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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
My friend is getting married next year and we were talking about how her plans are coming along. She is checking out various vendors for her wedding day. She told me that her catering hall requires her to pay full price for her vendors plate so that she is going to give her vendors either a choice of a tip or to eat the day of her wedding?   Do people do that?
I tipped my vendors (photographer, videographer, their assistants, dj) in addition to paying my reception hall for their plates of food. I told her I dont know if she should do that b/c they will give her crappy service than plus I dont think that is right etiquette wise. Am I wrong or is she?
Message edited 6/18/2008 5:43:10 PM.
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Posted 6/18/08 5:42 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Tabitha
Member since 2/07 2029 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
she should feed them AND tip. it is not the vendor's fault she did not negotiate this with the hall.
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:44 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
WOW that's crap that they are making her pay full price.
The vendors will be working and barely eating any food, not to mention not drinking any alcohol. I would try to fight that if I were her.
BUT to answer your question, I think she's wrong. Those vendors can be working on very long hrs and will be hungry. She should feed them since "tipping" is optional. I would fed before tipping.
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:46 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
she should feed them AND tip. it is not the vendor's fault she did not negotiate this with the hall.
I dont even think the problem was her not negotiating this with the hall. She just doesnt feel like they should get both.
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:46 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
WOW that's crap that they are making her pay full price.
It's the Westbury Manor. We got married at that North Ritz and if we used their recommended vendors I think the plates were free...if we different vendors we had to pay 1/2 price (or maybe it was full price, I dont remember).
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:48 PM |
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Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by jellybean1420
WOW that's crap that they are making her pay full price.
It's the Westbury Manor. We got married at that North Ritz and if we used their recommended vendors I think the plates were free...if we different vendors we had to pay 1/2 price (or maybe it was full price, I dont remember).
I got married at Westbury in 2005 and paid $35/vendor. Tell her to raise h3ll!
Message edited 6/18/2008 5:49:35 PM.
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:49 PM |
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JenMarie
One day at a time
Member since 11/07 7397 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Well, would she rather them leave during her wedding to get dinner? She should tip them AND feed them. She could try to get the price reduced now.
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:55 PM |
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Tabitha
Member since 2/07 2029 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by jellybean1420
she should feed them AND tip. it is not the vendor's fault she did not negotiate this with the hall.
I dont even think the problem was her not negotiating this with the hall. She just doesnt feel like they should get both.
then she is just being EXTREMELY selfish. that is just horrible. if that is the case, she doesnt deserve top quality from the vendors - which im sure she wont get, once she gives them their "options"
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:55 PM |
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HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
wow. thats tacky!!! if she wants good serivce, she better not ask them till maybe dinner time
Maybe you can reccomend her using the 'prefered" vendors of the hall she pics, since most halls either offer their plates at half price or even free, mine did and i remember hearing this when I looked into halls.
I think shes really rude if she does that. Thats not a place to cheap out on besides how much will she really save
Message edited 6/18/2008 6:43:16 PM.
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:38 PM |
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HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by jellybean1420
WOW that's crap that they are making her pay full price.
It's the Westbury Manor. We got married at that North Ritz and if we used their recommended vendors I think the plates were free...if we different vendors we had to pay 1/2 price (or maybe it was full price, I dont remember).
I got marreid there this past oct. and I used house vendors (not on purpose either, b/c I never got a list of house vendors till one of the final meetings for insurance purposes) and one of the vendors told me they eat for free there since they are a house vendor, but WM tried to tell me it was half price but when I looked at my contract that was from a year and a half prior, Mel clearly wrote on it free for house vendors, half price for non house vendors. But maybe times have changed Still its rude not to feed them or skip on a tip IMO
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:42 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
ASk your friend if she would mind following around a bride all day, snapping photos or video and NOT EATING and see how she would feel at about 7:30!
She should feed and tip, without question!
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:46 PM |
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DaisyGirl
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1650 total posts
Name:
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I agree with the others feed them and tip them. Not either or- I think it's rude to ask someone to work through dinner and not feed them or feed them instead of a tip.
Maybe remind her that she wants these people to be happy and productive during her wedding, not hungry and cranky.
I also don't think the vendors should be full price. They were 1/2 price at my wedding and I thought that was fair.
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| Posted 6/18/08 8:46 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
I got married there two years ago and it was 1/3 off vendors and kids under 12. I'm hoping she is mistaken. If she seriously goes with what she is thinking.... 
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| Posted 6/18/08 9:13 PM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
westbury manor doesn't charge full price for vendors unless you're under your minimum
i didn't feed ANY of my vendors. why?? not because i'm cheap--because i ASKED them and none of them wanted it! they said they eat that food several times a weekend and would just eat a little at cocktail hour. they thanked me for the offer, but EVERY ONE declined (2 photographers, 8 person band, 2 videographers). and not for nothing, but it's not required that you feed them. when i go to work i bring my own lunch, my employer doesn't have to pay me and feed me. outside of LI, this practice is unheard of.
so tell your friend to ASK her vendors first. i'm glad i did because with those 12 people, i saved hundreds that i would have wasted.
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| Posted 6/18/08 9:13 PM |
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vmac
Mommy VMac
Member since 8/07 1860 total posts
Name:
Vanessa
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by browneyedgirl
westbury manor doesn't charge full price for vendors unless you're under your minimum
i didn't feed ANY of my vendors. why?? not because i'm cheap--because i ASKED them and none of them wanted it! they said they eat that food several times a weekend and would just eat a little at cocktail hour. they thanked me for the offer, but EVERY ONE declined (2 photographers, 8 person band, 2 videographers). and not for nothing, but it's not required that you feed them. when i go to work i bring my own lunch, my employer doesn't have to pay me and feed me. outside of LI, this practice is unheard of.
so tell your friend to ASK her vendors first. i'm glad i did because with those 12 people, i saved hundreds that i would have wasted.
I had a similar situation. We fed our photographer, he was with us for over 13 hours that day. But we didn't feed out band. They were almost 10 people and it would have cost us a good amount of money. We asked them if they wanted to be fed and they said no. They would pick at the cocktail hour and they said to us "Your employer doesn't feed you everyday. We will feed ourselves." The band was incredible and we were able to tip them more money because we didn't feed them. I'm sure they were happier getting cash at the end of the night, rather than one more prime rib dinner.
I recommend she ask. Some vendors have relationships with the halls anyway and they will get food whether or not you pay. This happened to my best friend, her band was a former westbury manor prefered vendor, but they still knew the whole staff. So they told my friend not to feed them, their friends at westbury manor would take care of them.
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| Posted 6/18/08 11:11 PM |
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angnick
Life is So Wonderful!
Member since 8/06 6663 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
we tipped them as well as fed them what everyone else was eating.
if she didnt negotiate a price for the vendors at her wedding, she should i'm sure it is not too late!
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:17 AM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by Tabitha
she should feed them AND tip. it is not the vendor's fault she did not negotiate this with the hall.
ITA. And I would try & re-neg with the hall if she is meeting her minimum.
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:22 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by browneyedgirl
westbury manor doesn't charge full price for vendors unless you're under your minimum
i didn't feed ANY of my vendors. why?? not because i'm cheap--because i ASKED them and none of them wanted it! they said they eat that food several times a weekend and would just eat a little at cocktail hour. they thanked me for the offer, but EVERY ONE declined (2 photographers, 8 person band, 2 videographers). and not for nothing, but it's not required that you feed them. when i go to work i bring my own lunch, my employer doesn't have to pay me and feed me. outside of LI, this practice is unheard of.
so tell your friend to ASK her vendors first. i'm glad i did because with those 12 people, i saved hundreds that i would have wasted.
Do you really think your vendor is gonna say "Yes, I want you to feed me at your wedding." That won't happen with a professional company. They will tell you it's not necessary, but it's still the right thing to do. I have been working in the wedding industry for 9 years now and this is one of the most ridiculous questions I get, along with tipping questions......
I paid full price for my entire band and vendors, 16 people total, my hall s ucked though.....
You need to remember when planning your wedding that not only are you paying for the service, but bear in mind all the tips that need to be given, which adds up to a lot!!!
Message edited 6/19/2008 8:35:10 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:23 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
when i go to work i bring my own lunch, my employer doesn't have to pay me and feed me. outside of LI, this practice is unheard of.
QUOTE]
It's not your boss that is feeding you though, it's a client of the company itself, and in the wedding biz it IS a heard of pracice, for many many years now. On LI, this is the way it is done, just like many other things that are done differently than other places.....
And some companies DO provide meals for their employees......
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:33 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by curliegirl
Do you really think your vendor is gonna say "Yes, I want you to feed me at your wedding." That won't happen with a professional company. They will tell you it's not necessary, but it's still the right thing to do. I have been working in the wedding industry for 9 years now and this is one of the most ridiculous questions I get, along with tipping questions......
I paid full price for my entire band and vendors, 16 people total, my hall s ucked though.....
You need to remember when planning your wedding that not only are you paying for the service, but bear in mind all the tips that need to be given, which adds up to a lot!!!
IMHO, It doesn't hurt to ask and it ISN'T a ridiculous question. The prices for many wedding related things are SO inflated, why shouldn't a bride try to cut corners where she can?
All the vendors can eat free during cocktail hour at most places- and that is when they should be eating. I wouldn't want my vendors sitting at a table eating. They are there to work- not as guests.
As for the comment about a professional company not asking to be fed- my photographer had it included in their contract. Then again, this particular photographer doesn't have very good business practices.
The maitre d' at my hall encouraged me to fib on the number of vendors I counted- he said they wouldn't let any of them go hungry 
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:42 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Feed them..don't ask them, they will never tell you to feed them. As far as the tip goes, that's nice but not expected.
Photographers must get fed. They are with you all day! Do you think they are going to bring their lean cuisine with them to the wedding?
Personally, I fed everyone and tipped everyone. 3 photogs, 2 videogs, 9 pc band..In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't the end of the world, I had happy vendors, had a great wedding and was very happy with my decision. My photographer put that in her contract that they get fed. You can't go for 9-10 hours without eating and be expected to be on top of things.
They should not be charging her full price for her vendors. They don't eat 4 courses, they will barely have time to eat the dinner provided if they are working as hard as they should.
I think she should negotiate with them. Hey, everyone is working hard that day..they should all be taken care of.
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:44 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by curliegirl
Do you really think your vendor is gonna say "Yes, I want you to feed me at your wedding." That won't happen with a professional company. They will tell you it's not necessary, but it's still the right thing to do. I have been working in the wedding industry for 9 years now and this is one of the most ridiculous questions I get, along with tipping questions......
I paid full price for my entire band and vendors, 16 people total, my hall s ucked though.....
You need to remember when planning your wedding that not only are you paying for the service, but bear in mind all the tips that need to be given, which adds up to a lot!!!
IMHO, It doesn't hurt to ask and it ISN'T a ridiculous question. The prices for many wedding related things are SO inflated, why shouldn't a bride try to cut corners where she can?
All the vendors can eat free during cocktail hour at most places- and that is when they should be eating. I wouldn't want my vendors sitting at a table eating. They are there to work- not as guests.
As for the comment about a professional company not asking to be fed- my photographer had it included in their contract. Then again, this particular photographer doesn't have very good business practices.
The maitre d' at my hall encouraged me to fib on the number of vendors I counted- he said they wouldn't let any of them go hungry
The worst place to cut corners is with your vendors the day of your wedding, huge mistake.
When someone comes to work on your house and they are there all day, do you ask them if they would like something to eat or drink? I do. It's the same principle.
These individuals aren't robots, they are CREATING one of the most memorable days of your life. Asking them IF they would like to be fed or receive a tip is the slimiest thing I've ever heard.
Some people don't even tip at all.....
I have personally heard stories of one of the nicest halls on the island throwing a DJ out of the cocktail hour, so don't count on it happening. Plus, many times a band or DJ is setting up DURING the cocktail hour, so that's out now too.
Unless you want Domino's arriving during the reception, heard of that too, FED YOUR VENDORS......
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:50 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by curliegirl
Do you really think your vendor is gonna say "Yes, I want you to feed me at your wedding." That won't happen with a professional company. They will tell you it's not necessary, but it's still the right thing to do. I have been working in the wedding industry for 9 years now and this is one of the most ridiculous questions I get, along with tipping questions......
I paid full price for my entire band and vendors, 16 people total, my hall s ucked though.....
You need to remember when planning your wedding that not only are you paying for the service, but bear in mind all the tips that need to be given, which adds up to a lot!!!
IMHO, It doesn't hurt to ask and it ISN'T a ridiculous question. The prices for many wedding related things are SO inflated, why shouldn't a bride try to cut corners where she can?
All the vendors can eat free during cocktail hour at most places- and that is when they should be eating. I wouldn't want my vendors sitting at a table eating. They are there to work- not as guests.
As for the comment about a professional company not asking to be fed- my photographer had it included in their contract. Then again, this particular photographer doesn't have very good business practices.
The maitre d' at my hall encouraged me to fib on the number of vendors I counted- he said they wouldn't let any of them go hungry
The worst place to cut corners is with your vendors the day of your wedding, huge mistake.
When someone comes to work on your house and they are there all day, do you ask them if they would like something to eat or drink? I do. It's the same principle.
These individuals aren't robots, they are CREATING one of the most memorable days of your life. Asking them IF they would like to be fed or receive a tip is the slimiest thing I've ever heard.
Some people don't even tip at all.....
I have personally heard stories of one of the nicest halls on the island throwing a DJ out of the cocktail hour, so don't count on it happening. Plus, many times a band or DJ is setting up DURING the cocktail hour, so that's out now too.
Unless you want Domino's arriving during the reception, heard of that too, FED YOUR VENDORS......
Point taken- I guess I missed the part about choosing to eat or receive a tip- that I wouldn't do. I guess I figured asking when you book whether the vendors are to be fed or if they make their own arrangements is more along the lines of what I was thinking.
Honestly, I think the photographers and videographers are the only ones who should HAVE to be fed since they never leave your side for hours and hours- the DJ/band work for 4-5 hours and they are done. If they can't go without eating for 4-5 hours- it's pretty sad.
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| Posted 6/19/08 8:56 AM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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....
Message edited 3/4/2013 11:20:45 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 9:04 AM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: Etiquette on tipping/feeding vendors at your wedding
To me, it's not up for discussion. You tip and serve food. I didn't even ask my vendors...
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| Posted 6/19/08 9:34 AM |
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