it would calm your nerves also.

Re: WWYD with poll

I wouldn't have a problem with DC sleeping over (and I am sure she would be just fine). I just don't get what the point is? Why do they want her to sleep over so badly?

Re: WWYD with poll

does she stay there without you being there-like for the day?

Re: WWYD with poll

no! if she doesn't want to sleep somewhere else, why force the issue. if she would have fun and would like to stay then of course.

my DS has slept at inlaws very often, but never at my mom's house bc he wouldn't want to stay there

Message edited 1/24/2011 9:44:12 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

I think you should give her the choice. Does she want to sleep over? She may surprise you.

My DD is 4.5, and LOVES sleepovers at the grandparents houses. She asks to go there. My son (2.5) has slept over as well. They see it as a special night/treat.

I wouldn't force the issue if she's not comfortable with it.

Re: WWYD with poll

Re: WWYD with poll

Re: WWYD with poll

Posted by azoodie

I wouldn't have a problem with DC sleeping over (and I am sure she would be just fine). I just don't get what the point is? Why do they want her to sleep over so badly?

Re: WWYD with poll

I voted no.
I am not comfortable with my children sleeping over someone elses home. I dont care whose house it is... friend, family. They have a bed at home, and thats where they belong at night. I know I am in the minority, but its just how I feel.

Message edited 1/24/2011 9:55:11 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

Posted by Kelly9904

Personally I would do it. and I would do it the first time on a day you DONT have anythign to do so that you are home if she just CANT stay.

First sometimes we dont give our kids enough credit. She may be fine....of course she may not but in the end then whats the big deal....tell your MIL that if she wont sleep after 1 hour of trying to get her to bed then to call you.
You can always go get her.

If she cries as you are leaving, just leave. Explain to her before hand what is going to happen but that you will come back for her. And tell her if she is a big girl and is good for ILs then after you pick her up you can go to breakfast, chuck e cheese, or TRU (what ever she would like best) If she cries when you are leaving just get down and remind her of what you talked about but tell her you have to go but you WILL be back to get her, you promise you will always come back for her!! If you dont leave her you are just reinforcing her anxiety. Even if she doesnt stay the night you have to leave her for a little while IMO just so she knows that she can be there without you and be fine!

And think of how nice it would be knowing if you needed to go somewhere you could have overnight coverage.

DS has stayed at my ILs a few times. He used to cry when I left but now he basically says okay see you later!! HE knows that his grandparents will SPOIL him when I am not there!

ETA: I never sneak out of a place on DS. My thought is that I dont want to create an anxiety in him that wherever we are he may turn around and not see me there and I left him. I always say goodbye. Personally I would rather leave him crying hysterically than have him fear that one day mommy might just leave when he is playing. JMO

Re: WWYD with poll

Re: WWYD with poll

No, We are not a sleep over type family...

Message edited 1/24/2011 10:37:21 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

I would have her sleep over. I think she may be fine and if she cries, then she cries. While I may be harsh, I'm more the tough love type and I would give it a shot 100%. She is 4 years old and she'll be with your in-laws, not strangers, not another kids house, etc. Everybody's parenting styles are different, but staying over there may just be the trick to get her over this. JMO, but if you keep preventing it, I think it will get worse as she gets older. Again, JMO.

I also agree with the above posters, have them babysit her not overnight first. Like have them watch her for like an afternoon.

Message edited 1/24/2011 11:21:05 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

My DS just turned 4 and I still don't think he's ready.

Re: WWYD with poll

if she wanted to - yes.
If she didnt want to - absoultly not.

I would never force my child to sleep over if she didn't want to nor would I leave her there crying. She's still really young, no need to make her upset bc grandma wants a sleepover. Tell your MIL to give it some time. You dont want her to never want to go back either, lol.

Re: WWYD with poll

Re: WWYD with poll

I totally understand how you feel. This summer was the first time my 2 and 3 year old slept away from us. I think it is good for kids to get used to staying with someone else. I mean you never know when you will really need for your DD to stay with your in-laws and it wouldn't hurt to get her used to it now.

Also children need to learn how to deal with different people. Added to that maybe letting her stay over will give her a chance to bond with your in-laws something I am sure they really desire.

At the beginning of this year I was so afraid to have my FIL pick up my DS from school. I was afraid he would freak out. Then one day I decided that I needed to give it a try and my DS was fine. Like a pp said we need to give our children more credit. They are more adaptable than they think.

When you drop her off I think if you can't calm her down you just have to leave. I am sure once you leave they will find away to calm her. Maybe you could have them buy a special toy or snack that she loves and then you could tell her she can't have it until you leave. I know my DC absolutely love cake. So if they knew they would get it when I left they would be more likely to let me leave. My DC still get upset when I leave, but I either bribe them with something or I leave and them they are fine 10 minutes later.

Good luck with your decision.

ETA: I agree with a pp that it is not good to sneak off. I always say goodbye even if my kids are hysterical.

Message edited 1/24/2011 11:23:03 AM.

Re: WWYD with poll

If there is no reason for it then I say no. I would not leave my child with people (ILs or not) if she is not comfortable with them over night. Why force the issue? She is 4 not 10. I wouldn't be able to leave my DD there knowing she would be very upset.

It you HAD to because of a wedding or something else that would be different, however just because THEY want her to sleep over....no.