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Message edited 8/9/2007 11:47:21 AM.

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

Okay...here are my thoughts

I am not a "mom" yet, I have a stepson and am 6 mos preg so I may not be the best for advice, but I'm willing to try.

1-you can never get these years back, so if it is possible (though not necessarily easy) I would stay home with my child. My mom stayed home and raised 5 children while my dad worked year round doing as much overtime as possible. It was hard on both of them, but they knew how they wanted to raise their children and made the sacrifices necessary. I always thought I'd be able to do the same thing, unfortunately due to child support and our mortgage, there is no way I can leave teaching to stay home when my child is born. If I could, I would in a heart beat. I was talking to my friend about this the other day, she is also a teacher and has 2 children. She said that it is difficult to discipline your children when they're in daycare because they are essentially being raised by other people. Their family isn't in the financial situation for her to stay home either, so there aren't any decisions she can make at this time. She said that she realized how much she is missing by being home with her kids during the summer.

You mentioned that you feel torn b/c of your boss and assistant - I learned that though you will miss them, people come and go in life all the time. Family is the only constant.

Financially, would it be possible to pick up an odd job, i.e. babysitting at home while you watch your daughter just to bring in some extra cash for gas, groceries, etc.? You have the experience and I'm sure there are some moms who would love to get a break in childcare, offering a slight discount b/c you will be with your daughter as well. I have thought about doing this myself, but my experience w/children (outside of teaching) is limited. My baby will be the first newborn I have ever had to take care of. So I don't feel quite comfortable yet, watching anyone else's child.

As far as your husband is concerned, I think when push comes to shove our men will surprise us from time to time. They may not do things the way we'd like them to, but surely they wouldn't put their child in harm's way.

That's about all the advice I have for now. Things will always find a way to work themselves out. I hope you find your answer soon. Good luck!

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

I quickly read your post but I know what you are going through..DH is a local 25 electrician and the same thing happens to him as your dh..Tomorrow is my last day at work and I am going to be a SAHM but it scares me with that what if he isnt working steady..He actually took a part time job at costco at night (though i dont know how long that is going to last- prob for atleast a year but he hates that right now while i went back to work he doesnt see DD bc she is at my moms when he comes home from work before going to the 2nd job and sleeping when she gets home)..It def is not easy and we dont really see each other that much right now, but being home with her makes it worth it..Im in the same boat - i dont make much to continue working and pay for childcare plus i have a long commute as well so it just doesnt add up to work right now..i would try to do it as long as you could and if you needed to find something then worry about it as the time gets closer but thats just me..hth a little.

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

I am a Local 1 plumbers wife (he's a foreman as well) so I can relate to your post. TG times are good but slow times can be very bad. I only work 12 hours a week to keep my license current and make a little $ for extras. Those hours are split b/w Grandma and Daddy. I still consider myself a SAHM. I have a career where temping is an option if we need more $$ so I am lucky in that aspect. Only you can make the decision of what works for your family. And only us wives can understand the panic of meeting bills when times are slow in the trades. Good Luck in whatever you decide

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

We are in a similar situation although I am already a SAHM.

My husand works very long hours (leaves the house by 5:45 and is home around 7pm - that's on a good day!) - he also works many Saturdays...

I was working in Manhattan when DS was born and childcare was so $$$ that it didn't pay for me to work. I went back for a few months, saved my entire salary in a sep bank acct so that we have a cushion for rough months and then i resigned. Would you consider going back for a 1/2 year and doing that? That way you would always have this $ in the bank in case dh's work is slow...

Ethan will be 2 in October and I keep thinking how much we could really use extra $$ these days, but it is just not feasible to get a job making $10hr when I would pay someone to watch him the same amt.

GL to you and keep us updated!!

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

You sound very similar to me in terms of how you feel regarding working even PT out of the home

It is never easy to make these decisions and I agree..the moms who work FT outside the home deserve a lot of credit, it cannot be easy!

The first thing...you have to push any thoughts of disappointing your work out of your mind. You have to realize that in the end everyone does what is best for THEM..including the other teachers, the principal etc..they would be disappointed I'm sure but if you made the best decision for YOU then they will ultimately be happy for you. And if not, screw them, lol!

Are there any other options for you? I knew I could not do daycare so I researched my butt off to find an at home job that enabled me to be with johnny and make extra $$. And be "Extra" I mean enough to meet our bills. We too have one car only...we are making sacrifices for now, because like another poster said...I will never ever have this time back and for me, personally I wanted to be the one with him.

I work about 15 hours/week from home editing a website. I get a check every week and the company has been great. You should look into that option, the money especially is great considering i don't pay for childcare!

Good luck...you will know what to do. And it sounds like your DH wants what you want, and you couldn't ask for more! hang in there, it'll get easier to know...

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

WEll, you know how I feel Noreen. I don't think you should go back to your job. They have plenty of time to hire someone before September. And I'm sorry, if they have anything to say to you about it, they're idiots because people's situations change all the time...ESPECIALLY when they have babies and children. Like I said the other night, if you wanted to work for the social aspect and was looking forward to getting out of the house, ontop of bringing in a little extra cash, then it'd be worth going back, but since that's not the case, I really think that you should just tell them you're not coming back. Then you and Ant can figure out what to do should you need some extra cash. There's no reason why he can't go work at Home Depot for the winter or some other place like that. He could even start his own business in the winters on the side or you could take in another child to babysit, etc. You definitely have options, even though it might not seem that way. I know how rough it is, but I say just call your old job and tell them soon so that you can get it over with and move on to the next stage. Just have a game plan with Ant as to what you'll do come winter and I think that'll help settle your mind a bit. Love you hon.

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

I totally understand what you are saying coming from a family of electricians but...what if he has to go out on furlough? Does he have enough side jobs to do to make it? Have you thought about putting papers in to districts to be a substitute? This way maybe you can work one day a week when you know your husband is home. I am going back in September and I am not looking forward either! Hang in there

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

I dopnt have that much advice but I think based on the tone of your post and what you said, from an outside prespective, your mind is saying Dont go back.

I think you want to be home and I truly think you can make it work.

We are in a very bad financial spot do to me being a SAHM , but I dont make enough to justify paying for daycare , so its the best option.

We have had to change a LOT of our priorities and it stinks worrying so much about money but I try to rationalize it with seeing Noahs face as much as I want and enjoying him as much as I want.

Good luck with your decision!

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

I feel like you should not go back to your job. When it is slow DH could def do side jobs to make up the difference.

I would hire him Last time we had electrical work done and plumbing, and construction we used Union guys that do this on the side for extra cash. I think they do pretty well doing this.

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

It sounds like you have two issues here, and you should try to deal with them separately instead of together - I think that it might clarify things for you:

1) You would like to make more money for the position that you are in. Have you asked your boss for it? Have you looked into a similar position elsewhere where you can make more?

2) You don't want to leave DC. I know that this is a VERY personal decision. I can only tell you about my experience. I went to work part time for my boss when my DD was 2 1/2 months old. They are a financial company and I went to work for them for tax season. I worked M-F from 5:30 - 9 or 10 (pm) depending on how busy they were and all day Saturday. It was a really crazy schedule. I only got to see DH on Sunday. I was glad when it was over (it was hard getting up for night feedings, dealing with DD all day and then going to work!), however there were a lot of positives that I am happy about.

Dh is great with DD after spending so much time with her when she was really little. I think that it made him a lot more comfortable with her. Before I started working, he would just kind of sit there and let me deal with her. When I was at work he had no choice - and he did a great job! I think that the earlier that they get used to it, the better - now when I want to go out I don't give it a second thought.

It was great having the social interaction and adult conversation. It was a big adjustment for me to all of a sudden be home all day, this provided for more of an ease into it.

The money didn't hurt either!

Like I said - this is a very personal decision and I am really happy with the one that I made - I would definitely do it again if I had to do it over, but I was also really glad when it came to an end!

If your boss hasn't found a replacement for your position, why don't you try it and see how it goes? You could always decide to leave and just tell your boss that you will stay until they find a replacement, this way you don't leave them without coverage.

HTH!

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

I really feel for what you are going through. I am in a similar position as you. I am returning to my teaching postition after being out for almost 8 months. It is breaking my heart that I have to leave DD and send her to daycare. Money is a huge issues for us. We are just squeaking by on DH's salary, it's a miracle I was able to stay out for as long as I did. We also want a house, so me staying home is not an option. I know that I don't want to do this, but we have no choice.

It really sounds like you don't want to go back. See if you can find a way you can do both.Is there anything else you can do that might bring in some extra money, but will still let you stay home. For example, tutoring or watching other people's kids. Those are 2 things I thought of for me, maybe not this year, but maybe the year after. I don't know how much help this was. I hope you find a solution that you are comfortable with.

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

You said you're a preschool teacher, do they also have infant care at the facility? Can you maybe work something out with your boss that you will work part time if you can get free childcare during those hours? That way you can still make some extra $$ but DD will only be a few doors away and you can poke your head in and check up on her.
I also agree with the suggestion of watching another child in your home part time. You can post on Craigslist, a friend of mine did and got MANY calls. You can either watch a child all day, or maybe you can watch a school aged child after school until their parents get off work.
You do have other options than going back to your job, and never feel bad for the people you're leaving behind (your boss and assistant.) The fact of the matter is, we all need to do what's best for ourselves and our own families. They would do what's best for themselves, with little concern to you if the situation was reversed.

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

Noreen you have to do what's best for you and your family, especially your daughter.

When I had Matthew last year. I was off the whole summer with him. Up until a couple of days before I was scheduled to go back I called and said that I wasn't returning. My mom was supposed to watch him and she still was very willing to but she does have a heart condition, heart palpitations. So every once in a while she gets these episodes where her heart starts beating so fast that we have to take her to the ER. So all I pictured was this happening to her while she was with Matthew. I did not want to take that chance and plus I got really attached to my baby and I just decided to stay home.

DH supported my decision 100% he said he was kind of hoping I would stay home because he liked the idea of our son growing up with a least one parent home all the time. But at he did say that if I wanted to go back to work that he would support that too. He said it was my decision to make and that he would support it, either way.

Is it tough on us finanically? yes a little. My husband is a teacher and you know how great a teacher's salary is... They should get paid more but that's another issue. But anyways DH has done some freelance work for the queens chronicle and he gets paid for these jobs he does for them. Every little bit counts. We were able to go on a cruise this year (with the help of a nice tax return)

DH works a lot during the school year and then he's always doing little things on the side so yeah sometimes you don't get to spend as much time together as you'd like but sometimes you have to make the sacrafice.

And it's not like DH hasn't spent any time with us this summer. We went away on a cruise and have done some local stuff too...

Message edited 8/2/2007 12:33:18 PM.

Re: I feel like I am so stuck..this is LONG but I truly need advice...Please read!!!

Hi, I hope this helps a little. When my husband and I had ds #2 the plan was for me to go back to work after my maternity leave was over however that would of meant he would of only been 6wks and I felt it was to soon so I took a leave of absents for about 3 mos. Like your husband my dh's job has good months and bad months and when I took the additional time he was having good months :) however, when I finally went back to work (part time) I had to put my son in a daycare and after 5mos I found out that the place I was sending him was not a safe place therefore I quit my job and became a SAHM and had ds #3 and it's not easy all the time but my dh makes sure he meets the bills every month and gets the children what they need. I have to say if your dh is okay w/ you not going back to work you should take the opportunity to stay home w/ your dd. I had to work full time w/ ds #1 and now that I've had the chance to be home w/ my last two it was so nice :) Your dd will be going to school before you know it (the yrs just fly by)and then you can return to work and help dh. Good Luck w/ your decision.