Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

This came up this weekend while I was away.
Given the rate of LIers that are addicted to pain meds, hard drugs, etc., I can't imagine this girl is alone in this.

How do you handle having a relative that is addicted to drugs (anything from RXs to coke or meth) & having them around your child?

What if it's not your family member but your SO's?

What if they are claiming to be sober & you think they may be?

It's always easy to say what you'd do & not do but when you're involved in it, it's different. I'm looking for answers from those with experience or know people that are in that situation.

Re: Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

I guess it would depend on the setting. I know my DH and I wouldn't let them watch our kids, but if they were around them and seemed sober it would probably be fine.

Re: Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

I kept DS away from that person. I refused to visit the house where he lived if I had DS with me. Sadly, that meant me not taking DS to see his Great Grandma because she lived in the same house.

My decision was based on the safety of my child. Of course she had no idea of the drug use. So it was really hard to cover this up. More or less I lied why DS wasn't with me but mostly I rarely went myself.

Thankfully now Grandma lives away from him so DS can see her anytime again!

I choose to have no relationship with that person, cut him out of our lives as has the rest of my family except Grandma. She doesn't know all the other details as to why we have all done this.

Re: Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

We have started avoiding spending any time with the person in our lives, which has been easy because they have alienated themselves from family. We would never leave DD in their care nor would we have any need to and they have only held her once but they seemed sober at the time.

Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

I do not bring my child around my FIL's girlfriend for this very reason. She is a crackhead and a filthy human being and I limit my visits to his house. Normally she is out on a binge and is "missing" for weeks at a time anyway, so if we go by there she tends to never be home anyway. My FIL is addicted to prescription drugs (for years he was on crack and heroin but not sure if he still dabbles in this or not) and again, we do not go there much. My DH feels as though he has to at least make some appearances because he has younger siblings (age range from 13-19) still living home. Maybe 1x a month or so will I go to my FIL's house and I watch him like a hawk. He has gross motor issues with his hands because of an illness and constant drug use through the years, so he never has really held my DD much. Now that she walks she doesn't want to be held anyway.

For the most part though I do not have a relationship with FIL and his GF and their time together with my DD is VERY limited. As she gets older I do worry about how I explain things to her about them. I'm not sure how I will tackle the subject as she becomes more aware that her grandfather and his skank are a little "different" and figures out that we don't see them as much as my family. But for now I will protect her from them and hope to maintain her innocence for as long as possible.

And to answer a question from the OP -- for ME, I would NEVER EVER believe that my FIL and GF will be clean. So that wouldn't make a difference to me at all, because they are the kind that are in denial about how they are destroying themselves. However, if someone was putting in an effort to get clean I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Message edited 7/25/2012 12:50:22 PM.

Re: Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

We keep our kids away. My dads family has some shady characters, never know what they are up to. I never bring my kids around. It's to the point they complain about not knowing our kids. We have an excuse for everything and avoid them ourselves whenever possible. My kids are not missing out by not knowing these people

Re: Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

Close family member is an alcholic. If they are sober they can come visit or we visit. They do have a relationship with DS and know not to even show up intoxicated. We only visit when it's planned and we know the person will be sober. We think this person is sober now but has been in the past and wham back to their own way. They are not permitted to babysit my ds at all. Not yet anyway.

Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

Unfortunately, my brother has addiction issues. My kids are 2 ½ and 4 ½ right now.

He’s been through treatments that aren’t seeming to work for him and served jail time as well. It’s sometimes (not always!) hard for people that aren’t living it to understand. My brother looks clean, holds the door for strangers. Carriers grocery bags for elderly people when he sees them etc. You would never know unless you KNOW that he has an addiction. At the same time, he has stolen from our mother and cause much family grief.
For a while, I was worried that he would OD and I struggled with how close I wanted my kids to become to him. If he passed while they were young, did I want them to be super attached to him and help foster that relationship? Was it better for them to NOT be close to him? Then I realized that this could go on for YEARS, and while he has issues, he is my brother and I want them to know how funny and kind and caring he can be.

I have to have hope that he will someday be CLEAN long term, but while he has his on and off periods, I just need to gauge for myself what’s appropriate and what’s not.

I try to be honest with my kids about everything for their age level. If we visit and I feel like he’s been using (he’s a functional user, so to speak), we leave and I tell my kids that Uncle is sick, which I believe to be true.

If he is incarcerated again in the future, I’ll tell my kids that Uncle broke the rules and is being punished for that. If he has another stint in rehab I’ll tell them that he is sick and the DR’s are helping him.

He’s not “altered” every minute of the day. We spend the good moments with him and not the bad. I have no reason to fear he would harm my children, but he’s also not ever going to babysit the kids either.


Hope that helps.

Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

I keep my kids away from my father and 95% of his family. It's just not worth it to me to expose my kids to it.

Re: Your kids & dealing with family members with drug addictions

family members who can't keep it together & act in a manner in which we would act [morally] in front of our kid are not welcomed. addict or not. i'm trying to raise a little person, and if people can't respect our ways in my home, then they aren't welcomed.