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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1066 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
My niece on my husband's side is getting married. My parents and sisters are also invited.
One sister is single and was invited with a +1 (but she isn't dating anyone). My other sister is married with 2 teens (age 17 and 19). The kids weren't invited, but they want ito go. Her husband doesn't care if he goes or not.
Is it 100% rude for one kid to go in place of her father and the other to go as his aunt's +1?
They all know the bride and groom. And, they wouldn't be taking up any more seats than the invites.
Is this really bad to do?
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Posted 9/12/23 3:26 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
I would think it all depends if they are inviting kids or not. If not, then no, they can't use those seats.
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| Posted 9/12/23 4:14 PM |
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
Since they really aren't kids i would think it is fine - I would just let the couple know. I would say your sisters dh is not able to make it
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| Posted 9/12/23 4:17 PM |
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thewinterone
You make me happy
Member since 5/05 2474 total posts
Name:
cause you are gray.
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
I would definitely ask first being they were not invited in the first place.
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| Posted 9/12/23 7:01 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
this is a tough one. i wouldn't do it and i wouldn't ask. if they didn't invite the "kids" originally they may not be inviting "kids".
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| Posted 9/12/23 9:57 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
I wouldn't ask nor would I just bring them. They likely don't want kids. And by bringing yours, that opens up a can of worms for the other kids not invited
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| Posted 9/12/23 10:56 PM |
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babydreams21
LIF Adult
Member since 12/12 3656 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
I would not do this. They weren't invited. This can cause an issue because others may get jealous that their teenagers weren't invited.
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| Posted 9/12/23 10:59 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
Personally, I think that the Aunt is invited with a plus 1 - that means that she can bring whomever she is comfortable bringing. If that is her 17 year old or 19 year old niece then so be it. A 17 year old is not a child so I would not make this about children being invited or not. But as far as the other daughter taking the husband's place, I would ask about that one since the husband was specifically invited. My guess is that it was a numbers game more than anything. So if you are staying within the amount of guests that were invited I wouldn't think there would be a problem. However, if there are a lot of young adult cousins/relatives that were not invited, then I would specifically ask if it's okay. Bottom line is, I don't think it's rude to ask. If they don't want that, they can say no.
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| Posted 9/13/23 10:53 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
No, I would not do that. While they are not "kids" per se, there may be reasons they were not invited. Like family politics or something.
This is a little different but when I was getting married, our guest list was ridiculous. We had so many friends and huge families. We were praying for people to say no. I invited every unattached person with a +1 because that is the right thing to do. I had a few of my girlfriends ask me if they could bring their other girlfriends as their +1. They were their friends who I knew well from partying over the years but they were not "my" friends. I said no because that was not the intention of the +1. One of my friends did not speak to me for a long time after that because she felt she should be able to bring whomever she wanted as a +1. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was wrong. IDK but I didn't want unnecessary guests either.
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| Posted 9/13/23 11:47 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
Posted by FirstMate
No, I would not do that. While they are not "kids" per se, there may be reasons they were not invited. Like family politics or something.
This is a little different but when I was getting married, our guest list was ridiculous. We had so many friends and huge families. We were praying for people to say no. I invited every unattached person with a +1 because that is the right thing to do. I had a few of my girlfriends ask me if they could bring their other girlfriends as their +1. They were their friends who I knew well from partying over the years but they were not "my" friends. I said no because that was not the intention of the +1. One of my friends did not speak to me for a long time after that because she felt she should be able to bring whomever she wanted as a +1. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was wrong. IDK but I didn't want unnecessary guests either.
I feel like it is a balancing act determining who you truly want at your wedding vs. making your guests feel comfortable. I do think once you put the +1, even though the intention is for it to be a significant other or at least someone the person is dating, a lot of time you will get randoms.
Weddings are so tough. I always say nothing brings out the worst in people like a wedding! 
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| Posted 9/13/23 12:43 PM |
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lmcmcl
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/15 484 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
I wouldn't do it. It may open up a whole can of worms for the bride and groom in regards to other guests whose kids were not invited. I think most people understand that they have to draw the line somewhere. Doing a work-around just puts everyone in an awkward position.
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| Posted 9/13/23 2:20 PM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
I would not bring them. They specifically did not invite kids for a reason. Them bringing them as a guest when not invited in the first place is not right. A plus one is an adult date (BF/ GF or otherwise) not a barely adult child.
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| Posted 9/15/23 8:34 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
,
Message edited 9/16/2023 7:03:29 PM.
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| Posted 9/16/23 7:02 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
At first I was going to agree an say no, rude, but as I think about it part of me says, are you close enough to the niece to ask her thoughts. But with also letting her know if she says no for what ever the reason that she/they prefers no kids, no feelings would be hurt?
Message edited 9/16/2023 7:07:07 PM.
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| Posted 9/16/23 7:05 PM |
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JDandMe
LIF Adult
Member since 9/10 996 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
We did not have any kids at our wedding. We had a huge guest list and kids would've doubled it. We had both sides asking if "older" kids could attend. We said no. I should mention that the price per head included drinks and people under 21 would be charged the same price- kids under 12 were cheaper.
We did not want to deal with underage kids trying to drink (and sneak drinks) at the wedding since most venues want to know who the underage guests are as they do not want to liability for serving underage kids.
Just something else to keep in mind.
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| Posted 9/18/23 12:39 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
I would say yes , its slightly rude. I would understand bringing your child or a friend with you in place of your spouse if your spouse couldn't attend, so that you would not be alone. However in this case I would have your sisters be eachothers plus one so neither is going alone, as that to me is the purpose of the plus one invites. I am sure the bride and groom invited the spouse and the +1 to be make their guest feel comfortable and not show up alone, that doesnt really give you a free pass to have them pay for guests that they didnt intend to invite , just because the guest found a loophole to the invites.
Message edited 9/18/2023 4:51:49 PM.
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| Posted 9/18/23 4:50 PM |
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lpg21
LIF Infant
Member since 9/21 342 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
Idk that may be iffy because you don't know if the couple wants kids there.
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| Posted 9/19/23 1:17 PM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wedding Guest RSVP Etiquette
Posted by lululu
Posted by FirstMate
No, I would not do that. While they are not "kids" per se, there may be reasons they were not invited. Like family politics or something.
This is a little different but when I was getting married, our guest list was ridiculous. We had so many friends and huge families. We were praying for people to say no. I invited every unattached person with a +1 because that is the right thing to do. I had a few of my girlfriends ask me if they could bring their other girlfriends as their +1. They were their friends who I knew well from partying over the years but they were not "my" friends. I said no because that was not the intention of the +1. One of my friends did not speak to me for a long time after that because she felt she should be able to bring whomever she wanted as a +1. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was wrong. IDK but I didn't want unnecessary guests either.
I feel like it is a balancing act determining who you truly want at your wedding vs. making your guests feel comfortable. I do think once you put the +1, even though the intention is for it to be a significant other or at least someone the person is dating, a lot of time you will get randoms.
Weddings are so tough. I always say nothing brings out the worst in people like a wedding!
Yeah - I got a random guest at my wedding, a friend from college brought her best friend from college, not what I was intending with the +1...
I think it was also frowned upon that we didnt invite my MILs cousins kids and grandkids... We had some teens there but they were MY first cousins. My ILs invited so many freaking people that I couldnt add 10 more that were that distant of relatives.
I wouldnt bring them - its your husbands side of the family, I can see why they didnt invite nieces and nephews from your side of the family. You have to draw the line somewhere. I am also surprised that they want to go.
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| Posted 9/21/23 8:33 AM |
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