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Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
DS's birthday is in January so I am starting to think about his party. He is in Kindergarten. The teacher sent home a list of all the kids in his class with their home addresses and phone#'s so that we can call someone up for a playdate or send birthday invites directly to their homes.
He has about 25 kids in his class. DH thinks that if we invite one kid, we invite them all, but I disagree. They are only 5 and I think too young to run into the issue of "I was invited to Ryan's party, were you??" nonsense. I would invite the kids that DS plays with in school.. which is a handful of boys. And the teacher specifically said at open house this list is good if you want to invite a few kids to a birthday party and not everyone because you are not handing out invitations in class.
Please give honest opinions. TIA!
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Posted 10/1/11 8:24 AM  |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
I personally don't think you have to invite the whole class. If I did that I would have over 40 kids. For DS party later this month I invited all of my friends kids who are his friends, 3 boys from preschool he's no longer in school with, 1 girl he was in the 3s with but is on soccer with, and 4 boys from his kindergarten class- 2 are boys from preK and 2 are new friends.
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| Posted 10/1/11 9:55 AM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
You can invite all or just a few as I have seen both.
We have always invited all the kids though. Not all show up so I don't think there was ever a year that every kid in the class showed up.
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| Posted 10/1/11 10:50 AM |
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sunny
Life is good!
Member since 5/05 8369 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
I am having a problem with this too. I think it is SO mean to only invite some kids from class, and would feel bad if dd wasn't invited to a classmates party but other girls were. And in 1st grade, I think she would notice.
But, if she invites all 22 kids from class, plus her cousins, plus her friends she still sees from k and camp and dance etc....I would have 40 kids!
I think what I am going to do is invite all the girls in her class.
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| Posted 10/1/11 11:12 AM |
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beachgirl13
Mommy to 3 boys!
Member since 5/05 4114 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
Can you invite just all the boys?
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| Posted 10/1/11 11:41 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
Do what you have to do to stay within your budget. If you want to invite a few kids from his class, then do it. I would tell the moms of the kids invited that you're only inviting a few kids from school because a lot of times the moms of more than one try to work out carpools to parties. Then they call other moms from the class list & not only do you have the kids with hurt feelings but the other moms wondering why their kids were excluded. Also make it clear to ds that you don't want him talking about his party in class.
It's not too young to have hurt feelings about being excluded from a birthday party. Girls may be worse than boys but when my dd was in kindergarten, one of her friends (J---) told dd not to invite L-- to dd's birthday party since L-- didn't invite J-- to her bday party. DD told her they were all friends so she's inviting them both.
I know a lot of people think kids should get over it. While it's never happened to my kids, I have seen kids crying over birthday parties they weren't invited to so I always made it a point to include them or do all girls or all boy parties.
It's not forever. Usually by 8, the kids have friends in different classes or extra curricular activities so you're not doing class parties anymore.
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| Posted 10/1/11 1:34 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
DD is only in pre-k, but I already made the decision that we are not inviting anyone from school. IMO, I think it should be an all-or-nothing thing to avoid hurt feelings, and there is no way I am adding 22 kids to the headcount.
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| Posted 10/1/11 3:29 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
We decided to invite the whole class. We still have an extra 10-12 kids outside of class putting the invites at about 35. We are hoping for the best and some may fall out. My dd talks about alot of kids both boys and girls that she has become friends with. I cant pick and choose for her. To me its an easier way of meeting the kids she will be with in school for yrs to come. Eventually the list will dwindle, I assume. We just picked a less expensive place this yr.
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| Posted 10/1/11 8:25 PM |
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
Thank you everyone for your input. 
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| Posted 10/2/11 9:43 AM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
I personally think it depends on what you are thinking in terms of how many- I don't think you have to invite the whole class at all - but I can say that in DD"s 4 year class there ARE hurt feelings when people get left out so I would assume that 5 year olds feel the same. What most people seem to do is either - invite all one sex, whole class or only 1 or 2 children (the rest from outside of school). If there are say 10 boys or girls and you plan to invite 8 of them I would say the 2 who are left out could end up feeling hurt. I hear the kids discussing parties at school so I would say if there is a group that is close I would make sure to not leave someone out. I don't think it is necessary at all btw to invite the whole class.
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| Posted 10/2/11 6:50 PM |
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
DC's school does not require you to invite the whole class (prek) but asks that you give the teacher's the invitations to just put in back packs.
I know that is unique though.
I probably would not invite the whole class and just mail the invites (ask for a class list)
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| Posted 10/2/11 7:15 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
Posted by Karen
DD is only in pre-k, but I already made the decision that we are not inviting anyone from school. IMO, I think it should be an all-or-nothing thing to avoid hurt feelings, and there is no way I am adding 22 kids to the headcount.
I sort of agree with this. DS is not even in K yet - he is in pre-k and even now, the kids talk when there is a party and those who are not invited are really upset. DS always talks to his "friends" about parties, play dates etc. they go on. Another mother in DS's class told me how her neice in the class was not invited to a party that my DS and her DS was and she asked her "why wasn't I invited" and she said "it was only boys" and the little girl said - "no it wasn't, xyz was invited and she is a girl." this story broke my heart. For me, I'd do all or nothing - in the age range. Or all boys and no girls etc. At least have a rationale for those excluded. JMO.
Message edited 10/2/2011 9:47:25 PM.
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| Posted 10/2/11 9:46 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
Posted by Lillykat
I personally think it depends on what you are thinking in terms of how many- I don't think you have to invite the whole class at all - but I can say that in DD"s 4 year class there ARE hurt feelings when people get left out so I would assume that 5 year olds feel the same. What most people seem to do is either - invite all one sex, whole class or only 1 or 2 children (the rest from outside of school). If there are say 10 boys or girls and you plan to invite 8 of them I would say the 2 who are left out could end up feeling hurt. I hear the kids discussing parties at school so I would say if there is a group that is close I would make sure to not leave someone out. .[/QUOTE
I agree with this 100%
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| Posted 10/2/11 9:48 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
I teach 1st grade and the kids DO talk about birthday parties and feelings DO get hurt if someone isn't invited. I'd suggest one of the following:
1) Invite the whole class
2) Invite ALL the boys
3) Invite none*
*Unless there's one or two SUPER special friends, like from Pre-K or something - then just invite them
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| Posted 10/2/11 9:53 PM |
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jgm26
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/06 583 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
My daughters bday is in Feb- and I'm already stressing about this issue  Some of her best friends in her class are boys- so I can't do the " just the girls" thing. I dont like the idea of only inviting a few kids b/c feelings usually get hurt, even at 5 y.o. But her bday is in Feb, for cripes sake, and my house is small- I can't have it at my house.
I also have the added issue of a now defunct playgroup that we've been with for 3 years. They are in different schools, the kids rarely see each other ( but are happy when they do )- but everyone keeps inviting us to their parties, so I feel obligated to include them. Its nuts!
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| Posted 10/3/11 9:30 AM |
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jgm26
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/06 583 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
and can I just add last year I did a small party for 6 of her friends at my house and I looooved it. It was the best party- but I'm not feeling like I can get away with that this year.
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| Posted 10/3/11 9:31 AM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
I would always invite the entire class. Asking my kids who they play with the most in their class would get different answers depending on which day of the week I asked. I also wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings.
Every party I went to for my son's class did not have every one there, so I think the chances that you will have all of them come are minimal.
If I couldn't afford the whole class I would try and find a cheaper place, or do an off time so I could invite them all.
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| Posted 10/3/11 10:31 AM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
My DS is in Pre-k, but, he goes to 2 schools.
If I invited both classes, plus "outside" friends and family, I'd easily have 40+ kids invited.
Can't swing that.
His bday is in Jan. and I'm thinking we'll just stick with "outside of school" friends and family. It gets to be to much.
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| Posted 10/3/11 11:37 AM |
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my3bugs
Mom of 2 Boys
Member since 5/05 4381 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
I wouldn't go by they are too young to know...because even at this young age they talk. I heard so many crazy stories last year when my son was in kindergarten. I personally think this inviting the whole class is silly and expensive. While I understand no one wants their kids feelings hurt...hey lesson in life....but that is my opinion. THere were parties my son has not been invitied and my son is very emotional but he has dealt with it. That being said I have never invited the whole class andmy son has picked 3-5 class friends to invite to his birthday parties. Last year I gave him the option and he said there were some kids he doesn't play with or are mean and he didn't want there. He preferred to invite a bunch of his neighboorhood/family friends and his preschool friends and only picked 2 buddies from his class.
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| Posted 10/3/11 12:54 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
I feel like all the boys should be invited, it's mean to exclude and I'm sure they would know
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| Posted 10/3/11 1:36 PM |
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
Posted by InShock
I teach 1st grade and the kids DO talk about birthday parties and feelings DO get hurt if someone isn't invited. I'd suggest one of the following:
1) Invite the whole class
2) Invite ALL the boys
3) Invite none*
*Unless there's one or two SUPER special friends, like from Pre-K or something - then just invite them
This is my suggestion too.
How would you try and explain to a 5 year old that only certain kids were invited. I know my son, who is 5 would right away think that the birthday boy didn't like him or he wasn't special.
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| Posted 10/3/11 3:50 PM |
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
double post
Message edited 10/3/2011 7:01:51 PM.
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| Posted 10/3/11 3:55 PM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
My DS is in K and I don't know what I want to do about this either. I'm currently leaning toward forgetting the whole party thing, just having a small family celebration, then doing a special day out of his choice for DS-- a day in the city, a trip to the aquarium, anything he wants.
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| Posted 10/3/11 4:47 PM |
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WhatNow
Say Cheese!
Member since 1/06 8033 total posts
Name:
A (formerly WhatNow?)
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
My son is now in first grade but even last year there were plenty of parties that some people were and some people WEREN'T invited. There was no way we were inviting the whole class so I asked him WHO he wants to invite and he came up with 6 names and those were the kids that were invited.
There is nothing wrong with explaining the concept of being closer friends with some children and JUST classmates with other, IMO. Five year olds get it: they don't all play together, there are groups within class and people who do and don't want to hang out together.
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| Posted 10/3/11 6:07 PM |
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ExpectingJoy
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 751 total posts
Name:
Cari
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Re: Your opinion re: inviting classmates to birthday party
Gosh, some of these responses are pretty harsh. My daughter is a pretty shy 6 year old little girl. (sigh) Give a mother a break:)... I'm would love for her pop up on other childrens "must have" invite list for parties, but I'm afraid a lot of times she just wouldnt make the first cut. Not bc she is a mean girl, because she is a little shy. I would hate for this trait to have her axed from bday parties, especially when she is so happy to attend and be included. I promise- we send a nice gift!:)
I'm also surprised so many of you put so much stock into what your child wants at this age. Good friends change daily for a 5 year old. Kwim? Also, what about inviting all those people who were kind enough to invite your child to their party in the past year?
I just feel like it is such a nice lesson to be inclusive in these situations. Teaching your child a lesson to be compassionate. For all you know, that child you don't want to invite but end up inviting- it might be he/she's only party that year:(
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| Posted 10/3/11 10:35 PM |
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