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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I don't know on this one. I wanted a girl and told everyone I was having a girl. My MIL was convinced it was a boy.
When I went for an ultrasound at about 30 weeks, me and DH thought it "looked" like a boy. And we may have been a little upset. But not crying or carrying on about it. I thnk there is a difference, as another poster said, b/w being a wee bit upset and then quickly getting over it adn full on having a meltdown.
Now for #2...I would love another girl adn DH wants a boy......
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Posted 8/8/08 9:38 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
-BabyMiracle-
When will my ship come in?
Member since 9/07 1056 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by CaseyGirl
It's a BABY.
Enough said.
Thank you.
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| Posted 8/8/08 9:51 PM |
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MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I can definitely understand being upset. My sister had her heart set on a little girl, and found out her 2nd was a boy. She was upset, because she knew she didn't want to have a 3rd child.
Of course she loves both her boys...but I think it stung a little bit. She's TOTALLY psyched that we are having a  .
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| Posted 8/8/08 11:40 PM |
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GenLCSW
Baby # 3 is here!!!
Member since 7/05 21138 total posts
Name:
Genna
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by maybeajunebaby
Me personally? I would GENTLY remind that person that so many people can't have children, can't even get pregnant or can't keep pregnancies. Let said person read the pregnancy & IF board a few times to smack some reality into her.
ITA!
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| Posted 8/9/08 6:16 AM |
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AnnBrunoXO
2 Girls For Me!
Member since 5/05 4377 total posts
Name:
MaMMa
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I think i would just gently remind her how lucky she is to have healthy children and remind her that so many women are unable to conceive any child or have so much difficulty doing so.....
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| Posted 8/9/08 7:59 AM |
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Bklyngrl
luvmyfamily
Member since 9/06 5307 total posts
Name:
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
its prob just hormones making her feel THAT extreme i'm sure she'll love her child no matter what and the most important blessing is a healthy baby. I'm a little older than most on here and i honestly did not care what gender my baby was (i have a DD) i was surprised at how many people were SOOO ecstatic that i had a girl after she was born  i have brothers only and DH has sisters only so i'm sure he'd like a boy if we have another but personally it doesnt matter to me. It would be nice for DD to have a sister but i also have a close and great relationship with my brothers so who knows. it would be nice for DH to have a son since he never had a brother. it will be whatever fate wants it to be if it happens
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| Posted 8/9/08 8:26 AM |
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asecretposter
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/08 574 total posts
Name:
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by eroxgirl
I can understand it to an extent. As long as they get over it pretty quickly and it's not something insane like terminating because of the sex, it generally doesn't bother me.
My SIL is going through this. She's having her second and hoped it would be another girl. She's a girly girl, her first born is a girly girl and she thought it would be nice for sisters to grow up together (my SIL has 3 sisters of her own as well). She's having a boy. I don't REALLY think that she's so upset that she's not going to fall in love the second she sees him, I think it's more like she had a vision in her head of what life would be like and now she just has to change that vision.
A friend of mine is going through this too. Also her hormones are so much worse this time that she is very emotional to begin with. I am sure she will be fine...she is not doing anything to hurt her baby...I think she is just disappointed b.c she had an idea of what things would be and they are not.
I do think that the word "devastated" is a bit extreme though.
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| Posted 8/9/08 10:08 AM |
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emc
The Boys!
Member since 5/05 2065 total posts
Name:
Erin
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
 Well said. I am probably not having any more children and I was *hoping* for a girl. For the great clothes, NO...for the fact that I talk to my mother EVERY day and I was hoping for that same type of relationship. Am I praying that my sons will call me everyday, yes, but most men in my family do not. I obviously love my sons and am thankful everyday that I have them, but I couldn't help but wish for a mother-daughter relationship. JMO
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| Posted 8/9/08 10:30 AM |
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Seriously? I don't think I would even have the patience to even engage in conversation with that person. I know, I should, but I have my patience divvied out for specific things in my life, and there is none left for people like this! 
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| Posted 8/9/08 10:33 AM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
That they shouldn't of had a second child!! I know that may sound harsh but it's the way I feel. Everyone knows you cannot predict what your child will be...you have to be prepared for either. I TOTALLY understand being upset for a short period of time because you wanted one or the other...that's normal...but to be devestated?? I think it's horrible. I wanted a girl sooooo bad...really bad...but when I was told I was having a boy I was totally fine with it. I was excited to have a boy. You have to be ready and willing to accept either. IMO.
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| Posted 8/9/08 10:37 AM |
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shellybean
Love my Baby Boy!
Member since 4/07 5191 total posts
Name:
mich
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I would tell her to check out the infertility board on LIF! Honestly I thnk its selfish and terrible!
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| Posted 8/9/08 10:43 AM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
Name:
The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Until I'm in her shoes, my thoughts are that I don't understand what she is going through, and therefore do not know how to respond.
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| Posted 8/9/08 11:09 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Well, I did have this happen with a girl at work and I very bluntly told her to get over herself and love her daughter like nothing else because some people in this world cannot have children. It's one thing to be disappointed and move on, it's another to be crying to someone else about it.
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| Posted 8/9/08 11:11 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I have no patience for that. Having suffered from IF, seen my cousin lose her baby at 19 weeks and knowing that my Mom had a stillborn at 38 weeks I think thats just pure selfish.
IMO the best thing I can hear the sono tech say is that the baby looks healthy....everything else is icing.
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| Posted 8/9/08 11:52 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
My biggest pet peeve, and this may be for another topic and probably not on this board - is when people going through IF, finally get PG, and then have a gender preference. That baffles me. If you had a boy, and were disappointed a bit on the second one that it wasn't a girl - I can see that.
But when someone does IVF or an IUI and gets PG after a lengthy struggle, and turns around and has a preference - that is mind boggling to me. They're not wrong for their feelings - but from where I sit, that's just crazy.
Why should someone who struggled for a baby have any less right to gender preference?
If my SIL, who still struggles with IF after having my nephew stillborn, preferred a girl so as not to have a reminder of Nicholas, or preferred a boy to have that reminder of Nicholas, who am I to say it's wrong?
Granted we all wish for a healthy baby, but having struggled with IF does not negate having a wish for a daughter to bond with or a son to play baseball wish (not saying a girl can't play baseball or you can't have a bond with your son).
I have several friends that struggle with secondary IF. Should we say to them "You shouldn't be upset over this - you should be grateful you have a son?" I know one friend that wished for another boy for their son so they could be brothers. When she had a girl after 5 years of IF treatments, she was a little disappointed. But now that she has 2 more girls in her son's life, she sees now the bond brothers & sisters can have. Wishing for something does not equate with being ungrateful for what you have.
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| Posted 8/9/08 5:05 PM |
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betty
My boys
Member since 5/05 4380 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by chmlengr
I think she's entitled to her feelings. I wouldn't really say much to her, I would just try some positive spins on having 2 of the same sex because to be that "devastated" about it seems a little much, IMO.
ITA! I admit, I was a little disappointed when I found out we were having another boy b/c it is likely our last and I would have liked a girl but I certainly wasn't devastated and there are so many good things about it. I would remind her of that.
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| Posted 8/9/08 5:21 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
PERFECTLY SAID!
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| Posted 8/9/08 5:55 PM |
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Foodie03
LIF Infant
Member since 1/07 293 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
Thank you. You have written exactly what I was thinking. Very well said.
Message edited 8/9/2008 8:16:10 PM.
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| Posted 8/9/08 6:34 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
barbara, as always, you've eloquently said what I was feeling.
As someone who was initially disappointed for her DH because we are having another girl, I agree wholeheartedly.
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| Posted 8/9/08 6:46 PM |
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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
Name:
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Honestly, I wouldn't have much patience for this person at all. This has a lot to do with my personal experience (took me a long time to conceive, and I have others in my life who have been trying so hard to conceive). This just isn't something to be upset about to the point of tears.
I can understand feeling somewhat disappointed, but a healthy baby is the most important thing, and I would remind this person of that, and remind them they are extremely fortunate to have a baby.
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| Posted 8/9/08 9:10 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
I already posted about this topic but I just don't understand something..
What gives anyone the right to be DEVESTATED over a healthy baby??? Boy or girl?? That sickens me. I don't care if I am being "judgmental" I think people act ridiculous over the gender thing (not all people but people who cry and are so upset over it..).
I do agree that everyone goes through their "thing" that is hard for them or an issue for them and not someone else BUT I feel gender is a separate issue.
I would hope the child would never know later in life how his or her mom were "devestated" by the initial thought of them. Sickening.
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| Posted 8/10/08 7:01 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by QuoteTheRaven424
My biggest pet peeve, and this may be for another topic and probably not on this board - is when people going through IF, finally get PG, and then have a gender preference. That baffles me. If you had a boy, and were disappointed a bit on the second one that it wasn't a girl - I can see that.
But when someone does IVF or an IUI and gets PG after a lengthy struggle, and turns around and has a preference - that is mind boggling to me. They're not wrong for their feelings - but from where I sit, that's just crazy.
Why should someone who struggled for a baby have any less right to gender preference?
If my SIL, who still struggles with IF after having my nephew stillborn, preferred a girl so as not to have a reminder of Nicholas, or preferred a boy to have that reminder of Nicholas, who am I to say it's wrong?
Granted we all wish for a healthy baby, but having struggled with IF does not negate having a wish for a daughter to bond with or a son to play baseball wish (not saying a girl can't play baseball or you can't have a bond with your son).
I have several friends that struggle with secondary IF. Should we say to them "You shouldn't be upset over this - you should be grateful you have a son?" I know one friend that wished for another boy for their son so they could be brothers. When she had a girl after 5 years of IF treatments, she was a little disappointed. But now that she has 2 more girls in her son's life, she sees now the bond brothers & sisters can have. Wishing for something does not equate with being ungrateful for what you have.
What you are talking about here is understandable and people stating a preference b/c of a life situation. I think the OPs friends situation was more than just a feeling of slight disappointment.
And I really would tell a friend that was upset over the gender of their child to get a grip on reality. (of course i would say it a bit nicer). I don't care if they went through IF or if it happened naturally...I have zero tolerance for anyone who doesn't get past the initial "shock" of having one versus the other. And I still don't understand why anyone would be in shock...it's one or the other, how shocking could it really be?
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| Posted 8/10/08 7:05 AM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by stephanief
I think it is normal to feel disappointment if you were hoping for one sex over another. I think crying may be a bit extreme but I can understand feeling of disappointment. I would not say anything really
I know DH wants a boy IF we are blessed with another baby. I REALLY want a girl as I know what to expect and I want my dd to have a sister.
I will be happy with either but I would RATHER have a girl, there is nothing wrong with that IMHO
Dissappointment in gender does not = being ungrateful to me
ETA - and of course I would love the boy if I were to have one as much as I love dd.
I totally agree! I have a DS and if blessed with #2, i'd LOVE to have a girl and might feel a twinge of disappointment if its another boy although i'd love the baby equally boy or girl. Something to point out to your frined might be what a great friend her first son is going to have in her 2nd....those boys will forever have a friendship no one else can touch.
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| Posted 8/10/08 7:25 AM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by dm24angel
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'll say it because I've seen it all too much lately. It is BS to tell someone to buck up & be grateful because other people are having a hard time in their life. Yes there are plenty of people out there that can't have children. There are plenty of people out there that struggle every day. Just because someone is INITIALLY disappointed in the sex of their baby, it is BS to say they aren't grateful.
Just as it is bull5hit to say someone who is complaining & whining about morning sickness should be grateful they are pregnant. You shouldn't complain about your MIL being so far up your azz because you're lucky she's involved in your child's life. We complain. All of us. Some A LOT more than others. It does not mean that I love my son or daughter any less because I am tired of stepping on or picking up toys.
IT is disgusting to me for people to say how others should be grateful because of their own personal plight. There is not a finite number of babies coming in this world & someone else who would gladly take a girl isn't getting one because your friend had one.
Being upset over having another boy does not mean she will not love, adore & be absolutely thrilled with her baby boy. All it means is...cr@p I really wished for a girl & I"m a bit in shock. If later on as the boy grows older, she's whining that she wished her son was a girl & not a boy, then you can bring her over to me & I'll personally slap her for you.
I agree with this ALL!
me too
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| Posted 8/10/08 8:16 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: what are your thoughts on someone who is upset that their 2nd child is not the sex they wanted.
Posted by nrthshgrl
Why should someone who struggled for a baby have any less right to gender preference?
If my SIL, who still struggles with IF after having my nephew stillborn, preferred a girl so as not to have a reminder of Nicholas, or preferred a boy to have that reminder of Nicholas, who am I to say it's wrong?
Granted we all wish for a healthy baby, but having struggled with IF does not negate having a wish for a daughter to bond with or a son to play baseball wish (not saying a girl can't play baseball or you can't have a bond with your son).
I have several friends that struggle with secondary IF. Should we say to them "You shouldn't be upset over this - you should be grateful you have a son?" I know one friend that wished for another boy for their son so they could be brothers. When she had a girl after 5 years of IF treatments, she was a little disappointed. But now that she has 2 more girls in her son's life, she sees now the bond brothers & sisters can have. Wishing for something does not equate with being ungrateful for what you have.
I think it's about gratitude Barb. Sometimes we totally forget our blessings. And when someone is given something you have been desperate to have and then they don't seem to understand how blessed they are.. it makes you upset or angry or sad.
My girlfriend has a gorgeous designer home. Her kitchen looks like it was ripped from the pages of House Beautiful. She was at my house having coffee and complaining about her countertops. They are granite.. but not the color she wanted. She had her heart set on silestone and she was REALLY upset that her husband wouldn't budge and is making her stick with the granite. I peered over and looked at my own countertops. They are yellowish composite and ugly as sin. And then I thought of my cabinets and how the shelving is a bit warped and they can't even be refaced becuase they are pressboard instead of solid wood. I didn't SAY "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HAVE YOU LOOKED AROUND YOU???" But I felt it. I thought it. I felt like she was horribly ungrateful. I still comiserated with her. And after she left - and after I had time to reflect - I realized I was just as guilty as overlooking my own blessings. I mean - I was so involved in being upset at my cabinets and countertops.. I had forgotten that I had really nice appliances that worked well and looked great.
We all forget our own blessings from time to time - and when faced with someone who DOES have what we crave so deeply and complains about it... it hurts.
I would comfort someone who's heart was breaking or who was hurting - no matter how silly I think the reason is. So if someone was crying about not having a girl when they are about to have a healthy boy.. I'd do what I could to make them feel better. I wouldn't chastize them for their feelings. And if someone was hurt because they percieved someone being completely ungrateful for the one thing they craved.. I would comfort them too. Because we all do it. We all forget the abundance that we are blessed with from time to time. It only makes us human.
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| Posted 8/10/08 8:31 AM |
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