Your town versus your parent's town

My parents have a summer place in Oakdale, which is an adorable area and very close to Sayville which is another great area.

DH and I included both of these towns in our search for houses on MLS and I found a really interesting house (and somewhat affordable too) in the "Idle Hour" area last week. For anyone who knows that area, it's supposed to be very nice.

But DH expressed a concern over living so close to my parents, or in the same town. He feels like it wouldn't be so much "our" place and "our" town if we lived so close.

We aren't concerned about my parents dropping in unexpectedly, they don't do that. And we don't depend on them for any kind of help like babysitting or whatever, we are not having kids. I can kind of see my DH's point, he wants to forge new ground and have something unique.

But another part of me feels it's silly and no matter where we are, it's still OUR house.

What do you think about that kind of a situation? Do any of you live in the same town as your parents, or was that a consideration in home buying?

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

DH and I would LOVE to buy a house in the town my parents are in. I grew up there, we both love the area, schools are great, etc. We've lived in an apartment together in the same town as my parents for the last two years and we realize it's where we want to be. It's just really expensive... but if we had the opportunity to buy there we would in a heartbeat!

I agree with what you said, no matter where you are it will be YOUR house.

Good luck!

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

we are from the same town- and both of pur parents offered their houses to us at below market value prices

we turned them both down- Setuaket is a great town- but it's too far away from our jobs- and I hate running into people from High School, or people that knew my Mom etc- too many memories - both good and bad-

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

We are not in the same area as our parents - mine is upstate and his is in an area we didn't even consider.

I'm very familiar with the Idel Hour area...it's a GREAT area! We have friends that live in that section and family that lives in Oakdale a couple of blocks south of Montauk Hgwy.

If you love it...GO FOR IT!

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I'd be lying if I said that proximity to our parents (well...really my in-laws) didn't contribute -- though it was much more the price and taxes (we can't afford where either of our parents live.)

My in-laws are annoying and smother us as it is. I see them more than I'd like and they are always on top of us. I could totally see them dropping in unexpectedly if they lived very close. I am particularly not a fan of my MIL so I'm happy that we're 40 minutes away, in East Rockaway which is somewhat inconvienient to get to.

But...the lease on my in-laws house is up soon and my MIL has made comments about moving - of every town on long island - to the one right next to us.

I'm going to be really upset if that happens so I can sympathsize with what your DH is feeling.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

We're looking at homes in the same town as DH's parents. We've been living in an apartment there for the past year.

It hasn't been a problem for us, they are there when we need them but, in no ways overbearing.

The houses we're looking at buying right now are on the other side of town as well so we have a decent amount of distance between us.

If the house is everything you want, I'd say go for it!

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

If we could afford it, I would love to look in the town or surrounding towns of where my parents live. I wouldn't want to live in the same neighborhood but I do love the area where I grew up (or somewhere within the proximity.)

DHs parents are upstate, so thats definitely not an option, although we could easily afford it there.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

My Parents live in Massapequa Park...which is a great area to grow up...but we could not afford to live there...there is a house on my parents block for sale for $550
DH and I live in NC now...we had to go where we would be able to buy and house and not struggle and unfortunatly its away from my family and friends.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I love the Idle Hour area! I think it depends on the relationship with your parents. I know my mom would never just drop in unexpectedly, so for me there would never be a drawback to living so close. She is always such a help to me (when my car broke and I needed to borrow hers, or I had to be driven to an oral surgert appt when DH had to work), so I would think it is more of a benefit than anything to be that close.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I think you should go for it.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

My dad lives one town over from us, and it's too close. Not that see him often, but b/c we don't go there to visit, I feel guilty.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I would love to live in the town my parents live in (Smithtown) and where I grew up (and so did DH), but the houses were out of our range (or at least to get what we wanted in a house)

Message edited 1/26/2007 11:37:54 AM.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I would LOVE to live in the same town as my parents, I love the area, love the people but my DH has no desire to live there, nothing to do with my parents though, he just doesn't want to be on long island.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

Ok so DH is not crazy, having the proximity to my parents be a consideration!

The funny thing is, we're planning on a guest room for my parents so they can stay with us for long periods during the winter. So it's totally not that he doesn't get along with them or anything. And they are superb houseguests.

I'd just hate to miss an opportunity just because of that. Who knows, once we actually start seeing houses, he might change his mind.

Now HIS parents on the other hand... We both agreed we want to be as far away from them as possible.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I grew up in Levittown. And my parents still live in the same house. We bought a house about 2 miles away also in Levittown. It's sad to say we don't see each other as much as we should.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

Posted by greenfreak


Now HIS parents on the other hand... We both agreed we want to be as far away from them as possible.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I grew up over there so I say go for it!

We live 3 blocks from DH's parent's. I love the town and love being so close to them. We go over there a lot. My SIL lives the next town over and that is sooo great too. We are a very close family.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I personally wanted to get as far away from family as possible, but DH would not move out of state (yet), so I can understand where your Dh is coming from. We moved from Massapequa to West Babylon & to be honest it is far enough away that they do not know the area or the little "towny" things that we now know living here.

I think you can make anything your home b/c it is different to you than to them.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I didn't want to live in the town that I grew up in but my parents will be moving out closer to me this year. If I liked the town I would not mind living in the same town as them.

As for my DH's family - I did not want to live in the same town as his entire family....so we live a big TEN minutes away.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I didn't want to buy in the same town that I grew up in as I wanted a change. We actually bought one town over though & our kids will attend the same schools as me. Right now we are 2 miles door to door to my parents. I stop at my parents everyday on my way home. Also it has come in handy while doing some work on the house to know we could run there & get some tools if needed.

DH's parents live a good 20 minutes away from us. Usually my IL's come out by us every Saturday as my BIL lives 1 town over. The commute on the SS to my inlaws is insane & no one likes to do it!!!

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

We bought my parents house.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

Message edited 1/30/2009 10:55:29 PM.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

well...we live right now in the same town, within walking distance to my moms house. my kids spend so much time over there, she is my full time babysitter. they can even take the bus to her house which helps alot!! i love living so close.. and she never just pops by.

we are currently building a house right next door to my inlaws and i am totally looking foward to living there. they are not the type to bother us either but my MIL will probably frequently make us dinner and bring it over. fine with me, saves me time...i love having a personal food shopper, chef...whatever else she would love to do for us since she is retired+
i know this is a different spin on things than how your husband feels but when you have 4 kids and a full time job..there's nothing like having family close by

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

I live 5 minutes from parents, I am in S. Farmingdale and they are in W.Farmingdale and that thought never occuried to me. We never run into each other, my parents never stop by unexpectatly. I acutally like that we are so close because it is a pain to see them and if DS is getting cranky or I forgot something at home for him I can get it or go home. I definitly woulndt rule out a town because my parents or DH's parents live their also.

Re: Your town versus your parent's town

When we were looking at houses we saw a few in the same town that I grew up in (and where my paretns still live) and although DH loved it there - I just felt like I wanted my own town - if that makes sense? We ended up living a few towns away, so we are close but we have our own space.

I guess what I mean is that I like the idea of beingclose to family but I like the idea of my DH and I having our own start "fresh start" to our life together.

It's all personal prefernece....Good luck!