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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Vent: SIL is a grinch!
Posted by Porrruss
Alright~ everyone back away from the stones.....
Look, she was VENTING~ something we all do and NEED to do once in awhile. The fact that she did it under an alias, shows she didn't want to intentionally hurt anyone.
Having not gone through IF, she can't POSSIBLY understand the pain involved. While the opinions and heartfelt insight into the pain of IF from the IF ladies is VERY much needed in this case, I think people are being a little harsh.
Lemme I give an anecdote: Way back years ago, my sister would suffer from debilitating panic attacks. She would call me at all hours of the night crying and freaking out about what seemed like NOTHING to me. I admit it~ I lost my patience with her and her "problem" (yes~ I put in in QUOTES becasue at the time I didn't see it as a real issue). I would complain to my then FH about what a weak person she must be that she can't handle a little stress.
Well, Murphey's Law revealed itself and right before my wedding, in my first year of grad school, I began suffering panic attacks. Well~ that problem was no longer to be referred to in QUOTES any longer. I now UNDERSTOOD the true awfulness that is anxiety disorders. To this day, I suffer such guilt that I wasn't more supportive of my sister when she needed me to pull her out of those panic attacks.
Moral: Don't judge til you've been through it yourself. This includes being on the other side of this IF issue: the people who have never been through it and just don't understand the pain of it.
I'm sorry but I have to disagree here. The fact is this poster has said herself that she personally knows people who have fertility issues, and just based on this, she should know better. But, even more than that, she posted this exact same "vent" on IF and in turn received the exact same response as she got here - again, because of that, she should know better.
I really do hope after getting the same response now TWICE that she becomes a little more introspective, thinks a little more deeply about this issue, and reaches out to her brother and SIL.
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Posted 1/8/08 11:46 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Vent: SIL is a grinch!
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm sorry but I have to disagree here. The fact is this poster has said herself that she personally knows people who have fertility issues, and just based on this, she should know better. But, even more than that, she posted this exact same "vent" on IF and in turn received the exact same response as she got here - again, because of that, she should know better.
I really do hope after getting the same response now TWICE that she becomes a little more introspective, thinks a little more deeply about this issue, and reaches out to her brother and SIL.
But I've gotten the idea that her SIL and brother don't want to anyone to reach out to them. THATS why she was venting.
And again, knowing someone with IF doesn't give a full understanding of the FEELINGS and process involved. Like you said in a PP, you tend to talk about your feelings, while others may choose to keep their pain to themselves. Perhaps those she knew who went through IF treated it differently.
I just feel that this place should be a safe haven for people to vent without being called names. It's OK to say~, "hey, I think you're out of line and here's why...."
I know at times I have been annoyed at people for things knowing full well that I should be more compassionate. Dopes that mean I act on it? NO~ but I will vent about it.
For all we know, this poster may be a wonderful source of support to her brother and SIL and be as compassionate as can be. She just needed to vent. 
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| Posted 1/8/08 11:54 AM |
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Karebaby
Precious
Member since 10/06 5304 total posts
Name:
Karyn
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Re: Vent: SIL is a grinch!
Posted by Porrruss
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm sorry but I have to disagree here. The fact is this poster has said herself that she personally knows people who have fertility issues, and just based on this, she should know better. But, even more than that, she posted this exact same "vent" on IF and in turn received the exact same response as she got here - again, because of that, she should know better.
I really do hope after getting the same response now TWICE that she becomes a little more introspective, thinks a little more deeply about this issue, and reaches out to her brother and SIL.
But I've gotten the idea that her SIL and brother don't want to anyone to reach out to them. THATS why she was venting.
That's the idea I got too when reading this. I thought the whole reason she was upset is because here B and SIL won't LET anyone reach out......
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| Posted 1/8/08 12:05 PM |
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MrsRbk
<3 <3 <3 <3
Member since 1/06 19197 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Vent: SIL is a grinch!
Posted by Karebaby
Posted by Porrruss
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm sorry but I have to disagree here. The fact is this poster has said herself that she personally knows people who have fertility issues, and just based on this, she should know better. But, even more than that, she posted this exact same "vent" on IF and in turn received the exact same response as she got here - again, because of that, she should know better.
I really do hope after getting the same response now TWICE that she becomes a little more introspective, thinks a little more deeply about this issue, and reaches out to her brother and SIL.
But I've gotten the idea that her SIL and brother don't want to anyone to reach out to them. THATS why she was venting.
That's the idea I got too when reading this. I thought the whole reason she was upset is because here B and SIL won't LET anyone reach out......
Even if that was the intent of the post, it's her B and SILs perogotive to not let anyone reach out. Again, if you have not been on this side of it, you just can't understand how people dealing with any IF issues feel. She should just respect that and let it go. When and IF they are ready to accept the support of their families, is up to them. All of us suffering through the heartache of not being able to get pregnant deal with it differently. There is no right way or wrong way to deal with your emotions when it comes to IF. You do what you can, it's not about anybody else, if they don't want to share, so be it.
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| Posted 1/8/08 12:24 PM |
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secretTTC
LIF Zygote
Member since 12/06 12 total posts
Name:
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**
Wow. I haven't been on the boards since I posted this and I am truly shocked that I stirred up so much controversy.
Because I feel like some people took this as a personal attack, I want to first apologize for my lack of sensitivity. But I have to reiterate from my original post -- this was a VENT.
I posted to get things off my chest that I cannot express to my family and things that, quite frankly, I am ashamed of feeling. Despite the raw feelings I expressed in my vent, I have been entirely supportive to my bro, but its been difficult and that's why I needed to vent and that's why I turned to the boards and that's why I tried to stay anonymous about it. (as I originally said I didn't want my raw feelings to get back to my SIL if she might be reading this board.)
Perhaps my mistake was posting on this particular board, but part of my original post also said I would take any reactions those who are on here wanted to give me. I didn't think I would incite such strong and personal reactions and for that I am sorry. But on the other hand your opinions have given me more to think about in terms of how judgmental I have been about my SIL.
Just to clarify a couple of things, my vent really had to do with my relationship with my SIL, not with my feelings about IF. I didn't put the phrase fertility issues in quote to belittle the seriousness of it -- I was actually quoting what my brother said (why I felt I needed to do that I don't really know). I do appreciate what people people have posted about their own experience TTC and how devistating any delay can be. Just b/c I now have a child doesn't mean I haven't been through those same things myself.
This vent was really about my feeling pushed away by a family member. Perhaps then this was the wrong board to post my issue on, but I do think that some people understood where I was coming from and I was glad to read those supportive posts. But now after reading so many negative responses and people trying to figure out who I "really" am I can't help but feel even worse -- even more pushed away. And that's the exact opposite of what I was searching out.
I think one of the first responses made a good point when she mentioned that scene from Ally McBeal -- our own problems always are the biggest problems. I'm sure my SIL thinks no one can understand or support what she is going through, but as the SIL pushed away what I can't help but feel like my family being torn apart.
Message edited 1/8/2008 11:52:20 PM.
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| Posted 1/8/08 7:26 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Vent: SIL is a grinch!
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| Posted 1/8/08 8:24 PM |
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Heavin627
LIF Infant
Member since 8/07 214 total posts
Name:
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Re: Vent: SIL is a grinch!
I have to agree with some posts, you need to let them be. They are now their own family and need to do what is best for them...
Just to play devils advocate... I would like to tell my family we are TTC and to have my mom/sisters/Brothers wife as support... but if we tell my family we have to tell his... well...
if we tell his i know i will get constant harrasment and intrusion and that is what I want to avoid more than anything... honestly if DH's family knew we were TTC i would probably end up avoiding them to avoid more stress... because DH family loves to talk and gossip, you can not discuss anything personal w/them and have it stay personnal!
DH's sister had to have IVF - people werent supposed to know, i didnt tell anyone and one day while my family was there her mom goes on and on about it infront of people who shouldnt know.. then, one day, my mom asks MIL how SIL is doing and my mom tells me MIL response was how do you know, no one is supposed to know... now DH sister doesnt really talk to me.. and it was her own mother who told my mom, NOT ME!
I understand you wanting to be supportive but sometimes the best way to do so is to just except what is going on.. maybe there is something someone in your family does you are unaware of that stresses DH and his wife out and makes them very unhappy at certain functions???
So while i can see y u are upset, you need to let it go and not be so upset about this...good luck!
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| Posted 1/8/08 9:46 PM |
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JsWife
His laugh, Her smile
Member since 12/06 2902 total posts
Name:
Patricia
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Re: Vent: SIL is a grinch!
Absolutely wrong board to post this on... you must have known you would have been told it wasn't about you - it was about them - posting on a TTC board. Even your last post to this thread doesn't sound like you get it.
I responded to your post on the IF board and am kind of floored you came back to post the follow-up on the TTC board.
You are blaming your SIL for how your brother is treating his family - why don't you take issue with your brother?
Sounds to me like you are looking for one more reason to not like your SIL.
Best wishes to your brother & SIL.
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| Posted 1/8/08 10:25 PM |
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